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Guys & Porn

  • 11-01-2007 08:33PM
    #1
    Poppy84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭


    Hey all

    Completely confused! Logged on to the computer I share with my boyfriend of 6 years and when i went into the history files there was all these porn sites even in the google search engine yet he denies it when I asked him.

    This isnt the first time this issue has arose each time he denies it and says they are pop ups but theres no way in hell these are pop ups cos ive looked in the history files and gone to the pages he's seen.

    So why wont he admit it even when the evidence is there? Isn't it worse to have his Girlfriend think he's someone else and lies.

    And what is the story with guys and porn is it a pure necessity in your life or is it something ye look at cos your not happy with your sex life or not getting enough. He says he's happy with our sex life and I'm more than satisfied and to be honest Im mad about him and he can have it whenever he wants to. SO what is it, is it me am I inadequate, is he bored. I dont mean to get all paranoid but it does affect how I see myself now which is stupid cos Im not ugly or over weight

    Can someone please explain the male pshcy to me.

    And before anyone says it I have tried talking to him, I have told him if he wants to spice things up Im more than willing, he's a closed book on this issue, some ppl are just like that.


«13

Comments

  • #2
    Nature Boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 801 ✭✭✭Nature Boy


    I don't think I've posted in this forum before but here goes...

    Don't get yourself too down about it. Pretty much every guy watches porn. I do and I'm very happy with my sex life. I guess with me it's something to do when I'm bored and I don't see my girlfriend much so I do tend to look at porn from time to time. I wouldn't if i saw her regularily.

    If you have a problem with him watching porn you have to tell him to stop.

    If you don't have a problem with it, let him know, maybe he'd like to watch it with you!


  • #3
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    Some guys watch it for ideas or fantasy I guess. Why not get something that you will both enjoy, it might help your partner open up a bit more? Maybe he is just shy about it and worried just what you are thinking, that he is bored.


  • #4
    NADA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 636 ✭✭✭NADA


    No No No.........You have it all wrong!!! The reason he won't admit it is that he is probably just afraid you'll get upset or something. Just because your boyfriend looks at porn doesn't mean he finds you inadequate or boring. Most guys look at porn just to wack off when they are home alone and horny. It's simple as that. It's probably nothing to do with you and I wouldn't worry about it myself.


  • #5
    Poppy84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭Poppy84


    we live together so its not the case he doesnt see me or hasnt got the option for sex every day of the week

    And if I wouldnt mind watchin it with him if he was comfortable with that .....I have told him that!!!!!!!!


  • #6
    wexford12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 451 ✭✭wexford12


    well poppy i wouldnt think there is a problem with him looking at porn im in a long term relationship and i also look it doesnt mean he is falling out of love with you or wants more than you can give him i would guess he is embassesed by you catching him looking at it he should come clean and tell you whats the big deal he is a grown man im guessing my partener knows i look at it and also we will watch porn on dvd together it makes for a great pasion filled night just because someone looks at 3somes etc on the net or what ever else he is looking at does not mean that he wants to do it iv never done half the things that i view nor do i really want to hope this helps now that i read it back sounds a bit silly


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  • #7
    Fanny Cradock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,240 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Tell me, when you say you 'asked' him could you have possibly accused him? That is one reason I can think for him lying when the truth is pretty obvious. The other reason may well be that he was hoping to avoid the reaction from you which prompted your post.

    I wouldn't worry about it too much. The women on the screen are pure fantasy and, unless he's got some addiction, will likely have no bearing on real life. I suggest you put away any feeling of inferiority - some guys like porn, and that's that. Maybe you could suggest watching it together.

    Hope things work out!


  • #8
    Poppy84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭Poppy84


    ok i suppose i accused him more than asked


  • #9
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    What kind of sites are these? Is there money changing hands on these sites or are they just porn movies?
    I mean maybe the guy likes to keep his guilty secret his guilty secret.
    Of course you could always play the porn actress for him! That would be one way to share in the fun...


  • #10
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    What the hell matter does it make if money changes hands on the sites? That has no bearing on what kind of site it is.

    If you accussed me instead of asking him then he's denied it because he thinks you'll go mental because of it. Now he's lied, he's sticking to that lie - guys are stubborn that way sometimes.

    Here's a way that he may come around to the idea: What if you were at home alone one day and when he came back he 'caught' you looking at a porn film or a porn site. Then you could ask him to join you watching it.

    Bingo Bango. He's not embarrassed about it anymore cause he realises that you do it too. You may even find that he looks at it a bit less by himself and instead enjoys just watching it the odd time with you.

    No need to thank me.


  • #11
    Skiesonfire19
    Closed Accounts Posts: 61 ✭✭Skiesonfire19


    We're guys, watching porn / thinking about porn is our second nature!

    Every guy in the world does, and those guys who 'don't', are lying!

