Newborn babies. The ugly truth.

Pighead

Girl at work brought in photos of her newborn baby earlier on. Typically all the chicks and the blokes who moisturise themselves were all going "Awwwww isn't the little babby wabby so cutey wutey, oh hes adorable".

Pighead and all the other proper blokes threw our eyes to heaven and asked the girl to put away the photos as they were putting us off our crunchy nut cornflakes. Cos lets face it, therers nothing cute or adorable about newborn babies, they're bald and crinkly and almost always look distressed. When they're not crying they're dribbling saliva down they're horrible unformed chins.

No offence to anybody whos just had a newborn but quite frankly your babies are rotten.

rick_fantastic

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

couple next door to me just had a baby girl. went in to borrow a cork screw the other nite with the girlfriend waiting in bed. ended up in there for nearly 30mins while they made me hold their baby and waffled about how great it is to be parents. uuggh...

needless to say the gf wasnt impressed....

Steve_o

lol....this is the most pointless thread ever!!

You were a baby once, its just the way babies look, tbh its never bothered me and never will.

bandit*baby

i agree 100%
most newborns have a face only their mother's could love
when my niece was born and people were asking me what she was like i told them that she was kinda cute in a really ugly new born baby sort of way

Pighead

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Steve_o wrote:

lol....this is the most pointless thread ever!!

You were a baby once, its just the way babies look, tbh its never bothered me and never will.

Pointless? No way Jose, if this thread makes even one chick realise that babies aren't cute then Pigheads job will be done.

Oh and how do you know Pighead was a baby once? You know jack shit about me buddy.

biko

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

All newborn babies are pretty ugly.
I can't believe it when the women claim to see things: Oh, he has your father's nose, and all that lark.

00112984

I was a baby once.

rick_fantastic wrote:

went in to borrow a cork screw the other nite with the girlfriend waiting in bed.

Kinkeh

Ah, babies are cute. Not too gone on newborns but they're dotey at 6 months or so when they lose that wet chicken look.

6th

I was a baby once.

Some are cute and some are not.

Of course 6th jnr is due any day now and no doubt s/he will be adorable.

Degsy

Babies are monsterous creatures.A woman in work brought her abomination in while she was out on maternity leave to show us all how cute it was.I was trying to have my dinner in the kitchen whilst her and the women crapped on about how adorable this thing was,meanhwile it obviously needed to be put under the tap as the smell of amonia meant i had to throw my grub in the bin.

Slightly off topic but i was in a shopping centre last sunday and before i even entered the shop i could hear some baldy bloke in his earlythirties talking at the top of his voice like a toddler TO a toddler.He didnt seem to be looking at anything in the shop but seemed more concerned with telling everybody how great he thought this spoiled looking pup was.In answer to his imbecility,the kid took up a keening wail that could be heard for miles and between the two of them they were driving customers out hand over fist.

5starpool

The worst is when the ask "who does the baby look like". What a pointless question. Unless it is noticeably hideous, it looks like all other babies of the same race - like a baby.

Owen

Yes indeed. I scoff at your miniature replica of yourself, and think of all the things you've lost. The ability to get a night's sleep, to spend money on Holidays, new cars, motorbikes, to do what you want at the weekend, and to have some peace and quiet in your house.

Why people still have the neaderthal urge to pro-create is beyond me. Get a Dog, they won't bitch when they turn 13, and can be trained in 6 months.

seamus

Many newborns are wrinkly and horrible.

Yes, women go through that "He has your eyes" thing, but allegedly this is all crap - the brain fools them into thinking this into to create familiarity and tighten the parental bond.
Whenever I'm asked "Does the baby look like <the Dad>". My answer is always the same - "It's a baby". They all look the same until a few months old.

More unattractive about childbirth is the process. I'm convinced that "they" deliberatly withhold all of the details from women until they get into their early twenties. Most men don't find out these details until they have to witness it first hand.
I'm convinced that if they told girls these things at 12/13, the incidence of teenage pregnancies would plummett.

