Virginity late on - a big deal?

Dudess · 22-05-2007 11:45PM #1

Inspired by a thread in PI and recent programmes on Channel 4 about the issue of virginity, I'd be interested to know what the general consensus is on sex with those who have chosen to remain chaste until relatively late on - I'd be talking 25+. Would you find it problematic? Would you find it a good thing? Personally, if I started sleeping with a guy around my age (29) and it was his first time, I'd find it unusual but nothing more.

Any other views?

copacetic · 22-05-2007 11:51PM

just unusual? wouldn't you want a pretty good reason why he was still a virgin?
it'd be on my mind what is wrong with the person tbh..

Exit · 22-05-2007 11:53PM

I'd think that people who want to lose it and haven't would find it a big deal. When you do lose it, it really isn't that big a deal. It's not as if it changes you somehow.

I would think people who are in their 30s and haven't had sex (unless by choice) would be a little strange to me. But maybe that's just me.

Dudess · 22-05-2007 11:58PM

copacetic wrote:

just unusual? wouldn't you want a pretty good reason why he was still a virgin?
it'd be on my mind what is wrong with the person tbh..

Oh I'd probably wonder why, but I don't think it would put me off having sex with him if I'm attracted to him in the first place. But I suppose (and don't slate me!) most men aged 29 who are still virgins are probably a bit geeky and wouldn't be all that attractive anyway, but not all. Don't get me wrong - I'm not looking for a stud - far from it - but I get the feeling that guys who are still virgins at 29 are more than likely going to be mammy's boy types. But I've no doubt there are attractive ones too - just not very many.

cson · 23-05-2007 12:05AM

Maybe they were devout catholics and its their honeymoon night?

Its way over rated the first time, well in my case it was.

mawk · 23-05-2007 12:11AM

meh, sex just ruins young relationships.

there should be a law against young people having sex..

I have friends who are virgins, I dont think its a big deal at all

Scarinae · 23-05-2007 12:21AM

Well I'm 20 and I'm not a virgin, but a fair few of my friends (mostly in the 19-21 age group) are... It's not that they broadcast it around but I'm the kind of person that people tell things to. I think there are more virgins around than everyone thinks but they just don't admit it because the older you get the more of a stigma it seems to be! I don't see any problem with it though. I know it's not quite the same thing as being a 30-year-old virgin, but I still think being a virgin is seen as way more of a big deal than it actually is

*Angel* · 23-05-2007 12:31AM

mawk wrote:

meh, sex just ruins young relationships.

there should be a law against young people having sex..

I have friends who are virgins, I dont think its a big deal at all

How young do you think is young?

No I don't think virginity late on is a big deal although it probably seems like a pretty big thing for the person themselves.

copacetic · 23-05-2007 12:58AM

Dudess wrote:

Oh I'd probably wonder why, but I don't think it would put me off having sex with him if I'm attracted to him in the first place. But I suppose (and don't slate me!) most men aged 29 who are still virgins are probably a bit geeky and wouldn't be all that attractive anyway, but not all. Don't get me wrong - I'm not looking for a stud - far from it - but I get the feeling that guys who are still virgins at 29 are more than likely going to be mammy's boy types. But I've no doubt there are attractive ones too - just not very many.

well i'll be honest and say a 29 year old women who is a virgin would freak me out a bit. have to say i'd have no problem doing the deed but couldn't see a future in it. now it could turn out that she is entirely normal but i'd be freaked out enough that I'd prob find loads of other things wrong with her. Even the pressure of knowing it was a big deal for her wouldn't be great..

if there was a reason like she was a holy mary or something that'd be one thing but if it was just a 'never had sex before, no reason really' thing I'd be freaked out and wondering why me and had I got another bunny boiler on my hands

drdre · 23-05-2007 01:04AM

I dont think its a problem at all being a virgin

sidneykidney · 23-05-2007 01:04AM

Tbh anyone loosing it whatever age its a big thing to them,but hey if you feel that now is right for you ,go ahead.:)

FunkyChicken · 23-05-2007 01:05AM

mawk wrote:

meh, sex just ruins young relationships.

What? it's the only good thing about young relationships you oaf!

projectmayhem · 23-05-2007 01:15AM

sidneykidney wrote:

Tbh anyone loosing it whatever age its a big thing to them,but hey if you feel that now is right for you ,go ahead.:)

i don't think the issue is the virgin themselves, rather it's the partner. the burden of responsibility being the introduction to sex to this person. you're opening a door for this person, and you'll be etched in their mind forever... the thing is, at 29 you've been exposed to sexuality for long enough to know what good sex should be through porn & what not. now the partner has to live up to about 15 odd years of expectation....

sidneykidney · 23-05-2007 01:25AM

i agree with some of the others,at 29 how come there only loosing their virginity now,that would be one of my first thoughts.

23-05-2007 04:33AM

Would you buy a car without first taking a test drive?

dermo88 · 23-05-2007 04:42AM

Its not such a big deal. Remember, many of our parents, and Grandparents went to the dealer for their car, and never had a test drive. Or.....they would never ADMIT having a test drive.

If your doing it out of curiosity its for the wrong reasons. Anyone who does it too young regrets it. Anyone who loses it later, feels they should have had more of it when they were younger.

Also, an awful lot about sexuality is very open these days to a degree. I'm treading on eggshells at this point.

I've learned over the years that theres no such thing as normal sex. It just is. Its part of a relationship. It can be getting your rocks off. Its far too complex to explain in words without coming across as either a Jesus freak or a sex maniac.

