Funerals ?

Overheal · 06-03-2007 09:43PM

My stepmother died tragically at the start of December. Im not Irish and Im an Atheist; you can imagine this was quite possibly the most awkward thing I have/will ever experience: Open Casket in the house for 24 hours; the whole villiage and everyone she ever knew comes in through that door: people fly in from America, Australia, Norway, etc. etc. within 3 days of hearing she has passed away. Hundreds of people at her removal...it was awe-striking. I don't think there is another race of people on this planet that understands community ties better than the Irish (well, the Celts).

iguana · 06-03-2007 09:49PM

It's standard in Ireland to go to the funeral of a loved one of your friends. Sure you don't know the dead person very well, or even at all. But you are there to support your friend. They are going to be having a hard time and having friends around them will help them through it and let them know you are there for them.

However if you don't know this girl at all I don't see why you would go to the funeral. But if there is an office collection for flowers it wouldn't hurt to throw in a few euro.

Villaricos · 06-03-2007 10:34PM

ok to be honest i like the Irish culture of everyone going to a funeral, even if you never met the deceased you are there for you friend, or whoever it may be. You dont have to go up the top for the whole shake the hands sorry for your loss thing, just quietly leave at the end and whent he family come out, go give your condolences to you friend, thats the only one that matters. its nice and is a simple way of showing you care.

but yes if the OP didnt even know the girl then there was no need to attend

Irjudge1 · 06-03-2007 10:42PM

Overheal wrote:

My stepmother died tragically at the start of December. Im not Irish and Im an Atheist; you can imagine this was quite possibly the most awkward thing I have/will ever experience: Open Casket in the house for 24 hours; the whole villiage and everyone she ever knew comes in through that door: people fly in from America, Australia, Norway, etc. etc. within 3 days of hearing she has passed away. Hundreds of people at her removal...it was awe-striking. I don't think there is another race of people on this planet that understands community ties better than the Irish (well, the Celts).

I am Irish and up to recently I didn't fully understand just how comforting the while large funeral process can be. My mother in law passed away recently after prolonged illness. My wife takes great comfort from the fact that for the two days of the wake in the house that extended family and friends turned up to pay their respects and offer their condolences. This included friends of my wife's whom she hadn't seen in five years or more.

The wake itself provided everybody with the opportunity to say their goodbyes and although it may seem like a cliche there were many stories told and exploits relived. The photo albums were taken out which further jogged peoples memories.

I don't for a minute think that the OP should be obliged to attend the funeral of a family that she doesn't know. Complete strangers attending is a bit weird to be honest but I do understand how people with even a passing relationship with someone may feel the need to attend the funeral or call on the house.

deisemum · 06-03-2007 11:34PM

If you don't know the person in your company then you shouldn't be expected to go.

When my Dad died we had a wake in the house. Visitors came morning, noon and throughout the night. Between the tears we also had plenty of laughs recalling various things my Dad had said or done in his life. Hearing stories from people he grew up with showed us a side of my Dad that we didn't know. We learnt quiet a bit about him. We felt we celebrated his life. I've informed my family that I'd like a wake when my time comes.

As with a lot of funerals you'll also find that some people are "professional sympathisers" and will go to any funeral for the free drink and meal/buffet.

I've a sister who goes to a number of funerals every month. She'd hate for anyone in the deceased's family to think she didn't go. Where she works she is often the organisations rep at funerals.

When I lived in London I once went to a Protestant funeral. My friend and I hadn't much of a clue of when you sat and just tried to copy everyone else. I remember there were small footstools but we sat on them instead of kneeling.

gandalf · 07-03-2007 12:12AM

My father died a year and half ago and the number of people who turned up at his funeral I never knew or met was disturbing. I had a good chance to talk to alot of them and tbh it was touching to hear their experiences with my father.

However I wouldn't attend the funeral of someones parent unless I knew them well. Englander I assume you work in a more rural office?

Futureman · 07-03-2007 12:48AM

FlutterinBantam wrote:

To support the bereaved person maybe??

