Girl at work - seriously attracted to her

LegacyUser · 07-12-2006 08:15PM #1

As the title says, I work with a girl who i find really attractive, intelligent and great fun and I think she fancies me cause I've been showing her 'extra' attention. The only trouble is i'm going out with a girl for over 3 years who i love and has all the same qualities although different in her own way.
Am I just infatuated with her?
Or is it a case that I am totally revelling in the attention from another very attractive and sweet girl?
She's the kind of girl that men love cause she is great crack although she is in no way a flirt. I know she has been single for some time now and in a way I feel sorry that she has no male company in her life.
Now, I'm an honest person and probably couldn't live with myself doing the dirt on GF so in a way i'm in a bit of a dillema because I also believe that you only get one crack at this life.
Our christmas party is coming up next Thursday nite and I know I'll find myself gravitating towards her all nite so it could be a little aukward (she knows I have a GF).

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so what did you do?

Caliden · 07-12-2006 08:35PM

The grass is always greener...

LegacyUser · 07-12-2006 08:38PM

Caliden wrote:

The grass is always greener...

I know but you want to see the way she looks at me. It'd make yer heart melt!! I just feel theres a total fatal attraction thing going on between us.

dr.bollocko · 07-12-2006 08:39PM

Man, you love your girlfriend. You can gravitate towards this girl all you want, but in the end, its still gonna just be a crush that comes and goes. Your gf has been there and been fantastic for 3 years. This girl is being built up in your head. She represents everything new, everything exciting, stuff that you cant hope to keep hold of with a gf of three years. But at the same time, I dont think that she could ever live up to what you are hoping she is. Regardless, you have a girlfriend. Its up to you to decide whether or not a shot in the dark is worth trading a 3 year relationship for.
I would suggest that it isnt.

Caryatnid · 07-12-2006 08:44PM

I was in a very similar position to you. The work person was extremely attractive, really nice person, fancied me too. So we kissed, I told my partner, and now almost a year later still can't sleep at night with the guilt. We broke up a few months later but I know it is my fault because I strayed when I had something good. Take from that what advice you want.

Placebo · 07-12-2006 08:44PM

i forbid you to go to that xmas party.

Caryatnid · 07-12-2006 08:45PM

Placebo wrote:

i forbid you to go to that xmas party.

That's really good advice.

LegacyUser · 07-12-2006 08:47PM

dr.bollocko wrote:

........ Its up to you to decide whether or not a shot in the dark is worth trading a 3 year relationship for.
I would suggest that it isnt.

I think, if it comes up somehow for discussion or if she had a few drinks and got a bit close that I might just go as far as telling her that i think she is a really nice girl, v attractive with a super personality and that I would love to have her as a GF if I were a single man but would I wouldn't be dishonest with my current GF etc , however, i would like to remain friends etc.

Ruu_Old · 07-12-2006 08:50PM

What happens if you decide to go out with this new girl and then someone else comes along that you take a fancy to? You have a girlfriend already and have been going out for a long time, its up to you at the end of the day though.

Mr. Presentable · 07-12-2006 08:56PM

unregdbn65 wrote:

great crack

Key phrase, I think. Three years is a long time to be with a girl, so maybe the spark isn't what it used to be.

You love your girlfriend. Then there's no problem; you'll be a good boy. Flirting is OK, makes you both feel nice. Keep it to that. you can't stop going out and believing you're not to be trusted. Trust yourself. Manage yourself. Remember your girlfriend and all the sh1t she has put up with from you.

Catari Jaguar · 07-12-2006 09:22PM

unregdbn65 wrote:

i think she is a really nice girl, v attractive with a super personality and that I would love to have her as a GF if I were a single man

Eh.. ok. So why are you still with your girlfriend? Who you "love" but didn't say "in love". is it in case this girl doesn't reciprocate and at least you'l still have your girlf, who obv isn't enough for you anymore. Don't keep her as a back up option when you want other people. like you said you won't cheat on your girlf, so that's basically the only reason you aren't hitting on other girl, cos you like to think you are a "decent" person. Well you're not. You fancy someone else to the point of wanting them over your girlf and that is bad.

Think of your girlf as being mad about someone and posting something like this. How does that make you feel?

