Ok I'm a scumbag but help anyways ?

Savman · 02-01-2007 01:34PM

The Corinthian wrote:

I must say that the vast majority of the responses in this thread have been breathtakingly pointless moralistic rants. No doubt they feel a lot better about the pedestals they’re sitting on, but they’ve not done the OP any good.

Who cares about the OP? What about the other people involved? Are we to just dismiss the two girls involved simply because they haven't visited boards.ie?

It's a point of view, you don't have to agree with it.

event · 02-01-2007 03:11PM

unreqhelpme wrote:

All i'll say on the "cheating" thing is this. Very VERY few people will stay 100% faithful for a long relationship. This doesn't make them bad people, its human nature, plain and simple.

You know back in "the day" it was quite common for men to have children with other women when they were away at war for long periods of time, for example.

I love my g/f but if i stayed 100% faithful i would have no sex life to speak of. I'd probably die of boredom in a relatively short while, and no its not her, it would be the same with any woman.

id love if someone could prove this, its human nature theory?

i see it bandied around quite a lot by people who have cheated, sort of an easy way out

and very very few people?

again, how do you calculate this?
have you done a study? Can you offer conclusive proof that very few people stay faithful?

Sully · 02-01-2007 03:25PM

Been in a few long-term relationships and never cheated as such. In one relationship a good few years ago I broke of with my gf at that time to go out with someone else I grew really close to. That relationship turned out to last much longer and was a better one as we saw each other a lot more. So im not to sure where you got that statistic from..

Personaly, if you have to cheat in releationship like the OP has done - then you dont deserve to be in one. If you can carry on having two women - neither of them are good enough for you and you deserve neither of them because clearly you dont like either of them enough to split with the other. All you want is two women because its more fun. You need to break up with both, and take a long break from the "dating scene" and think about what you done. How would u like it if you were with someone you really liked and cared about and found out for 2 or 3 years she was knocking of some other fella behind your back?

Treat others like you expect to be treated yourself.

py2006 · 02-01-2007 03:28PM

Anyway back to the problem at hand:

OP, if you wanted to be with your girlfriend of 3 years you wouldn't have cheated full stop!

The influx of Polish/Russian/Ukranian girls etc has brought a little eye candy into the country but alot (not all) are chasing the Irish guys for monetary reasons and are looking for a ring on their fingers within months.

She will get over you very quickly and find another Irish guy fairly quickly!

End it with both girls and start out again. Read a few books on respect while your at it.

CherieAmour · 02-01-2007 03:39PM

I love my g/f but if i stayed 100% faithful i would have no sex life to speak of. I'd probably die of boredom in a relatively short while, and no its not her, it would be the same with any woman.

If you loved your girlfriend as much as you are making out, the sheer guilt of what you have done would consume you to the point where you would have to tell her to save your brain from exploding.

If you were with the right person, you would not be bored with the sex.

The fact that you are able to do this and that the only problem you have is figuring out how to get away with it, means you are not mature enough for an adult relationship or that you have not yet met the right person!

Before those of you of the opinion that this thread is full of people on their high horse jump in, I will bring myself closer to the ground by saying that I have cheated once in the past and am not proud of it. There is no excuse, however, I wasn't in a serious relationship at the time (2 months). When I did this, I realised that the guy I was with was not the one for me and I broke up with him because I felt that if I was able to cheat on him at the very start, there was little point pursuing it out of fairness to him. It is the only time I ever did it, and I was very young. I learned from it, moved on and never did it again.

3 years sounds pretty serious to me - I am with my current partner over twice that length of time and have not cheated once or been bored. If I did cheat, the guilt would kill me because of the love and respect I have for him.

My advice then is that you owe it to your girlfriend to finish with her so that she can go off and meet someone as committed to her as she is to you.

Can I ask, why the sudden guilt? Why is it hitting you now?
Also, if you are in it for the long haul with this girl, you are bound to get bored again from what you say...what will you do then?
Finally, has your girlfriend ever cheated on you?

iguana · 02-01-2007 03:45PM

It sounds to me like maybe the OP needs to be in an open relationship and there are people that works for. However imo they only work with complete honesty between all partners and a two way system, so if it allows him to sleep with other people, would allow the same for his gf.

LegacyUser · 02-01-2007 05:09PM

'

Savman wrote:

There are 3 people in this situation, telling the truth would serve 2 of them best.

