50 Things I wish women knew.

Anti

1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
12. You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.
30. You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as you think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article)
36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight.”
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.


No i didnt come up with these myself, i just ripped them off from some random irc link, anyway enjoy

Oman

51.How to Drive

Pighead

1 Thing All Women Should Definitely Know:
Anti has crabs.

connundrum

Bravo to you for passing along the message.. Bravo!

/wipes tear from eye

Bravo!

Anti

Pighead wrote:

1 Thing All Women Should Definitely Know:
Anti has crabs.

Shush now.... Thats private infos.

phantom_lord

sticky plz

The tax man

Damn ignore list. I still get to see the crap they post when others quote them.:rolleyes:

AdMMM

I think that's fairly old. I'm not complaining though. If I had my way, it would be painted on every billboard in the land!

Giblet

The tax man wrote:

Damn ignore list. I still get to see the crap they post when others quote them.:rolleyes:

HURR IM IGNORING SOMEONE!

Pythia

The tax man wrote:

Damn ignore list. I still get to see the crap they post when others quote them.:rolleyes:

True that!

monkeyfudge

52. The capital of Kenya is Nairobi

It totally gives me the horn when a girl knows her Geography.

Wibbs

53. all the above only applies if you're a certain type of American....

Gauge

If you consider porn to be as important as breathing... I believe you may need to rethink your priorities

The tax man

Pythia wrote:

True that!

Nice to see I'm not alone.:)

HURR IM IGNORING SOMEONE!

HURR

Binomate

Gtfo!

[edit]Actually, reading through your post, most of them I agree with [/edit]

grimloch

The tax man wrote:

HURR

It's pretty hard to come up with an explanation that isn't going to get all the members of the AH morality brigade riled up.

Fantastic Kaz

Oman wrote:

51.How to Drive

I can?

Beekay

Anti wrote:

18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.

This is really something they need to know!!!!:D

Fantastic Kaz

Beekay wrote:

This is really something they need to know!!!!:D

Hmmmmm.. yeah.. doesnt really do much for me so I wouldnt call it the greatest thing ever.

ircoha

54: The difference between Head and Shoulders

stevejazzx

55. How to make sense out of smoething, anything.....

biko

sometimes i just wish that girls would "get me" y'know
no-one gets me except my diary. I love you diary, sometimes I think you're my best friend

lady_j

Whats the bets your single ANTI?

Blowjob week...fat chance!

Mr. Incognito

what ALL women?

NO no no, here's what you do, you take ONE into the woods and train her. Then you've the satisfaction of blowjob week all to yourself.......ahhhhh blowjob week.

Slippin Jimmy

45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.

Ohhh sooo true:rolleyes:

Anti

descry wrote:

Whats the bets your single ANTI?

Blowjob week...fat chance!

Hmm, im pretty sure im not single. Lemme go check...... Wait...no....No im not single, but probably should be. Now lighten up youtwatbadger :rolleyes:

The Sweeper

1 Thing I Wish Anti Knew:

There's a humour forum for this kind of thing. And you a mod? For shame.

Clarehobo

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

1 Thing I Wish Anti Knew:

There's a humour forum for this kind of thing. And you a mod? For shame.

Too true!
And a forum called "beerguts & receding hair" where the majority of the verbal woman bashing goes...

Do we need another mod to step in & educate him as to which location would be more appropriate?:rolleyes:

Anti

Pah to the lot of you.

This is not humorous. Nor is it for old guys who are letting them selfs go.

This is ah.

Clarehobo

Anti wrote:

This is not humorous.

LOL - I thought you put it up to be funny!:D

Why not set up a sexism forum where people can just come out with gross generalisations and statements about the other sex without being called on it???

Mr. Incognito

Jesus lighten up.

The Sweeper

After Hours is full to brimming with sweeping generalisations of women. It always has been and it always will be. Every so often, there'll be what's affectionately known as "the backlash of the boobs", where the women come on and call the blokes out for being a bunch of generalising morons who probably only recognise a woman because of the number of titty pictures they search on the web but still manage to take their fingers away from their ball sacks and, after giving them a good sniff, type some sort of "oirush wimmin r fat n orng n mingers n my burd dsnt suck meh coch, she's frigid, but then she forked me m8 so she's realy a hoar" post.

