Engagment Rings...how much to spend?

elqu · 15-02-2007 06:43PM

Hmm, I certainly wouldn't be averse to contributing to the cost of a ring if it meant i could get the one i really like. Have never heard of anyone getting a ring for €20k! My mother recently got a new diamond ring 'cause she felt the old one was old fashioned, she went to Dubai and got a beautiful 5 stone ring for €4k. Can't recall the weight of the stones but they are G colour and VVS1 clarity. And she's married 30 years and they're not exactly lacking in money!

I would have thought most older couples (28 upwards) are spending €6k - €10k. They're the figures I hear about anyway. Different if you're a poverty stricken student but then can you afford to get married if you are !!?? My friends have good jobs, teachers etc but they're not stock brokers. We 're in our 30's too which probably makes a difference to expectations... To be honest, I'd expect a fairly significant ring from a man who said he wanted to marry me. Kind of insurance that he's for real ... been at the wrong end of a few bad experiences!

Oh and I absolutely agree the man should get something too from his fiancee...

Kinetic^ · 16-02-2007 12:18AM

There's just some crazy people on here

I dunno what I'd spend as I've never been in that situation and won't be for another 5 years or so but then, I reckon 5k-10k would be adequate. Not nessecarily bought mind you, maybe abroad.

daiixi · 16-02-2007 12:54AM

hunnymonster wrote:

Does anyone know of any women that have contributed to the cost of their ring. After all, it's the woman (in hetrosexual couple) who will wear the ring. I've always felt that if I want something I should get off my bum and work for it, why not an engagement ring if I want some ridiculously priced piece of sparkly carbon on my finger?

This is something I don't understand. If I'm getting married to someone then his money would be my money and my money would be his money therefore we would be going halves in the ring. I have friends who have their own money to do whatever they want with and separate "marriage" money. So their "marriage" money goes towards the house, food, bills etc but if they're going out for drinks and she has no money then she can't drink because she spent all her money or she can afford to go on holidays because she earns more then her husband does so she goes without him. Just plain weird...

Aquitaine · 16-02-2007 03:01PM

elqu wrote:

To be honest, I'd expect a fairly significant ring from a man who said he wanted to marry me. Kind of insurance that he's for real ... been at the wrong end of a few bad experiences!

Elqu, if you determine how much someone loves you by how much they spent on an engagement ring then i think thats a problem. I have no idea nor care to know how much my engagement ring cost.

Cyrus · 16-02-2007 03:24PM

ive been with my girlfriend 7 yrs now so it has come up from time to time

she would be of the opinion that 8-10k would be about right ( i have a decent career and in a few years time it would be affordable id imagine)

but she is also adamant that she will be buying me an expensive present of some sort, most likely a watch ( a nice IWC, Breitling something like that) so it will even itself out

as an aside where is the best place to buy diamonds, im guessing ireland isnt

HelterSkelter · 16-02-2007 03:26PM

Make sure you ask for a discount when you agree to buy a ring. I got 10% off no hassel. I might have got more if I pushed but I was so surprised to get the 10% that I just took it.

HelterSkelter · 16-02-2007 03:28PM

Make sure you ask for a discount when you agree to buy a ring. I got 10% off no hassel. I might have got more if I pushed but I was so surprised to get the 10% that I just took it.

Lynfo · 16-02-2007 04:00PM

I guess i can believe that there are girls out there who wouldn't settle for a ring under 20K, but my jaw still dropped when I read that.
I mean, if someone handed me 20K I wouldn't run into the nearest jewellers and buy something with it - clothes shops maybe, jewellers, no.:D
I definitely wouldn't be comfortable wearing something that expensive. Once a ring looks nice and the person has put some thought into it, then cost shouldn't matter.
In saying that, I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years, living together for 4, so a brack ring would do at this stage!
If no proposal has been made by the end of the year I'm going to bite the bullet and propose myself.

tSubh Dearg · 17-02-2007 07:32PM

My ring cost just over €1K. We got it at an antique fair and it's a beautiful 18k yellow gold band with a 3 stone setting, a ruby paired by 2 small diamonds.

I love it! It was pretty much the exact ring we had both pictured. I know we could've gotten a discount on it but we were just so obvious about how much we liked the ring so that plan went out the window. I also love that it has some history as it was made in the 1950's and is in a really classic style.

