Who Would You Fight?

cson · 02-06-2007 12:02PM #1

Right, as exam time looms ominously I want something to take my mind off it. A kind of boards celebrity deathmatch if you will. So heres the rules; you can only fight Irish "celebs" and you can only use medievel weaponary.

Round 1 Cson Vs Ryan Tubridy

Weapons Mace

I hate the smarmy face on the fcuker and his uppity attitude. He was responsible amongst other things for the Rick and Ruth breakfast show and also third world hunger. He'd be fairy sticky though I'd imagine, those skinny guys always are. However a few lashes of my mace and that'll be that.

Numina · 02-06-2007 12:31PM

I immediatly thought 'Fight Club' when i saw the thread title. that question is asked a bunch of times through the movie

Ruu_Old · 02-06-2007 03:05PM

Same here, "Shatner...I'd fight William Shatner"

Round 1-Ruu Vs George Hook

Weapon-Cattle prod

Just give him a bit of hope and crawling to his feet and then *jab prod in stomach*

Setun · 02-06-2007 03:21PM

Round 1

Daddio VS. Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen

Weopon: Victorian Candleabra.

Rhyme · 02-06-2007 03:23PM

Wow, i could name names all day...

Hrm...

Rhyme vrs. Mr. Bean (not Rowen Atkinson, just the character Bean)

weapon; birch branch, for the whipping.

Pigman II · 02-06-2007 03:32PM

Pigman II vs Eddie Hobbs

Weapon :Metal Gauntlet

I'll enjoy smashing his face in with my fist and watching his skull collapse in on itself as the good stuff drips out all over his new suit.

Agamemnon · 02-06-2007 03:33PM

That insufferable twat Turbidy is already taken, so make him suffer long and hard, cson.

Round 1: Agamemnon Vs Gerry Ryan

Weapon: Lance

I'd impale him through every orifice then dip him in a vat of boiling oil.

Pigman II · 02-06-2007 03:35PM

agamemnon wrote:

Weapon: Lance

I'd impale him through every orifice

Is Lance your real name?

cson · 02-06-2007 03:39PM

agamemnon wrote:

That insufferable twat Turbidy is already taken, so make him suffer long and hard, cson.

Hence the mace. (Not the spray thing, the spikey ball and chain combo)

Binomate · 02-06-2007 03:44PM

Binomate vs Micky Ward.

Weapon: Whistle.

Mushy · 02-06-2007 03:44PM

Round 1: Mushy vs. Michael McDowell

Weapon: Mace(either that or nothing)

I just plain dont like the guy. Might aswell kick him while he's down too.

faceman · 02-06-2007 03:52PM

Faceman vs the editor of the irish independent
weapon: the irish times

just to beat him up with a REAL newspaper!

R0ot · 02-06-2007 04:02PM

R0ot Vs. Jamie Oliver

Weapon: Unripe WaterMelon

My words to him would be "Eat Healthy!" right before I smashed it into his face!:D

Alter-Ego · 02-06-2007 04:05PM

Alter-Ego vs Hector

Weapon: Anything blunt and heavy.

I'd make the little navan gee bag suffer!!

Fremen · 02-06-2007 04:12PM

Fremen Vs. David McWilliams

Weapon: none

Choking that man to death is too good for him...

Agamemnon · 02-06-2007 04:18PM

Pigman II wrote:

Is Lance your real name?

LOL! Maybe I could get Lance Armstrong to attack him on a bike with spiky wheels and a front-mounted spear smeared with excrement.

cson wrote:

Hence the mace. (Not the spray thing, the spikey ball and chain combo)

Good choice. His ears will cushion him from blows to the head so he won't get the quick death of a bashed-in head.

Round 2: Agamemnon Vs Ian Dempsey

Weapon: Longbow

I'd put the first arrow through his arm and he'd run off in mortal terror. Then I'd have a smoke and wait before tracking him down and putting one through the other arm. Each time, I'd wait and give him a chance before following up and firing again. I hope to stretch the fun out over an entire day before he bleeds out and collapses like a human pin cushion, moaning for mercy in his annoying, put-on accent.

Victor · 02-06-2007 04:35PM

Victor -v- Jay and Rocco

Cos I'd win.

Nephew · 02-06-2007 04:53PM

A child suicide bomber. After I beat him to a very bloody death and robbed his lunch money, people would gasp, like omg wtf has he done! But I'd open his shirt to expose the bomb strapped to his feeble body and people would burst into applause and dance.

