Sexually frustrated with GF

LegacyUser

Right, I think I've a few issues rolled into one rant here, basically about my gf and I.

I think first and foremost I'm sexually frustrated. In that my gf and I aren't having sex. Not just sex, but, I'm not either on the receiving end of much satisfying foreplay, either....I'll explain:

We're only going out 2 months and are both 19 and very sexually inexperienced. As in both virgins. Which in itself is not a problem for either of us. But the thing is, I am ready and she's not. Which again, would be fine and dandy if we were at least satisfying me in terms of foreplay.

It's kind of like...she barely touches me, comparatively speaking. By that I mean in comparison to how I touch her. It's almost always just me fingering, kissing and licking her until it's time to stop for whatever reason. Again, this in itself probably wouldn't be a problem if it didn't immediately, time and time again propel me to the conclusion that she must not really want me or something. Which I know is stupid, i.e. 'why would she be going out with you at all if she didn't really want you physically'. But maybe the proof is in the pudding, so to speak?

So she's not ready for sex, but she also says she's not yet ready for 'other stuff', i.e. oral, mastrbating me, etcetc whatever...I on the other hand have no problem doing any of that stuff for her and don't get me wrong, I do immensly enjoy satisfying her; I mean, that is satisfying for me, but only kinda. I mean, I have obviously just grabbed her hand, put it on me, shown her what I want, all of that, but she always gives it up after nearly no time at all and if I didn't give her any cue in the first place she wouldn't even bother. I've told her I don't expect tit-for-tat in terms of gratification or anything, which I don't, but God, something would be nice...

How do I even begin to broach this issue with her, considering I really don't want to put her under any pressure to do anything? I just feel so rejected because of it...I'm always aroused around her - she's gorgeous, just downright sexy - and it's tortuous for me spending an evening with her just cuddling, with her right there in front of me, when I'm hungry for so much more...

A whole other kettle-of-fish that might have some relevancy is the fact that I have real issues with my own appearance...I'll generally stay a step or two more clothed than her when we're fooling around because depending on my mood I can get very self-conscious and uncomfortable (which I will always mostly keep to myself). Could be a large part of problem I guess....tell me what you think?

I'm thinking of asking her if she's...afraid to touch me or something. I feel kind of hurt in a regular basis and I'm thinking of telling her...does that sound like a wise/unwise thing to do?

I realise the issue here could so very probably not be with whether she 'wants me enough' or not, but rather with her simply not being ready, irrespective of everything else...

I should note that I'm really mad about this girl in every other way and if anyone ever is/was 'worth waiting for', it's definitely her. But, eh, I'd very much like to shorten that wait if at all possible!! :P

Well, thanks for any advice you guys have!

Froot

Well for your own benefit do say this to her but do not make it "her fault". Although she is the one who, based on what I see, is lacking on the intimate side of the relationship you will scupper your chances of anything happening if you do not approach it delicately.

Why not sit her down some night, maybe at the weekend so she wont have a day or work or whatever to worry about it, and just discuss what she feels like and what you feel like.

There are two of you in a relationship and it must be a strange place for the both of you to be in.

I would suggest definitely discussing it with her but again, as I said, make sure its an appropriate time, location and that she feels at ease in her surroundings.

Only you can really talk to her about it so just man up and have a chat with her.

Also, does she ever initiate physical contact beyond kissing you to say hello or goodbye?...If not then you have a serious problem.

spurious

I'm thinking of asking her

There you go. Talk to the woman. She may not be ready for sex, or she may have some major fears about pregnancy etc. Remember, we like to mess people up good about sex in Ireland.

Talk to her, but do not make her feel that you are in some way the 'normal' one and she has a problem. How she is behaving is entirely normal, for her. You might be at a different stage to her, but it doesn't make her odd.

Skiesonfire19

Sit her down and talk to her about it, but stop pressuring the girl!

If she's not ready, she's not ready! Sex to a girl is so much different than sex to a guy!

