Age Differnece... Where does it start to matter??

LegacyUser · 31-01-2007 06:17PM #1

I wanted to know what you people think is the maximum age differnce a couple should have to be in a proper normal relationship... Or does the age difference matter at all??

I'm asking this cuz i'm 19 and my g/f is 16 (the age difference is about 2yrs and 9months). We're at the same maturity level thats why we got into the relationship at the first place... Is it fine for me to date her?? We've decided not to have sex until we've been in the relationship for a while.. i.e. atleast 2-3 years. What do u guys think to this??

LundiMardi · 31-01-2007 06:47PM

You've agreed not to have sex for another 2-3 years? Yeah right man.

As far as i know, it is illegal for you to even kiss her!! It's not worth it man, get out of it now, if you still like each other when she's turned 17 then fire away. But right now it's just not worth it.

LegacyUser · 31-01-2007 07:03PM

'she's from uk... i guess the age is 16 there... and she'll be turning 17 in june anyway.. is it still wrong if i hold on to her till she turns 17??'

Blub2k4 · 31-01-2007 08:26PM

Talk about over-reaction there Lundi.

OP there is precious little difference maturity wise between a 16 year old and a 19 yr old.
You're all being sensible about the sex thing, it wouldn't be strictly legal but coppers never get involved at that level unless a parent was to make a complaint anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that.

If you guys feel the age difference is ok, then don't let what others think bother you at all and go for it.
It's only a problem if you perceive it as such, I'm nine years older than my fiancee...so who cares???

LundiMardi · 31-01-2007 08:37PM

Blub2k4 wrote:

Talk about over-reaction there Lundi.

OP there is precious little difference maturity wise between a 16 year old and a 19 yr old.
You're all being sensible about the sex thing, it wouldn't be strictly legal but coppers never get involved at that level unless a parent was to make a complaint anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that.

If you guys feel the age difference is ok, then don't let what others think bother you at all and go for it.
It's only a problem if you perceive it as such, I'm nine years older than my fiancee...so who cares???

Is that so:rolleyes:

I_and_I · 31-01-2007 09:04PM

Well the fact that it is illegal kinda tell a story in and of its self really. Personally it doesn't feel right to me. I mean she was 15 not so long ago I'm guessing..... bit eerie.

princess.nettie · 31-01-2007 09:46PM

Speaking from personal experience, I think it's ok if you're both ok with it. Fair play if you've decided to hold off on the physical side. When I was 15 I went out with a guy who was 19 and I didn't see a problem until he pressured me into having sex, then after we did, he gloated to all his friends about. I split up with him soon after that and resented him for it for the following 4 years. I still get a bit angry when I think about it.
But if you both respect each other, I think that's fine.

af_thefragile · 31-01-2007 09:57PM

okay, i cant reply to this thing being unregistered so i had to sign in...
My g/f is scottish, she's not from ireland.. and the age for concent there is 16... so do i still get into trouble for that?
and she'll be turning 17 anyway in june. thats not too far away. Like how would the cops findout i'm in relationship with a 16yr ol?? Like i'm sure her mom is not gonna complain bout me or anything and my g/f wouldnt even think of doing such a thing herself...
She's too good for me to let go of. she's an awesome person. we're looking for a longterm relationship for life.. so like we're not really bothered much bout the sexual aspect of the relationship. I told her she's not gonna get any sex till she turns 21.. :P
So like relationship wise we're both perfect. its just does the age difference matter? like does it make the relationship look wrong? and how does the whole legal thing affect our relationship??

Dalfiatach · 31-01-2007 10:18PM

2 1/2 years seems like a lot to you because yer both still pretty young. By the time yer in yer mid 20s, a 5 year gap will seem like nothing, and by the time you hit mid-30s 10 years isn't out of the question.

Historically, the average gap between men and women getting married in Ireland was....2 1/2 years (with the man being older). Might have changed a bit in the last 15 years, but 2 1/2 years is completely normal.

Any of your "friends" who are giving you a hard time about her being young are just immature. Ignore them.

And finally, a word of caution: you are both still young. And both at the age when you start thinking about careers, college courses, jobs.....and that can put a great strain on a relationship, especially if one of you wants to go off to college and the other is out working or still at school. Don't lose the head in the first flush of romatic love you are experiencing and assume youse will be together forever.

af_thefragile · 31-01-2007 10:28PM

so age wise we're fine i guess..
i just got a little concerned bout the whole legality issue.. can anyone explain how does that effect my relationship??

Webmonkey · 31-01-2007 10:29PM

Hmm a bit big alright the age gap, but in a year or two it won't seem bad at all.
Can someone please tell me what the age of consent in Ireland is.
A girl is telling me Girls 16 and boys 17 but i thought it was other way around. Can't find it anywhere. Seems i getting old articles up or something.

Dalfiatach · 31-01-2007 10:30PM

As long as you don't have full penetrative sex until she's 17, there are no legal issues whatsoever.

LundiMardi · 31-01-2007 10:37PM

Dalfiatach wrote:

As long as you don't have full penetrative sex until she's 17, there are no legal issues whatsoever.

as long as there is no sexual contact at all untill she's 17 there are no legal issues.

Webmonkey · 31-01-2007 10:39PM

LundiMardi wrote:

as long as there is no sexual contact at all untill she's 17 there are no legal issues.

Take it that includes Kissing?

af_thefragile · 31-01-2007 10:48PM

my g/f is scottish.. according to her country she is legal... do i still get into trouble for even kissing her??!!!

Chinafoot · 31-01-2007 10:59PM

You're not in her country though. Do you think you could legally drink in America at the age of 18 just because you're Irish?

