I'm in love with someone else's boyfriend

LegacyUser · 13-12-2006 02:45PM #1

Hi,
There's a guy I'm friends with that I really want to go out with. We're always messing around, horseplay etc and he's always saying he fancies me in a jokey way, I say the same to him. Unfortunately he already has a girlfriend, they've been going out a year now, he's mentioned a couple of times he's getting bored. How do I get him to go out with me instead? I know I sound about 12 but I'm actually 19, I've just never been in this situation before!

Thanks

Catari Jaguar · 13-12-2006 06:47PM

Back off!! Seriously. He MAY well be bored, but do NOT encourage him. He likes the attention from you. But he sounds like a prat. The cheek to tell you he's bored and not his girlf. If he breaks up with her, fair enough. But you should not be the reason. There were some posts up here recently from guys who like a girl but have girlf and are confused. Read them.

Fanny Cradock · 13-12-2006 06:51PM

Sounds like lust, not love.

Ruu_Old · 13-12-2006 06:55PM

Best to leave it OP. You don't have any right to interfere in their relationship. If he is bored then it is up to him to sort it out. I think this is case of you want what you can't have, move on and stay out of it.

challengemaster · 13-12-2006 06:58PM

Fanny Cradock wrote:

Sounds like lust, not love.

agreed.

and also what would happen if he was to get bored with you then after that? you would have already made him think he can just dump the gf he's bored with and move on so if he does get bored with you he'll probably do it in a spilt second. best to leave someone elses bf alone and let them sort their problems out.

13-12-2006 07:02PM

You are asking us to help you brake up a couple? (Blue bites lip, and says no more not wanting to get banned for telling someone off)

free2fly · 13-12-2006 07:07PM

Stay away from that situation. You have no right to interfere in their relationship. And he may just be saying that because he knows that you fancy him and he is just trying to get you into bed so he can have his cake and eat it too. Be patient and see what he decides to do, on his own, about his relationship with his gf. If they break up then fair play. But don't give him a reason for an easy out.

The_B_Man · 13-12-2006 07:21PM

ur prob his backup. i'd say hes keeping you stored for when he eventually does get sick of ur one!

Rozabeez · 13-12-2006 07:47PM

Just back off before the whole lot of you get hurt..

Talliesin · 14-12-2006 01:48AM

Back off.

Right now your potential for making things bad is quite high.

Not so long ago I fancied the hell out of someone who I knew was not too happy with the relationship she was in and while I still flirted with her a bit (after all, I did still fancy her, and besides I'll flirt with anyone capable of stringing two sentences together in flirting back) I did my best to back off.

So then when she dumped him I wasn't in the position of being the person that had complicated her decision in this regard or otherwise making it worse.

Instead I was in the position of being there when she was suddenly available in a nicely uncomplicated way.

(Apparently he did think she'd dumped him for me, but meh he was a muppet anyway, the main thing is what she thought about me not him).

Stabshauptmann · 14-12-2006 11:02AM

Id say if you went for it one of two things would happen.

He'd most likely cheat on her with you then end up finishing with you and getting back with her
Or he'd dump her, have a brief fling with you and move on to someone else.

If you "steal" him you wont be able to keep him, and you always be suspicious of him anyway. Think about it, you know hes a cheater.

If you just want some quick fun and dont care about hurting his gf,

Then you're not likely to win any awards for being nice anytime soon :P

LegacyUser · 16-12-2006 10:17PM

He acts different when she's around, he's not as nice to me. Me and her don't really get on, she's not my cup of tea cos she takes herself quite seriously and I'm always taking the piss out of him which she doesn't seem to like. We don't talk to each other, I feel awkward with him when she's there (especially cos he acts different) and obviously I'm a bit jealous of her. Obviously I've never said anything bad about her because that would make it obvious what's up.

Catari Jaguar · 17-12-2006 12:37PM

aboutaboy wrote:

He acts different when she's around, he's not as nice to me. Me and her don't really get on, she's not my cup of tea cos she takes herself quite seriously and I'm always taking the piss out of him which she doesn't seem to like. We don't talk to each other, I feel awkward with him when she's there (especially cos he acts different) and obviously I'm a bit jealous of her. Obviously I've never said anything bad about her because that would make it obvious what's up.

He acts differently cos he has no intention of letting her know he likes you, as he has no intention of breaking up with her.

You don't get on with her cos your jealous and she prob knows your planning to nick her boyfriend. Also "taking the piss out of him" is flirting and it's cheeky to do it under her nose. Hence her being cold towards you.

He is using you. He likes a bit of a flirt and attention. He will not break up with her for you.

Why did you ask for advice from posters and ignore it?? Are you waiting for some advice you like that says make a move? You prob won't get it. and you know why: Because it's wrong. Go find a single boy.

LegacyUser · 17-12-2006 12:41PM

I'm trying to back off him a bit but its not easy when he starts talking to me, it's not like I can ignore him.