It just is. Accept that. And the ones who talk about it most are getting it least.

roberta c · 23-05-2007 06:44AM

Ah how times have changed:D

Dudess · 23-05-2007 09:33AM

projectmayhem wrote:

i don't think the issue is the virgin themselves, rather it's the partner. the burden of responsibility being the introduction to sex to this person. you're opening a door for this person, and you'll be etched in their mind forever... the thing is, at 29 you've been exposed to sexuality for long enough to know what good sex should be through porn & what not. now the partner has to live up to about 15 odd years of expectation....

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Sorry, my opening post is so badly written. I'm not asking what people think of people losing their virginity late on, rather, how they'd feel if they were with a person who was 25+ and this person announced to them that they were a virgin.

Mrs_Doyle · 23-05-2007 09:42AM

copacetic wrote:

just unusual? wouldn't you want a pretty good reason why he was still a virgin?
it'd be on my mind what is wrong with the person tbh..

Why would there have to be something wrong with them?

Maybe he just never met someone he wanted to lose his virginity to?

I had met plenty of guys I fancied, and I wouldn't mind having sex with, but I'd never met the one I wanted to lose my virginity to until I met my boyfriend.

Marksie · 23-05-2007 09:49AM

depends why they remained a virgin and also by your technical definition of virgin.

If someone was sexually connected with themselves and chose a celibate lifestyle, then it would be ok.
However, if they had been repressed or had closed themselves off totally from eveyone because of things that happened in the past. Then it would be a case of major issues that would need to be sorted.

As an example i used to play rugby with a guy whose girlfriend was a virgin after 3 years with him.
He said, quite calmy, that they had done everything else that could be done, but she wanted to save her virginity for the wedding night.

However, some months ago now, someone posted a thread in PI where they were 28 and never been kissed. It was an instance of this person closing themselves off despite the fact that their inner self was crying to be let out. In the end that thread was not about her sorting the problem but seeking justification to ruthlessly suppress her self from coming forward. Someone broke through the barriers but unfortunately she locked the thread and ran.

Marksie · 23-05-2007 09:51AM

projectmayhem wrote:

long enough to know what good sex should be through porn & what not.

porn is not good sex

jester77 · 23-05-2007 10:02AM

I would find it a little strange, probably leave me wondering was there some story behind it, eg very strict parents, molestation, religiously brainwashed.

Plus don't they say that a guys best years are in his early 20's?

Dudess · 23-05-2007 10:10AM

I think, to be fair, most of us would find it a bit strange. But would it put people off having sex with this person or letting things develop into a relationship?

copacetic · 23-05-2007 10:18AM

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

Why would there have to be something wrong with them?

Maybe he just never met someone he wanted to lose his virginity to?

I had met plenty of guys I fancied, and I wouldn't mind having sex with, but I'd never met the one I wanted to lose my virginity to until I met my boyfriend.

well there wouldn't have to be, but I just know it would be on my mind. say your example for instance. I meet a 29 year old women and she wants to lose her virginity to me after 12 years waiting for the right guy. that sh1t will freak me out!

Crucifix · 23-05-2007 10:18AM

It might raise a "Huh, that's interesting" but it wouldn't put me off.

Slow Motion · 23-05-2007 12:14PM

Quite frankly I lost my virginity "late" (won't say how late

) The reason ? Simple, I have / had no interest in one night stands as to me they are rather meaningless and it took a while to find someone to get serious about so when it happened there was no problem whatsoever for both of us. Nothing to do with being geeky / mammys boy / ugly or anything else !

Dudess · 23-05-2007 12:19PM

You see, that's the thing. I've been discussing the topic with friends and it just struck us: why is it a guarantee that everyone has found someone with whom they want to have sex by 25?

BlitzKrieg · 23-05-2007 12:23PM

depends why they remained a virgin and also by your technical definition of virgin.

If someone was sexually connected with themselves and chose a celibate lifestyle, then it would be ok.
However, if they had been repressed or had closed themselves off totally from eveyone because of things that happened in the past. Then it would be a case of major issues that would need to be sorted.

what about reason 3?

crappy luck.

never had a very long streak of no luck with the ladies?

Mrs_Doyle · 23-05-2007 12:23PM

copacetic wrote:

well there wouldn't have to be, but I just know it would be on my mind. say your example for instance. I meet a 29 year old women and she wants to lose her virginity to me after 12 years waiting for the right guy. that sh1t will freak me out!

The you probably wouldn't be the right guy. Cos if she waited 12 years, I'm sure she would have found the kinda guy who wouldn't be freaked out by the fact that his girlfriend loves him enough to lose her virginity with him.

Also, not all 'late virgins' are entirely celibate, or frigid, up to the point that they decide to lose their virginity.

They can be sexual people, with turn on's and appetites, just like anyone else.... they just wanted their first time to be with someone they really liked or loved.

copacetic · 23-05-2007 01:04PM

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

The you probably wouldn't be the right guy. Cos if she waited 12 years, I'm sure she would have found the kinda guy who wouldn't be freaked out by the fact that his girlfriend loves him enough to lose her virginity with him.

Also, not all 'late virgins' are entirely celibate, or frigid, up to the point that they decide to lose their virginity.

They can be sexual people, with turn on's and appetites, just like anyone else.... they just wanted their first time to be with someone they really liked or loved.

it's true, I am seldom the right guy, hence I'd be thinking that this one is some kind of a nutter if she thinks I am!

Kell · 23-05-2007 03:35PM

Dudess wrote:

or letting things develop into a relationship?

Hmmn. I'd be wary of developing things from the point of view of "she doesnt know about that, that and what, she doesnt even know about THAT".

Then again, I have NO patience. If I did, I might stick around for the education.

K-

Virginity late on - a big deal?

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