Look, you WANT this other girl, be with her. End your relationship. Do your girlf a favour and allow her to have someone who feels the way about her as you do about this work girl. If you think that's crazy then stop thinking about other girl and realise and appreciate what you have.

07-12-2006 10:36PM

unregdbn65 wrote:

Now, I'm an honest person and probably couldn't live with myself doing the dirt on GF so in a way i'm in a bit of a dillema because I also believe that you only get one crack at this life.

How many "cracks" will you need OP before you will feel comfortable settling down with a GF? If you seriously feel a dilemma about this, perhaps you should leave your current GF, cause if you really loved her, you would not be thinking this way.

Húrin · 07-12-2006 11:57PM

unregdbn65 wrote:

As the title says, I work with a girl who i find really attractive, intelligent and great fun and I think she fancies me cause I've been showing her 'extra' attention. The only trouble is i'm going out with a girl for over 3 years who i love and has all the same qualities although different in her own way.
Am I just infatuated with her?

Yes.

Don't cheat on your girlfriend; that's the bottom line.

LegacyUser · 08-12-2006 02:03AM

I take everyones point. Yes lil kitten i would be mad if she had feelings towards another man and posted on this site but just to explain myself; i guess i'm still trying to sound out my own feelings towards both my GF and being presented with another girl. i am in love with my girlfriend intensely so you may think it a cop out for me to say that i am attracted to this other girl. Most men i know flirt, chat up and admire other women but do not take it to the point where it is jeporadising a relationship , i.e. some act has occurred and trust has broken down.
On an aside note: is it possible to be in love with more than one women? I know that is a deep question but i think it is relevant.

LegacyUser · 08-12-2006 03:12AM

'Someone with the same conundrum with me, the difference is that the girl at college is bloody gorgeous and I feel myself feeling less attracted to my girl of 3 years.

It almost feels as if I'm cheating on my girlfriend by entertaining almost obsessive thoughts about this girl. We share a space and are actually always laughing, she's probably making my grades dip but I couldn't care less. We hang out with the same people in college and are never off eachother's backs with (infantile, yes I know) mocking eachother. Most of the people in college have clocked that I'm so into her but are unable to advise me either way.

It almost feels as if I get myself into college early just to spend time with this girl but I love my girlfriend and could never bring myself to do ANYTHING to hurt her. I can't say for sure if I feel less attracted, it's just we've been through so much **** lately that frankly she's been getting on my nerves but that's hardly something to throw away a 3 yr relationship over, is it?'

Catari Jaguar · 08-12-2006 07:31AM

So now do you think you are in love with work girl?!

Hagar · 08-12-2006 09:14AM

Placebo wrote:

i forbid you to go to that xmas party.

Best advice I've seen in a long time. Avoid the situation and you avoid the temptation.

The truth is you will run into interesting women all through your life, you can't just drop everything and run after every one of them. Appreciate the good woman you have.

Beruthiel · 08-12-2006 09:29AM

unregdbn65 wrote:

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so what did you do?

It's called self control.

chamlis · 08-12-2006 10:52AM

Read my sig.

"Never sh!t where you eat"

Whatever about you and your GF, getting involved with a work colleague is never a good idea. I've had to learn that lesson a few times (you'd think once would be enough :rolleyes:). So unless this work girl is marriage material in practical terms, forget about it.

Sure enjoy the flirting or whatever, but ffs don't let it happen. I wouldn't go to the xmas party either if I were you....

r3nu4l · 08-12-2006 11:03AM

OP, stay away from this situation. Do not tell her how you feel, if she approaches you to tell you how she feels, that's different but "telling her how you feel and saying that you want to be friends" is bullsh!t, what that really means is "I'll tell her how I feel in the hope that she will feel the same and perhaps this will spark us getting together that night".

If your relationship with your GF is not as it should be you should be thinking first about whether it can be made better or whether it's time to end it.

At least have the guts to end this relationship before getting with the work colleague. Are you prepared to do that? If not, stay away from your colleague or at least remain professional and stop giving her special attention, give her the same as the others.

On a side note, have you thought about how you look at work to your other colleagues? If they ahve noticed all the extra attention you are lavishing on this girl you may look at best unprofessional and at worst like a fawning sad sack!

Mighty_Mouse · 08-12-2006 11:06AM

I think, if it comes up somehow for discussion or if she had a few drinks and got a bit close that I might just go as far as

What type of crap is that? So you'll score her with half a chance you mean? If you're not gonna try it on then why have a dodgy conversation?

