Lying & Cheating Girlfriend

LegacyUser · 19-02-2007 11:53AM #1

Been with my girlfriend just over five years. deeply in love with her. We were in college together. Anyway, came into work today to find an email from a mate from college. Apparently she has been cheating on me with a mate of his. It's been going on for a couple of months. He told me because i was suppose to be going to Australia with her in August. I have never even thought of doing the dirt on her so can't believe she has done this to me. Rang her and she admitted it (after lying at first) but says she loves me and wants to stay together. It looks like she might be pressing the self destruct button of her relationship since she did it in front of my mates in a nite club???? She also went home with this guy after the nite club. Don't know what to do??

Marksie · 19-02-2007 12:22PM

Sit down face to face with her and find out exactly what happened, and perhaps more importantly why did it happen.

After that, decide what you are going to do

cournioni · 19-02-2007 12:22PM

Sorry to hear that mate, but you have to put the foot down on this so to speak. She can't love you if she did this so blatantly in front of your mates, how can she? It will be hard on you if you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way then I reckon you'll be better off without her in the long run.

Little-Devil · 19-02-2007 12:29PM

U---known wrote:

It's been going on for a couple of months.

She's says she love's you? yeh right.

He told me because i was suppose to be going to Australia with her in August. I have never even thought of doing the dirt on her so can't believe she has done this to me.

Rang her and she admitted it (after lying at first)[/QUOTE]
I dont think she has any respect for you to lie at first after confronting her.

U---known wrote:

She also went home with this guy after the nite club. Don't know what to do??

You say you love her which is probably makeing it harder for you to believe and your trying to think positive, but to be honest your only kidding yourself if you stay with her. Who says she's not to do it again? Or its her first time, she could have done it before and got caught.

hunnymonster · 19-02-2007 12:41PM

You need to do two things.

First of all get all the facts. Don';t so this by phone. Meet in a neutral place. A coffee shop is a good place as you can't start screaming/crying/fighting.... Have a think before you go of all the things you want to ask.

Secondly, Take a little time. I don't mean let it drag out, but at least sleep (or toss) on it tonight. Shock makes it dificult to think straight.

When you've dont this you can start to make decisions about where to go from here.

I_and_I · 19-02-2007 01:31PM

It's not like she got drunk and went off with this guy once, it's been going on for two months. That is calculated and cold hearted, she has been hiding this from you for so long. You need to drop the scumbag. She does not respect you, you are better off without her. If you let her walk all over you now she will do it again. You have been faithful and you deserve the same.

Kell · 19-02-2007 01:48PM

I_and_I wrote:

If you let her walk all over you now she will do it again. You have been faithful and you deserve the same.

Agree a gazillion percent.

OP- she just píssed all over you. Fúck what others have said about the reasons for it. If she had reasons she could have been a grown up and discussed them with you beforehand. Fúck her.

Dump the sly lowlife bítch and move on. Folk who are unfaithful to eachother just make my fúcking blood boil.

K

LegacyUser · 19-02-2007 01:55PM

Slowly finding out some of the facts. Happened 3 times with a guy i know. he is a bit of a charmer with the girls. My girlfriend was up the country with me for the weekend. Friends decided between them to tell me. It started in june and she was with him last over the xmas period. I don't think i can stand being with her anymore. I'm going to meet her tonight at some pub (i won't be drinking) or coffee shop. I'm home from work now. Told my manager i was ill

ando · 19-02-2007 01:58PM

wow, five years. Its a pity to be with someone so long, only to find out how bad and evil they can be. I agree with everyone here. Dump her. She did it over months and it was calculated cheating, not a drunken mistake. I know myself I wouldn’t even accept a drunken thing, but wow having an affair on the side and saying she loves you is just damn right disrespectful. Its upto you but if you think there is a chance you can forgive her, make sure you get the story on her past and see if she's done it before. I dont mean to rub it in but as Little-Devil, she could have done it a few times now and this is the first time she's been caught

Motley Crue · 19-02-2007 03:09PM

This bitch deserves to be dumped

Shinners23 · 19-02-2007 03:23PM

I' sorry to hear about that - 5 years is a long time. Its hard but believe me, if she will do it once, she will do it again and again. I had a conversation with a man in his late 40's about a week or two ago and he told me how he cheated on his wife right through their marriage. He had an affair with a woman that lasted a year. His wife found out and she kicked him out. They were apart 2 years and eventually got back together but the guy was honest with me and he said a leopard can never change its spots. He said the only difference now is that its not handed to him as much anymore and he will think a little now before cheating!!!

