Funerals ?

englander · 06-03-2007 04:51PM #1

Now I am not from these here parts of the World but am now living here.

I find arrangements around Irish funerals baffling.

The other day I was told by a colleague that it didn't look very good that I didn't go to someones Mother's funeral in the building I work.

I don't know the girl who works on the floor above me, nevermind her Mother so why would I be expected to go to her motehrs funeral ?

I find this a bit weird and I have had a few similar happenings since living here.

I would find it very peculiar and perhaps a bit annoying if total strangers (or work colleagues) turned up at my mothers funeral to be honest.

Is this just tradition or is there a reason for this happening ?

Kinetic^ · 06-03-2007 04:53PM

I wouldn't go either, whoever said that is a sap and may even deserve a slap.

antSionnach · 06-03-2007 04:57PM

It's more of a rural Ireland sort of thing I think. If you work in a fairly small office I can see why it would be expected of you.
Are you a team player? Touch base with your co-ordinator, see about some developmental feedback on this issue...

Dragan · 06-03-2007 04:58PM

..... and going forward you will know what to do.

missmatty · 06-03-2007 04:59PM

I work in a smallish section where I would know 15-20 people reasonably well and have been to two of their parents' funerals in the last year. Didn't particularly want to go but glad I did and they appreciated it. Wouldn't go though if I didn't really know the person well. We didn't go to another girl's dad's funeral as i didn't feel we knew her well enough and she's not in our section. But then we worried what she and everyone else would think (typically irish!).

copacetic · 06-03-2007 05:00PM

i think that is wrong and wouldn't have gone myself, but there is an english guy in work here who has a whole different view on accepted norms like chipping in for people leaving etc. seems like a culture difference..

Beruthiel · 06-03-2007 05:02PM

englander wrote:

The other day I was told by a colleague that it didn't look very good that I didn't go to someones Mother's funeral in the building I work.

"Look good"
Did you ask him what he meant by such a silly remark?
I hate funerals, they're terrible sad and I will only go if it's a close family member.
It's pretty normal down the country for half the town to go to a funeral, but they all know each other and it seems to be a tradition. Certainly for a funeral like my Grans who lived in the same town for 90 years.
If you don't know the person, why would you go?

/edit
antSionnach
Dragan
May you both die horribly

06-03-2007 05:06PM

This post has been deleted.

FlutterinBantam · 06-03-2007 05:08PM

To support the bereaved person maybe??

Crucifix · 06-03-2007 05:09PM

In my experience the removal has been for well wishers, and the funeral itself for the legitimate mourners.

biko · 06-03-2007 05:10PM

Irish funerals and weddings...
The whole neighbourhood shows up.

Dragan · 06-03-2007 05:10PM

Beruthiel wrote:

Dragan
May you both die horribly

Well it seems to already be on the cards. I have been assured by friends and family that I am destined for hell.

Business speak will get me there so much quicker!

copacetic · 06-03-2007 05:12PM

Beruthiel wrote:

"Look good"
Did you ask him what he meant by such a silly remark?
I hate funerals, they're terrible sad and I will only go if it's a close family member.
It's pretty normal down the country for half the town to go to a funeral, but they all know each other and it seems to be a tradition. Certainly for a funeral like my Grans who lived in the same town for 90 years.
If you don't know the person, why would you go?

/edit
antSionnach
Dragan
May you both die horribly

I don't agree with this either, no-one likes going to a funeral, but if anyone I know reasonably well. Either a work colleague or a friend loses a parent, I go. I wouldn't enjoy it but I'm sure they would appreciate it.

is_that_so · 06-03-2007 05:18PM

I think that there are some very positive things about funerals despite the sadness. I tend to accentuate the positive.

I like wakes - good for the visitors and very good for the bereaved. A part of the sadness to me is that you can't very well say your goodbyes to a sealed box.

Yes there is that neighbourhood turnout and the professional funeral attendees, most to see who is still left.

Funeral services generally can be uplifting even if you are not of a religious persuasion.

With a family loss a few years back we had a memorial and I was taken aback by how many people came out but also by the enormous queue for condolences.

OP it's a choice, nice to do but if you don't know them there is no obligation.

Weddings on the other hand can cause more divisions and people fighting that you'd wonder if they remember why they are there.

Kinetic^ · 06-03-2007 05:20PM

Hold on a minute, people are forgetting one thing, and we're only about a dozen posts in..............he doesn't know the person, never mind her mother.

If he worked directly for or with, then I would say yes you should go but it's neither of those so there's no need for the OP to attend the funeral.

galah · 06-03-2007 05:24PM

yep, as a foreigner, I found it strange too...I guess if I don't know the person, and obviously don't know the parents, I would not go. However, if I've met the person (even through chats in the canteen or whatever), I would go, just out of sympathy. And it is appreciated if you show up!

Had to go to a funeral of my boyfriend's friends mother recently - at first, I felt a bit odd plodding along (since I only met this friend once before, and never met the mother), but I could see that she was grateful the two of us showed up as a couple...

(just, whatever you do, if you're not a Catholic, have no experience with Catholic mass, and still decide to go, be prepared for the 'handshake' thingy they do (where I graciously replied with "how do you do" after the lady next to me offered her hand...) and don't complain about that "horrendous smell" (incense, as I was told rather icily). Just a word of warning...)

copacetic · 06-03-2007 05:28PM

Kenny 5 wrote:

Hold on a minute, people are forgetting one thing, and we're only about a dozen posts in..............he doesn't know the person, never mind her mother.