For example;
1. When the woman is "pushing" the child out, she ****s. Yep, that's right. In front of the doctors and midwives, and anyone else who may be watching. Into a little pan underneath her bum.
2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?
Who's now considering adoption?

Sleepy

I was a baby once.

I've often thought that myself seamus. Show teenagers a video of a woman giving birth who does tear and I'd be very surprised if any girl in that group had an accidental pregnancy!

Linford

5starpool wrote:

The worst is when the ask "who does the baby look like". What a pointless question. Unless it is noticeably hideous, it looks like all other babies of the same race - like a baby.

I don't know if you have kids or not but I found that before you have kids all babies "look the same" when you have kids you notice that the are different, pretty important when picking them up from creche

trout

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

all new born babies look like Winston Churchill ...

jor el

5starpool wrote:

The worst is when the ask "who does the baby look like". What a pointless question. Unless it is noticeably hideous, it looks like all other babies of the same race - like a baby.

All newborns look like.... Mr Potatohead. Man that guy gets around, he's like Pat Mustard from Father Ted.

Linford wrote:

pretty important when picking them up from creche

Ah but that's when they are a bit older. When they're newborns they all look the same. That's why the hospital put tags on them, otherwise nobody would know which one is which.

5starpool

Linford wrote:

I don't know if you have kids or not but I found that before you have kids all babies "look the same" when you have kids you notice that the are different, pretty important when picking them up from creche

I think it is fairly obvious from the cynical, heartless nature of my point that I don't have any, and have no real intention (or prospect more's the pity) of having children.

loyatemu

i think it was jasper carrott who said "kids are like farts. You can just about tolerate your own, but other peoples'....."

a5y

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Pighead wrote:

Pighead and all the other proper blokes threw our eyes to heaven and asked the girl to put away the photos as they were putting us off our crunchy nut cornflakes.

You see that everyone? They call that TRUTH.

bandit*baby

seamus wrote:

For example;
1. When the woman is "pushing" the child out, she ****s. Yep, that's right. In front of the doctors and midwives, and anyone else who may be watching. Into a little pan underneath her bum.
2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?
Who's now considering adoption?

first time i heard about the whole S*iting thing was on scrubs
i remember when my aunt had my cousin my mam asked her how many stitches she had to get and my aunt said 2 and my mam replied thats grand isn't it..... HELLO WTF did i miss something no that is not grand

I always hate hearing about it i'd imagine it has the same effect on women as seeing a fella get a kick in the b0ll0x has on men

bugler

I know someone who needed 16 stitches. I'm sure there have been worse too.

bandit*baby

bugler wrote:

I know someone who needed 16 stitches. I'm sure there have been worse too.

oh jesus :eek:

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

babies.......the ultimate STD!!!

The Queen

seamus wrote:

For example;
1. When the woman is "pushing" the child out, she ****s. Yep, that's right. In front of the doctors and midwives, and anyone else who may be watching. Into a little pan underneath her bum.
2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?
Who's now considering adoption?

C SECTION FTW!!!

TerrorFirmer

I've decided a puppy will occupy the role of a child in my future life.

NextSteps

Depends on the baby,some are cute, some are rotten

HavoK wrote:

I've decided a puppy will occupy the role of a child in my future life.

Dogs smell funny too, and often are only gorgeous and adorable to their owners. Plus they moult, which (as far as I'm aware) babies don't. And they get fleas.

John Mason

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

i sit beside people who just about to pop - dear lord god, i think as soon as you get pregnant you must instantly leave the work force. i dont think its appropriate - I DONT WANT TO LOOK AT SCANS, FEEL MOVING BABIES OR HEAR ANYTHING ELSE - WILL ALL YOU PREGNANT WOMAN JUST FECK OFF AND AND LEAVE THE REST OF US NORMAL PEOPLE IN PIECE AND I DONT THINK THEY SHOULD BE ALLOW BRING THEIR SPROGS IN TO WORK TO SHOW OFF URRGGH - HORRIBLE LITTLE CREATURES :mad: :mad:

rubyred

slightly off topic - my mam's friend was in labour for 53 hours (back in the days before they induced you) and I mean in labour as in fully dilated for 53 hours! That was her first - and last!! The baby weighed 13lb 10 oz.