Kell · 19-02-2007 04:45PM

U---known wrote:

I don't think i can stand being with her anymore.

Go with your gut mate. Let her feel the full consequences of her actions.

Also be glad you have mates that are looking out for you.

K-

Fizman · 19-02-2007 04:59PM

5 years into a relationship and she is mauling a guy in front of your mates. She clearly has no respect for herself...let alone u mate. Normally id say let her down easily but that whore (sorry but, she is) deserves to be made example of.

easyontheeye · 19-02-2007 05:00PM

i feel sick for the op

seriously im a firm believer in mates telling! your mates were there long before a girlfreind and in fairness everyone wants to know if the other half is cheating!

Go with your gut , it wasnt just once remember, she had no respect for you at the time...did she use protection? did she not? what exactly did they get up to? how many more where there ? I'd feel like pounding mr charmer into the ground. Also she wanted her cake and eat it...dont give her the satisfaction.

little lady · 19-02-2007 05:29PM

I really feel for you. I think anyone who cheats on their partner is really a horrible person.

As much as it’s hurting you now you will be much better off without her, she doesn’t deserve to be with someone like you. You really need to finish with her, cut all ties and move on. I know this is not going to be as easy as I’ve said but you deserve someone who will love and respect you as much as you do them and she obviously isn’t the one.

nacho libre · 19-02-2007 05:48PM

Well, i just can't understand it myself. I understand both parties will find other people attractive even just walking down the street you will see someone who catches your eye. I guess it depends what you define as cheating? for some people lusting after someone maybe cheating. I could accept this but i see for others it would be a problem. However, if someone claims to love me and then goes so far as acting on their desires then i'd finish the relationship. In my view if you love someone you don't cheat on them because the last thing you would want to do is hurt and betray them. of course there would be hurt if they ended the relationship but not as much as going behind my back. If it was me i'd dump her.
I would be just too hurt and unable to trust the person from then on.

LegacyUser · 19-02-2007 05:52PM

I will have to give it time. I'm still in shock. Still finding out more facts off my mates. Apparently they never saw her with him but did notice how they would disappear during the evening. My friends confronted her during xmas and she said it was over. I still don't know what triggered the sudden email off them this morning. She even gave me a valentines card last week saying that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. How could she think i wouldn't find out. She said that she stopped talking with this guy after xmas, sounds like she had to make an effort to stop herself being tempted.

melekalikimaka · 19-02-2007 05:54PM

cheating is not looking at someone lustfully... thats madness

Zebra3 · 19-02-2007 06:08PM

U---known wrote:

It looks like she might be pressing the self destruct button of her relationship since she did it in front of my mates in a nite club????

Sounds like the bitch wanted you to find out.

Dump her a.s.a.p.

LegacyUser · 19-02-2007 06:56PM

U---known -
Sorry to hear that.
I think U are going to have to give her her
cards and send her on her way.

Henry Ford III · 19-02-2007 07:08PM

She has to go. You will be sad and lonely and miserable for a while but you clearly have good friends who will care for you.

You will bounce back after a while and in a few months will have forgotten all about this.

Dump her.

Fozzie Bear · 19-02-2007 07:12PM

Sorry to hear about this, alas i know the feeling. Vomiting Butterflies doing summer-salts in your stomach when you think about it. On the one hand you think about how much you love the person and want to be with her. How could she do this? Does she not realize how much you care? Does she simply not give a toss? Why would she hurt you like this? There are a thousand and one questions swirling around in your head. You want to hug her and strangler her at the same time.... Your world has just stopped been the happy place it was.