Either you go for it, shag her brains out and afterwards decide what you wanna do.
Or you drop it now ie you stop flirting and view this girl as you would a "male" mate. ie just a friend.

Also are you sure she's interested? You seem quite deep. I wonder if you're misreading signals. Or maybe ye just both feel comfortable given the fact you're unavailable?

I absolutely hate the guys who cheat on their girlfriends and then bury everyone in their own guilt and excuses. Grow a pair of balls if you're gonna be the type of bloke that cheats then you better be able to handle your own head afterwards.
Do it or don't thats the decision.

Don't "let it happen" and afterwards reach for the excuse book.

Stand over your decision either way, good or bad.

stifz · 08-12-2006 11:29AM

Take your girlfriend out for a meal on the night of the xmas party - re-establish the solid link you have shared for 3 years. Enjoy yourselves have a few bevies, hit a club and act the maggot and have a laugh! Have a night that you'll talk about for weeks to come. Anyone who stands by you in a close relationship for 3 years deserves a chance.

We can all nail the office hottie... Let it go mate and concentrate on the beautiful lady you've shared so much with. They are few and far to find so don't f**k it up.;)

stipey · 08-12-2006 11:34AM

I just feel theres a total fatal attraction thing going on between us.

If it really is a fatal attraction then I would run away now. Fatal means i"causing or capable of causing death".

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Catari Jaguar · 08-12-2006 08:29PM

SameProb wrote:

'Someone with the same conundrum with me, the difference is that the girl at college is bloody gorgeous and I feel myself feeling less attracted to my girl of 3 years.

It almost feels as if I'm cheating on my girlfriend by entertaining almost obsessive thoughts about this girl. We share a space and are actually always laughing, she's probably making my grades dip but I couldn't care less. We hang out with the same people in college and are never off eachother's backs with (infantile, yes I know) mocking eachother. Most of the people in college have clocked that I'm so into her but are unable to advise me either way.

It almost feels as if I get myself into college early just to spend time with this girl but I love my girlfriend and could never bring myself to do ANYTHING to hurt her. I can't say for sure if I feel less attracted, it's just we've been through so much **** lately that frankly she's been getting on my nerves but that's hardly something to throw away a 3 yr relationship over, is it?'

Oh god, I would be physically sick if my boyf thought that. That's awful. How can you harbour thoughts like that and say you'd never hurt her. If she found out she'd be devastated. You're flirting, obsessing, going to college to see this girl. And you think she's hotter than your girlf. Do you think she'd be hurt if she knew? Well just cos she doesn't know doesn't mean you should do it.

panda100 · 08-12-2006 08:38PM

stifz wrote:

Take your girlfriend out for a meal on the night of the xmas party - re-establish the solid link you have shared for 3 years. Enjoy yourselves have a few bevies, hit a club and act the maggot and have a laugh! Have a night that you'll talk about for weeks to come. Anyone who stands by you in a close relationship for 3 years deserves a chance.
)

This is great advice.If you still have feelings for the other girl after the night of romance and fun with your girlfriend then you shouldnt be in a relationship with her anymore.

upthere · 08-12-2006 09:29PM

unregdbn65 wrote:

As the title says, I work with a girl who i find really attractive, intelligent and great fun and I think she fancies me cause I've been showing her 'extra' attention. The only trouble is i'm going out with a girl for over 3 years who i love and has all the same qualities although different in her own way.
Am I just infatuated with her?
Or is it a case that I am totally revelling in the attention from another very attractive and sweet girl?
She's the kind of girl that men love cause she is great crack although she is in no way a flirt. I know she has been single for some time now and in a way I feel sorry that she has no male company in her life.
Now, I'm an honest person and probably couldn't live with myself doing the dirt on GF so in a way i'm in a bit of a dillema because I also believe that you only get one crack at this life.
Our christmas party is coming up next Thursday nite and I know
I'll find myself gravitating towards her all
nite so it could be a little aukward (she knows I have a GF).

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so what did you do?

First of all if you just read your quote above and just read the bolded comments do they make sense?
Firs off all being great crack and attractive and sweet doesn't mean you'll be together forever in this "one crack in life" attitude. Why not 2 cracks, maybe 3 or even 4?
If she knows you like her from all this special attention, then why doesn't she find it awkward being around you in work when she knows you have a GF?
I would not get myself in the relationship mess in the first place, its like running up a credit card bill trying to save cash. IT's stupid!

