50 Things I wish women knew.

The Sweeper · 11-04-2007 05:22PM

After Hours is full to brimming with sweeping generalisations of women. It always has been and it always will be. Every so often, there'll be what's affectionately known as "the backlash of the boobs", where the women come on and call the blokes out for being a bunch of generalising morons who probably only recognise a woman because of the number of titty pictures they search on the web but still manage to take their fingers away from their ball sacks and, after giving them a good sniff, type some sort of "oirush wimmin r fat n orng n mingers n my burd dsnt suck meh coch, she's frigid, but then she forked me m8 so she's realy a hoar" post.

With the ratio of blokes to gurls on boards.ie being heavily weighted towards the blokes (no sleight intended toward the BG&RH posters) you're unfortunately bound to get twaddle, and then a twaddle backlash. Lightening up really isn't a part of that exchange. Hair pulling and name calling - within the confines of the charter of course - usually is.

lady_j · 11-04-2007 05:24PM

Anti wrote:

Hmm, im pretty sure im not single. Lemme go check...... Wait...no....No im not single, but probably should be. Now lighten up youtwatbadger :rolleyes:

Poor woman :eek:

Wibbs · 11-04-2007 06:06PM

SetantaL wrote:

Jesus lighten up.

I second that.

After Hours is full to brimming with sweeping generalisations of women. It always has been and it always will be.../...ngers away from their ball sacks and, after giving them a good sniff, type some sort of "oirush wimmin r fat n orng n mingers n my burd dsnt suck meh coch, she's frigid, but then she forked me m8 so she's realy a hoar" post.

More issues at work here than the Playboy back catalogue methinks. Funnier than the OP though, to be fair.

Lightening up really isn't a part of that exchange.

Madam, may I respectfully suggest to you that lightening up should be part of most exchanges, especially here.

Hair pulling and name calling

Ahh women fighting. It's so.. quaint.

The Sweeper · 11-04-2007 06:12PM

I'm perfectly lightened up in the context of this post. I'm merely pointing out that to suggest that the occasional flurry of abuse in response to yet another of teh "wimmin, dey are deh stoopah, n onlee gud fer mekkin stakes n suxin meh cock - but onlee if deh r not fah" threads is in some way unreasonable is, in itself, unreasonable.

In other words, keep with the anti-wimmin posting and occasionally you'll get bitch-slapped.

Gordon · 11-04-2007 06:24PM

I think Majydee should create a 50# list for teh burdds as a humerous and semi-valid retort to the original, lacking humour, post.

11-04-2007 08:17PM

From some woman to men in general

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in T-shirts.
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.

super_furry · 11-04-2007 08:20PM

From some men to women in general

1) Ask my arse

thefinalstage · 11-04-2007 08:33PM

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

Em This part of your 50 things makes no sense.

Anti · 11-04-2007 08:33PM

@ CSG

I got to #4 and got bored, now piss off any make yoru own thread.

11-04-2007 08:36PM

ok does it really bother you?

and i didn't bloody write it of course

Pherekydes · 11-04-2007 08:40PM

stevejazzx wrote:

55. How to make sense out of smoething, anything.....

something!

Anti · 11-04-2007 08:42PM

coolsmileygirl wrote:

ok does it really bother you?

and i didn't bloody write it of course

Not in the slightest. And i was hoping you didnt write it. But at the end of the day, some poor disgruntled woman/lady did.

The Sweeper · 11-04-2007 08:47PM

Personally I embrace the differences between men and women. Specifically, boobs and cock.

Anti · 11-04-2007 09:17PM

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Personally I embrace the differences between men and women. Specifically, boobs and cock.

So thats the difference between the genders...;)

Sinfonia · 11-04-2007 09:19PM

based on the women's 50, this is what i got from it:

women won't tell you anything, but expect you to tell them everything.
women are insecure and need constant reassurance from men, but still are "afraid of losing their independence".
women want material things, and will blackmail to get them.
women want to be Madonna (wtf?).

while the men's 50 was mostly pretty accurate,
the women's 50 has to be mostly inaccurate.

or else wimmins is krayzee

Sofaspud · 11-04-2007 09:26PM

Anti wrote:

So thats the difference between the genders...;)

Not really, I have both. As do many of the penised masses.

(E.G. most of the BG&RH forum)

The Sweeper · 11-04-2007 09:31PM

Anti wrote:

So thats the difference between the genders...;)

Mostly. It's also the deciding factor - boobs and cock. With the latter, you'll always want the former. With the former, you can have as many of the latter as you please.

...or so I read on a rude birthday card once.

Anti · 11-04-2007 11:28PM

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Mostly. It's also the deciding factor - boobs and cock. With the latter, you'll always want the former. With the former, you can have as many of the latter as you please.

...or so I read on a rude birthday card once.

