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Bullied at work?

2

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 249 ✭✭bolliwoodi


    Sangre wrote:
    I'm not at all saying she justified in what she did but I think its pretty crappy to fault someone who was trying to help by training you. You could have easily apologised and said you really sorry but someone showed you how to do it that way.

    'who was it?'

    'I cant remember it was a while ago'.

    Obviously doesn't apply if was clearly her who trained you.

    p.s bolliwoodi + bullying = shilpa..?

    so u think she was right to train me incorrectly and lie about it

    ya that makes sense!

    And ive been working there a week id be a bit thick if i couldnt remember!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,631 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    bolliwoodi, the mp3 player is a very good suggestion. Get some proof on her and then talk to the boss. If you can't do this, talk to him/her anyway, chances are this isn't the first time she's behaved like this and for all you know she could already be on her final warning with management.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 27,418 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    Bolliwoodi, please stop making excuses as to why you cannot do something about this and just do it. The law is on your side.

    There is no 'long enough' regarding union membership. You do not have to be in the union to get advice. In some cases they will take action on your behalf even if you are not a member (how would the boss know whether you are or not?) because one person on staff being allowed to be treated like this allows all their members to be at risk.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 249 ✭✭bolliwoodi


    spurious wrote:
    Bolliwoodi, please stop making excuses as to why you cannot do something about this and just do it. The law is on your side.
    how dare you!!!!!!!!!!

    i am not making excuses I HAVE NO PROOF and no one will back me up- the cctv is turned off when the shop closes and we are all put in our own sections and the boss stays in the office so no one sees anything. The rest of the workers wont open their mouth about what shes doing so how exactly am i making excuses iv no proof and ill risk bein called a liar


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,631 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    bolliwoodi, bullies get away with their bullying because their victims allow them too. If you don't grow a backbone and stand up to this girl in one fashion or another, you'll never see any satisfactory resolution to his. Instead of lashing out at spurious for giving you what imho is good advice, target your anger at the root of this problem: "Dee".

    Even if your boss hasn't witnessed anything, he/she must by law investigate your (legitimate) accusation of bullying. As it stands you're going to be fired soon for someone else's actions. Leaving it until you've gotten the boot is going to completely undermine the accusation and then she'll have one, you'll have to find a new job and you'll have even less respect for yourself than you do right now.

    I'm not trying to be overly harsh with you but this is happening because you're allowing it to. I haven't been bullied since I was in school and then anyone tried to bully me it ended pretty quickly because I'd take a certain amount (I'm a very easy going guy) before I'd simply deck them. Most of the time this got me a hiding but it always, without exception, was the end of it.

    Bullies get off on people who let themselves be treated like a doormat, not someone who'll stand up to them. Even if that act of standing up to the bully results in a 'victory' for the bully, they are deterred from picking on that person again simply because they're prepared to fight back.

    Give this b1tch the proverbial smack in the mouth and report her to your boss.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Sangre wrote:
    I'm not at all saying she justified in what she did but I think its pretty crappy to fault someone who was trying to help by training you.

    Sangre, look at all the other stuff that "Dee" has done. It's highly likely she deliberately showed the OP the wrong way to do things so she'd get in sh*t - she seems very much capable of something as appalling as that. From what I've heard, it's a common tactic by workplace bullies. When my mother went back to work it was done to her by a woman in her 40s (so some people actually never grow past schoolyard age) and my mum got a right bollocking.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18 node


    Sounds to me this Dee is a very insecure person and needs the reassurance over and over again that she is "in control"

    Don't hate her, pity her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,050 ✭✭✭gazzer


    OP.

    I feel so sorry for you but you have to stand up to this cow. Dont let this happen to you cos you will end up losing your job because of her and she will do it to the next person who joins the organisation.

    You have tons of laws on your side and also plenty of technology (recordable devices etc) to help you in getting proof of what that woman is up to.

    I hate bullies with a passion but they only have as much power as you let them have. Id nearly go up to the office you work with myself and have a 'word' with DEE but id probably end up decking her. I have loads of revenge things in mind but you would definately get the sack if you used them :p .

    Anyway you have gotten plenty of good advice here so do something with it and make sure this bully doesnt win


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,469 ✭✭✭weeder


    ask the boss can you get the cctv turned on for a few nights but dont tell the others


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,295 ✭✭✭Acid_Violet


    gazzer wrote:
    I have loads of revenge things in mind but you would definately get the sack if you used them :p .

    Ah go on! Tell us for the crack at least. Maybe they'll prove useful to other people in the long run.
    weeder wrote:
    ask the boss can you get the cctv turned on for a few nights but dont tell the others

    Another brilliant suggestion but the boss doesn't seem to have done sh1t so far, he might bollocks it up, tell them and/or give the OP a bollocking.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Asking to have the cctv turned on for a few nights might work but not if it's silent and the bully is never physical. I doubt there'd be cctv on the workers lockers either.