Dors1976 · 08-12-2006 10:19PM

I think you have to look at this from a different angle, what if you made a move on this girl and she doesn't feel the same, how awkward will work be then? or even if you ended up with her, work will become uncomfortable.

Never mix business with pleasure, my motto! - unless you're single!

upthere · 08-12-2006 10:25PM

Dors1976 wrote:

I think you have to look at this from a different angle, what if you made a move on this girl and she doesn't feel the same, how awkward will work be then? or even if you ended up with her, work will become uncomfortable.

Never mix business with pleasure, my motto! - unless you're single!

well said:)

LegacyUser · 09-12-2006 01:32AM

'

Lil Kitten wrote:

Oh god, I would be physically sick if my boyf thought that. That's awful. How can you harbour thoughts like that and say you'd never hurt her. If she found out she'd be devastated. You're flirting, obsessing, going to college to see this girl. And you think she's hotter than your girlf. Do you think she'd be hurt if she knew? Well just cos she doesn't know doesn't mean you should do it.

So you're saying that I should feel bad about my personal thoughts? I don't think she's hotter... I just feel far more attracted to her in my current state. I would never intentionally hurt this girl and I wouldn't cheat on her. I do love her and yes she would be hurt... devastated, which is why I won't say anything about this to her ever.

I suppose what my problem is that I'm letting my relationship be shaken in my head for a little bit of infatuation. Does that actually make me that bad of a person or is it natural that, we're not married and I should still have the right to be interested?'

Playboy · 09-12-2006 05:19AM

Lil Kitten wrote:

Oh god, I would be physically sick if my boyf thought that. That's awful. How can you harbour thoughts like that and say you'd never hurt her. If she found out she'd be devastated. You're flirting, obsessing, going to college to see this girl. And you think she's hotter than your girlf. Do you think she'd be hurt if she knew? Well just cos she doesn't know doesn't mean you should do it.

I'm sorry but you live in fantasy land and are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. People cant control their thoughts or the way the feel .. they have control over what they do with those thoughts and feelings and that is what trust is. Everybody fancies other people and finds other people attractive .. we are are wired that way. Maybe people dont find other people as attractive in the honeymoon period but give the realtionship a few years and both peoples eyes will start to wander. It takes hard work and commitment to make a realtionship work .. the grass will always seem greener and its tough to constantly resist temptation. But temptation imo is always easier to resist when both people in the realtionship acknowledge that temptaion is there. Dont fool yourself into thinking that your partner never lusts after other people because he does and so do you if you are honest with yourself.

The two guys on this thread are faced with dilemmas that all guys and girls are faced with .. we all flirt, think about other people, develop crushes etc. its normal and natural. You just have to realize that you have to stop chasing honeymoons at some point. The honeymoon period with the new girl will end too guys and what do you do then .. chase a new girl? Evaluate your relationship in terms of compatibility and friendship .. do you think that a relationship with the new girl will be stronger because you have more in common? If yes then move on .. you only live once .. if no then go have a **** and get over it. Avoid the girl and get it out of your mind.

Catari Jaguar · 09-12-2006 12:17PM

Yea, fair enough you want someone else, so end your relationship. It's selfish to shop around n keep your bf/gf as a back up. I wouldn't want to be second best. if my boyf had a crush on another girl I'd tell him to fcuk off and be with her. No point in staying together out of misguided loyalty. People change. Yes it is natural. But staying with someone while wanting another is not loyal.

To all you guys out there that feel that way, next time you're having sex or a nice romantic moment with your girlf, just think that she is wishing it was with X from the office/ college who she's secretly mad about and thinking about all the time. And you are the fool, who knows no better.

And to sameprob, how can you say you won't hurt her but deliberately flirt with this girl, hang out with her, go to college early to spend more time with her to allow yourself to get closer to her. If you loved your girlf you wouldn't be that selfish, but spending time with X girl is more important to you.

"It almost feels as if I'm cheating on my girlfriend by entertaining almost obsessive thoughts about this girl." Now, I can't say that you SHOULD feel bad or not, but it seems you've answered your own question...

Girl at work - seriously attracted to her

Comments