"Are you gay?"

LegacyUser · 11-03-2007 07:38AM #1

It happened again. AGAIN.

Whisper: "Are Gay??"

sigh.

Seriously: the first time I was asked this I thought 'thats cool, its a gay guy asking, I suppose I should be flattered if nothing else'....

Then as the years have gone on I suppose I've been asked ever more times: by a gay, by my sister, by a co-worker...

............-

-...............-

-_-

WHAAAAA?

And then when you tell them "No" they can't take that for an answer; they always have to say "Its okay" which must mean they are convicted to the notion that I am a homosexual....and each time I have probably never found the right way to express or convey the idea to them after this stage in the conversation that I am a heterosexual man and I get sexually aroused by humans of the female persuasion!

And then I always have to think to myself 'How am I coming off as Gay????? Is this why I get turned down by women? Good lord, if I don't figure this out, I may just be condemned to pornography the rest of my life, because apparently whatever I'm doing now is sending off gay vibes :eek:

I suppose besides giving a ROFL to the common folk by posting this issue; I'm trying to figure this out once and for all and try and discover other people's experiences which may be similar?

Most importantly: I must beome........ The UnGay.....

Wibbs · 11-03-2007 01:45PM

Maybe it's me, but while I can see your worries here, it's not such a big deal. So what, you've been mistaken as gay by a couple of people? Big deal. You say you're not so..... Women tend to have good Gaydar anyway so you'll be fine in the long run.

Put it another way, it's better than being called ugly.:)

Miss Fluff · 11-03-2007 02:08PM

I know A LOT of camp and metrosexual men who have no interest in other men, some are that little bit more iffeminate or sensitive than your average bloke. Big deal tbh, don't go changing who you are. You know what takes your fancy so don't go creating this alter-ego for yourself based on the presumptions or bias of others, wouldn't lose any sleep over it if I were you.

LegacyUser · 11-03-2007 02:14PM

Do you get with many girls? From my own experience, I know that the "He must be gay" whispers start because a guy hasn't gotten with a girl in a long time or whatever...
However, I doubt you're giving off a vibe as such...You seem like a cool guy, don't let it bother you...

Blitzkrieger · 11-03-2007 02:35PM

The way you stare at their boobs probably gives the game away....

LegacyUser · 11-03-2007 02:48PM

Yeah...but I only do that when they aren't looking

A couple times I was asked by girls I've tried saying 'show us boobs and we'll see just how gay I am'

It hasn't worked yet

LegacyUser · 11-03-2007 08:09PM

'Y'know that's more likely to get you a slap rather than a kiss! lol'

AnonoBoy · 11-03-2007 10:40PM

Don't let it worry you.

A good few girls that I became friends with a few years ago were convinced that I was gay. Their reasons were:
- I never hit on any of them even though we would go out drinking together a good bit.
- I wasn't with any girls that they ever saw.

One of them also said later that she thought it was my confidence that did it - she thought I had the self assurance of a recently out of the closet man. None of it was that I was overly effeminate or camp. I never took it as an insult. I wouldn't really let it worry you.

People love to speculate about other people's sexuality - especially if they don't see them with a partner ever. While it may irritate you I think you will find it's a minor problem in the grander scheme of things.

If you want to counteract it then talk openly about breasts all the time.

Or respond to the 'are you gay?' question with 'no, are you?'

Stark · 12-03-2007 01:37AM

A_Heterosexual wrote:

Good lord, if I don't figure this out, I may just be condemned to pornography the rest of my life, because apparently whatever I'm doing now is sending off gay vibes :eek:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

nervous_twitch · 12-03-2007 01:45AM

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

:rolleyes:

His point was that his lack of success in attracting women means he will have to spend his life relying on visual stimulation!

Stark · 12-03-2007 01:49AM

Woops. Ah well, I was joking anyway.

Helix · 12-03-2007 01:53AM

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

i think he means that he wont get any women coz they all think hes gay in fairness

delta_bravo · 12-03-2007 02:02AM

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

I dont think he means it that way

Stark · 12-03-2007 02:05AM

Stark wrote:

Woops. Ah well, I was joking anyway.

.

Boston · 12-03-2007 02:15AM

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

His point was that his lack of success in attracting women means he will have to spend his life relying on visual stimulation, which i think means that he wont get any women coz they all think hes gay in fairness as such I dont think he means it that way. Like OMG :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Anyway...

OP, let me guess, you're quiet, shy, kinda nerdy, not really the mad lad type? Take these women to a gay bar ffs, and see if they can spot the difference. Also, a lot of women want a gay friend, it's the new black in the fashion world, as such the may have an agenda for hoping you're gay.

