Bullied at work?

bolliwoodi · 12-03-2007 05:22AM #1

This will be long.

I started a new job recently and I love it. All my workmates are Polish which I was fine with even though half the time I couldnt understand them. The first day I met a few nice people-Theres only a few of us working at a time so we tend to have our breaks at the same time etc.

So the 1st day was great - i met a few nice people-Sat with them at lunch etc.

The next day another girl came into the picture-Shes Irish and has been working there a few months- We will call her Dee, She took an immediate dislike to me for no reason whatsoever. That day when i sat down with the group of girls at lunch she turned around and said "Excuse me your not one of us you cant sit here" I laughed and looked around at the rest of the group waiting for someone to say "Hey she sat with us yesterday shes nice etc" But not one of them backed me up- thay were all staring at the table or looking at their phones. So i got up and moved away!

Since then things have gotten really weird.Heres a few things that have happened.........

- During work I asked Dee to show me how to do something I wasnt sure of. She showed me how to do it wrongly and when I got a bollocking off my boss she denied She had shown me how to do it.

- She told the boss I was using my mobile during work when I wasnt and got the rest of the "Group" to say they saw me with it too, I ended up getting a warning.

-It was her bday the other day and she was sharing chocolates around at lunch time-She offered them to everyone and I heard one of the guys say "Give her one ur just being mean to her" and she answered back"No its about time she learned she cant just waltz in here and join our gang"

-She took my clock card(I have proof of this as one of the guys told me but he wont go to the boss) and put it down the toilet

-Stuff has gone missing from my locker and turned up in storerooms

-My lunch has gone missing on more than one occasion

The weird thing is that on days when Dee is not working the rest of the group are dead nice to me-Let me sit with them-Chat to me etc, Only when shes there do they freeze up and refuese to look at me.

I have no intention of leaving my job I love it-Its not a big deal etc after all I am there to do a job not to make friends but when my stuff is goin missing etc its getting bad.

My boss sat me down and said that if i dont improve he will have to let me go as i dont seem to be "bonding" with my workmates- but its hardly my fault.Ive no proof of whats going on and the guys wont back me up if i do tell my boss.

Marksie · 12-03-2007 09:16AM

bolliwoodi wrote:

This will be long.

I started a new job recently and I love it. All my workmates are Polish which I was fine with even though half the time I couldnt understand them. The first day I met a few nice people-Theres only a few of us working at a time so we tend to have our breaks at the same time etc.

So the 1st day was great - i met a few nice people-Sat with them at lunch etc.

The next day another girl came into the picture-Shes Irish and has been working there a few months- We will call her Dee, She took an immediate dislike to me for no reason whatsoever. That day when i sat down with the group of girls at lunch she turned around and said "Excuse me your not one of us you cant sit here" I laughed and looked around at the rest of the group waiting for someone to say "Hey she sat with us yesterday shes nice etc" But not one of them backed me up- thay were all staring at the table or looking at their phones. So i got up and moved away!

Since then things have gotten really weird.Heres a few things that have happened.........

- During work I asked Dee to show me how to do something I wasnt sure of. She showed me how to do it wrongly and when I got a bollocking off my boss she denied She had shown me how to do it.

- She told the boss I was using my mobile during work when I wasnt and got the rest of the "Group" to say they saw me with it too, I ended up getting a warning.

-It was her bday the other day and she was sharing chocolates around at lunch time-She offered them to everyone and I heard one of the guys say "Give her one ur just being mean to her" and she answered back"No its about time she learned she cant just waltz in here and join our gang"

-She took my clock card(I have proof of this as one of the guys told me but he wont go to the boss) and put it down the toilet

-Stuff has gone missing from my locker and turned up in storerooms

-My lunch has gone missing on more than one occasion

The weird thing is that on days when Dee is not working the rest of the group are dead nice to me-Let me sit with them-Chat to me etc, Only when shes there do they freeze up and refuese to look at me.

I have no intention of leaving my job I love it-Its not a big deal etc after all I am there to do a job not to make friends but when my stuff is goin missing etc its getting bad.

My boss sat me down and said that if i dont improve he will have to let me go as i dont seem to be "bonding" with my workmates- but its hardly my fault.Ive no proof of whats going on and the guys wont back me up if i do tell my boss.

Have you made a written record of this? with dates and times.
And did you explain the situation to your boss?

Have you asked this dee why she is acting like this?

c - 13 · 12-03-2007 09:31AM

Normally I would say to confornt your workmate and ask her why she is acting like this, however, in this case it sound to me like she would twist the situation and tell your boss that you are bullying her.