Karl Hungus

I voted "I was a baby once"

It was at a party, and I was very, very drunk at the time.

Linford

irishbird wrote:

i sit beside people who just about to pop - dear lord god, i think as soon as you get pregnant you must instantly leave the work force. i dont think its appropriate - I DONT WANT TO LOOK AT SCANS, FEEL MOVING BABIES OR HEAR ANYTHING ELSE - WILL ALL YOU PREGNANT WOMAN JUST FECK OFF AND AND LEAVE THE REST OF US NORMAL PEOPLE IN PIECE AND I DONT THINK THEY SHOULD BE ALLOW BRING THEIR SPROGS IN TO WORK TO SHOW OFF URRGGH - HORRIBLE LITTLE CREATURES :mad: :mad:

What's abnormal about being pregnant/having kids? If it wasn't for abnormal people, you wouldn't be here!!!!

Pighead

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Pighead sees the poll has borne out what we all knew anyway. Babies are ugly fcukers. Glad to see that common sense has prevailed. Not so glad to read Seamus' post re ripped pleasure zones and surprise poos.

John Mason

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Linford wrote:

What's abnormal about being pregnant/having kids? If it wasn't for abnormal people, you wouldn't be here!!!!

normal people would realise that the rest of the world doesnt give a fuc.k about their ugly babies and their stretch marks and how many stitches they have had

Pighead

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Linford wrote:

What's abnormal about being pregnant/having kids? If it wasn't for abnormal people, you wouldn't be here!!!!

Post reported for failing to recognise Test Tube Babies. Fascist.:mad:

WindSock

Babies are mankey wrinkley old men. and I hate that baby 'smell' people cluck on about. I especially hate any noises they make.
However, mine will be beautiful, and I will feel it my duty to tell everyone so.

stovelid

Degsy wrote:

it obviously needed to be put under the tap as the smell of amonia meant i had to throw my grub in the bin.

.

Some mothers eh? Dunking their babies in this. Whatever next.

WindSock

bandit*baby wrote:

I always hate hearing about it i'd imagine it has the same effect on women as seeing a fella get a kick in the b0ll0x has on men

As a comedian I was watching once said...''The difference is, after a couple of years after getting kicked in the balls, I don't ever say 'you know...I would really like another kick in the balls''

cance

Karl Hungus wrote:

I voted "I was a baby once"

It was at a party, and I was very, very drunk at the time.

either it was a ragingly dull party for you to resort to posting on boards, or you are an unsociable fúck.

either way it concerns me:D

Rovi

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

seamus wrote:

2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?
Who's now considering adoption?

Google 'Episiotomy', but be prepared for a horror show of epic proportions. For spectacular results, click the 'Images' link.

brianthebard

5starpool wrote:

The worst is when the ask "who does the baby look like". What a pointless question. Unless it is noticeably hideous, it looks like all other babies of the same race - like a baby.

That's why fathers often pick the wrong baby up from the maternity ward.

Don1

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

Always hated the little stinking noise/puke/poo merchants. If I was to ever go down that road by choice adoption at the age of around three would be acceptable, or trial separation without joint custody until child becomes bearable!
Having worked in a hotel bar for four years has only served to bolster my unshakable hatred!

Pighead

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

If theres any black or half caste babies reading this thread Pighead would just like to say that you lot aren't quite as hideous as the white babies. In fact some of you look quite groovy in a certain light.

By the way is the thread title ok? Not sure whether there should be a semi-colon after "New born babies" instead of a full stop.

Drift

seamus wrote:

For example;
1. When the woman is "pushing" the child out, she ****s. Yep, that's right. In front of the doctors and midwives, and anyone else who may be watching. Into a little pan underneath her bum.
2. Even worse, she will propbably rip. Yep, cringe all you like. This is particularly so if she has been anaethesised. The rip may be small, or it may tear all the way from vagina to anus. Often, to minimise ripping, the doctor will actually cut her in that area to relieve the pressure. Afterwards, they sew her back up.