Ps delta_bravo & Helix I slaging you, not that you will read this post though

Stark · 12-03-2007 02:21AM

Boston wrote:

Also, a lot of women want a gay friend, it's the new black in the fashion world, as such the may have an agenda for hoping you're gay.

Well not quite the new black. A gay friend can't give them brown babies.

the_syco · 12-03-2007 02:34AM

Try a different fashion sense. Or lack of one. Also, goto a club that your workmates goto, and grind your groin off some young-un.

Boston · 12-03-2007 02:36AM

the_syco wrote:

your workmates goto, and grind your groin off some young-un.

Only if you want your work mates to think your a tool as well as gay in denial.

Sleepy · 12-03-2007 04:24PM

It just means the individuals in question have a poor gaydar (or in the case of some women are incredibly arrogant). TBH, I've been asked the question many times myself and it's never really gotten to me.

Just assume the following every time you're asked the question: if it's a guy, he fancies you and that's a nice compliment even if you're not interested. If it's a girl, she's way too into herself and can't figure out why you haven't made a play for her yet.

Overheal · 12-03-2007 05:57PM

Hmm, you may speak the truth there sleepy.

Fine I'm going to get over this:

<--- OP

As it turns out the coworker was just (bragging?) last week how she got asked by her boyfriends cousin for oral sex or some such nonsense....

but eh; how does your theory work for my sister :eek:

Bottle_of_Smoke · 12-03-2007 08:35PM

i get it too, think its my clothes.

Anyway try get women wanting what they think they cant have.

LegacyUser · 13-03-2007 03:41AM

'I've had the same whispers from friends, relatives, fellow workers, nightclub 'beauties' etc, and it gets to be annoying. It's usually been from women wondering why I'm not acting the way they expect the typical lad to act (i.e. some fashionless, soccer-loving, womaniser whose advances they have to fend off).'

Blitzkrieger · 13-03-2007 09:02AM

the_syco wrote:

Try a different fashion sense. Or lack of one.

Is that a fairy wand Dogbert is holding in your avatar?

Crea · 13-03-2007 12:46PM

Had a male friend who was asked this alot mostly by his male friends. He was into poetry and fairly high brow books. He dressed well and didn't go out snogging girls in nightclubs. He preferred to get to know girls before asking them out and did the big gestures of waiting outside her last lecture of the day with a bottle of wine and some glasses. He tended to be very quiet about he relationships and most of the time his friends wouldn't even know he was seeing a girl, I did cause I lived near him and was in his house every day. He's now with a girl 10 years and they've just had a baby so his friends don't ask anymore.
Don't all of a sudden become a bragging Ahole talking about girls in a lewd way. Most girls when they get their hands on a guy want to get rid of the fashionless, soccer loving, womanising parts anyway.
I'd say alot of it is that they're trying to figure out why you're not hitting on them and going off with randomers. Given that you're not you've more of a chance of meeting someone really decent in the long term. In the mean time stick of poster of some babe on your bedroom wall.
Don't go changin'.

Cateym · 13-03-2007 01:00PM

I used go out with a guy years ago and when he first introduced me to his female friends they were totally shocked coz they were convinced he was gay! Don't actually know why they thought that, prob coz he wasn't in the business of pulling every night he was out or more to the point they had never seen him pull!! He knew what people thought but couldn't give a rats arse.

Fact was there was at least a couple of them well annoyed coz they fancied him!! (Gay or not!)

As other posters have said, I wouldn't let it bother you. As someone else suggested, next time your asked are you gay ask them the same question!!!

magick · 13-03-2007 01:05PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZoO8LyizLA

might not help you , but might bring a smile to your face

Doodee · 13-03-2007 01:05PM

mostly its because alot of people cant actually tell if someones gay without them being a raging homosexual.

Use it to your advantage, pretend you are, get into the womens showers. Earn their trust and then *BAM*! in the baby maker.

azezil · 13-03-2007 01:22PM

but why then did you follow me into the shower! O_O

Beruthiel · 13-03-2007 01:22PM

Take it to PM Az!

Overheal · 13-03-2007 02:59PM

magick wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZoO8LyizLA

might not help you , but might bring a smile to your face

where can you get the mp3 of that?

the_syco · 14-03-2007 03:17AM

Blitzkrieger wrote:

Is that a fairy wand Dogbert is holding in your avatar?

Yes. Custom title used to say "abra-ka-dabra"... or something.

"Are you gay?"

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