Who Would You Fight?

cson

Right, as exam time looms ominously I want something to take my mind off it. A kind of boards celebrity deathmatch if you will. So heres the rules; you can only fight Irish "celebs" and you can only use medievel weaponary.

Round 1 Cson Vs Ryan Tubridy

Weapons Mace

I hate the smarmy face on the fcuker and his uppity attitude. He was responsible amongst other things for the Rick and Ruth breakfast show and also third world hunger. He'd be fairy sticky though I'd imagine, those skinny guys always are. However a few lashes of my mace and that'll be that.

Numina

I immediatly thought 'Fight Club' when i saw the thread title. that question is asked a bunch of times through the movie

Ruu_Old

Same here, "Shatner...I'd fight William Shatner"

Round 1-Ruu Vs George Hook

Weapon-Cattle prod

Just give him a bit of hope and crawling to his feet and then *jab prod in stomach*

Setun

Round 1

Daddio VS. Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen

Weopon: Victorian Candleabra.

Rhyme

Wow, i could name names all day...

Hrm...

Rhyme vrs. Mr. Bean (not Rowen Atkinson, just the character Bean)

weapon; birch branch, for the whipping.

Pigman II

Pigman II vs Eddie Hobbs

Weapon :Metal Gauntlet

I'll enjoy smashing his face in with my fist and watching his skull collapse in on itself as the good stuff drips out all over his new suit.

Agamemnon

That insufferable twat Turbidy is already taken, so make him suffer long and hard, cson.

Round 1: Agamemnon Vs Gerry Ryan

Weapon: Lance

I'd impale him through every orifice then dip him in a vat of boiling oil.

Pigman II

agamemnon wrote:

Weapon: Lance

I'd impale him through every orifice

Is Lance your real name?

cson

agamemnon wrote:

That insufferable twat Turbidy is already taken, so make him suffer long and hard, cson.

Hence the mace. (Not the spray thing, the spikey ball and chain combo)

Binomate

Binomate vs Micky Ward.

Weapon: Whistle.

Mushy

Round 1: Mushy vs. Michael McDowell

Weapon: Mace(either that or nothing)

I just plain dont like the guy. Might aswell kick him while he's down too.

faceman

Faceman vs the editor of the irish independent
weapon: the irish times

just to beat him up with a REAL newspaper!

R0ot

R0ot Vs. Jamie Oliver

Weapon: Unripe WaterMelon

My words to him would be "Eat Healthy!" right before I smashed it into his face!:D

Alter-Ego

Alter-Ego vs Hector

Weapon: Anything blunt and heavy.

I'd make the little navan gee bag suffer!!

Fremen

Fremen Vs. David McWilliams

Weapon: none

Choking that man to death is too good for him...

Agamemnon

Pigman II wrote:

Is Lance your real name?

LOL! Maybe I could get Lance Armstrong to attack him on a bike with spiky wheels and a front-mounted spear smeared with excrement.

cson wrote:

Hence the mace. (Not the spray thing, the spikey ball and chain combo)

Good choice. His ears will cushion him from blows to the head so he won't get the quick death of a bashed-in head.

Round 2: Agamemnon Vs Ian Dempsey

Weapon: Longbow

I'd put the first arrow through his arm and he'd run off in mortal terror. Then I'd have a smoke and wait before tracking him down and putting one through the other arm. Each time, I'd wait and give him a chance before following up and firing again. I hope to stretch the fun out over an entire day before he bleeds out and collapses like a human pin cushion, moaning for mercy in his annoying, put-on accent.

Victor

Victor -v- Jay and Rocco

Cos I'd win.

Nephew

A child suicide bomber. After I beat him to a very bloody death and robbed his lunch money, people would gasp, like omg wtf has he done! But I'd open his shirt to expose the bomb strapped to his feeble body and people would burst into applause and dance.

AlmightyCushion

AlmightyCushion vs anyone who's ever been on big brother ever.