Skies

Black Swan

Patience.

The Corinthian

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Patience.

There are and should be limits to that.

That's not to say she should have sex with him, or even that he should present her with any kind of ultimatum, but if two people are on drastically different sexual wavelengths, there's really very little point in waiting about for months or perhaps years in the vague hope that it's going to change.

Talking may help, but it may also at best make her feel as if she's being blackmailed into sex to maintain the relationship, so if you OP does, he should not give her any hint that the two are dependent on each other - even if, frankly, they are.

Ultimately sex is a deal braker in a relationship. People who are not compatible on that front seldom last unless they are forced to remain together for other reasons (children, religion, etc) and while it is not right for her be cajoled into it before she's ready, neither is it right for him to be left hanging at her convenience. In that scenario he'd be better off with someone who is already ready, just as she would be better off with someone who wants to wait.

nialo

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Patience.

Here is your answer. Patience, it will get you places in the end but you have to have the patience to weather the storm... Talk to her. Put your efforts into making her comfortable.. And slowly draw her out. Rush things and you will get nowhere...

Talliesin

commakeyword wrote:

So she's not ready for sex, but she also says she's not yet ready for 'other stuff', i.e. oral, mastrbating me, etcetc whatever

That other stuff is sex. Hopefully you'll learn this shortly after you stop being a virgin. If you don't you'll be crap at it.

commakeyword wrote:

I on the other hand have no problem doing any of that stuff for her and don't get me wrong, I do immensly enjoy satisfying her

Does she actively seek this, or put up with it, or in-between?

commakeyword wrote:

How do I even begin to broach this issue with her

Straight out, but with your ears working.

commakeyword wrote:

A whole other kettle-of-fish that might have some relevancy is the fact that I have real issues with my own appearance...I'll generally stay a step or two more clothed than her when we're fooling around because depending on my mood I can get very self-conscious and uncomfortable (which I will always mostly keep to myself). Could be a large part of problem I guess....tell me what you think?

Yes, in both ways.

You're keeping part of yourself back from her, and that's more likely to make her keep part of herself back. It's also likely to make her less interested in you. It also keeps an unequal dynamic in that you're seeing more of her than she is of you.

riddik

"...we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus. " - Peter Griffin

sadly this is true...

Beruthiel

riddik wrote:

"...we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus. " - Peter Griffin

sadly this is true...

Another unhelpful comment like the above and I'll ban you from this forum.
Please read the Charter and rules before posting again.
B

Marksie

People move to intimacy at different rates. This is especially so when inexperienced. So some amount of patience is stil required

Communication is the key to this. A part of this would be become happy in yourself as this is obviously an issue with you. It may be transmitting to her and simply making her nervous or just plain scared and unsure of how to proceed.

Cuddling and kissing are all part of developing intimacy and should not be expected to necessarily lead to anything further so try and not to get frustrated with that.

You say you have grabbed her hand and placed it on yourself and "shown" her how to do it. Perhaps taking a small step back and returning to non-genital stroking may be helpful.
It may help if you are in the same state of undress, and just let your girlfriend get used to the sight of someone unclothed. I wouldn't rush to have her genitally stroke you just yet, just let her get used to the idea first and enjoy sharing time with you. Some "other stuff" as you put it, like oral can be terribly intimidating to some people.

If she IS stroking you and she stops how do you react, do you get defensive? does she?, do you get upset?
Perhaps at that point you culd take over yourself and show her. Has she seen you ejaculate for example..that may worry her.

Talk to her openly without getting upset, but do listen to what she says and take it on board. It may surprise you so be prepared to just go away and think about it rather than reacting.

Rather than saying you don't do XXXX to me for long enough, turn it into the "I". I was enjoying that, i would have liked it to continue for longer, i felt really great when that was happening. It may stop your G/friend getting defensive or upset.