    Keep a record.

    bolliwoodi, stop making excuses and stand up to her. When the boss told you you might lose your job because you weren't "bonding" why didn't you tell him/her what was going on then? At least then the boss might be aware of looking out for signs. At the moment all you're doing is letting her get her way and then whingeing about her on the internet. Do something constructive and tell the boss. Every few days hand him a list of what she's done since you last you last updated him (keep a copy for yourself obviously). He'll have to take notice and she'll soon realise she's under scrutiny and will stop. If she doesn't then she'll have to deal with the consequences.

    Why not make more of an effort to talk to your polish co-workers? You'd be surprised how well you could get on, little english or not. You'd be helping them learn english and you might even pick up a few words of polish yourself, while also not feeling so alone at work. It would help all of you in the long run.'


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 27,418 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    bolliwoodi wrote:
    how dare you!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm sorry my comment upset you.

    Your previous six posts all took advice people had given you here in response to your query and made an excuse (or gave a reason if you prefer) in each case as to why you could not do it.

    From twenty plus years of industrial relations and experience dealing with exactly this sort of thing, I have given you advice on what to do.

    Go to the union. Take it or leave it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    Originally Posted by Trinity1
    If you had gone unregged i would have had trouble believing this story..
    bolliwoodi wrote:
    why?


    I explained that in the next sentence. Its unbelievable that **** like this goes on in this day and age.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,268 ✭✭✭mountainyman


    Document the incidents and see a lawyer.
    Could be money in it for you.
    MM


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31 ballsofire23


    bolliwoodi wrote:
    This will be long.

    I started a new job recently and I love it. All my workmates are Polish which I was fine with even though half the time I couldnt understand them. The first day I met a few nice people-Theres only a few of us working at a time so we tend to have our breaks at the same time etc.

    So the 1st day was great - i met a few nice people-Sat with them at lunch etc.

    The next day another girl came into the picture-Shes Irish and has been working there a few months- We will call her Dee, She took an immediate dislike to me for no reason whatsoever. That day when i sat down with the group of girls at lunch she turned around and said "Excuse me your not one of us you cant sit here" I laughed and looked around at the rest of the group waiting for someone to say "Hey she sat with us yesterday shes nice etc" But not one of them backed me up- thay were all staring at the table or looking at their phones. So i got up and moved away!

    Since then things have gotten really weird.Heres a few things that have happened.........

    - During work I asked Dee to show me how to do something I wasnt sure of. She showed me how to do it wrongly and when I got a bollocking off my boss she denied She had shown me how to do it.

    - She told the boss I was using my mobile during work when I wasnt and got the rest of the "Group" to say they saw me with it too, I ended up getting a warning.

    -It was her bday the other day and she was sharing chocolates around at lunch time-She offered them to everyone and I heard one of the guys say "Give her one ur just being mean to her" and she answered back"No its about time she learned she cant just waltz in here and join our gang"

    -She took my clock card(I have proof of this as one of the guys told me but he wont go to the boss) and put it down the toilet

    -Stuff has gone missing from my locker and turned up in storerooms

    -My lunch has gone missing on more than one occasion

    The weird thing is that on days when Dee is not working the rest of the group are dead nice to me-Let me sit with them-Chat to me etc, Only when shes there do they freeze up and refuese to look at me.

    I have no intention of leaving my job I love it-Its not a big deal etc after all I am there to do a job not to make friends but when my stuff is goin missing etc its getting bad.

    My boss sat me down and said that if i dont improve he will have to let me go as i dont seem to be "bonding" with my workmates- but its hardly my fault.Ive no proof of whats going on and the guys wont back me up if i do tell my boss.

    Ok:
    Call your union.
    Speak to her directly
    And go to the police with a harrassment allegation about your colleague/s.

    Scare these power lovers off. They ruin:rolleyes: work! The definition of work is changing to a coffee morning more and more every year!

    If you get treated badly for no apparent reason by an Irish girl in work, don't talk behind her back, if she hears she makes life hell! They carry fiery grudges I know. I am not generalising it's just the work ethic.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 555 ✭✭✭Caryatnid


    bolliwoodi wrote:
    how dare you!!!!!!!!!!

    i am not making excuses I HAVE NO PROOF and no one will back me up- the cctv is turned off when the shop closes and we are all put in our own sections and the boss stays in the office so no one sees anything. The rest of the workers wont open their mouth about what shes doing so how exactly am i making excuses iv no proof and ill risk bein called a liar

    Hi Bolliwoodi. I understand that your work life is complete sh!t at the moment, and I know that impacts overall happiness a lot.

    However you posted here for advice. I'm amazed that you reacted like that to Spurious. He/she was giving sound advice - which actually is agreeing with pretty much all the other advice everyone else has given. What are you waiting for? Someone to post "it's ok, just forget about it and pretend she isn't there?" You really really do have to do something about this. As has been mentioned more than once, the law is on your side. Use it to your benefit.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'Unless you don't really care if you lose your job?'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    You don't seem to want to confront Dee, so here's a way that has not yet been suggested.

    On a night that Dee is not in, bring in chocolates (tin of Roses, or something). Give them to everyone. Even those who you don't work with. Then when Dee comes back, go on as normal.

