To all the girls out there

daiixi · 07-01-2007 02:54PM

Oh my goodness. I have an ex boyfriend who used to wake me up in the middle of the night for sex even though he was asleep. Was I assaulted because I'd wake up with him touching me or did I rape him because I'd shag him while he was sleeping and then roll back over to sleep myself? (edit: yes he knew he did this and wasn't worried about it and it actually happens to a surprising number of people - ask your doctor). People, some of you need to get a grip.

Also, I can't remember the number of times I or an ex have woken each other up for a quickie or a long session.

The OP has admitted that she let her boyfriend in to the room and her bed. She could have asked him to leave at any time but she didn't. She hasn't said that she's explained to him her phobia of being intimate and getting pregnant so, presuming that she hasn't, so how is he to know? Yes he was being cheeky if he put her hand on his erect penis during the night but he didn't commit a crime by doing so. In any event she may have slid her hand there herself and worked him up (if you get my meaning).

I agree with Talliesin that the OP has a phobia and really should speak to someone about it because I don't see her getting over it on her own or just with the help of a PI thread.

OP to answer your question: maybe, maybe not. At the end of the day, like the adverts say, it only takes one sperm to become pregnant. Are you pregnant? Most probably not but if you're worried go see your doctor and get a pregnancy test. Ask for a recommendation to a good counsellor while you're there and get yourself on some birth control.

Lorax · 07-01-2007 02:54PM

He sexually harassed you without your consent, I would go straight to the gardai and report an attempted rape or sexual abuse.

CherieAmour · 07-01-2007 03:22PM

The pill is not the answer to everything!

highsandlows · 07-01-2007 03:30PM

I am not for one minute trying to say that my boyfriend assualted me. I only wanted to tell the storey as it was..i agree I should of woken up and told him to get out of my room but I thought by sleeping in the same bed as him I would gradually get over my fears, because at the end of the day I dont think my worries and fears about this are rational.

07-01-2007 03:49PM

This post has been deleted.

Nevyn · 07-01-2007 04:04PM

Lorax, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

spinandscribble · 07-01-2007 05:55PM

i used to have the same unrational thoughts as the op, sperm on hand, going to the toilet extra. going on the pill made me less scared and once you have sex use condoms as a back up. in the mean time with your next bf explain your boundaries because i get the idea your bf didnt know you were so hyped up about this type of thing. i alway let my bf know my fears and that meant they were careful not to be clumsy. how else is he suppose to know? he's not a mind reader.
you hadnt touched him before i persume?
it wasnt classly and reminds me of the time a guy i was semi friends/thinking of dating pushed me on top of him while lying on the grass so i'd feel his erection. at the time i thought it was funny if not stupid and immature of a guy in his early 20s but now it makes me want to punch him in the nuts. assault? no. i was awake and could berate him after.
sometimes my bf wakes me up by touching me or taking my hand to his cock, for me i like to wake up this way but he never asked me for consent. does this mean he assaulted me? uh, no. no it doesnt. but if you had never done anything like that before then it definately crosses the line of what is and isnt decent.
dont use this as an excuse to dump the guy. i think you're frighten of men. tell him you know what happened and how upset you are as a result and come clean about your fears. i doubt he'll have had any idea you were so scared and be completely surprised. if you still cant look him in the eyes after he says sorry and promises not to do it again then call it a day. if he is nasty about it you can dump him and feel justified

Webmonkey · 07-01-2007 06:48PM

sometimes my bf wakes me up by touching me or taking my hand to his cock, for me i like to wake up this way but he never asked me for consent. does this mean he assaulted me? uh, no. no it doesnt.