As marksuttonie said, if you havent already done so start to make a log of events with time and dates and present this to your boss. If this woman thinks she can walk all over you then the problem will continue to escalacte.

Approach your boss and tell him what has been happening. Even if he doesnt believe it he should have to investigate it anyway. If your other collegues see you stand up to her maybe thay will back you up (although I wouldnt bet on it).

Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Marksie · 12-03-2007 09:59AM

c - 13 wrote:

in this case it sound to me like she would twist the situation and tell your boss that you are bullying her.

I think you are right there actually. I have been on the recieving end of that.

This Dee individual does seem to be a dominant force in the group.

But it is up to you OP to protect yourself. Are they the only group at work? or are there others?

While Dee may consider she has won if you leave the group and join another, you have to ask yourself what would be the benefits of being in involved in such a group where one person, for whatever reason feels that she has to dominate the whole thing.

If teh boss is threatening to let you go because of not bonding, i am afraid i would respond by highlighting that despite my best efforts i am being not allowed to do so. If this dee individual made these comments and you heard them and wrote them down with the date and time, then you have some comeback. But i would certainly lay it on the line if he was making rumbling like that. You already asked her to train you and she claimed she hadn't, she then reported you for using a mobile at work. That was her again. That is two instances where one individual has got you into trouble. As a boss, i would begin asking myself what is going on.

But essentially, rubbish like that is not worth it. Limit all contact with dee, do not ask her for training, ensure your stuff is safe and cannot be left lying around.

If those in the group want to remain in the group thats up to them, you do not have to.

hunnymonster · 12-03-2007 10:09AM

There is a lot of useful information here
http://www.abc.tcd.ie/

r3nu4l · 12-03-2007 10:19AM

OP on the days that Dee is not in work you should ask some of the group why they allow Dee to get away with this behaviour.

Definitely start making notes of times, days of incidents.

Do you have a HR department? If so you should make an appointment to see them. Explain to them what your problem is.

Do you have a Union? If so, approach the Union rep for your office and if they refuse to help then notify the union directly.

Oriel · 12-03-2007 10:25AM

The first mistke you made was walking away from the lunch table.
Confront her, then talk to your boss about it immediately after.

Trinity · 12-03-2007 10:32AM

If you had gone unregged i would have had trouble believing this story.

Its unbelievable that in this day and age this stuff goes on. Sounds like a wild dog pack. 'Gang'???? WTF, i've seen more mature behaviour in a creche.

Is she in a more superior position than you or just working there longer?

What a cow. Its ok not to get on with everyone but she is putting your job and livlihood in jeopardy.

As others have suggested try to talk to HR or a Union That sort of behavoiur is/should be really frowned upon in this day and age. You need to report it now before its too late.

Miss Fluff · 12-03-2007 10:36AM

What a crone. Have you asked her directly what her problem is?

Dudess · 12-03-2007 03:49PM

Can someone who's an expert on human behaviour please explain to me how one person can have such a hold over several others? The other people in the original poster's workplace are actually as bad as that evil "Dee" psycho. How on earth can they be so spineless? And why do people say that bullies are actually cowards and really insecure? Being able to command that much respect and fear certainly doesn't smack of cowardice and insecurity to me! On the other hand, that "Dee" cow would be nothing without her army of followers, but how on earth did she manage to have such control over them in the first place?! I'm sick of hearing stories like that - in the workplace especially - and it makes me more and more convinced that you have to be a c*nt to be treated with respect. Whereas those who just do their work and are nice people are treated like sh*t.

Grrrrrr..... *raging*

Bradidup · 12-03-2007 04:36PM

Most decent Mp3 players have a built in mike and a recording function. It wouldnt take much to record a conversation at the right moment and use it as evidence against staff & workers in a future law suit. You could keep it on in your coat pocket. These devices are as effective as a bug.

Acid_Violet · 12-03-2007 05:17PM

Bradidup wrote:

Most decent Mp3 players have a built in mike and a recording function. It wouldnt take much to record a conversation at the right moment and use it as evidence against staff & workers. You could keep it on in your coat pocket. These devices are as effective as a bug.

VERY good idea.

OP, have you not told your boss about these incidents? It's not as if she's just making you feel unwelcome and being mean, she's a vindictive bitch who's doing her best to make you miserable. She must feel threatened if she's so caught up with all this juvenile 'she can't just waltz into our group thing'. What does she expect, you've to pass a test?! I'm in secondary school and wouldn't even expect this.