Weapon - nailgun - I'd enjoy seeing the fúckers trying to run just before I pin them to the fúcking wall.

Miguel_Sanchez

Jeff Lebowski vs Brendan O'Connor

Weapon: Just me fists. Pounding that fat ****ing git's torso would provide me with hours of entertainment.

That smug git has had it coming for many many years now.

Haven't a Clue

Haven't A Clue -v- Louis Walsh

Weapons: A Muse Album and a cd player.

By mearly forcing Louis to listen to good music, I think it should kill him. Migt give him a kick in the balls for good measure.

cson

Round 2: Cson Vs Derek Mooney

Ingrediants: Derek Mooney, a nailgun and the winning streak wheel.

Method: Nail Mooney to the winning streak wheel give it a good "whoosh" as Mike Murphy used to say and hey presto, Mooney goes wild.

Kojak

Kojak v Whoever thought up "Celebrity Jigs and reels"

Weapon: A machette

Method: Slice and Dice

Agamemnon

Round 3: Agamemnon Vs The Cast of Fair City

Weapon: The Black Death

I'd spread bubonic plague all over f*cking Carraigstown and settle back to watch the fun as life for its residents goes from "bleedin' deadly" to "bleedin' and coughin' up their lungs". I'll finish them off by bulldozing the dead and dying into a plague pit and setting them alight while "We Are The Champions" plays in the background and fireworks go off in the sky.

Haven't a Clue

Round 2: Haven't A Clue vs The BBC NI programme scheduler for Friday nights.

Weapons: A machine gun of some description.

I'd go on a rampage killing the main characters of "Give my Head Peace", "Folks on the Hill" and other awful awful Northern Irish 'comedy' shows. Let's see how he'll manage to put on Johnathan Ross on at 11.20 then. If he finds new actors for these 'comedies', I'll kill them too.

AlmightyCushion

agamemnon wrote:

Round 3: Agamemnon Vs The Cast of Fair City

Weapon: The Black Death

I'd spread bubonic plague all over f*cking Carraigstown and settle back to watch the fun as life for its residents goes from "bleedin' deadly" to "bleedin' and coughin' up their lungs". I'll finish them off by bulldozing the dead and dying into a plague pit and setting them alight while "We Are The Champions" plays in the background and fireworks go off in the sky.

You should be a writer for fair city as I actually watch it if that was gonna happen

Setun

Jeff_Lebowski wrote:

Jeff Lebowski vs Brendan O'Connor

Weapon: Just me fists. Pounding that fat ****ing git's torso would provide me with hours of entertainment.

That smug git has had it coming for many many years now.

Or you could just piss on his rug.

shane86

Im shocked its two pages long and Im the first to suggest the clear winner

Colm Meaney Vs pretty much anyone

Ffs, in Intermission the way he pounds the punch bag first and later the junkie dealer, hes a tank

Ruu_Old

Round 2- Ruu Vs Brendan O'Carroll

Weapon of choice-Chainmail glove

Just to beat him around with it and wipe that dirty smile of his face. Baldy, unfunny, little shiet! *rips out tache with duct tape*:D

monosharp

AlmightyCushion wrote:

AlmightyCushion vs anyone who's ever been on big brother ever.

Weapon - nailgun - I'd enjoy seeing the fúckers trying to run just before I pin them to the fúcking wall.

Its like you read my mind and created something beautiful and magical with your words.

Honestly, you brightened my heart with that reply. I think i shed a tear of joy

AlmightyCushion

monosharp wrote:

Its like you read my mind and created something beautiful and magical with your words.

Honestly, you brightened my heart with that reply. I think i shed a tear of joy

Set your video recorder to E4 tonight around midnight and I'll make sure it's the only episode of big brother you'll want to watch over and over again. *Grabs credit card and heads to the hardware store*

Sean7

I'd fight Gandhi.