At the time he paid for about half and I paid about half. (Though a couple of months later as I was starting a new job and strapped for cash he paid my rent for the month, so that was probably the balance that I paid for) I also got him an engagment present of his own, he got a silver spider made of amber and a spider trapped in amber which he loves, so were both happy.

elqu · 20-02-2007 10:46AM

Aquitaine wrote:

Elqu, if you determine how much someone loves you by how much they spent on an engagement ring then i think thats a problem. I have no idea nor care to know how much my engagement ring cost.

It's a fairly significant commitment Aquitaine. Don't you think? Says a lot if the man is quibbling over the ring... imo.

Fey! · 20-02-2007 03:01PM

Cyrus wrote:

as an aside where is the best place to buy diamonds, im guessing ireland isnt

You can get excellent diamonds in Ireland at good prices if you shop around. You also have somewhere to go back to if something goes wrong with the ring.

elqu · 20-02-2007 04:57PM

Fey! wrote:

You can get excellent diamonds in Ireland at good prices if you shop around. You also have somewhere to go back to if something goes wrong with the ring.

But WHERE fey WHERE??? How does one go about getting a good value diamond here? Is the wholesale places such as O'Connors in Harold's Cross? Or online like diamant.ie? Or antique shops? Would much prefer to buy in Ireland and have that safety net but boyfriend's adamant that Antwerp is the place to go. Am worried about feeling under pressure to buy etc etc. Dreamt last night that I had a ring and all the diamonds fell out except one! This is causing me stress!!

Beruthiel · 20-02-2007 05:16PM

elqu wrote:

Says a lot if the man is quibbling over the ring... imo.

Wow.
I'd say it says a lot, it says he's not a total ejit who falls for social pressures and what is 'supposed' to be the done thing.
To equate how much someone spends on you to what it says about them as a person, is quite shocking.

seastar · 20-02-2007 05:21PM

I'm one of those 'materialistic bitches' that people seem to abhor on this thread in that I'd love a beautiful ring with a fairly big diamond - as big as he can afford. And I'd have no problem going halves to get a more expensive one.

That said, if I do end up being proposed to and getting married, I'd like a small, simple wedding, low expense with close family and friends. My reasoning is that I will hopefully be wearing the ring for the rest of my life so I'd like to get one I really love.

magicbastarder · 20-02-2007 05:28PM

it's quite simple. he should spend as much on the ring as she is willing to spend on a reciprocal present for him.

Kinetic^ · 20-02-2007 07:03PM

Beruthiel wrote:

Wow.
I'd say it says a lot, it says he's not a total ejit who falls for social pressures and what is 'supposed' to be the done thing.
To equate how much someone spends on you to what it says about them as a person, is quite shocking.

Well put B, I've got an onion ring here if you're willing?

daiixi · 20-02-2007 11:03PM

seastar wrote:

I'm one of those 'materialistic bitches' that people seem to abhor on this thread in that I'd love a beautiful ring with a fairly big diamond - as big as he can afford. And I'd have no problem going halves to get a more expensive one.

That said, if I do end up being proposed to and getting married, I'd like a small, simple wedding, low expense with close family and friends. My reasoning is that I will hopefully be wearing the ring for the rest of my life so I'd like to get one I really love.

No, those materialistic bitches people abhor are those who won't get engaged unless the ring cost over a certain amount and still want the huge lavish ceremony on top of that. Oh and who probably wouldn't offer to go halves.
There's no problem with wanting a gorgeous ring that you love and that is "affordable" topped off with a small tasteful wedding.

Kinetic^ · 21-02-2007 12:54AM

elqu wrote:

But WHERE fey WHERE??? How does one go about getting a good value diamond here? Is the wholesale places such as O'Connors in Harold's Cross? Or online like diamant.ie? Or antique shops? Would much prefer to buy in Ireland and have that safety net but boyfriend's adamant that Antwerp is the place to go. Am worried about feeling under pressure to buy etc etc. Dreamt last night that I had a ring and all the diamonds fell out except one! This is causing me stress!!