    The chocolates should show the boss that you're making an effort to mingle. When you get enough evidence, and show it to the boss, it'll be easier for him to act knowing that you have made an effort to mingle, and this isn't something you're doing out of spite.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 249 ✭✭bolliwoodi


    k guys well i confronted her........... and i have been fired

    I went into work tonight and asked her If i could speak to her in private. We went to the bathroom and i asked her what her problem with me was and once again she just stared at me and said nothing- so i just said "Fine **** off you had ur chance im telling the boss what you have been doing" and walked out, I went off for a fag as the boss wasnt in yet. When I came back one of the lads said"The boss is looking for you" so i went to his office and went in. Dee was sitting in there with him crying and hegging saying" I dont know what i ever did to her"

    Turns out just after id left Dee had gone out crying to the lads saying i had slammed her up against the wall and threatned her and they took her to the main boss- and He didnt believe a word of what i had to say.He said and I quote"Dee has never been any trouble and then you turn up and start making up stories about her" and I was fired.

    I have been sitting up all night wondering what the hell im gonna do now~


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 483 ✭✭Cateym


    bolliwoodi wrote:
    k guys well i confronted her........... and i have been fired

    I went into work tonight and asked her If i could speak to her in private. We went to the bathroom and i asked her what her problem with me was and once again she just stared at me and said nothing- so i just said "Fine **** off you had ur chance im telling the boss what you have been doing" and walked out, I went off for a fag as the boss wasnt in yet. When I came back one of the lads said"The boss is looking for you" so i went to his office and went in. Dee was sitting in there with him crying and hegging saying" I dont know what i ever did to her"

    Turns out just after id left Dee had gone out crying to the lads saying i had slammed her up against the wall and threatned her and they took her to the main boss- and He didnt believe a word of what i had to say.He said and I quote"Dee has never been any trouble and then you turn up and start making up stories about her" and I was fired.


    I have been sitting up all night wondering what the hell im gonna do now~


    Of course you took the sound advice on here and have the whole thing recorded so now you have proof of whats being going on right???? If not what the hell were you doing? You were warned that this person might try reverse the situation on you, them becoming the victim and low and behold!!! Sorry now I'm wondering are you a troll when you blatantly ignore sound advice.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,631 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Bolliwoodi, lesson learned, never confront a bully privately. Do it in the open where you can embaress them and they can't twist events after that point.

    Nothing you can do about this unless you've documented everything that happened and can get some statements signed from other members of staff etc. in which case you could sue for unfair dismissal although your not reporting her to management would make the case pretty much unwinnable as to be fair, they had no idea you were being bullied. BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM.

    Best advice is to just get on with things, learn the lesson and don't make the same mistakes again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,221 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    I suppose this thread is kind of proof. It is time stamped.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    c - 13 wrote:
    Normally I would say to confornt your workmate and ask her why she is acting like this, however, in this case it sound to me like she would twist the situation and tell your boss that you are bullying her.

    As marksuttonie said, if you havent already done so start to make a log of events with time and dates and present this to your boss. If this woman thinks she can walk all over you then the problem will continue to escalacte.

    Approach your boss and tell him what has been happening. Even if he doesnt believe it he should have to investigate it anyway. If your other collegues see you stand up to her maybe thay will back you up (although I wouldnt bet on it).

    Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you.


    This was the SECOND post.

    Older wiser heads were giving you advice bolliwoodi.

    he believed the bully over you?... and fired you on the spot?
    without adequate proof?

    and you confronted her and then went for a cigarette? a bit like turning your back on someone with a club.

    You have the option of going to a solicitor now and looking at a case of wrongful dismissal.

    There are ways and means of disciplining and that was not one of them.... every company has procedures, whihc usually involve written warnings, and i am damn well sure they weren't followed in this instance.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 27,418 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    You cannot be fired like that, so,

    again.....

    go to the union. Go to the union. Go to the union.

    Unless you are a troll...which I'm beginning to come round to the idea of...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Don't know if warnings etc apply when the employee's on probation - although I could be wrong. It would actually make more sense if they were. Don't think the OP would have a leg to stand on legally either, considering she was only in the job for a blink of an eye. But if that's how much contempt they have for their staff, they're not worth working for. I worked for a place like that. Had to leave when I realised I was being completely taken for granted and hadn't a hope of getting anywhere in the company, whereas everyone else was passing me out. Was gutted at having to leave the nice people, but looking back, it was the best thing I could have done. I made sure to work for places that actually appreciated me from then on.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,981 ✭✭✭Caliden


    you have grounds for unfair dismissal, assuming this isn't a troll you should try and do something about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 249 ✭✭bolliwoodi


    Caliden wrote:
    assuming this isn't a troll.
    a what?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,295 ✭✭✭Acid_Violet


    Some-one just saying something to annoy other people, or in this case you making things up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Caliden wrote:
    you have grounds for unfair dismissal

    Is that definite? I know someone who was fired unfairly after less than five months, and their solicitor told them they'd have to have been working there six months to a year to have grounds for unfair dismissal. And anyway, would an employer really just let someone go that easily if it means they could be facing a court case a few months down the line?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Sangre wrote:
    I suppose this thread is kind of proof. It is time stamped.

    Sangre, please don't advocate using boardsie as a source of legal truth. We have no wish for this to be the case.


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