"Are you gay?"

LegacyUser

It happened again. AGAIN.

Whisper: "Are Gay??"

sigh.

Seriously: the first time I was asked this I thought 'thats cool, its a gay guy asking, I suppose I should be flattered if nothing else'....

Then as the years have gone on I suppose I've been asked ever more times: by a gay, by my sister, by a co-worker...

............-


-...............-

-_-

WHAAAAA?

And then when you tell them "No" they can't take that for an answer; they always have to say "Its okay" which must mean they are convicted to the notion that I am a homosexual....and each time I have probably never found the right way to express or convey the idea to them after this stage in the conversation that I am a heterosexual man and I get sexually aroused by humans of the female persuasion!

And then I always have to think to myself 'How am I coming off as Gay????? Is this why I get turned down by women? Good lord, if I don't figure this out, I may just be condemned to pornography the rest of my life, because apparently whatever I'm doing now is sending off gay vibes :eek:

I suppose besides giving a ROFL to the common folk by posting this issue; I'm trying to figure this out once and for all and try and discover other people's experiences which may be similar?


Most importantly: I must beome........ The UnGay.....

Wibbs

Maybe it's me, but while I can see your worries here, it's not such a big deal. So what, you've been mistaken as gay by a couple of people? Big deal. You say you're not so..... Women tend to have good Gaydar anyway so you'll be fine in the long run.

Put it another way, it's better than being called ugly.:)

Miss Fluff

I know A LOT of camp and metrosexual men who have no interest in other men, some are that little bit more iffeminate or sensitive than your average bloke. Big deal tbh, don't go changing who you are. You know what takes your fancy so don't go creating this alter-ego for yourself based on the presumptions or bias of others, wouldn't lose any sleep over it if I were you.

LegacyUser

Do you get with many girls? From my own experience, I know that the "He must be gay" whispers start because a guy hasn't gotten with a girl in a long time or whatever...
However, I doubt you're giving off a vibe as such...You seem like a cool guy, don't let it bother you...

Blitzkrieger

The way you stare at their boobs probably gives the game away....

LegacyUser

Yeah...but I only do that when they aren't looking

A couple times I was asked by girls I've tried saying 'show us boobs and we'll see just how gay I am'

It hasn't worked yet

LegacyUser

'Y'know that's more likely to get you a slap rather than a kiss! lol'

AnonoBoy

Don't let it worry you.

A good few girls that I became friends with a few years ago were convinced that I was gay. Their reasons were:
- I never hit on any of them even though we would go out drinking together a good bit.
- I wasn't with any girls that they ever saw.

One of them also said later that she thought it was my confidence that did it - she thought I had the self assurance of a recently out of the closet man. None of it was that I was overly effeminate or camp. I never took it as an insult. I wouldn't really let it worry you.

People love to speculate about other people's sexuality - especially if they don't see them with a partner ever. While it may irritate you I think you will find it's a minor problem in the grander scheme of things.

If you want to counteract it then talk openly about breasts all the time.

Or respond to the 'are you gay?' question with 'no, are you?'

Stark

A_Heterosexual wrote:

Good lord, if I don't figure this out, I may just be condemned to pornography the rest of my life, because apparently whatever I'm doing now is sending off gay vibes :eek:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

nervous_twitch

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

:rolleyes:

His point was that his lack of success in attracting women means he will have to spend his life relying on visual stimulation!

Stark

Woops. Ah well, I was joking anyway.

Helix

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

i think he means that he wont get any women coz they all think hes gay in fairness

delta_bravo

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

I dont think he means it that way

Stark

Stark wrote:

Woops. Ah well, I was joking anyway.

.

Boston

Stark wrote:

Right, because being gay means you can only work in pornography :rolleyes: Welcome to the 21st century. You can be gay and have whatever career you want, whether it be trolley dolly, hairdresser, fashion designer or rodeo cowboy.

His point was that his lack of success in attracting women means he will have to spend his life relying on visual stimulation, which i think means that he wont get any women coz they all think hes gay in fairness as such I dont think he means it that way. Like OMG :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Anyway...

OP, let me guess, you're quiet, shy, kinda nerdy, not really the mad lad type? Take these women to a gay bar ffs, and see if they can spot the difference. Also, a lot of women want a gay friend, it's the new black in the fashion world, as such the may have an agenda for hoping you're gay.


Ps delta_bravo & Helix I slaging you, not that you will read this post though

Stark

Boston wrote:

Also, a lot of women want a gay friend, it's the new black in the fashion world, as such the may have an agenda for hoping you're gay.

Well not quite the new black. A gay friend can't give them brown babies.

the_syco

Try a different fashion sense. Or lack of one. Also, goto a club that your workmates goto, and grind your groin off some young-un.

Boston

the_syco wrote:

your workmates goto, and grind your groin off some young-un.

Only if you want your work mates to think your a tool as well as gay in denial.

Sleepy

It just means the individuals in question have a poor gaydar (or in the case of some women are incredibly arrogant). TBH, I've been asked the question many times myself and it's never really gotten to me.