Well in all fernous, you and your boyfriend are in different situations than the OP and her boyfriend. You are clearly comfortable with your boyfriend, and i presume you already had sex so theres nothing that wrong with it then.
But with the OP, things are a lot different. This was i presume the first time they were in same bed. They had never done anything sexual than kiss I would imagine (OP correct me if i'm wrong here) so I really don't think it was appropiate for the boyfriend to do what he did, knowing (and i think it was obvious by the way she describes it) that she was not ready/in mood or what ever.
Anyways i suppose its not what she came here to talk about so we better get back onto the main topic.

Freckles123 · 07-01-2007 07:02PM

I think the OP here clearly wants to know if she can become pregnant from this situation or not.

spinandscribble · 07-01-2007 07:08PM

i did indeed say her circumstance was different as they hadnt done anything i just didnt like how everyone was jumping on the assault bandwageon.

anyway to the op, no its unlikely your preggy unless while cleaning yourself you inserted your finger or fingers into your vagina and that he indeed had cum on your hand.
if his penis was hard its unlikely he had ejaculated simply from you touching him, most guys need more effort then that.
as for precum, i looked into this on wiki awhile ago and it isnt actually sperm but it contains traits of it.
im sure you're not preggy and the best advice anyone can give you is go on the pill (it'll ease your mind), always wash your hands and dont allow his hands anywhere near your vagina if he has sperm on his hands.
when i say he, i mean any guy in the future

CherieAmour · 07-01-2007 07:30PM

Again, more people recommending the pill.

I know I've said this already, but the pill is not for everyone. The OP may not be physically compatible with it, it could leave her with some bad side effects and I know people who have had a terrible time trying to get pregnant after coming off it.

Plus, her irrational fear will still exist, undealt with.

OP, it would be better for you to become as educated as possible about sexual relations and situations whereby you are likely to become pregnant and where you are not. Then you will be in a position to make an educated decision about what contraception is best for you.

spinandscribble · 07-01-2007 07:47PM

the fear will still exist but it will have been dealt with if she takes measures by which to feel safer. she'll only go off it when she wants kids and by then she'd hardly be scared.
as far as unsuitablity goes, most girls are suitable, even at a low dose. yes it has side effects but thats why women switch to pills that suit them.

i was in the same shoes as the op a few mths ago, my first bf was as careful as me with sperm whereas my current bf is a bit clumsy and was misguided with sex ed. it annoyed the bejayus outa me that i had to remind him over and over again not to use *that hand* because he was forgetful and i had to take all the responsiblity for both of us.

then i told him how uncomfortable it all made me and how i found it harder to enjoy myself as i was constantly thinking for the both of us. since then i've lightened up as he's now taking his fair share of the responiblity.

going on the pill just boosted my safety confidence after we planned to have sex.

if the op can be frank with her guy and have him ACTUALLY listen and do his best she will calm down. eventually when she plans to have sex she can be on the pill and use condoms. its as safe as she can be without not having sex at all.

if even the thought of being on the pill and using extra safe condoms while having sex still fills her with irrational fear then she needs more help then usinf common sense when messing with male fluids

Húrin · 07-01-2007 11:28PM

highsandlows wrote:

After around an hour or two, I woke up and he had put my hand on his penis, and it was hard when I woke.

This fella is a creep to do that! That's not normal!

But how did you end up going out with a man if you're afraid of them?

LegacyUser · 08-01-2007 12:58AM

Sangre wrote:

My girlfriends lets me get into her bed. I obviously should sort out her boundaries before I touch her. 'Hey love, 2nd base groovy?'. How romantic. Very spur of the moment.
We also have no idea how her hand got there, anyway its a moot point.
QUOTE]

Well if the 2 people are an established couple, great, this would not be a big deal, it might be great for a laugh, whatever.

But if the girl doesn't even want to have sex yet, well, I don't think it's kind for a guy to do stuff like that. He seems to want to hurry things along, thinking that he knows better than her, once she tries it she'll like it, etc and crap like that. Puts her hand on his penis one time, next time maybe she'll wake up and he'll be on top of her.

I see 2 issues: 1) she has fears 2) this guy is not even respecting her fears

To all the girls out there

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