Would it ? How would breaking my g/f's heart serve her best ? To preserve an unnatural ideal of monogamy brought into our culture for reasons that no longer matter.

And you have statistics to back this up right? Do not confuse your human nature with that of others. Take some responsibility for your actions ffs.

Yes i'm sorry your completely right. The vast majority of people are faithful.

Christ. I didn't think people actually thought like this anymore. Listen bud, as hard as this may be for you to accept, times have changed. Deal with it. Are you saying you want to have kids with different women? Or are you just advocating to make yourself feel better because you have treated both these girls like dirt?

Funny, i have treated both of these girls fantastically. Noones being hurt (yet), in fact noone will be hurt unless i follow your advice.

There's a difference between having a moral pedestal and having morals. As if your actions weren't bad enough, your method of justifying your actions are worse. You try to make it sound like you're some kind of ancient warrior on a battlefield and must have your needs taken care of by a number of meaningless village women along your way and that we're not worthy to be in your presence. You asked for advice, I gave it. You're gonna do whatever you want anyway but for the love of god don't try justify your silly actions with silly ideals.

Ancient Warrior on the battlefield <-- Oh please, i was simply making a point that back years ago even without modern conviences like protection it was quite common even among "honourable" folk.

Monogomys for the Penguins.'

LegacyUser · 02-01-2007 05:11PM

'

Savman wrote:

Who cares about the OP? What about the other people involved? Are we to just dismiss the two girls involved simply because they haven't visited boards.ie?

It's a point of view, you don't have to agree with it.

Quite funny considering i asked for help for me while you only want to help the other people involved.'

LegacyUser · 02-01-2007 05:26PM

CherieAmour wrote:

If you loved your girlfriend as much as you are making out, the sheer guilt of what you have done would consume you to the point where you would have to tell her to save your brain from exploding.

I disagree completely. There are some people who must attach emotion to sex and others where sex is just sex. I could meet a girl tonight, do the business and i couldn't care less what her name was, what her interests are or what shes doing tomorrow nite. Forgive the profanity but i might as well be getting it on with pam and the 5 sisters. I simply don't care at all, its physical, we both enjoy it.

My g/f on the other hand, i love her and sex is more then sex with her.

I think the reason the moral fairy got me this time is because i'm starting to care about the other girl and thats a definite no no.

If you were with the right person, you would not be bored with the sex.

Your female aren't you ?

Can I ask, why the sudden guilt? Why is it hitting you now?
Also, if you are in it for the long haul with this girl, you are bound to get bored again from what you say...what will you do then?
Finally, has your girlfriend ever cheated on you?

Why the guilt, because i'm starting to care about the other girl.

Bound to get bored again, almost definately. Thats what "boys nites out" are for. How many boys nites out does your man have ?

Has she ever cheated on me, yes she has. Very early in the relationship she still had *cough*feelings for someone else. Or at least thats what i was told.

Can i ask you a question. Whats worse, someone cheating on their partner just for physical sex or someone cheating for emotional feelings ?

I think the latters far far worse.

Chucky the tree · 02-01-2007 07:02PM

Unless you want the girlfriend to dump youm dont tell her you cheated on her. I dont understand why people are giving out that advice. Doesnt help the OP out at all.

As for dumping the other girl without hurting her feelings, its not really possible. Just bite the bullet and tell her you need to break up and its not her, its you etc etc.

Do it asap though, longer you leave it the more you will like her and it will be tougher to do.

The Corinthian · 02-01-2007 07:22PM

PORNAPSTER wrote:

Unhelpful, yes. Moralistic rant on my high horse... No. I think that if he broke it off with the two girls that everyone is happier. Do you not think so?

What the one he keeps doesn't know won't hurt her while breaking up with her will. Of course you could speculate about how in the long run she'd be better off, but that's really all you're doing - speculating. So, no, your advice is primarily based upon your moral outrage rather than practical considerations.

Savman wrote:

Who cares about the OP? What about the other people involved? Are we to just dismiss the two girls involved simply because they haven't visited boards.ie?

It's a point of view, you don't have to agree with it.

They're not asking for help, the OP is. So the only one befitting from your point of view is, well, you.