Hand up who didn't know that?

*Hand goes up gingerly*

I'm 24 and I never heard that before. Why don't they teach us this stuff in school. Can you imagine me during the delivery standing next to the future Mrs. Drift ( a magnificent specimen of a woman I can tell you - yet to actually meet her of course) and she drops a brown one as she's squeezing out Drift Jr. :eek: I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry or be sick. And thats even before she rips in two all the way to her anus .........

On second thoughts, me and Mrs. Drift are not going to have children!

bandit*baby

boreds wrote:

As a comedian I was watching once said...''The difference is, after a couple of years after getting kicked in the balls, I don't ever say 'you know...I would really like another kick in the balls''

lol
must be the joy the little bundles of joy bring into their parents lives..... no sleep, no time to yourself, no money, no sex (can i say sex?) and a constant headache....
i want a troop of chislers

exCrumlinBoyo

Episiotomy :- First carried out in Ireland back in 19 O Splash. All those of you who think babies are ugly, well wait until you have your own. All those of you who say I will never have kids (I was one of them, with 2 now) will miss out on the most magical experience of your life watching your children being born into this world. When your kids turn 4 and they tell you, dad your a bollix, you put on weight, your hair starts to turn gray, they are still worth it.

kids = hard work which is the most rewarding.

Kids are beautiful in the eyes of the parents.

bandit*baby

Drift wrote:

*Hand goes up gingerly*

I'm 24 and I never heard that before. Why don't they teach us this stuff in school. Can you imagine me during the delivery standing next to the future Mrs. Drift ( a magnificent specimen of a woman I can tell you - yet to actually meet her of course) and she drops a brown one as she's squeezing out Drift Jr. :eek: I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry or be sick. And thats even before she rips in two all the way to her anus .........

On second thoughts, me and Mrs. Drift are not going to have children!

LMFAO:D

not to mention the fact that the future mrs drift will never be quite as tight - i think your making the right decision

Orange69

Don't be silly, they'd melt even the steeliest heart

exCrumlinBoyo wrote:

Episiotomy :- First carried out in Ireland back in 19 O Splash. All those of you who think babies are ugly, well wait until you have your own. All those of you who say I will never have kids (I was one of them, with 2 now) will miss out on the most magical experience of your life watching your children being born into this world. When your kids turn 4 and they tell you, dad your a bollix, you put on weight, your hair starts to turn gray, they are still worth it.

kids = hard work which is the most rewarding.

Kids are beautiful in the eyes of the parents.

But deep down, in secret, are you not just regretting every second of it??

For the record i intend to skip the whole nightmare of children and adopt a hamster in my early thirties..

Tar.Aldarion

They all look the same, no they don't look like [relative here]. People think they are cute as an evolutionary reaction to further the species.

Maccattack

Depends on the baby,some are cute, some are rotten

Must be my feminine side coming to the fore but I've always had a soft spot for babies. Ive always thought they were gorgeous to look at. I'm not sure why. something about the size of their hands and stuff like that. And when they yawn and stuff.

Yes there are some 'ugly' ones but even then most are still kinda cute.

Maybe I'm not a real man. But thats what i think.

seamus

Drift wrote:

*Hand goes up gingerly*

There's no need to be embarrassed about it. I was 22 when I found out. I know a girl of 26 who only found out a few weeks ago.

They don't tell you this stuff, probably it was bad luck or superstition or something back in the day :rolleyes:

Twinkle-star15

Okay, I used to think I kind of maybe wanted kids in the long distant future, but now...

Me= AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!

Thanks Drift, you've prevented any mini-me's from entering this world. Ever.

Drift

Twinkle-star15 wrote:

Thanks Drift, you've prevented any mini-me's from entering this world.

Well thats my good deed done for the day. (and really its seamus' fault) On the up side now that I've turned you off the poo, blood and sweat fest thats birth it puts you the available pool of talent for Mrs. Drift

bandit*baby wrote:

not to mention the fact that the future mrs drift will never be quite as tight

I'm sure many a man has tried to convince the doc to throw in an extra stitch or two after the "ripping"