Do give her plenty of encouragement, tell her how good it feels but be gentle.
Also be sure that she wants what you are doing to her.. get her to talk to you and how it feels fro her

LegacyUser

'

Talliesin wrote:

That other stuff is sex. Hopefully you'll learn this shortly after you stop being a virgin. If you don't you'll be crap at it.

This is not a 'help me not be crap at sex' thread, thanks anyway. And I know it's all sex. Forgive my hurried terminology or whatever, please. And if that 'other' stuff is all sex (and I agree with you that it is), does that mean I've already stopped 'being a virgin'?

wrote:

Does she actively seek this, or put up with it, or in-between?

Actively seeks it, why? She has no problem or hesitation whatsoever in telling me if she doesn't want something. She's quite open and forward about it.

Skiesonfire19 wrote:

Sit her down and talk to her about it, but stop pressuring the girl!

If she's not ready, she's not ready!

Skies

I'm not pressurizing her in the least. I really hope that's apparent. I've told her it's 100% fine by me that she take all the time she wants and it wasn't strictly true for me to say that "I'm ready, she's not", because really (and I've told her this), if she's not ready, then neither am I - not really.

Relax with the "don't pressure/blackmail her" comments guys, please. I'd never do that. I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Really I'm just wnodering if it's me that is the reason she might not want to, or else that she's just not ready.
The harrowing thought keeps occurring to me that if she was with some total stunner model of a guy it'd be a different story and she'd want to do all of that with him right off the bat. But I'm 99% sure most of the time that that's just me being insecure and and paranoid and stupid.

Talliesin wrote:

It also keeps an unequal dynamic in that you're seeing more of her than she is of you.

Probably quite right, though even with us both equally un/clothed the dynamic feels unequal.

I think my solution could be to scale back my physical...expressions of affection to equal hers. Just let it progress from there...?

I'd like to avoid actually saying this to her because I know she'll feel pressurized if I do...


Well, thanks for the advice, some of it's been helpful!'

spurious

commakeyword wrote:

'
The harrowing thought keeps occurring to me that if she was with some total stunner model of a guy it'd be a different story

You know that's nonsense - stop with the putting yourself down - it's very unattractive.

She's with you. It's not as if she doesn't touch you at all - she's trying. As others have said, give it time - if you pressure her (or she thinks she is being pressured) perhaps you will confirm any possible fears she has about the whole thing. Spend time with her, make her laugh, make her feel good without sex coming into it. It will happen when she feels ready.

Gurgle

commakeyword wrote:

I think first and foremost I'm sexually frustrated. In that my gf and I aren't having sex. Not just sex, but, I'm not either on the receiving end of much satisfying foreplay, either....I'll explain:

We're only going out 2 months and are both 19 and very sexually inexperienced. As in both virgins. Which in itself is not a problem for either of us. But the thing is, I am ready and she's not. Which again, would be fine and dandy if we were at least satisfying me in terms of foreplay.

Sexual frustration can be cured with that thing on the end of your right arm.

Of course you're ready, you're male. We're ready, willing and desperate to get on with it from 13 to 70.

Have patience man, stick with her and enjoy the relationship, getting to know her and getting close to her emotionally. Its all fun and makes sex all the better when you get that far.

If you rush her, she will either run or do it to keep you happy and regret it.

craichoe

Dunno if your living at home or in your own place, but it could be that she wants to do it in the right place in the right setting.

If you can afford it bring her away someplace for the weekend and stay in a hotel, pack some candles and bring a bottle of wine, go out for a light meal and head back to the hotel. Ask her to wait in the bathroom and light the candles, play some music if possible, and pop open the bottle of wine. If your feeling really adventurous put some rose petals on the bed and have some strawberries and cream handy. Just talk to her and get to know her, the more you know about each other the more you'll understand each other.

I did something similar although i wasn't even thinking about sex and then she told me it was the perfect moment she wanted to "do it" for the first time.

If you have your own place you can do this at home too!

Most importantly ... BRING CONDOMS, even if you think its not going to happen, pack some! I ended up sprinting from Sandymount to ringsend wearing a shirt and jeans with no underwear trying to find places on the way that had condoms !!!