I think my brain just imploded upon its self o_0

Pighead · 11-04-2007 11:30PM

Anti wrote:

I think my brain just imploded upon its self o_0

Luckily for you its so small, otherwise you could have made a terrible mess.

Wibbs · 12-04-2007 01:01AM

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Mostly. It's also the deciding factor - boobs and cock. With the latter, you'll always want the former. With the former, you can have as many of the latter as you please.

Unless one is an leg man. Though being the unreconstructed primitive that I am I find what lies at the apex of the legs is what keeps me keen.

...or so I read on a rude birthday card once.

Good lady, we are kindred spirits in this as I have gleaned much from the same source. Christmas crackers have their moments too.

Pighead wrote:

Luckily for you its so small, otherwise you could have made a terrible mess.

A phrase that Pighead has heard from many of his lady friends.

K-9 · 12-04-2007 02:09AM

thelastangryman wrote:

Em This part of your 50 things makes no sense.

Exactly, wimmin!!!!!.........:)

K-9 · 12-04-2007 02:12AM

Wibbs wrote:

A phrase that Pighead has heard from many of his lady friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pighead
Luckily for you its so small, otherwise you could have made a terrible mess.

Classic! Must remember that one

12-04-2007 07:00AM

Oman wrote:

51.How to Drive

His job?

HammerHeadGym · 12-04-2007 01:18PM

No point starting a new thread i suppose;

POOR PRESENTATION:
Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present yourself. You know you love it!

NO LAUGHING MATTER:
Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like "Ride my hard c0ck you filthy c0ck-sucking s!ut" or "Yeah, swallow my man-custard b!tch". Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences.

CLOSING UP:
If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

TOO BRIGHT:
If the man switches the light off, it is for a reason, so please don't insist on seeing what's going on. If he's got a bit of a beer belly or a lovebite from a bonk earlier that day, it is his right to keep such matters to himself.If he wants it dark so he can imagine he's shafting Natalie Imbruglia, please
understand this fascinating aspect of the male psyche.

HANGING AROUND:
When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night
stand you should leave the premises without thieving anything or asking for a phone number.

BEING SHY:
Always offer the Marmite Motorway. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

BEING A DRIP:
You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

LACK OF MAINTENANCE:
Never ask a man if he likes your body as you will force him to lie. Men don't like fat chicks. Get in the gym and lose some weight and tighten those buns and thighs. There is no such thing as the perfect body. 99.6 per cent of men say that even Christy, Elle, Naomi, etc all could still lose a few pounds - so what chance have you got?

CLOCK-WATCHING:
Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are you going to c0me soon." If you're doing a bl0wie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps and wrists. Or if he's sh@gging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.

FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS:
Don't ask him if you're the best l0ver he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

BEING POSSESSIVE:
If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at
a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends
joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably sh@gging
her anyway. Plus, you might learn something from her to keep your man really
happy.

NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON:
Don't shave all your pub!c hair off. It makes your pu$$y look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the sn@tch of a five-year-
old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favoured by the Playboy models that your man would rather be sh@gging.

SPITTING IT OUT:
When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savouring the taste and
gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba,
blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it
when you c0me in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

SHARING NOT CARING:
Whilst it is understandable that you would be excited after receiving a mouthful of c*m, do not be thoughtless in expressing your gratitude by kissing
your man on the lips. YOU like semen, HE doesn't. Be considerate, please.

PLAYING THE NAME GAME (1):
Never embarrass a gentleman by challenging him to remember your name after he's sh@gged you. If he thought it was important to remember your name, he would have.

THE BIG SWITCH (OFF):
Nothing is worse than giving a man some encouragement and then not finishing the job. Such encouragement might be the slightest brush against any part of his body. So if he's got a st!ffy, you've got to deal with it and
take things through to their natural conclusion.

COVER UP:
If you have lured a man to bed under the guise of being a sultry temptress with long eyelashes and painted lips, please keep the illusion going until he has discharged his porridge gun or fallen asleep. If you care about him, you
will make sure he never discovers the terrible secret hidden beneath your caked-on make-up.

Hatemail to the usual address

humanji · 12-04-2007 02:00PM

coolsmileygirl wrote:

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

Wait, we can only be sexy when we're doing all this at the same time? Isn't that dangerous, especially when a child is involved?

A Primal Nut · 12-04-2007 03:16PM

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

After Hours is full to brimming with sweeping generalisations of women. It always has been and it always will be. Every so often, there'll be what's affectionately known as "the backlash of the boobs", where the women come on and call the blokes out for being a bunch of generalising morons who probably only recognise a woman because of the number of titty pictures they search on the web but still manage to take their fingers away from their ball sacks and, after giving them a good sniff, type some sort of "oirush wimmin r fat n orng n mingers n my burd dsnt suck meh coch, she's frigid, but then she forked me m8 so she's realy a hoar" post.

Eh, the original post contains sweeping generalisations about men, not women, most of which are true, haha.

50 Things I wish women knew.

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