CherieAmour · 02-01-2007 07:41PM

unreqhelpme wrote:

There are some people who must attach emotion to sex and others where sex is just sex. I could meet a girl tonight, do the business and i couldn't care less what her name was, what her interests are or what shes doing tomorrow nite.

All well and good (for some...) but you have a girlfriend you supposedly 'love'. Single men and women are free to engage in a mutually satisfactory encounter, not those who have made a commitment to someone else...unless you are completely self serving and void of a conscience.

unreqhelpme wrote:

Forgive the profanity but i might as well be getting it on with pam and the 5 sisters. I simply don't care at all, its physical, we both enjoy it.

My God! You think having a w*** is the same as having sex with another human being....What can I say, other than if you may as well be doing that then get yourself a few magazines and you can have a look at them when you feel the urge instead of hooking up with other girls on the sly and leading them on. You said you "might as well" so why don't you? You wouldn't be in this mess then.

My g/f on the other hand, i love her and sex is more then sex with her.

...speechless...

I think the reason the moral fairy got me this time is because i'm starting to care about the other girl and thats a definite no no.

So the moral fairy didn't visit you in the first place for love of your current girlfriend, it took you to start caring about the stranger to want to address the issue ?!?!?!? Therefore, if you weren't having feelings for the Polish girl, normal services would apply :rolleyes:

Your female aren't you ?

Yes, and not all women see sex as an emotional thing, some of my friends are like blokes when it comes to sex as in they can seperate the emotional from the physical but when you fall in love with someone, that changes. How you can have emotional sex with one person and physical with another would be hard for some guys to do too, not just girls TBH

Bound to get bored again, almost definately. Thats what "boys nites out" are for.

.........?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why are people on here gonna waste their time helping someone who is going to go out and do the same thing again? It's a waste of a thread TBH

How many boys nites out does your man have ?

Oh, very funny. So mine must be cheating on me because he's a man. You know your insulting men the world over with that attitude.

Has she ever cheated on me, yes she has. Very early in the relationship she still had *cough*feelings for someone else. Or at least thats what i was told.

Ah haaaaa. Well there you go. You can remember that any time the guilt bites. It makes more sense now. Not exactly what all good relationships are built on. You have cheated, are cheating and will in the future. This will go nowhere.

Can i ask you a question. Whats worse, someone cheating on their partner just for physical sex or someone cheating for emotional feelings ?
I think the latters far far worse.

Cheating full stop is bad, and I would be equally hurt by both. I'm being as honest as I can possibly be there, no joke. I heard a quote from a hollywood actress once, can't remember who, but she said she'd be far more hurt if her husband wrote another woman a love poem than if he slept with her. I've tried to understand that, but I don't think I ever will. Same thing in my book. It's a betrayal of trust no matter what way you look at it.

Kingsize · 02-01-2007 08:18PM

Why Not tell the Polish girl that you are Gay ? follow your own line of thinking & you'll eventually get fed up with all women & no amount of sextoys etc will help even your posh Wan_KS.
Each to his own so long as no one gets hurt I say but to the OP you sound like your happy to blindly swing your Coc_k about like a lump hammer & not care who is in the way.
I'm finding it hard to have any sympathy for you & I'm kinda hoping one or both of your female friends is reading this.
Be a fukkin man & get the hell out of this before it gets really nasty failing that be a selfish cnut & think of what might happen to you if either girl finds out & cuts yer nuts off ,either way you need to sort it out & seriously I dont think lies will do the job.

Savman · 02-01-2007 08:31PM

The Corinthian wrote:

What the one he keeps doesn't know won't hurt her while breaking up with her will. Of course you could speculate about how in the long run she'd be better off, but that's really all you're doing - speculating. So, no, your advice is primarily based upon your moral outrage rather than practical considerations.

Telling the truth to your other half is impractical? Wow I must be really old fashioned.:rolleyes:

The Corinthian wrote:

They're not asking for help, the OP is. So the only one befitting from your point of view is, well, you.

In an ideal situation they would both benefit if he was mature enough to clean up his own mess.

Doing the right thing usually means doing the difficult thing. It's fairly obvious what the OP is gonna do, that doesn't mean we can't try talk some sense into him by giving other options. The choice is still his to make.

But then again, he said she cheated on him before so maybe they're well suited after all.

Rb · 02-01-2007 08:54PM

unreqhelpme wrote:

Tell them the truth ? How is that possibly going to help my situation in the slightest ?