Sinecurea is right though, your first mistake was walking away from the table.

Do you mind me asking what kind of place of work it is?

Eitherway, you got to tell the manager about the problem and point out that this bitch will do this again to other people at some time. I can't see how it can possibly be misconstrued as you bullying her though. You have to deal with it and let your manager know exactly what the deal is, ok? I've been bullied many times before and just wonder is this something which tends to happen to you?

Sangre · 12-03-2007 05:32PM

She probably hates you because you grassed on her to the boss about training you incorrectly.

Dudess · 12-03-2007 05:58PM

Acid_Violet wrote:

I can't see how it can possibly be misconstrued as you bullying her though.

Y'see, Acid_Violet, you're a nice person so you can't fathom how such a thing could happen, but there are people out there who are so evil and manipulative, they're actually capable of twisting their wrong-doings into those of others. That "Dee" witch is definitely one of them. Oh, believe me, she'd quite easily, and with a clear conscience, find a way of turning things on their head so it makes the OP look like the bully. Guarantee it.

Acid_Violet · 12-03-2007 06:24PM

Dudess wrote:

there are people out there who are so evil and manipulative, they're actually capable of twisting their wrong-doings into those of others. That "Dee" witch is definitely one of them. Oh, believe me, she'd quite easily, and with a clear conscience, find a way of turning things on their head so it makes the OP look like the bully. Guarantee it.

That's not what I meant at all. I couldn't see how those facts could be construed as OP bullying 'Dee', unless the manager thought the OP was lying about every single one of them. If the manager can put two brain cells together than he/she would realise that so many detailed accusations are probably not all lies.

Dudess wrote:

Y'see, Acid_Violet, you're a nice person so you can't fathom how such a thing could happen.

Me arse!

Dudess · 12-03-2007 06:42PM

Acid_Violet wrote:

That's not what I meant at all. I couldn't see how those facts could be construed as OP bullying 'Dee', unless the manager thought the OP was lying about every single one of them. If the manager can put two brain cells together than he/she would realise that so many detailed accusations are probably not all lies.

Me arse!

My mistake, but "Dee" is clearly a dangerous person and given how her mind obviously works and her spineless army of idiots who might back her up out of fear

:rolleyes:, the OP would need to tread carefully.

spurious · 12-03-2007 06:55PM

Health and Safety legislation is very powerful.
Your boss has a legal obligation to do the utmost to make your workplace safe. This includes your mental well-being.

It is most unlikely 'Dee' has just started doing this just to you - there will have been others before you.

Keep a written dated record of everything that happens - get your weasely co-workers who will not 'rat' to say what they have seen and heard. This is not school anymore and any grown man who "told me but he wont go to the boss" is a disgrace.

Get on to the union if there is one - whether you are a member or not, they will advise you.

Crucifix · 12-03-2007 09:12PM

Bradidup wrote:

Most decent Mp3 players have a built in mike and a recording function. It wouldnt take much to record a conversation at the right moment and use it as evidence against staff & workers in a future law suit. You could keep it on in your coat pocket. These devices are as effective as a bug.

Ha, good thinking!

I would suggest going to the boss, and if that isn't effective, tell her to **** off next time she's hassling you. Best done when reading a book or magazine on a break or lunch, say it calmy, don't look up, just "**** off, Dee".

Duff_Man · 12-03-2007 09:22PM

hah iv got someone similar in work but he aint that bad! more verbal abuse than anything! it stopped after a few months and now we get on peachy! thats just in my experience though! its easy for one person to manipulate others into disliking you. u'v just gotta ignore it and get on with your work! most places seem to have a hazing thing but what your going through is just stupid! id go to the aul boss if i was you! good luck with it anyway!:)

Caliden · 12-03-2007 09:47PM

if you do get fired you have grounds for unfair dismissal. That's if you can get your spineless workmates to back you up on your claims.
Try and get one or two of them to write a signed statement for you so you can show the boss if they are too embarrassed abotu doing it in person.

Acid_Violet · 12-03-2007 09:55PM

Dudess wrote:

My mistake, but "Dee" is clearly a dangerous person and given how her mind obviously works and her spineless army of idiots who might back her up out of fear :rolleyes:, the OP would need to tread carefully.