    Skies


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  • #12
    Poppy84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭Poppy84


    LOL!!!

    n for the record no money changed hands.

    he backed himself into that corner ny lieing cos he has forgotten how easy going i am bout sex stuff. we watched a porn together before n i lept on him after :p but he doenst seem to remember this i have asked him a few times bout watching porn together maybe your right i should let him accedently on purpose catch me watchin it

    And ye think women are complicated!!!!!!!!!


  • #13
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    Bingo Bango?

    I was just saying, well on a few porn sites, so I'm told, there are webcam women, who charge per the minute to perform sexual acts live for you and only you. In this instance, it would be a pay site, right, and his denial would be because of a sense of guilt that he was somehow cheating on his girlfriend, moreso than if he was just watching a boob-ridden .avi to which he has no immediate connection. If you see where I'm coming from, the fact that the guy is logging on with a girl live via webcam to have cybersex with could be a harder pill to swallow, so to speak, and be at the root of his outright denial.....
    I guess it was kinda tenuous without explaining further.
    Rather similar to the husband denying that he uses phone-sex lines, its seen as more intimate than just watching porn, and its harder to explain / understand than simply watching porn.


  • #14
    Fanny Cradock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,240 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Poppy84 wrote:
    ok i suppose i accused him more than asked

    Well, there's the reason for his lies. Maybe he thinks of it like his dirty little secret now.

    Assuming you can believe that it's just a fantasy and not a reflection on you, and you have no moral objections, sit him down and tell him it's OK in moderation. Not all guys are mad into porn, but some are. That's life. I'd explore this whole situation rationally rather then let it fester.


  • #15
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 98,320 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    his computer must have been taken over by one of those viruses that downloads porn and hijacks your browser and does stuff like that

    *me sticks to story - you can't prove anything* ;)

    Have you ever seen that friends episode "the one with the free porn" ?


  • #16
    kowloon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 14,109 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Maybe hes not watching women, maybe its men, or farm animals, or maybe hes filled the history up with porn traces to hide his real addiction to royal doulton collecting!!

    But seriously, dont worry about it unless you catch him visiting the painted ladies of the night, then you should probably kill him.


  • #17
    The Sweeper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    Men are visual creatures. It wouldn't matter if you were the most beautiful, sexy woman in the world. The internet makes porn easily accessible. I would go as far as to say all men who have the internet have looked at porn on the internet.

    It's nothing to do with you.

    Also - the watching it with him thing? Lots of people like to watch porn by themselves. Personally i don't think it's a spectator sport - I've never understood, for instance, a bunch of lads who'll sit together and watch porn. I mean, why would you? Then y'all start crossing your legs or reading the paper on your lap... bizarre.


  • #18
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    Minesajackdaniels wrote:
    Men are visual creatures. It wouldn't matter if you were the most beautiful, sexy woman in the world. The internet makes porn easily accessible. I would go as far as to say all men who have the internet have looked at porn on the internet.

    It's nothing to do with you.

    Also - the watching it with him thing? Lots of people like to watch porn by themselves. Personally i don't think it's a spectator sport - I've never understood, for instance, a bunch of lads who'll sit together and watch porn. I mean, why would you? Then y'all start crossing your legs or reading the paper on your lap... bizarre.

    I think scientifically you are right MAJD. Men are more aroused by visual images, though women are too to be fair.

    I don't think that is indicative of anything wrong with either you or your relationship.

    Try visualising it as watching a picture of people eating snickers bar. Vaguely interesting to begin with but doesn't really do much. Then your relationship is having a very nice steak dinner. Puts it in context.

    Alternatively put it down to men being such unimaginative creatures that they have to have help imagining scenarios when the masturbate.. whereas you women have it all carried in the head :).


  • #19
    Alter-Ego
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,324 ✭✭✭Alter-Ego


    He might wanna keep porn a personal thing and also stick to his lie.

    I dunno of i'd be ok with wathing porn with a partner.


  • #20
    randylonghorn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,509 ✭✭✭✭randylonghorn


    Skiesonfire19 wrote:
    We're guys, watching porn / thinking about sex is our second nature!

    Every guy in the world does, and those guys who 'don't', are lying!

    Skies
    ... and personally, I'm trying to quit lying ;)

    Seriously, Poppy, the denial is a knee-jerk reaction left over from the teens ... it just takes longer to wear off in some cases than others.

    And believe me, the fact that we pick up a mag, or take 10 minutes break from working on the computer to browse, says NOTHING about the woman we're with, or the quality of our sex lives, or anything like that ... it has about as much real significance as making a cup of coffee, or having a cigarette ... it's a good way to take our mind off what we're working on for a few minutes, or to destress after work when we haven't yet relaxed enough after a ****ty day to be good company for someone we actually care about!

    Bit like Boards, really!


  • #21
    Dr_Teeth
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,023 ✭✭✭Dr_Teeth


    Looks like the OP sorted the situation with her b/f out.. but seriously, if you're using a conputer that you share with your partner and you find a load of porn links in the browser history why would you go and 'ask him' about it? What's to ask? It's clear what he's been doing.