If you have sex with her before she's 17 you'll be breaking the law.

af_thefragile · 31-01-2007 11:01PM

is it just sex or cant i even kiss her??

leeroybrown · 31-01-2007 11:09PM

The law doesn't explicitly define any difference (I think the term used in the legislation is 'carnal knowledge' without any specific definition). Technically speaking it would be illegal. Perhaps someone here has enough knowledge of Irish case law to suggest what the precedent is in these kind of cases?

craichoe · 01-02-2007 08:48AM

Well....

I would say with the potential legal issues its too much hassle .........
Just find someone your own age. Sometimes we all think shes "the one" but the truth is that there lots of potentials out there!

Oh .. And if your in a Country, then the laws for that country apply, unless you have diplomatic immunity which i don't think you have

You are probably at the same level maturity wise though.

Do what you think is best, but think about whats best for you

motley · 01-02-2007 11:24AM

Dont scare the poor chap!

The law states unlawful carnal knownledge is a offense. There should be no problem kissing your girlfriend OP and as you said yourself, if your waiting a while to have sex i.e post June....everything will be above board by then.

kaalgat · 01-02-2007 11:39AM

Blub2k4 wrote:

If you guys feel the age difference is ok, then don't let what others think bother you at all and go for it.
It's only a problem if you perceive it as such, I'm nine years older than my fiancee...so who cares???

I agree. My bf is 14 years older than me, we've been together 5 years.
And we're happy as Larry.

Doesn't matter what other people think

01-02-2007 12:25PM

Age matters if she is only 16 in Ireland.

Blub2k4 · 01-02-2007 12:52PM

Maybe you should all read the bit about not having sex yet, AGAIN, two or three times, or more if you're slow on the uptake.

<edit> also take his post on face value, and don't assume he's lying on this point.

dame · 01-02-2007 01:30PM

An age difference doesn't matter....as long as you're both over 18 in my opinion.

People forget how 16 year old girls think. Their heads are easily enough turned and they love the idea of romance. Also, the idea of having an older boyfriend gives them a cool sophistication their friends don't have, (so they think themselves anyway).

OP, all this talk of wanting a life-long relationship and all of that sounds good but it's not really realistic to think that a 16 year old really wants a life-long relationship. You might want that but she's probably just caught up in the romantic notion of it. To be honest, I think there is something a bit creepy about the whole thing. I'd be even more inclined to think that if I saw your girlfriend and she was a small, slight girl, rather than a bigger more voluptuous girl. That's just my opinion.

Ro: maaan! · 01-02-2007 01:50PM

Wouldn't worry about it. It's easy for people to say "too dodgy, let her go", but they're not in your position. You obviously like her a lot from the way you're talking about her. A law is just a law. It's the kind of thing that changes every few years, and is different in different countries. Sex with 16 year olds doesn't become any more right or wrong depending on where you are in the world. It's just different ideas about wheather it's right or wrong. And really the only people whose ideas count are the people doing it. I know you said you're not planning on having sex, just wanted to say that a law like that shouldn't be stopping you, unless you thought you were going to be reported or somesuch.

I started going out with my girlfriend when I was 20 and she was 17. We're 23 and 20 now. It never had any impact on our relationship. You'll know yourself if it feels weird or wrong. But from the way you're talking it sounds like you both like/love each other a lot. Ye're the only people who can, and should, be deciding this. Don't listen to anyone who's giving you a hard time about it.

Nalz · 01-02-2007 01:57PM

Where does it matter? When it’s either illegal (espec in terms of sex) or immoral

LundiMardi · 01-02-2007 06:44PM

Blub2k4 wrote:

Maybe you should all read the bit about not having sex yet, AGAIN, two or three times, or more if you're slow on the uptake.

Define sex? Somehow i don't think they're just holding hands. Have a little bit of cop on will you?

af_thefragile · 01-02-2007 06:53PM

Guys why do u keep forgetting we're not gonna have sex till she's atleast 19!!!!

I'm not gonna leave her either.. its just 4months till she'll be 17!! and she doesnt even live in ireland. she lives in scotland.. She's an awesome girl. she's more mature than a normal 16yr old. Leaving her is not an option. she's too good to let go of...

I just wanna know how would i get into trouble by being with her. Like we're not gonna have sex for a good while, but could i get into trouble if i even kiss her? Like how would the cops find out i'm in a relationship with a "minor"? cuz i know neither my gf not her mom is gonna complain bout anything...

af_thefragile · 01-02-2007 06:56PM

LundiMardi wrote:

Define sex? Somehow i don't think they're just holding hands. Have a little bit of cop on will you?

sex is not all you can do in a relationship. like sex is a big thing.. and we want to hold it off till its the right time and we dont feel its right till she's atleast 19..
We're not just holding hands but we're not doing anything much more than holding hands..

Blub2k4 · 01-02-2007 07:49PM

LundiMardi wrote:

Define sex? Somehow i don't think they're just holding hands. Have a little bit of cop on will you?

me wrote:

Maybe you should all read the bit about not having sex yet, AGAIN, two or three times, or more if you're slow on the uptake.

<edit> also take his post on face value, and don't assume he's lying on this point.

Do you have some insight into this guys mind? Or are you projecting the fact that your pubescent brain can't get around the thought of being with a girl without havinng sex?

Anyway, I'm not sinking to the level of arguing with kids, later.

Blub2k4 · 01-02-2007 07:50PM

af_thefragile wrote:

sex is not all you can do in a relationship. like sex is a big thing.. and we want to hold it off till its the right time and we dont feel its right till she's atleast 19..
We're not just holding hands but we're not doing anything much more than holding hands..

I wouldn't worry about it af, he appears to need a dictionary definition, hardly someone I'd look for serious advice off of.

If you really want to know the answer then I'd ask for the question to be moved to the legal forum.

Age Differnece... Where does it start to matter??

Comments