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Sexually frustrated with GF

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Comments

  • #32
    Borat_Sagdiyev
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 589 ✭✭✭Borat_Sagdiyev


    I was once in this situation. I really liked the girl, but I was the one initiating everything, and I got sick of it - if I didn't start it, nothing happened. So I just stopped everything. I got into bed with her every night, and did absolutely nothing. After a while she got the message and realised that she had to do her fair share of getting things going.

    I suggest that for the next few weeks, be a total gentleman. Bring her to the cinema, out for romantic dinner dates, and at the end of the night when you get into bed, cuddle her and don't do anything else. It may be a struggle, but you'll find out whether or not the girl really wants to do anything with you.


  • #33
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,772 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Borat_Sagdiyev wrote:
    I suggest that for the next few weeks, be a total gentleman. Bring her to the cinema, out for romantic dinner dates, and at the end of the night when you get into bed, cuddle her and don't do anything else. It may be a struggle, but you'll find out whether or not the girl really wants to do anything with you.
    Boy, that's the most passive aggressive thing I've heard in a while.


  • #34
    Catari Jaguar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    vorbis wrote:
    I would wager that most (but of course not all) 19 yo good looking girls in ireland today have some sexual experience today. I'd also find it hard to believe that she has some issue regards giving you a hand job if she's ok with you going down on her. Her being happy receiving oral suggests some sexual experience.

    From what you posted, it sounds like she's using you. She's getting her rocks off and to be blunt has no interest in anything that involves pleasing you. Dumping her might be the best option.

    Oh god! Cop on! He SAID she's not experienced. Dump her? Are all men as inconsiderate and selfish and shallow as this? I presume you are male?

    Maybe, just maybe.... she's scared. And him putting all this pressure on her is making her feel like she's pressured to do it well.

    Has OP even spoken to her about his feelings? She's not a mind reader. And maybe his not taking his clothes off is giving her the impression that he doesn't want to go too far.

    Also, 2 months into a relationship is too soon for a virgin to be giving it up. Just give her time and deal with yourself in the bathroom if necessary!

    And to Freak Scenery: She's not resisting love and affection, she cuddles him etc. But I don't think you should equate love with sex and say she's resisting love by not having sex with him/ w**king him. It isn't a very good message to be sending out. Esp to confused younger boards readers.


  • #35
    honru
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,585 ✭✭✭honru


    Lil Kitten wrote:
    And to Freak Scenery: She's not resisting love and affection, she cuddles him etc. But I don't think you should equate love with sex and say she's resisting love by not having sex with him/ w**king him. It isn't a very good message to be sending out. Esp to confused younger boards readers.

    I see sex as an expression of love. Feel free to make your own assumption, to those reading.
    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Dump her? Are all men as inconsiderate and selfish and shallow as this?

    But she is only interested in her pleasure. Is that not acting inconsiderably?


  • #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    '
    dame wrote:
    I agree with others, she probably has a fear of something to do with sex. My first thought on reading the original post was that she had been abused/raped in the past.
    At one point a whle back I actually thought this might have been the case, but no. Nothing like that. That's never happened to her.
    wrote:
    If you're asking her to give you bj's etc
    I've never outright asked her for anything like that...
    wrote:
    Wait until she brings up the subject of sex or tries to initiate something before you ask her for any more bj's, handjobs or anything.
    FFS, people, I'm not just talking about my cock here. I said she barely touched me. This isn't really just about handjobs and head. Sorry for giving that impressiom.

    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Oh god! Cop on! He SAID she's not experienced. Dump her? Are all men as inconsiderate and selfish and shallow as this?
    Okay well first of all don't worry, I'm not planning to dump her. Secondly, would I be being selfish if I did? Maybe. But shallow? Hardly. It's not shallow to want to feel as wanted as you want.
    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Maybe, just maybe.... she's scared.
    I talked to her about it last night and yeah, I think you're right. She admitted she is scared. But only of some stuff...which I'll explain in a sec.
    Lil Kitten wrote:
    And him putting all this pressure on her is making her feel like she's pressured to do it well.
    Excuse me, but what pressure? I've explained to her a few times now that there's really none and she said she doesn't even feel any...(maybe that's the problem? I dunno.)
    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Has OP even spoken to her about his feelings? She's not a mind reader.
    Yeah, we talked about it last night. I feel a lot better about things now. She swears she wants me every bit as much as I want her but she just is A) kinda scared of teh cock and B) doesn't want to trivialise sex for us or something...wants to keep it 'meaningful' (haha whatever that means. I have to say that one sounds like a crock of it, but whatever.)

    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Also, 2 months into a relationship is too soon for a virgin to be giving it up.
    In this isntance, for her, yeah, you're right. But you saying that in general? No. You can't say how soon is too soon.
    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Just give her time and deal with yourself in the bathroom if necessary!
    Believe me, I do and that's not what this is about. I guess I kind of mistitled the thread. I wasn't feeling so much sexually frustrated so much as I was feeling kind of oddly unwanted or whatever.
    Lil Kitten wrote:
    And to Freak Scenery: She's not resisting love and affection, she cuddles him etc.
    How do you know that? In actuality she initiates that stuff also far, far less than I initiate it. Which is a large part of what was making me frustrated.

    Lil Kitten wrote:
    But I don't think you should equate love with sex
    Meh, I think mature, grown-up love should be equated with sex. Well not necessarily 'equated with' but it should certainly imply sex. Love -> sex.
    wrote:
    and say she's resisting love by not having sex with him/ w**king him. It isn't a very good message to be sending out. Esp to confused younger boards readers.
    Heh I know you're only trying to help, thanks and all, but I think you sound like one of those younger boards readers...

    freak scenery, I don't think it's really about her being selfish...I mean, I don't think so, anyway. She's probably the most generous and kind-hearted chick I know in every other respect. I mean generous toward me, at least.


    Okay guys, thanks for the advice, this isn't really a problem anymore. We talked about it. And if I continue to feel it's a problem we'll talk about it some more. She basically is just a girl who wants everything to be very romantic and meaningful and 'feel right'. Haha for the first time in my life I feel wronged by the catholic church (it's either them or soppy chick flicks); hot girls shouldn't be bred conservative! :p Nah, I'm totally kidding. I kid because I love. ;) And I love this girl, so there's no specific rush; we'll come to a compromise. I'll make what I want into something she wants. 'Till next time, folks. (Which will probably, hopefully when I come back soon looking for advice on how to not be a total n00b in the sack :p)
    Cheerio!'


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