Jesus, if the ring is causing you this much stress, are you sure you're going to be ok organising the actual event itself?

elqu · 21-02-2007 11:06AM

"Originally Posted by Beruthiel
Wow.
I'd say it says a lot, it says he's not a total ejit who falls for social pressures and what is 'supposed' to be the done thing.
To equate how much someone spends on you to what it says about them as a person, is quite shocking."

that is a ridiculous comment.

we all judge each other every day on far more superficial actions than the purchase or otherwise of an engagement ring.

you are jumping up an your high horse without bothering to really engage in any debate about what it is about. Or where the tradition has come from or why society has come to place importance on it.

these societal "pressures" as you call them, come from a very deep well of experience of the relations between men and women.

Aquitaine · 21-02-2007 12:39PM

I think this 'debate' could go on forever - i think people are broken down in to two groups 1. those who feel that the price of an engagement ring is important and 2. those that dont (including me).

no one is arguing that if you really like an engagement ring you should spend some more money on it, the point really is that people are being socially pushed into spening ridiculous amounts of money on a ring because some people think they should.

magicbastarder · 21-02-2007 02:23PM

elqu wrote:

you are jumping up an your high horse without bothering to really engage in any debate about what it is about. Or where the tradition has come from or why society has come to place importance on it.

insisting on wearing an engagement ring is the result of a tradition.
insisting on wearing a diamond engagement ring is the result of a marketing campaign.

Fey! · 23-02-2007 02:10AM

elqu wrote:

But WHERE fey WHERE??? How does one go about getting a good value diamond here? Is the wholesale places such as O'Connors in Harold's Cross? Or online like diamant.ie? Or antique shops? Would much prefer to buy in Ireland and have that safety net but boyfriend's adamant that Antwerp is the place to go. Am worried about feeling under pressure to buy etc etc. Dreamt last night that I had a ring and all the diamonds fell out except one! This is causing me stress!!

Shop around. Stop filling your head with rubbish about colour and clarity - there's a hell of a lot more involved in a diamond then just them, and which are equally, if not more, important.

In my experience, you are more likely to have problems with rings made set abroad then rings set here, and at least if you buy here and a stone pops out, you can go back to the shop and get them to sort it. Also, take into account the cost of travelling abroad and staying there while you're choosing your ring (I once had a woman travel from Galway to Derry 4 times to try and save €50 on the price of a pair of earrings that were both the same quality!).

What happened to the days when someone choose their ring on whether or not they liked the ring on their hand? I know that of all people here I shouldn't be the one to say this, but I again repeat DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN DEBT FOR JEWELLERY; down the road you'll be able to afford bigger and better.

Talliesin · 25-02-2007 05:48PM

magicbastarder wrote:

insisting on wearing an engagement ring is the result of a tradition.
insisting on wearing a diamond engagement ring is the result of a marketing campaign.

It's one of the cleverest marketing campaigns ever and very much worth studying if you have any interest in PR, media, publicity, propadanda, or similar topics.

It took the diamond, which is basically a pretty uninteresting relatively (compared to say rubies or proper gems) cheap gemstone and used the fact that some exceptional diamonds are actually worth something combined with product placement (the most important being giving diamond rings as present to newly-engaged celebrity couples) and overstating a brief fad in diamond rings as engagement rings amongst one small sub-section of the population to invent a tradition for the rich in the space of less than a decade that became a tradition for all in the space of 30 years.

It completely overtook traditional engagement rings (which are now hardly ever seen) and for a while (when there was lots of cheap credit available in the boom in much of the West in the 1960s) they even overtook the tradition of a month's salary as the amount to spend on a ring, though that was a blip in an overall trend towards the amount spent dropping up until recent times when credit became easily available again and now prices are all over the shop (to the point where no amount can really be called common any more).

Diamonds are now the most expensive gems to by retail (if you're stupid enough to buy first-hand diamonds) though there's been no matching increase in the real price of diamonds (this is why you should never buy diamonds as an investment, you'll get better value for your money if you burn it as this at least generates heat). Really first-hand diamond retail is an exercise in evaluating the amount of money (the more the better) and taste (the less the better) the mark has and then taking them for all one can get.

At the wholesale level the fact that the market is controlled by a small oligarchy means that the whole scam cannot be undercut by anyone selling diamonds at anything like what they are actually worth. Anyone who sold diamonds for what they are worth would be cut off by their suppliers.