When i got back she pretended she was asleep !!!!!!!!!!!

She wasn't though i'll always remember that night

Kell

commakeyword wrote:

We're only going out 2 months

Then why not move on? Look at it from this point of view. As someone said, you COULD wait around patiently (that was another thread) for something to happen, or you could bugger off, and find someone that you will click with in every department.

You're not 14 or 15 anymore. If she is happy to receive physical attention, but not to reciprocate, fúck that. At the end of the day I'll repeat myself. She could turn into a rocket fuelled dynamo in the sack in a few months but then you could have waited x period of time for something to happen and wasted your time.

Your decision.

K-

honru

I agree with Kell. If she is not "ready" for sex after two months, then why is she in an adult relationship in the first place?

If she is not doing her job as your lover then find someone else who can satisfy your needs.

spinandscribble

is she not ready or is it she wants to wait til shes in love? you cant pressure her either way and if you cant handle waiting and she doesnt mean that much to you then fine move on. you're only young, you have your whole life to have sex why rush or dump her to get some?
its highly unfair that she expects and seeks foreplay from you but makes no effort to give back. i struggle to see how shes ready for you to do all that to her but isnt ready to do anything in return. im a girl so im just going from when i was unexperienced.
basically you need to sit her down and tell her how the way shes acting is making you insecure and how although your happy to wait for intercourse you feel like she doesnt care for your pleasure by not wanting to do anything at all to you or actively seeking to.
this will open a can of worms : she'll either be scared of sperm or fears she'll be crap at it or whatever. i dont think theres many ppl who are ONLY interested in THEIR pleasure and not that of their bf. its highly selfish but if that is truely the way she is then dumping the cow might be what you have to do

jellie

f®eak s&#169 wrote: »

If she is not "ready" for sex after two months, then why is she in an adult relationship in the first place?

So to have an "adult relationship" you MUST have sex within 2 months? :rolleyes:
And thats not even taking into account that the girl is a virgin.

spinandscribble wrote:

this will open a can of worms : she'll either be scared of sperm or fears she'll be crap at it or whatever.

Thats pretty much what i was thinking.

OP, as others have said, talk to her. Has she any experience at all? Maybe you're her first bf and she hasnt done any of this before. Maybe she just doesnt know what to do but is too embaressed to say.

vorbis

I would wager that most (but of course not all) 19 yo good looking girls in ireland today have some sexual experience today. I'd also find it hard to believe that she has some issue regards giving you a hand job if she's ok with you going down on her. Her being happy receiving oral suggests some sexual experience.

From what you posted, it sounds like she's using you. She's getting her rocks off and to be blunt has no interest in anything that involves pleasing you. Dumping her might be the best option.

Smellyirishman

sar84 wrote:

So to have an "adult relationship" you MUST have sex within 2 months? :rolleyes: And thats not even taking into account that the girl is a virgin.

Sex != intercourse.

She may be a virgin, but she is hardly unaware of the space between her legs as the OP has clearly stated. After 2 months I don't think it would be expecting too much from a 19yo to "show some love", especially if they are gratefully receiving more than their fair share. In an "adult relationship" there should be give and take, in all aspects of the relationship.

Definitly speak with her and find out exactly where things are going. Again, don't pressure her into anything. If you don't like where things are going, then move on.

jellie

Smellyirishman wrote:

Sex != intercourse.

She may be a virgin, but she is hardly unaware of the space between her legs as the OP has clearly stated. After 2 months I don't think it would be expecting too much from a 19yo to "show some love", especially if they are gratefully receiving more than their fair share. In an "adult relationship" there should be give and take, in all aspects of the relationship.

I agree, but my impression (which could be wrong) was that f®eak s©enery meant intercourse. So if im wrong there, fair enough.

But at the same time we dont know the full situation or the girl. I have a friend aged 22 who has never given so much as a handjob (despite a relationship of > 3 months), but then have another friend who has been doing that since she was 13 and thinks of it along the same lines as kissing. Every girl is different.