From my own painful experience i would dump her lying cheating ass. There is no such thing as a second chance in situations like this. You have one shot at it and thats it. If she has done it once she will do it again and does not deserve your trust or love. No excuses or reason for it. If she had a problem with you or the relationship then she sits down and talks to you about it. She does not jump into bed repeatedly with the local charmer behind your back to solve her problems. There is absolutely NOTHING she can say to justify this.

Dump the cnut. It will take a long time to get over it and you are going to have several painful months ahead but time will heal. I know its hard to imagine life without her, all your dreams, hopes and plans for the future are gone I know, but thats not your fault. Surround yourself with your mates, (they obviously really care when they told you) cry on their shoulders, go out try to enjoy yourself. Life goes on mate, keep your chin up you will meet some one else when the time is right and your ready for it and this bitch will be just a distant memory.

The Walsho · 19-02-2007 07:38PM

I'd agree, dump her, as others said, if this has been ongoing and not just a one night drunken thing (which is bad enough itself) then she's not worth anymore of your time.
Sorry to hear that story though mate, all the best.

Sony · 19-02-2007 09:20PM

It must hurt that she said that in the card also about wanting to spend the rest of her life with you .... To be honest I think I would find it difficult to walk away from that one too.

genuinely feel sick at the thought of this cause I cant imagine the pain shes caused you but deep down I think she has to go no matter what she has to say to you now. If it happened just once you might be inclined to give her a chance but the fact it happened a few times goes to show she knew what she was doing and she knew the consequences-we all do

Best of luck,sorry for your situation;)

Beelzebub · 19-02-2007 09:37PM

Definitely talk to her first...as calmly as possible, let her know how much she has hurt you though too.
Don't make a rash decision. You may be able to mend this relationship but that's between the two of you.
No one can make such a decision for you.

Good Luck.

LegacyUser · 19-02-2007 10:27PM

Just back from the pub. big story about how he has been after her for the last couple of months. She says she hasn't slept with him. I told her i needed a couple of weeks to decide. She says she wants to be me and told this guy during xmas that she didn't wanna talk to him again. even got text off her mother. Going to go back to work tomorrow and take the end of the week off. Beware all!!!....you might get the same email tomorrow morning. Oh...what a day!

Rb · 19-02-2007 11:26PM

Dump her. Reasons have already been said above.

Don't be blinded by your "love" for this girl, she doesn't love you, she hurt you, she has to go.

Raskolnikov · 20-02-2007 12:28AM

U---known wrote:

Just back from the pub. big story about how he has been after her for the last couple of months. She says she hasn't slept with him. I told her i needed a couple of weeks to decide. She says she wants to be me and told this guy during xmas that she didn't wanna talk to him again. even got text off her mother. Going to go back to work tomorrow and take the end of the week off. Beware all!!!....you might get the same email tomorrow morning. Oh...what a day!

Did she say why she did it? Was it because you were apart too much? Was she not getting enough attention? I'm not saying you deserved to be cheated on, but maybe there are reasons for why she did it?

LegacyUser · 20-02-2007 12:31AM

no reason. i pretty much spend all week with her except for work. during the weekends i go home alot since my da died recently and i like being home for my family. This is when i leave her on her own and stuff happens etc etc

easyontheeye · 20-02-2007 01:00AM

dont let her play the " i was lonely card" if she cant keep her knickers on while your gone for the weekend will then she has a problem. Do you honestly think you will be able to leave her alone for the weekend in the future without wondering what she is up to?

Its no excuse that this guy is chasing her for months, she obviously never made it clear to him....the word is NO!

Rb · 20-02-2007 01:18AM

OP: You've enough opinions at this stage to know exactly what people think, if you choose to go against everyone and give this girl another chance, then you deserve whatever happens you in the future. I'm sorry, but its the truth.
I don't see how anyone could even given a minutes consideration to taking back someone who cheated on them.

Lying & Cheating Girlfriend

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