Playboy · 17-12-2006 02:05PM

Be honest with him. Dont kiss him, just tell him how you feel but that you are not prepared to play second fiddle to his current gf. If he feels the same he will break up with his gf and be with you .. if he doesnt break up with his gf then you will know it was just a bit of fun for him. Either way you get closure.

chump · 17-12-2006 02:27PM

lust comes first, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Young enough so I suggest you say to him straight - I fancy you, want to be with you, can't continue with this horseplay nonsense as it's burning a hole in my heart, so dump and girl and be with me, or we'll have to stop seeing each other for a while until I get-over you.

rediguana · 17-12-2006 02:38PM

It's poor etiquette for him to tell another girl he's bored of his relationship. He's no loss, leave him to that other hapless girl.

Boston · 17-12-2006 02:43PM

rediguana wrote:

It's poor etiquette for him to tell another girl he's bored of his relationship. He's no loss, leave him to that other hapless girl.

You don't know how he views the OP. Why is it poor etiquette to discuss relationship problems with a friend? Get off your moral high horse would yea.

rediguana · 17-12-2006 02:45PM

As I remarked previously, POOR etiquette.

rediguana · 17-12-2006 02:48PM

Just playing

Seriously, though, IDEALLY his girlfriend would be the first person to hear about his dissatisfaction. She'd no doubt be perturbed to learn of him confiding in a rival female.

Now, next question!

easyontheeye · 17-12-2006 02:49PM

aboutaboy wrote:

I'm trying to back off him a bit but its not easy when he starts talking to me, it's not like I can ignore him.

your just loving the attention from a guy who is already taken and its making you feel good!

dumbyearbook · 17-12-2006 02:56PM

Well i gotta say you lot are heavy they are 19 for gods sake? Forget the "back off its none of your business" - its not like these guys have kids and mortages !! All is fair in love and war some ppl get hurt every now and again? or don't they.........

as Playboy said above tell him, and dont be messin around with another girls bf basically behind her back,

then ask him " are we for real here or what, is this just a bit of a laugh to you !? " if he leaves her- there ya go ye could be a great couple at the minute some other girl is/might be just in the way - he sounds gutless so make him face up to it! Ive done this to a girl before and it was nt fair had to 'cut her off', once she had the guts to ask! but were still friends just now we know where we stand

Boston · 17-12-2006 03:12PM

rediguana wrote:

Just playing

Seriously, though, IDEALLY his girlfriend would be the first person to hear about his dissatisfaction. She'd no doubt be perturbed to learn of him confiding in a rival female.

Now, next question!

So guys arn't allowed female friends. Got yea.

rediguana · 17-12-2006 03:14PM

.

neuro-praxis · 17-12-2006 03:50PM

Sorry, I have to disagree with the majority of people here.

I think that if somebody is not married then they are fair game. There's no need to be manipulative, tell him your feelings and ask if he's interested. If he says no, then back off. If he says yes, wait til he dumps her, and then happy days.

faceman · 17-12-2006 06:38PM

neuro-praxis wrote:

Sorry, I have to disagree with the majority of people here.

I think that if somebody is not married then they are fair game. There's no need to be manipulative, tell him your feelings and ask if he's interested. If he says no, then back off. If he says yes, wait til he dumps her, and then happy days.

I would and wouldnt agree. Depends on the circumstances. However if yer man is serious about her then he should prove it by leaving his gf. But if hes fooling around now, who's to say he wouldnt do it again.

Saruman · 17-12-2006 06:43PM

Let me get this straight.... You are in "love" with a guy. love usually meaning you would like to spend the rest of your life with him.. anything other than this is not love and is just as others have said.. lust etc..

Anyway So you are in "love" with a guy who has no problem telling another girl he is bored with his current girlfriend and will probably dump her and go out with you? This is someone you think deserves you love? This is someone you think you can trust??

Right.......

Find someone who is not a complete pig.

Ickle Magoo · 17-12-2006 06:57PM

So, tell him how you feel. Don't cheat, don't chase, just be honest & ask for honesty in return. If he wants to play but not finish with his gf or runs a mile, then you know exactly where you stand.

I have to say tho, if he dumps this girl for you then you may well find yourself looking over your shoulder for the remainder of your relationship, checking for signs that he is getting bored with you.

It's far better to take a big step back, make other friends & let him make up his own mind who he wants in his life & in what capacity. Relationships where people jump straight from one person to another have a bad habit of not lasting. Far better to start a relationship based on trust, honesty & genuine mutual attraction rather than curiosity, boredom or convenience...best of luck

Boston · 17-12-2006 07:38PM

rediguana wrote:

I'm a guy. When I'm in the presence of a girl - any girl - sex is never far from my dissolute mind. I'm not atypical.

Maybe you should grow up.

rediguana · 17-12-2006 07:45PM

LiouVille wrote:

Maybe you should grow up.

You should get real

Seriously, though, the original post just supports my point. Boy meets girl and they're friends. Next thing they want to be lovers. It's natural.

Boston · 17-12-2006 08:36PM

rediguana wrote:

You should get real

I am real. You seriously think everyone is limited in same fashion you are?

She wants to go out with him, you don't know that he wants to go out with her.

I'm in love with someone else's boyfriend

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