While it is true that the situation is definitely not equal, the OP wont know why unless he talks to his GF.

Smellyirishman

sar84 wrote:

I agree, but my impression (which could be wrong) was that f®eak s©enery meant intercourse. So if im wrong there, fair enough.

Yeah, "Sex" seems to have a few different meanings within this thread but I assume he ment anything resulting in orgasm.

honru

sar84 wrote:

So to have an "adult relationship" you MUST have sex within 2 months?

You can decide that for yourself; I'm not going to impose my beliefs onto others. For me, if a girl is resisting love and affection (including foreplay, not just intercourse) and we are already going out together, then I would concur that she is not doing her part in the relationship.

Mezcita

f®eak s&#169 wrote: »

You can decide that for yourself; I'm not going to impose my beliefs onto others. For me, if a girl is resisting love and affection (including foreplay, not just intercourse) and we are already going out together, then I would concur that she is not doing her part in the relationship.

Woah! woah! woah! Back up there. Its not really a "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" type situation. There could be numerous other issues going on here with this girl. She could be freaked out about the simple idea of taking things further. She could be terrified about getting pregnant. She have issues from here past etc.. etc.... etc....

I'll second the talk to her plan. OP, I was in exactly the same boat as you when I was 19. Dumped a girl for essentially not "putting out" fast enough and regretted it for many moons. Sit her down, talk to her about everything, no matter how embarassing it may seem and decide from there.

Talliesin

I wonder if she feels that if she isn't doing much then she is free from negative consequencs of sex (pregnancy, guilt, regret that she isn't a virgin for the next guy if the relationship ends, or whatever depending on how see thinks of it herself) but doesn't feel that if the OP is doing all the work.

LegacyUser

vorbis wrote:

I would wager that most (but of course not all) 19 yo good looking girls in ireland today have some sexual experience today.

i laughed when i read this. the girls i knew who were the first to do stuff were always the ugly ones to be blunt. some of the best looking (ie. models) girls i know didnt even have their proper kiss til 17/18/19

this shouldnt be a debate over what is/isnt considered sex.

the op is willing to wait for intercourse. he just wants her to give bj.s or handjobs at the least.

it must be crushing for him to feel he is undesired by his gf when he really desires her. she doesnt need to ride him 24/7 to feel desired but even if she showed some basic about of interest in pleasuring him and was excited about it, even if it was just a handjob.

the op must speak to her and if she cares in the least for him she'll pay attention. i think she is ready for forplay of this nature, she seems keen enough to have it done to her.

i doubt its a case of her saving her 1st bj/handjob for the next guy. maybe shes scared or worried she'll be crap.
i agree with talliesin that it might be a method of her's to dodge the negative consequences of sex. if theres no sperm lying around she feels safe. either way she should be aware of what affect his is having on him unless she really isnt empathic.

Pablo-El-Vagabu

Mezcita wrote:

Woah! woah! woah! Back up there. Its not really a "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" type situation. There could be numerous other issues going on here with this girl. She could be freaked out about the simple idea of taking things further. She could be terrified about getting pregnant. She have issues from here past etc.. etc.... etc....

I'll second the talk to her plan. OP, I was in exactly the same boat as you when I was 19. Dumped a girl for essentially not "putting out" fast enough and regretted it for many moons. Sit her down, talk to her about everything, no matter how embarassing it may seem and decide from there.

I agree that he should talk to her, but from the sounds of it there is already a big problem regarding sex between them.

It sounds very odd that she would let someone do all that and not reciprocate in some fashion. If she was freaked out about sex she would not let someone perform oral on her.

Maybe it is a fear or sperm/pregnancy or whatever. But that will be for the girl to overcome herself in her own time and it would not necessarily be a good idea to hang around waiting for that to happen.

I think have a good talk about it, but it in the end it is probably time for him to consider moving on. If he is not happy in the relationship then that is a problem. And the time for addressing this problem is now, before things get too messy.