Dee's a bitch who needs a serious can of whoopass opened on her ass to put her in her right place. She's not quite dangerous, only if you let her be. I wouldnt 'tread carefully' or be scared at all, she's clearly insecure if she's talking about the OP 'not being able to waltz into our gang'. She can be damaged very easily. Imagine her looking for a new job after getting fired for lying to the boss, stealing from a co-worker and generally being an asshole to someone who started the job after her. She might learn to stop her ways, or at least she'll have to find more effective ways to avoid being caught.

faceman · 12-03-2007 10:15PM

Its a tricky one OP as you are still on probation. However as someone already said make a note of everything and inform your manager. Some of the advice given here already i wouldnt recommend so be careful. Dont try and split up the group of girls by trying to get some to support you, it's unlikely it will work and could even backfire.

any incidents, like stuff goin missing etc needs to be reported to your manager or HR. The company has a legal responsibility to take this serious. Let us know how it goes. Best of luck.

LegacyUser · 12-03-2007 10:38PM

From my experiance as a senior manager in a company,people who act like this "dee" person tend to have a track record of this sorta behaviour.

They also tend to be right royal pains in the hole aswell...regarding everything else. If your line supervisor hasnt spotted this or is unwilling to act on very obvioussigns of workplace bullying ask to see his boss.

its 2007 and there are a pleathra of laws protecting workers from all sorts of things...bullying included. Any responsible company would act very very quickly to sort out any case of even insinuated bullying not to mention serious harrasment like taking your clockcard.

OP...your not in the schoolyard...you are protected by laws and workers rights...the company has a responsibility..so do as other posters have said...make out a log of the things this person is doing on you and see your manager.

eigrod · 12-03-2007 11:30PM

spurious wrote:

Health and Safety legislation is very powerful.
Your boss has a legal obligation to do the utmost to make your workplace safe. This includes your mental well-being.

It is most unlikely 'Dee' has just started doing this just to you - there will have been others before you.

Keep a written dated record of everything that happens - get your weasely co-workers who will not 'rat' to say what they have seen and heard. This is not school anymore and any grown man who "told me but he wont go to the boss" is a disgrace.

Get on to the union if there is one - whether you are a member or not, they will advise you.

The company should have a Bullying & Harassment policy. Within that policy, they should have reference to a trained "Contact Person" within the company for you to contact.

If you are not aware of any of this, I suggest you contact the HR department pronto. The earlier these things are resolved, the better for all concerned.

Dudess · 13-03-2007 12:23AM

Acid_Violet wrote:

I wouldnt 'tread carefully' or be scared at all.

No, I think the OP should "tread carefully", as in be cautious. That bitch has done some mind-blowing stuff already, God knows what else she's capable of. There's a difference between that and being scared. That's what the absolute worm-like colleagues are doing. And of course, the OP should certainly not be scared.

bolliwoodi · 13-03-2007 12:40AM

marksuttonie wrote:

Have you asked this dee why she is acting like this?

anytime i try talk to her she looks right through me- i was standing in front of her the other day and asked her the time and she looked straight at me then walked off and I know she heard me cos she looked up when i asked the time.

bolliwoodi · 13-03-2007 12:43AM

marksuttonie wrote:

This Dee individual does seem to be a dominant force in the group.

Are they the only group at work? or are there others?.

All the other workers are polish and have very little english-I dont think they understand what shes doing- The guy who told her to offer me a sweet(the same guy who told me she took my clock card) has pretty good english but he wont do anything as he "needs the job" His words not mine

No we are night staff so they are the only group- and im under contract so i cant change to the day shift until its up

bolliwoodi · 13-03-2007 12:44AM

r3nu4l wrote:

Do you have a Union? If so, approach the Union rep for your office and if they refuse to help then notify the union directly.

i havnt been there long enough i think and its different rules for the night staff i dont think we are included in that stuff

bolliwoodi · 13-03-2007 12:45AM

Sangre wrote:

She probably hates you because you grassed on her to the boss about training you incorrectly.

well she did train me incorrectly so she hates me for telling the truth

bolliwoodi · 13-03-2007 12:46AM

Trinity1 wrote:

If you had gone unregged i would have had trouble believing this story..

why?

Sangre · 13-03-2007 01:38AM

bolliwoodi wrote:

well she did train me incorrectly so she hates me for telling the truth

I'm not at all saying she justified in what she did but I think its pretty crappy to fault someone who was trying to help by training you. You could have easily apologised and said you really sorry but someone showed you how to do it that way.

'who was it?'

'I cant remember it was a while ago'.

Obviously doesn't apply if was clearly her who trained you.

p.s bolliwoodi + bullying = shilpa..?

Bullied at work?

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