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Flirty Phone Messages

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Comments

  • #62
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Angry/Annoyed wrote:
    Apparently she would do it on a regular basis. Makes me wonder why.
    Oh sweet gods!

    Are you actually listening to what you are saying?

    You've just said something that indicates both a reason why he would be particularly upset at what he did and a reason why he might be somewhat more inclined towards being a tad secretive than he might otherwise.

    Instead you start taking his paranoid, invasive ex's side!

    Sometimes there is smoke without fire. Sometimes what you've called smoke isn't even smoke. Wait until you see some actual bloody smoke before looking for the fire.

    And six years is nothing. Some people have been with partners for longer, not doing anything extra-marital and not even flirting at all though they are naturally inclined to do so, and still had those partners being paranoid.

    The matter of the flirting levels you're comfortable with is one thing. The two of you can possibly adjust to that one way or another.

    The fact that you are mistrusting him when there is zero evidence that he is doing anything is another matter. You cannot trust someone who has given you no reason to distrust him. Go to a relationship counsellor.


  • #63
    skywalker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,707 ✭✭✭skywalker


    Angry/Annoyed wrote:
    Now, he told me that we were supposed to be going tomorrow night to that girls house for dinner and he is telling me now that he doesnt think that we will make it because he is working late!!! it stinks of cover-up. I just do not trust him. He has done nothing to gain my trust.

    That does sound fairly dodgy alright. Did you ask him why he'd agreed you were both going to dinner at someones house and is only telling you about it the day before when "he cant make it". Does he often work late?

    Also you could call his bluff (if thats what it is) and tell him you'd be delighted to go alone and meet his "friend" :D


  • #64
    moto2006
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21 ✭moto2006


    1. I didnt know his ex used to do that. Apparently she would do it on a regular basis. Makes me wonder why. He was with her for 6 years.
    Same reason you did - but still not a good thing to do or be doing. Also their relationship has ended so probably not the best role model!

    2. I never had trust issues with any previous partners. Not like this. I dont know where this issue/insecurity has come from.
    You probably need to figure that bit out for your own sake. Maybe it is something he is doing, or maybe it's that the relationship didnt get off to the best start & that is bringing out more insecurities. Based on what you've posted up to now he does seem to be fairly blameless but of course there may be more to it and even if its the relationship start thats to blame you can't change that either.

    3. It is horrible to know/realise that what I did could drive him away.

    Yup, but it's done. Grovel time! and hopefully it won't.

    4. I dont know what to say to him anymore. I wish it had never happened now. I regret this alot. Why did I do it? I dont know why. We had a rocky start at the beginning of the relationship. There were ex's involved (both). Maybe it didnt start out right. Maybe ive been carrying this around with me since then. I still feel unsure that he wants to be with "me". Maybe checking his phone has been bourne out of this.

    Well then, maybe thats your answer. It's a shame it has come out like this but at least you have a better idea of whats at the root of the insecurity/jealously

    5. He does deserve someone who will treat him right. Right now I feel awful and I dont know what to do. Ill still feel the same next week, next month, next year. Maybe we are just not right for each other. He keeps alot of things in. I dont understand why he couldnt tell me about these people. It adds to the "secrecy" conspiracy that I have going on in my head.
    I know its hard, but you wont feel like this next month. Whether you're together or not, you'll feel better in time. Also I'm honestly not trying to be a smart ass but if it is a conspiracy he is a bit incompetent - he'll be sacked from the school for spies for leaving his mobile behind!

    Why didnt he tell me? His answer was that he doesnt have to tell me everything. And thats fine, but at least for the love of god let me know whats going on. I dont believe him when he says that one of the girls invited both of "us" to her house. From what I read, she invited him. No mention of me at all.

    To be fair, I would only invite my friends (male and female) to something, and the implicit understanding would be partners are welcome especially in a text (not the quickest thumbs in the west and all that)

    When he told me again about the other girl wanting to meet him, but that he said no that he would prefer to meet her with me, I dont believe him either. He never mentioned either of these people before and no mention of any dinners or meeting up with these people before I read the messages.

    Now, he told me that we were supposed to be going tomorrow night to that girls house for dinner and he is telling me now that he doesnt think that we will make it because he is working late!!! it stinks of cover-up. I just do not trust him. He has done nothing to gain my trust.

    It is a bit odd, but if you are having problems then maybe he doesn't want to put either of you under more pressure by going? Afraid that you'll have a row there ? Maybe it was going to be a suprise? I dont know and neither do you and you could torture yourself thinking of all the possible permunatations and combinations
    Also he hasn't really done anything other then arouse your suspicion to lose your trust either!

    I am just floating along here waiting will after Christmas. I cant keep going like this. I know ye think its all my fault but there are 2 people in this relationship

    I'm not saying this is the case here and it may have no bearing on your situation at all but just to let you know. I went out with someone for about a year & they wrecked my head. He was extremely possessive and jealous, was convinced I was about to run off with any guy I said hi to. Long story short, I came to act in the same way with him and was equally crazy and paranoid. Obviously enough the relationship ended (messily but not a day too soon!)

    Anyway, I was fine while dating casually but when I met someone I really liked and we got into a seriously relationship I fell back into the old habits of previously. I found I had to really think about what it was that made me feel like that - was it really that I thought he'd run off with them? was it that I was annoyed it paid attention to anyone but me? the time he spent talking to them that could have been with me? Now, my SO is not a flirty person at all but he is a nice guy with a lot of "girl" friends BUT luckily enough for me he put up with my crap until I got it sorted.

    Anyways, for me it was more that we had a long distance relationship for the first 8-10 months we were together and I wanted to spend every second of the weekends together & I couldn't see that was the only time he had to see his friends too! Once I figured what was really bugging me it was a lot easier to deal with and also (to give added incentive) he was worth the effort and I could see how upsetting it was for him (having been on the receiving end)

    Hope that helps a wee bit


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