With the ratio of blokes to gurls on boards.ie being heavily weighted towards the blokes (no sleight intended toward the BG&RH posters) you're unfortunately bound to get twaddle, and then a twaddle backlash. Lightening up really isn't a part of that exchange. Hair pulling and name calling - within the confines of the charter of course - usually is.

lady_j

Anti wrote:

Hmm, im pretty sure im not single. Lemme go check...... Wait...no....No im not single, but probably should be. Now lighten up youtwatbadger :rolleyes:

Poor woman :eek:

Wibbs

SetantaL wrote:

Jesus lighten up.

I second that.

After Hours is full to brimming with sweeping generalisations of women. It always has been and it always will be.../...ngers away from their ball sacks and, after giving them a good sniff, type some sort of "oirush wimmin r fat n orng n mingers n my burd dsnt suck meh coch, she's frigid, but then she forked me m8 so she's realy a hoar" post.

More issues at work here than the Playboy back catalogue methinks. Funnier than the OP though, to be fair.

Lightening up really isn't a part of that exchange.

Madam, may I respectfully suggest to you that lightening up should be part of most exchanges, especially here.

Hair pulling and name calling

Ahh women fighting. It's so.. quaint.

The Sweeper

I'm perfectly lightened up in the context of this post. I'm merely pointing out that to suggest that the occasional flurry of abuse in response to yet another of teh "wimmin, dey are deh stoopah, n onlee gud fer mekkin stakes n suxin meh cock - but onlee if deh r not fah" threads is in some way unreasonable is, in itself, unreasonable.

In other words, keep with the anti-wimmin posting and occasionally you'll get bitch-slapped.

Gordon

I think Majydee should create a 50# list for teh burdds as a humerous and semi-valid retort to the original, lacking humour, post.

From some woman to men in general


1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in T-shirts.
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.

super_furry

From some men to women in general

1) Ask my arse

thefinalstage

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

Em This part of your 50 things makes no sense.

Anti

@ CSG

I got to #4 and got bored, now piss off any make yoru own thread.

ok does it really bother you?

and i didn't bloody write it of course

Pherekydes

stevejazzx wrote:

55. How to make sense out of smoething, anything.....

something!

Anti

coolsmileygirl wrote:

ok does it really bother you?

and i didn't bloody write it of course

Not in the slightest. And i was hoping you didnt write it. But at the end of the day, some poor disgruntled woman/lady did.

The Sweeper

Personally I embrace the differences between men and women. Specifically, boobs and cock.

Anti

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Personally I embrace the differences between men and women. Specifically, boobs and cock.

So thats the difference between the genders...;)

Sinfonia

based on the women's 50, this is what i got from it:

women won't tell you anything, but expect you to tell them everything.
women are insecure and need constant reassurance from men, but still are "afraid of losing their independence".
women want material things, and will blackmail to get them.
women want to be Madonna (wtf?).

while the men's 50 was mostly pretty accurate,
the women's 50 has to be mostly inaccurate.

or else wimmins is krayzee

Sofaspud

Anti wrote:

So thats the difference between the genders...;)

Not really, I have both. As do many of the penised masses.

(E.G. most of the BG&RH forum)

The Sweeper

Anti wrote:

So thats the difference between the genders...;)

Mostly. It's also the deciding factor - boobs and cock. With the latter, you'll always want the former. With the former, you can have as many of the latter as you please.

...or so I read on a rude birthday card once.

Anti

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Mostly. It's also the deciding factor - boobs and cock. With the latter, you'll always want the former. With the former, you can have as many of the latter as you please.

...or so I read on a rude birthday card once.

I think my brain just imploded upon its self o_0

Pighead

Anti wrote:

I think my brain just imploded upon its self o_0

Luckily for you its so small, otherwise you could have made a terrible mess.

Wibbs

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Mostly. It's also the deciding factor - boobs and cock. With the latter, you'll always want the former. With the former, you can have as many of the latter as you please.

Unless one is an leg man. Though being the unreconstructed primitive that I am I find what lies at the apex of the legs is what keeps me keen.

...or so I read on a rude birthday card once.

Good lady, we are kindred spirits in this as I have gleaned much from the same source. Christmas crackers have their moments too.

Pighead wrote:

Luckily for you its so small, otherwise you could have made a terrible mess.

A phrase that Pighead has heard from many of his lady friends.