LundiMardi

Kell wrote:

Then why not move on? Look at it from this point of view. As someone said, you COULD wait around patiently (that was another thread) for something to happen, or you could bugger off, and find someone that you will click with in every department.

You're not 14 or 15 anymore. If she is happy to receive physical attention, but not to reciprocate, fúck that. At the end of the day I'll repeat myself. She could turn into a rocket fuelled dynamo in the sack in a few months but then you could have waited x period of time for something to happen and wasted your time.

Your decision.

K-

I concur.

comewatmay

The best thing for this guy to do is to get her to sit on him with legs wrapped round his back the next time they are kissing.Then get her to hump him, let her feel his "excitement" between her legs and then he can pleasantly explain to her that he has pleasured her so now this is how u pleasure me.he has to say something asap this girl is taking him for a ride!!!!!!!!!11

dame

I agree with others, she probably has a fear of something to do with sex. My first thought on reading the original post was that she had been abused/raped in the past. It may be that she has a disgust of touching a penis since. If you're asking her to give you bj's etc then it might just be bringing a lot of pain back to the front of her mind. If that's the case then it is perfectly natural that she would want to take her time and only touch you or do anything when she feels comfortable.

I'd suggest backing off from the whole intimacy thing (except kissing), cuddle her and show her how deeply you care for her and let her know that she can talk to you about anything. Wait until she brings up the subject of sex or tries to initiate something before you ask her for any more bj's, handjobs or anything.

Borat_Sagdiyev

I was once in this situation. I really liked the girl, but I was the one initiating everything, and I got sick of it - if I didn't start it, nothing happened. So I just stopped everything. I got into bed with her every night, and did absolutely nothing. After a while she got the message and realised that she had to do her fair share of getting things going.

I suggest that for the next few weeks, be a total gentleman. Bring her to the cinema, out for romantic dinner dates, and at the end of the night when you get into bed, cuddle her and don't do anything else. It may be a struggle, but you'll find out whether or not the girl really wants to do anything with you.

The Corinthian

Borat_Sagdiyev wrote:

I suggest that for the next few weeks, be a total gentleman. Bring her to the cinema, out for romantic dinner dates, and at the end of the night when you get into bed, cuddle her and don't do anything else. It may be a struggle, but you'll find out whether or not the girl really wants to do anything with you.

Boy, that's the most passive aggressive thing I've heard in a while.

Catari Jaguar

vorbis wrote:

I would wager that most (but of course not all) 19 yo good looking girls in ireland today have some sexual experience today. I'd also find it hard to believe that she has some issue regards giving you a hand job if she's ok with you going down on her. Her being happy receiving oral suggests some sexual experience.

From what you posted, it sounds like she's using you. She's getting her rocks off and to be blunt has no interest in anything that involves pleasing you. Dumping her might be the best option.

Oh god! Cop on! He SAID she's not experienced. Dump her? Are all men as inconsiderate and selfish and shallow as this? I presume you are male?

Maybe, just maybe.... she's scared. And him putting all this pressure on her is making her feel like she's pressured to do it well.

Has OP even spoken to her about his feelings? She's not a mind reader. And maybe his not taking his clothes off is giving her the impression that he doesn't want to go too far.

Also, 2 months into a relationship is too soon for a virgin to be giving it up. Just give her time and deal with yourself in the bathroom if necessary!

And to Freak Scenery: She's not resisting love and affection, she cuddles him etc. But I don't think you should equate love with sex and say she's resisting love by not having sex with him/ w**king him. It isn't a very good message to be sending out. Esp to confused younger boards readers.

honru

Lil Kitten wrote:

And to Freak Scenery: She's not resisting love and affection, she cuddles him etc. But I don't think you should equate love with sex and say she's resisting love by not having sex with him/ w**king him. It isn't a very good message to be sending out. Esp to confused younger boards readers.