Laslo

Round 1: Laslo vs Mick Hucknall

Weapon: A bazooka

Black Swan

Match: Bad B!ue vs. Jonathan Swift
Weapon: Parody at 40 paces

Expected outcome: I'd win (only cause he's dead, otherwise I'd be toast).

Sofaspud

Daddio wrote:

Or you could just piss on his rug.

He couldn't do that, it really ties the room together!

It wasn't me!

It Wasn't Me! v. Tommy Tiernan

Weapon: Hacksaw

I'd just knock him out with my burly arms, then, when he wakes up strapped to a table, saw little bits of him off until he stops making noises. Possibly a cigar cutter to remove digits, joint by joint. I'd teach him that loud and angry does not equal funny.

Mr. CooL ICE

LordChessington vs Bertie Ahern

Weapon: My unnecessary sarcasm

The guy doesn't consider me to be a part of society, and he's ruling the country. If the voters of Ireland can't get him out of government, then I'll have to do it single-handedly

6th

6th v. Dave McSavage

Weapon: A 4ft length of 1.5" rope.

cson

Round 3 cson Vs Pat Kenny

Weapon the cat o' nine tails

Method Slightly more tolerable than the wretched Tubridy he nevertheless still has to pay for his crimes against humanity with that awful awful radio show. Cson will be slightly lenient in forgoing the mace but the cat o' nine tails is also a very potent weapon.

The coup de grace being tying him to the spire in O'Connell st and performing chinese nipple torture until he can take no more.

It wasn't me!

LordChessington wrote:

The guy doesn't consider me to be a part of society

How do you figure?

Red Hand

Jeremiah 16:1 vs George Hook

Weapons: Puff, bluster and Bullshit

ROCKMAN

Rockman v Gerry Ryan

WEAPON Battleaxe

faceman

round 2: faceman vs Paul W.S. Anderson
weapon: half a dvd

for ruinin so many potentially great films!

Haven't a Clue

Round 3: Haven't A Clue vs Ger Canning

Weapon: Eddie Moroney.

Show Ger what a real commentator should sound like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nywe3GBM5Y

FranchisePlayer

FranchisePlayer v James blunt
Weapon:Fat chick
I would get the fat chick to lie on top of him and slowly smother him lets see if he thinks that is fckuing beuatiful

cson

Round 4 cson Vs Joe Duffy

Weapon A spikey strap on and some grease.

Method Well I think you know whats coming. I'll just have to grease Joe up and aim for penetration. "Good afternoon and your very welcome to loive arse rape with me Joe Duffeeeeeeeeeee"

Degsy

Degsy Vs Dermot Galvin
Weapon:A garden fork
I'd ram the fork into the insufferable nordy prick's guts,throw him on the compost heap and enter the resulting weeds in the Garden Of the Year Show.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Hail2DaChimp Vs Victoria Beckham.
Wepon: Davids dismembered head.
Method: I think I'll play it by ear...

Mr.Nice Guy

MNG vs Andrew Maxwell

Weapon: Hundreds of wasps

Method: The wasps need their honey. So they can have it off Maxwell's body.

Damn I hate that prick with his generic 'Listen to me Dublin accent amn't I bleedin' deadly?' No you knacker, my wasps are deadly! Mwahahaha!

And after they're through with him I'd stand over him:

"Sorry Mr Maxwell, as a knacker like you would say...stung!"

AlmightyCushion

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

MNG vs Andrew Maxwell

Weapon: Hundreds of wasps

Method: The wasps need their honey. So they can have it off Maxwell's body.

Damn I hate that prick with his generic 'Listen to me Dublin accent amn't I bleedin' deadly?' No you knacker, my wasps are deadly! Mwahahaha!

And after they're through with him I'd stand over him:

"Sorry Mr Maxwell, as a knacker like you would say...stung!"

You really don't live up to your name do you mr nice guy

Mr. CooL ICE

It wasn't me! wrote:

How do you figure?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055086871