If he worked directly for or with, then I would say yes you should go but it's neither of those so there's no need for the OP to attend the funeral.

no, I agree there was no need for OP to go, but was disagreeing with some of the other posts. well, not disagreeing, everyone is entitled to do there own thing, but don't think it is very supportive of friends..

brianthebard · 06-03-2007 05:40PM

The Scientist wrote:

Irish Funeral culture is baffling and quite funny too..
I unfortunately had one about 2 weeks ago and the amount of strangers hands i shook and "thanks for comin" i spouted to them was ridiculous.
Tis also amazing the way they all come for the "refreshments" after the burial too, knowing full well they'll get a dinner out of ya anyway.

I say dont go OP, if you dont know this person at work then you shouldnt go.

Agreed. OP do you even know the girls name? Just sounds like you don't know her at all and if so I wouldn't bother going. However if you know her to see or chat to in hall then you are kind of obliged to go imo, although this does depend on where you are situated in the country as evidences by the other posts....

Stephen · 06-03-2007 05:46PM

My grandmother died just before Christmas. Her funeral was the first time I was in a church since I was a young teenager (I'm an atheist). Most uncomfortable! I shook hands with hundreds of people I never met before in my life at the removal, but I didn't mind any of that.
What really pissed me off was local councillor types showing up fishing for votes.

InFront · 06-03-2007 05:47PM

Doesn't sound like a very productive office if they're expecting you to go to every funeral. Shouldn't funerals be very private goodbyes?

Kinetic^ · 06-03-2007 05:50PM

InFront wrote:

Doesn't sound like a very productive office if they're expecting you to go to every funeral. Shouldn't funerals be very private goodbyes?

What does the office' productivity have to do with this? :rolleyes:

RuggieBear · 06-03-2007 05:51PM

Stephen wrote:

My grandmother died just before Christmas. Her funeral was the first time I was in a church since I was a young teenager (I'm an atheist). Most uncomfortable! I shook hands with hundreds of people I never met before in my life at the removal, but I didn't mind any of that.
What really pissed me off was local councillor types showing up fishing for votes.

****ing ghouls

InFront · 06-03-2007 05:55PM

Kenny 5 wrote:

What does the office' productivity have to do with this? :rolleyes:

Obviously that they can't be a very productive office if all of the workers are expected to attend this sort of thing. I think that's a fair guess. Maybe it has a gelling effect though.

Nevyn · 06-03-2007 06:33PM

englander wrote:

Now I am not from these here parts of the World but am now living here.

I find arrangements around Irish funerals baffling.

The other day I was told by a colleague that it didn't look very good that I didn't go to someones Mother's funeral in the building I work.

I don't know the girl who works on the floor above me, nevermind her Mother so why would I be expected to go to her motehrs funeral ?

I find this a bit weird and I have had a few similar happenings since living here.

I would find it very peculiar and perhaps a bit annoying if total strangers (or work colleagues) turned up at my mothers funeral to be honest.

Is this just tradition or is there a reason for this happening ?

pff I would ahve gotten very quiet and in a tight quiet voice told them that
you lost a family memeber in the last year and funerals are to upsetting for you at the moment and make them feel like prick for brinigng it up.

bill_ashmount · 06-03-2007 06:39PM

galah wrote:

be prepared for the 'handshake' thingy they do (where I graciously replied with "how do you do" after the lady next to me offered her hand...)

LMFAO

That's always an akward moment, I hate it, I usually just mumble something inaudible and make a sharp exit.

Nevyn · 06-03-2007 06:46PM

It's also a great way to spread a contact virus or posion and wipe out the rest of the extended family and friends....

Red Alert · 06-03-2007 06:52PM

the mass only involves handshaking, not actually introducing yourself! i would be very annoyed if anybody turned up to vote fish at a funeral of someone in my family.

OP: your workmate sounds a bit spine-less. seen as you never met her at all, it would have been silly to go.

06-03-2007 07:42PM

This post has been deleted.

connundrum · 06-03-2007 07:43PM

englander wrote:

The other day I was told by a colleague that it didn't look very good that I didn't go to someones Mother's funeral in the building I work.

You need to rapidly backhand this colleague.

Go if you want to go.

I never understood this culture tbh. I remember being at a great uncle's funeral and like others have said - the whole village turned up. Half the people there seemed to be wishing the minutes away, and obviously would rather be anywhere else.

I'd rather that those people weren't there. Why were they there in the first place?? To keep the attendance record with God up??

free2fly · 06-03-2007 08:40PM

galah wrote:

(just, whatever you do, if you're not a Catholic, have no experience with Catholic mass, and still decide to go, be prepared for the 'handshake' thingy they do (where I graciously replied with "how do you do" after the lady next to me offered her hand...) and don't complain about that "horrendous smell" (incense, as I was told rather icily). Just a word of warning...)

LMAO!! Reminded me of my dad's funeral. I have a few cousins who weren't raised as Catholics. But they decided to receive communion out of respect for my dad. When they received the host they all said "Thank you!" In spite of the solemn occassion most of the family started laughing

antSionnach · 06-03-2007 09:43PM

I think I'd be a bit pissed off if I died and only had a small funeral.

Funerals ?

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