I see sex as an expression of love. Feel free to make your own assumption, to those reading.

Lil Kitten wrote:

Dump her? Are all men as inconsiderate and selfish and shallow as this?

But she is only interested in her pleasure. Is that not acting inconsiderably?

LegacyUser

'

dame wrote:

I agree with others, she probably has a fear of something to do with sex. My first thought on reading the original post was that she had been abused/raped in the past.

At one point a whle back I actually thought this might have been the case, but no. Nothing like that. That's never happened to her.

wrote:

If you're asking her to give you bj's etc

I've never outright asked her for anything like that...

wrote:

Wait until she brings up the subject of sex or tries to initiate something before you ask her for any more bj's, handjobs or anything.

FFS, people, I'm not just talking about my cock here. I said she barely touched me. This isn't really just about handjobs and head. Sorry for giving that impressiom.

Lil Kitten wrote:

Oh god! Cop on! He SAID she's not experienced. Dump her? Are all men as inconsiderate and selfish and shallow as this?

Okay well first of all don't worry, I'm not planning to dump her. Secondly, would I be being selfish if I did? Maybe. But shallow? Hardly. It's not shallow to want to feel as wanted as you want.

Lil Kitten wrote:

Maybe, just maybe.... she's scared.

I talked to her about it last night and yeah, I think you're right. She admitted she is scared. But only of some stuff...which I'll explain in a sec.

Lil Kitten wrote:

And him putting all this pressure on her is making her feel like she's pressured to do it well.

Excuse me, but what pressure? I've explained to her a few times now that there's really none and she said she doesn't even feel any...(maybe that's the problem? I dunno.)

Lil Kitten wrote:

Has OP even spoken to her about his feelings? She's not a mind reader.

Yeah, we talked about it last night. I feel a lot better about things now. She swears she wants me every bit as much as I want her but she just is A) kinda scared of teh cock and doesn't want to trivialise sex for us or something...wants to keep it 'meaningful' (haha whatever that means. I have to say that one sounds like a crock of it, but whatever.)

Lil Kitten wrote:

Also, 2 months into a relationship is too soon for a virgin to be giving it up.

In this isntance, for her, yeah, you're right. But you saying that in general? No. You can't say how soon is too soon.

Lil Kitten wrote:

Just give her time and deal with yourself in the bathroom if necessary!

Believe me, I do and that's not what this is about. I guess I kind of mistitled the thread. I wasn't feeling so much sexually frustrated so much as I was feeling kind of oddly unwanted or whatever.

Lil Kitten wrote:

And to Freak Scenery: She's not resisting love and affection, she cuddles him etc.

How do you know that? In actuality she initiates that stuff also far, far less than I initiate it. Which is a large part of what was making me frustrated.

Lil Kitten wrote:

But I don't think you should equate love with sex

Meh, I think mature, grown-up love should be equated with sex. Well not necessarily 'equated with' but it should certainly imply sex. Love -> sex.

wrote:

and say she's resisting love by not having sex with him/ w**king him. It isn't a very good message to be sending out. Esp to confused younger boards readers.

Heh I know you're only trying to help, thanks and all, but I think you sound like one of those younger boards readers...

freak scenery, I don't think it's really about her being selfish...I mean, I don't think so, anyway. She's probably the most generous and kind-hearted chick I know in every other respect. I mean generous toward me, at least.


Okay guys, thanks for the advice, this isn't really a problem anymore. We talked about it. And if I continue to feel it's a problem we'll talk about it some more. She basically is just a girl who wants everything to be very romantic and meaningful and 'feel right'. Haha for the first time in my life I feel wronged by the catholic church (it's either them or soppy chick flicks); hot girls shouldn't be bred conservative! Nah, I'm totally kidding. I kid because I love. And I love this girl, so there's no specific rush; we'll come to a compromise. I'll make what I want into something she wants. 'Till next time, folks. (Which will probably, hopefully when I come back soon looking for advice on how to not be a total n00b in the sack )
Cheerio!'