How about you try and stop thinking about yourself for the moment, and perhaps think about the two girls that you're f*cking around with.

unreqhelpme wrote:

Yeah.

All i'll say on the "cheating" thing is this. Very VERY few people will stay 100% faithful for a long relationship. This doesn't make them bad people, its human nature, plain and simple.

Very few people YOU KNOW stay faithful in a long relationship, though if the people you hang around with are anything like yourself, I can see how your views are so, so distorted and incorrect.

unreqhelpme wrote:

You know back in "the day" it was quite common for men to have children with other women when they were away at war for long periods of time, for example.

Think that justifies your pathetic deeds?I think not, somehow.

unreqhelpme wrote:

I love my g/f but if i stayed 100% faithful i would have no sex life to speak of. I'd probably die of boredom in a relatively short while, and no its not her, it would be the same with any woman.

Then you've to leave her, and find yourself a woman that will accept your behaviour. Going out with girls and cheating on them when you're expected to be committed/faithful to them is absolutely pathetic and cruel.

unreqhelpme wrote:

Would it ? How would breaking my g/f's heart serve her best ? To preserve an unnatural ideal of monogamy brought into our culture for reasons that no longer matter.

unreqhelpme wrote:

Bound to get bored again, almost definately. Thats what "boys nites out" are for. How many boys nites out does your man have ?

So, once this polish girl is out of the scene, you're more than likely going to cheat on your girlfriend yet again? And you honestly think thats fair? To tell this girl you love her, and then go out sticking your dirty c*ck in some slapper you met in some club that night?

You are seriously messed up and clearly have a distorted view of what a relationship is. What you need is a f*ck buddy, you do not deserve the love of a woman as you are now.

I'm not on a moral high horse here, I'm just absolutely disgusted by his justification of his cruel and unfair deeds. Both girls deserve MUCH better men than this, if he can't see that then again, he has a distored view of reality.

Savman wrote:

In an ideal situation they would both benefit if he was mature enough to clean up his own mess.

Doing the right thing usually means doing the difficult thing. It's fairly obvious what the OP is gonna do, that doesn't mean we can't try talk some sense into him by giving other options. The choice is still his to make.

Its unfortunate that he doesn't possess the maturity to clean up this mess in the way it should be. Two girls are going to end up absolutely heartbroken (providing the polish girl has feelings for him) and hes sitting here asking us how he can get away with his dirty deeds. It would serve him right if his "girlfriend" found out about the whole thing and lobbed his d*ck off with a sharp knife...at least then he couldn't spread his filthy seeds.

Again, I'm not trying to make myself feel better here, it won't have much of an effect, but I can't stand by and see some scumbag using PI as a way of getting advice on how to f*ck two people over. One that he apparently cares about. If someone came on asking how to get away with beating his wife, robbing a shop etc. I certainly wouldn't post advice on how he should go about it. Giving him advice on it is just encouraging him, which I really don't think is the right thing to be doing.

CherieAmour · 02-01-2007 09:02PM

Oh, and why call yourself a 'scumbag' in the thread title and say you know you deserve to 'rot in hell etc' when you don't honestly believe that?

killeoin · 02-01-2007 09:15PM

Everybody really relax a little bit. Okay, what he's doing is certainly not right but a lot worse happens in the world every day. The real scumbags out there are the people killing, raping etc...Not someone who is simply cheating on his girlfriend. Maybe its the people who are getting so uptight about this have the real "distorted" view of the world.

To all who feel they can post simply saying he is a scumbag etc... then I suggest taking a look at the charter with reference to Ridicule and nastiness.

LegacyUser · 02-01-2007 09:25PM

It sounds to me that OP just started this thread to brag about his conquests. Why worry about hurting the Polish "bird" now when he's been treating her like crap all along? And also, why does he think that it would hurt her if he broke up with her? She's probably on a Polish message board right now asking for advice "How do I rid of Irish guy who think he dogs b*llocks?" (Although in fairness to the Polish "bird", she probably wouldn't be posting her message in broken English)

CherieAmour · 02-01-2007 09:42PM

killeoin wrote:

To all who feel they can post simply saying he is a scumbag etc... then I suggest taking a look at the charter with reference to Ridicule and nastiness.

He referred to himself as a scumbag in the thread title....