    The only reason you'd confront him about it would be to either a) make him feel really bad by accusing, or b) make him feel really good by asking to join him.

    If neither option suits you then just delete the browser cache (ctrl+shift+del in Firefox) and chalk it up to men being men. :)


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  • #22
    tinkerbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    OP - you don't have anything to worry about. Guys just like to look at porn, he probably just doesn't want to admit it to you. Don't waste your time worrying, you don't need to.


  • #23
    littlesurfer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 812 ✭✭✭littlesurfer


    boys like porn....thats all. the last guy i went out with it watched it all the time and it didn't bother me.....i didn't feel inadequate..i know i'm not. Its just something that can be addictive!


  • #24
    Anti
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,401 ✭✭✭✭Anti


    guys like porn..fact.


  • #25
    Seraphina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,875 ✭✭✭Seraphina


    some people like killing, does that make it ok?
    i know its an extreme example, but just cause lots of people like it, doesn't mean its ok. just thought i'd point out the fairly obvious flaw in everyones reasoning.
    lots of people doing it doesn't neccesarily make it ok.

    i dont really care about the topic tbh, i just think everyones answers leave alot to be desired. i might like cheating on my boyfriend, does that make it ok? its not the same, but you get what im on about.


  • #26
    GrumPy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,566 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    NADA wrote:
    No No No.........You have it all wrong!!! The reason he won't admit it is that he is probably just afraid you'll get upset or something. Just because your boyfriend looks at porn doesn't mean he finds you inadequate or boring. Most guys look at porn just to wack off when they are home alone and horny. It's simple as that. It's probably nothing to do with you and I wouldn't worry about it myself.

    Speak for yourself!

    :D

    (your right though)


  • #27
    kowloon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 14,109 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Think of it as Mills & Boone (is that how its spelt?) for men and you wont go far wrong.

    So if you found bodies in your partners flat, would you just accept it? i mean they all do it from time to time, would you just dispose of said bodies or confront them over it?
    Perhaps you would join them in some killing or is killing something that should be done alone?

    not really working for me :p


  • #28
    kizzyr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,410 ✭✭✭kizzyr


    Poppy84 wrote:
    Hey all

    Completely confused! Logged on to the computer I share with my boyfriend of 6 years and when i went into the history files there was all these porn sites even in the google search engine yet he denies it when I asked him.

    This isnt the first time this issue has arose each time he denies it and says they are pop ups but theres no way in hell these are pop ups cos ive looked in the history files and gone to the pages he's seen.

    So why wont he admit it even when the evidence is there? Isn't it worse to have his Girlfriend think he's someone else and lies.

    And what is the story with guys and porn is it a pure necessity in your life or is it something ye look at cos your not happy with your sex life or not getting enough. He says he's happy with our sex life and I'm more than satisfied and to be honest Im mad about him and he can have it whenever he wants to. SO what is it, is it me am I inadequate, is he bored. I dont mean to get all paranoid but it does affect how I see myself now which is stupid cos Im not ugly or over weight

    Can someone please explain the male pshcy to me.

    And before anyone says it I have tried talking to him, I have told him if he wants to spice things up Im more than willing, he's a closed book on this issue, some ppl are just like that.
    Poppy I was trying to send you a PM but it doesn't seem to be working:confused: Would you try to send me one and then I can reply to you and tell you what I wanted to? Or an email address? If not thats cool I just thought it might help. What I wanted to say may be a little long winded for here. :)


  • #29
    0utshined
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,746 ✭✭✭0utshined


    Seraphina wrote:
    some people like killing, does that make it ok?

    What? How can you even make a comparison between the two. That analogy doesn't make sense to me. What argument are you trying to make?

    @OP,

    his looking at porn is NO reflection on you whatsoever. You ask in your first post are you inadequate. NO! It's something different and doesn't\ shouldn't change his feelings for you. Your boyfriend should be have the balls to be able to tell you it was him and talk about it but for whatever reason he can't. Don't take it to mean he cares for you any less.


  • #30
    Seraphina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,875 ✭✭✭Seraphina


    0utshined wrote:
    What? How can you even make a comparison between the two. That analogy doesn't make sense to me. What argument are you trying to make?

    err, my point is, just because people might like it, doesn't always make it ok. most people here are replying, saying, sure all guys like porn, its grand. i dont see how any of those answers are helpful or even make sense, given the question asked.

    OP, none of us can really tell why your boyfriend might be lying. obviously he's embarassed or maybe worried you might freak at him. all you can really do is sit him down calmly, and ask him about it, pointing out that it annoys you more that he felt the need to lie about it. i know it would annoy me more anyway.


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  • #31
    0utshined
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,746 ✭✭✭0utshined


    Okay, I think I see where you're coming from but the example seemed a bit extreme to me. Murder is legally wrong and harms another person. Porn doesn't.

    I think the bigger issue is why he lied to her about it and. like you, I'd be more pissed at that than what was lied about.


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