AlmightyCushion · 02-06-2007 04:58PM

AlmightyCushion vs anyone who's ever been on big brother ever.

Weapon - nailgun - I'd enjoy seeing the fúckers trying to run just before I pin them to the fúcking wall.

Miguel_Sanchez · 02-06-2007 04:59PM

Jeff Lebowski vs Brendan O'Connor

Weapon: Just me fists. Pounding that fat ****ing git's torso would provide me with hours of entertainment.

That smug git has had it coming for many many years now.

Haven't a Clue · 02-06-2007 05:02PM

Haven't A Clue -v- Louis Walsh

Weapons: A Muse Album and a cd player.

By mearly forcing Louis to listen to good music, I think it should kill him. Migt give him a kick in the balls for good measure.

cson · 02-06-2007 05:04PM

Round 2: Cson Vs Derek Mooney

Ingrediants: Derek Mooney, a nailgun and the winning streak wheel.

Method: Nail Mooney to the winning streak wheel give it a good "whoosh" as Mike Murphy used to say and hey presto, Mooney goes wild.

Kojak · 02-06-2007 05:10PM

Kojak v Whoever thought up "Celebrity Jigs and reels"

Weapon: A machette

Method: Slice and Dice

Agamemnon · 02-06-2007 05:13PM

Round 3: Agamemnon Vs The Cast of Fair City

Weapon: The Black Death

I'd spread bubonic plague all over f*cking Carraigstown and settle back to watch the fun as life for its residents goes from "bleedin' deadly" to "bleedin' and coughin' up their lungs". I'll finish them off by bulldozing the dead and dying into a plague pit and setting them alight while "We Are The Champions" plays in the background and fireworks go off in the sky.

Haven't a Clue · 02-06-2007 05:22PM

Round 2: Haven't A Clue vs The BBC NI programme scheduler for Friday nights.

Weapons: A machine gun of some description.

I'd go on a rampage killing the main characters of "Give my Head Peace", "Folks on the Hill" and other awful awful Northern Irish 'comedy' shows. Let's see how he'll manage to put on Johnathan Ross on at 11.20 then. If he finds new actors for these 'comedies', I'll kill them too.

AlmightyCushion · 02-06-2007 05:30PM

agamemnon wrote:

Round 3: Agamemnon Vs The Cast of Fair City

Weapon: The Black Death

I'd spread bubonic plague all over f*cking Carraigstown and settle back to watch the fun as life for its residents goes from "bleedin' deadly" to "bleedin' and coughin' up their lungs". I'll finish them off by bulldozing the dead and dying into a plague pit and setting them alight while "We Are The Champions" plays in the background and fireworks go off in the sky.

You should be a writer for fair city as I actually watch it if that was gonna happen

Setun · 02-06-2007 05:34PM

Jeff_Lebowski wrote:

Jeff Lebowski vs Brendan O'Connor

Weapon: Just me fists. Pounding that fat ****ing git's torso would provide me with hours of entertainment.

That smug git has had it coming for many many years now.

Or you could just piss on his rug.

shane86 · 02-06-2007 05:38PM

Im shocked its two pages long and Im the first to suggest the clear winner

Colm Meaney Vs pretty much anyone

Ffs, in Intermission the way he pounds the punch bag first and later the junkie dealer, hes a tank

Ruu_Old · 02-06-2007 05:43PM

Round 2- Ruu Vs Brendan O'Carroll

Weapon of choice-Chainmail glove

Just to beat him around with it and wipe that dirty smile of his face. Baldy, unfunny, little shiet! *rips out tache with duct tape*:D

monosharp · 02-06-2007 06:06PM

AlmightyCushion wrote:

AlmightyCushion vs anyone who's ever been on big brother ever.

Weapon - nailgun - I'd enjoy seeing the fúckers trying to run just before I pin them to the fúcking wall.

Its like you read my mind and created something beautiful and magical with your words.

Honestly, you brightened my heart with that reply. I think i shed a tear of joy

AlmightyCushion · 02-06-2007 06:14PM

monosharp wrote:

Its like you read my mind and created something beautiful and magical with your words.

Honestly, you brightened my heart with that reply. I think i shed a tear of joy

Set your video recorder to E4 tonight around midnight and I'll make sure it's the only episode of big brother you'll want to watch over and over again. *Grabs credit card and heads to the hardware store*

Who Would You Fight?

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