He asked for suggestions, people are offering their opinions based on what he said and some people's opinion is that he should be with both, one or none of the girls. As far as ridicule and nastiness goes, what about him calling women "dogs"? Does that feature?

The Corinthian · 02-01-2007 10:26PM

Savman wrote:

Telling the truth to your other half is impractical? Wow I must be really old fashioned.:rolleyes:

No you’re naive. I suggest that next time your better half asks you “does my bum look big in this?” while you’re wondering if she has her own gravity, you tell the truth. You’ll be both old fashioned and have a black eye then.

In an ideal situation they would both benefit if he was mature enough to clean up his own mess.

Actually the OP is trying to clean up his mess. It might be in an underhanded and deceitful manner, but that is ultimately what he’s trying to do. So you’re not really interested in him cleaning up his own mess, just that he gets his just deserts.

Doing the right thing usually means doing the difficult thing.

A cliché, and one you apparently don’t actually follow yourself.

You see, in this case for us doing the right thing is actually not getting on our high horse but advising the OP to resolve the situation. We should do this not because it’ll give us some warm fuzzy feeling that natural justice has been served but because it was the right thing given less than perfect circumstances.

On the other hand, you’re just doing the easy thing, going with your moral gut, regardless of the consequences, as, unfortunately for you, the right thing might not give you the same satisfaction.

It's fairly obvious what the OP is gonna do, that doesn't mean we can't try talk some sense into him by giving other options. The choice is still his to make.

Other than coming out with some clichés about ‘the right thing’ I’ve yet to see any sense in what you’re suggesting.

But then again, he said she cheated on him before so maybe they're well suited after all.

Maybe they are, but that’s up to them to decide, not to the morality police.

BeardyGit · 02-01-2007 11:44PM

unreqhelpme wrote:

Bound to get bored again, almost definately. Thats what "boys nites out" are for. How many boys nites out does your man have ?

I'm not on a moral trip here lad - I object to you portraying yourself as some sort of defacto male standard, because you're not. Your idea of boys nights out is completely different to mine and I'd guess I'm not alone in thinking that. You've done it at least twice in this discussion already - Do the rest of us a favour and set yourself apart from those of us who object to the type of behaviour you portray as being the norm.

Anyway, let's set that aside for a minute. Right now I'm wondering what you think you'll do about your situation. I'm asking this because I don't actually believe you've any intention of changing your position regarding the whole cheating thing - I'm not interested in trying, I care less. I'm curious though - You appear to be engaging in debate with CherieAmour and others simply to argue your point - And that's hardly helping you achieve the goal you claim to strive for.

If all you want is help telling lies, you've already been given it, haven't you? So if that's not enough, what more can the fine contributors of Boards PI do for you?A

iguana · 02-01-2007 11:50PM

The Corinthian wrote:

No you’re naive. I suggest that next time your better half asks you “does my bum look big in this?” while you’re wondering if she has her own gravity, you tell the truth. You’ll be both old fashioned and have a black eye then.

I sure as hell prefer my husband to be honest if my arse looks too big in something. I think I have pretty good figure, but not everything suits me and I'd rather an honest answer than to go out looking fat. The same goes for the question have I put on weight recently. I mightn't be over-joyed at the time, but imo it's better to know so you can choose what to do about the situation than be ignorant and let things get worse.

The same would go if he ever cheated on me.

The Corinthian · 03-01-2007 01:44AM

iguana wrote:

I sure as hell prefer my husband to be honest if my arse looks too big in something. I think I have pretty good figure, but not everything suits me and I'd rather an honest answer than to go out looking fat. The same goes for the question have I put on weight recently. I mightn't be over-joyed at the time, but imo it's better to know so you can choose what to do about the situation than be ignorant and let things get worse.

The same would go if he ever cheated on me.

Not everyone in the World thinks or feels like you. Go figure.

haunted-room · 03-01-2007 01:52AM

cheating on a partner is not human nature.

Lorax · 03-01-2007 02:10AM

haunted-room wrote:

cheating on a partner is not human nature.

Cheating on a partner is not human nature, in your opinion. Plenty would disagree with you though. Unless you can find scientific fact to back up your point, I'm gonna disregard it as rubbish.