Just assume the following every time you're asked the question: if it's a guy, he fancies you and that's a nice compliment even if you're not interested. If it's a girl, she's way too into herself and can't figure out why you haven't made a play for her yet.

Overheal

Hmm, you may speak the truth there sleepy.

Fine I'm going to get over this:

<--- OP

As it turns out the coworker was just (bragging?) last week how she got asked by her boyfriends cousin for oral sex or some such nonsense....

but eh; how does your theory work for my sister :eek:

Bottle_of_Smoke

i get it too, think its my clothes.

Anyway try get women wanting what they think they cant have.

LegacyUser

'I've had the same whispers from friends, relatives, fellow workers, nightclub 'beauties' etc, and it gets to be annoying. It's usually been from women wondering why I'm not acting the way they expect the typical lad to act (i.e. some fashionless, soccer-loving, womaniser whose advances they have to fend off).'

Blitzkrieger

the_syco wrote:

Try a different fashion sense. Or lack of one.

Is that a fairy wand Dogbert is holding in your avatar?

Crea

Had a male friend who was asked this alot mostly by his male friends. He was into poetry and fairly high brow books. He dressed well and didn't go out snogging girls in nightclubs. He preferred to get to know girls before asking them out and did the big gestures of waiting outside her last lecture of the day with a bottle of wine and some glasses. He tended to be very quiet about he relationships and most of the time his friends wouldn't even know he was seeing a girl, I did cause I lived near him and was in his house every day. He's now with a girl 10 years and they've just had a baby so his friends don't ask anymore.
Don't all of a sudden become a bragging Ahole talking about girls in a lewd way. Most girls when they get their hands on a guy want to get rid of the fashionless, soccer loving, womanising parts anyway.
I'd say alot of it is that they're trying to figure out why you're not hitting on them and going off with randomers. Given that you're not you've more of a chance of meeting someone really decent in the long term. In the mean time stick of poster of some babe on your bedroom wall.
Don't go changin'.

Cateym

I used go out with a guy years ago and when he first introduced me to his female friends they were totally shocked coz they were convinced he was gay! Don't actually know why they thought that, prob coz he wasn't in the business of pulling every night he was out or more to the point they had never seen him pull!! He knew what people thought but couldn't give a rats arse.

Fact was there was at least a couple of them well annoyed coz they fancied him!! (Gay or not!)

As other posters have said, I wouldn't let it bother you. As someone else suggested, next time your asked are you gay ask them the same question!!!

magick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZoO8LyizLA

might not help you , but might bring a smile to your face

Doodee

mostly its because alot of people cant actually tell if someones gay without them being a raging homosexual.


Use it to your advantage, pretend you are, get into the womens showers. Earn their trust and then *BAM*! in the baby maker.

azezil

but why then did you follow me into the shower! O_O

Beruthiel

Take it to PM Az!

Overheal

magick wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZoO8LyizLA

might not help you , but might bring a smile to your face

where can you get the mp3 of that?

the_syco

Blitzkrieger wrote:

Is that a fairy wand Dogbert is holding in your avatar?

Yes. Custom title used to say "abra-ka-dabra"... or something.

lollipops

okdo u smell nice?dress nice?be polite?be considerate?be good to friends?if the answer to these are yes then thats why people might think ur gay!!!its very rare that a fella as good as u ,showing all these characteristics materialises in the real world without a girlfriend in toe.so they r thinking "well he must be gay?".i say feck them.dnt change the way u are for anyone.because contradictory to popular belief there are some good guys out there and u just happen to be one of them ............xxxx:cool:

lollipops

:cool:

Stark

Aww, how sweet.

/me awaits lollipops' sugar crash. I bet it's going to be spectacular.

bragan

If it makes you feel better, I'm constantly been asked if I'm pregnant, or how old is my baby......I'm not pregnant and never have been. I just used to be fat, lost a lot of weight, and never managed to lose the last 5lbs or so from my belly.

Long story short, been asked if you gay is better than people thinking you look pregnant It could be worse!

mikeruurds

My wife thought I was gay when she met me... she thought I was too respectful and well mannered.

The most important thing is that you know who you are.

lollipops

Stark wrote:

Aww, how sweet.

/me awaits lollipops' sugar crash. I bet it's going to be spectacular.

if i didnt knw better id think u were ripping the urine out off me!!!!!i am sweet, what can i say!!!!:D

Nevyn

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Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Kold

I've gotten it a few times, mostly because I go to art college, and am surrounded by women all day that I don't really hit on (they just don't know it yet ^_^). Tbh, way more than 3 people have said it. When I tell them I'm not they realise that it makes sense, the fact that I'm mad into soccer, slightly misogynistic, and spend all my time staring at that one girl..

It weirds me out what makes these people think that but I've a few gay mates who tell me I'm probably the last person they'd suspect, mainly because I'm so comfortable with my sexuality. The people who have thought it do tend to be these people who are really looking for it. I wouldn't be so worried about it, by acting uptight you can come off looking like a closet case. I couldn't imagine it's why you don't get girls, I know the campest lads with the hottest women. I'd say it's a confidence thing.