You mean the bereaved person you don't even know? Makes no sense.

carbonkid · 07-03-2007 02:18AM

I know if someone close to me died the last thing id want is people showing up to the funeral cause its the good person thing to do...in fact it would piss me off as been disrespectful.

ScumLord · 07-03-2007 11:29AM

How long are you working at the company OP? Maybe yerone is fairly popular at the company and everyone is going as a company so to speak. It happens where I work, everyone is kindof expected to turn up because we're a team and those that don't are shuned.

I hate the Irish funneral and avoid them at all costs but at times you just have to go or you look like a prick.

crybaby · 07-03-2007 12:34PM

i cant stand this Irish tradition of going to funerals for people you never met once in your life, seems a bit disrespectful in itself

nusername · 07-03-2007 12:47PM

englander wrote:

Now I am not from these here parts of the World but am now living here.

I find arrangements around Irish funerals baffling.

The other day I was told by a colleague that it didn't look very good that I didn't go to someones Mother's funeral in the building I work.

I don't know the girl who works on the floor above me, nevermind her Mother so why would I be expected to go to her motehrs funeral ?

I find this a bit weird and I have had a few similar happenings since living here.

I would find it very peculiar and perhaps a bit annoying if total strangers (or work colleagues) turned up at my mothers funeral to be honest.

Is this just tradition or is there a reason for this happening ?

Tis very simple, make up some excuse for missing the evening mass & attend the morning mass while your getting paid by the boss, it's a few hours off work

If your not getting paid, forget it, that's what I'd do anyway

Alun · 07-03-2007 01:15PM

As another bemused foreigner, and while we're on the subject can somebody explain this whole 'removal' thing to me?

And what's with the incredible haste with which a funeral has to be arranged here? My mother-in-law died last year, and people here were horrified that it took 10 days to get everything organised for her funeral (she died just before a Bank Holiday weekend). I can imagine that historically, without getting into too many details, there were practical issues involved, but these days that isn't a problem.

Plissken1 · 07-03-2007 01:19PM

englander wrote:

Now I am not from these here parts of the World but am now living here.

I find arrangements around Irish funerals baffling.

The other day I was told by a colleague that it didn't look very good that I didn't go to someones Mother's funeral in the building I work.

I don't know the girl who works on the floor above me, nevermind her Mother so why would I be expected to go to her motehrs funeral ?

I find this a bit weird and I have had a few similar happenings since living here.

I would find it very peculiar and perhaps a bit annoying if total strangers (or work colleagues) turned up at my mothers funeral to be honest.

Is this just tradition or is there a reason for this happening ?

Don't worry, most of these eejits only go to get some free food and have a pissup, and to get time off work ....alco's !

Plissken1 · 07-03-2007 01:26PM

bill_ashmount wrote:

LMFAO
That's always an akward moment, I hate it, I usually just mumble something inaudible and make a sharp exit.

Just shake their hand and say "shmoo shmoo" and they will just smile and piss off to the nearest pub. I got a snog at my aunts funeral, not bad going.

mike65 · 07-03-2007 01:35PM

Ungodly - the lot of you (us)!.

I'm another one in the "tis strange behaviour" catagory. Of course if you are the one sending your loved off it does'nt really matter as you've got bigger fish to fry (even if elected officals you or the deceased never knew turn up) but the whole 'we must go to Xs' removal' business as some sort of reflex action is a bit creepy.

http://www.ejgrey.com/tradit.html

Mike.

Hermione* · 07-03-2007 10:51PM

I don't quite understand the situation the OP described either. I work for a company which announces the employees bereavements on the company intranet site daily, so that all 8 or 9 thousand people in the company can know that you've lost a loved one. Why?! A woman in my office defended the system to me as being a sign of how caring the company was, that her husband (who's a manager in another section) was like a politician travelling the country, he was at so many work-related funerals. She seemed to think this was a good thing.

There's no way I'm letting them announce my bereavements like that. The people who know me will know. Nobody else needs to.

Funerals ?

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