The Corinthian is the only person making any sense on this thread. Most people are just judging him as a cheating scumbag, bla bla, etc and trying to turn the thread into a moral debate of whether cheating is right or wrong. Look at the title of the thread, he knows this already, posts like that help nobody except the poster in a desperate attempt to get across their "superior to thou" viewpoint on the subject of cheating. They should actually be banned for off-topic, unhelpful posts in my opinion, but maybe that's why I'm not a moderator. heh

LegacyUser · 03-01-2007 02:19AM

'As a cheater, I echo The Corinthian's statements.

It's not fair for the Polish chick to think she has a chance of a relationship with you. Things are getting a little close so you're definitely making the right decision by ending it with her. No point in upsetting her either, just start seeing her less, pretend you're working. Eventually just give her some bullshít excuse that you don't have time to pursue a relationship with her. She might get emotional and try to keep you with her. Be the stronger man and stand your ground. Also, from personal experience, close personal ties with the person you're cheating with will just increase the chances of your girlfriend finding out. Best of keeping the mistress at arms length from you and your personal life.

Cheating obviously isn't for everyone but if you can get away without anyone getting seriously hurt, all the power to you mate.'

LegacyUser · 03-01-2007 03:10AM

'Right too many posts to reply to but i'll just give yis an update. In the end i took a bit of all of your advice(s).

Told the polish one my current g/f is an ex and we're considering getting back togeather. Gonna keep gently nudging this idea and seeing less of her for a few weeks and see how it goes.

Regardless of some opinions of me i really don't wanna hurt her and i think shes in a "i'm in a strange country all alone" kinda mind.

p.s > whoever said i started this thread to boost, well i don't know what to say to that at all.'

LegacyUser · 03-01-2007 03:15AM

'

CherieAmour wrote:

Oh, very funny. So mine must be cheating on me because he's a man. You know your insulting men the world over with that attitude.

Ah no i was just being smart, sorry.

Cheating full stop is bad, and I would be equally hurt by both.

Honestly ? You see a bit of physical twister as the same thing as having feelings for someone ? They hurt equally ? Thats daft.'

LegacyUser · 03-01-2007 03:17AM

'

Lorax wrote:

Cheating on a partner is not human nature, in your opinion. Plenty would disagree with you though. Unless you can find scientific fact to back up your point, I'm gonna disregard it as rubbish.

The Corinthian is the only person making any sense on this thread. Most people are just judging him as a cheating scumbag, bla bla, etc and trying to turn the thread into a moral debate of whether cheating is right or wrong. Look at the title of the thread, he knows this already, posts like that help nobody except the poster in a desperate attempt to get across their "superior to thou" viewpoint on the subject of cheating. They should actually be banned for off-topic, unhelpful posts in my opinion, but maybe that's why I'm not a moderator. heh

Thanks Lorax, i put "scumbag" in the title because i was expecting the flood of moral lectures.'

Savman · 03-01-2007 03:18AM

The Corinthian wrote:

No you’re naive. I suggest that next time your better half asks you “does my bum look big in this?” while you’re wondering if she has her own gravity, you tell the truth. You’ll be both old fashioned and have a black eye then.

Er, no. You're telling me you know how my other half would react to honesty? I'm sure you could use your crystal ball for a better purpose than that. :rolleyes:

Actually the OP is trying to clean up his mess. It might be in an underhanded and deceitful manner, but that is ultimately what he’s trying to do. So you’re not really interested in him cleaning up his own mess, just that he gets his just deserts.

If you think that by him posting anon on an internet board is somehow proof that this guy is trying to clean up his mess you both need yer heads examined. The fact is he is cheating on them both, posts here for advice he doesnt want to hear, calls himself a "scumbag", refers to the 2nd girl as "the polish bird" (classy dude) and tries in vain to justify his pathetic existence by harping on about his sexual needs. He must have,or should have, anticipated a reaction from those of us who do not think kindly on this kind of mistreatment, especially towards those he proclaims his supposed love for. Frankly I don't give a damn whether he gets his "just deserts" - karma would be best left for the religious discussion board.

I’ve yet to see any sense in what you’re suggesting.

Likewise.

Maybe they are, but that’s up to them to decide, not to the morality police.

I could say the same about the sympathy police. We could fling around tabloid puns all day, hardly what I'd consider a worthwhile experience but knock yourself out.

Ok I'm a scumbag but help anyways ?

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