Still, that's getting into other aspects of the scam. The marketing aspect is truly genius propaganda and needs to be studied as much as the likes of Goebbels and Eisenstein by anyone with an interest in how propaganda can make reasonably smart people believe totally incredulous things. Really, now if you say "diamonds aren't worth much" people think you're nuts until you actually show how the real cost compares with really expensive gems.

iguana · 25-02-2007 08:39PM

Talliesin wrote:

It completely overtook traditional engagement rings (which are now hardly ever seen)

So never seen that I have no idea that they used to be some other kind of ring? What was a traditional engagement ring like?

elqu · 26-02-2007 04:23PM

I think they used other gem stones. if you search for antique rings on the net you find all sorts. some are gorgeous. there tends to be more emphasis on having a pretty ring (more elaborate settings, more coloured stones) rather than a big diamond. now i'm no expert, that's just from random browsing. i personally really like the art deco and victorian rings...

http://www.faycullen.com/engagement_rings.html - some examples... not necessarily a whole lot cheaper but maybe a better buy as well as more unusual?

magicbastarder · 26-02-2007 08:22PM

Talliesin wrote:

Anyone who sold diamonds for what they are worth would be cut off by their suppliers.

this is the thing - diamonds are not desirable because of their measurable *worth* - they are desirable because of their *price*. it's the phenomenon where demand goes up as price goes up, due to the fact that because it's a symbolic gesture, it becomes more symbolic with more money spent. it's quite a neat little scam.

Talliesin · 27-02-2007 01:49PM

iguana wrote:

So never seen that I have no idea that they used to be some other kind of ring? What was a traditional engagement ring like?

The oldest tradition was for a plain ring in gold, silver or iron (this was the thirteenth century, and iron rings weren't unusual, especially amongst the poor).

The later (and not that much later, people have always wanted to show off their wealth) tradition was for the use of gems. Because diamonds were not overpriced other gems were just as likely to serve this purpose.

Several traditions based on the birthstones of the bride, groom and her parents developed.

Ruby was popular for a similar reason that diamond is now - it was associated with wealth. In particular there are many cases in the Bible were rubies are used metaphorically due to their value, including "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." (Proverbs, Chapter 31, Verses 10-11 using the KJV translation).

Diamond was also less good as an indicator of wealth (the very finest obviously excluded) for the same reason that it is practical today - its hardness means you can wear them every day (though Ruby has this advantage also, being the second hardest natural gem) without needing a privileged life to ensure it doesn't get damaged. Wearing something less practical can demonstrate that you have the servants and other privileges that make that possible.

Plain bands still tend to be used in Germany and Scandinavia. Coloured gems still tend to be used in France.

Love2love · 28-02-2007 05:48PM

Actually having a conversation with the boyfriend about this the other night. He is planning to propose this year and actually had to ask me about traditions in Ireland (he is french)

I told him that he has to bring my father to the pub and get him drunk and ask for my hand but I also told him that my mother has to chose the ring (because his taste is definately not the same as mine, I cringe at the thought of what he would get) The reason I told him this was because I know my mother would not a) chose a horrible ring and b) she wont let him spend over E1,500

God, if he spent E20k, I wouldn't be able to wear it for fear of losing it.

shinners007 · 01-03-2007 10:44AM

my sis got engaged about two years ago and the ring was well over 15K. it is nice tho.:D

i got engaged last year (it was a surprise!!), my fella picked the ring and it cost 3,600k. if id known i would have picked one less pricey, as i think its a lot of money on a ring.

i mean when me and the sis showed each other the rings you couldnt possibly realise the difference in price if ya new what each cost!!!!

i think all this talk about 20k on rings and so foth is ridicilous, any genuine girl will be happy with any ring from the man they love and will realise money will be needed in the future for the wedding, honeymoon house etc...

btw i bought my fella a ring also for about 800 - i just dont think its fair that only the girl gets an engagement ring and the poor guy getting nothing in return!

magicbastarder · 02-03-2007 07:39PM

i know a woman who insisted on being bought a painting instead of a ring, she decided if he was going to spend that much money, it may as well be something she could enjoy properly.

Engagment Rings...how much to spend?

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