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Girl at work - seriously attracted to her

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭Playboy


    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Yea, fair enough you want someone else, so end your relationship. It's selfish to shop around n keep your bf/gf as a back up. I wouldn't want to be second best. if my boyf had a crush on another girl I'd tell him to fcuk off and be with her. No point in staying together out of misguided loyalty. People change. Yes it is natural. But staying with someone while wanting another is not loyal.

    To all you guys out there that feel that way, next time you're having sex or a nice romantic moment with your girlf, just think that she is wishing it was with X from the office/ college who she's secretly mad about and thinking about all the time. And you are the fool, who knows no better.

    And to sameprob, how can you say you won't hurt her but deliberately flirt with this girl, hang out with her, go to college early to spend more time with her to allow yourself to get closer to her. If you loved your girlf you wouldn't be that selfish, but spending time with X girl is more important to you.

    "It almost feels as if I'm cheating on my girlfriend by entertaining almost obsessive thoughts about this girl." Now, I can't say that you SHOULD feel bad or not, but it seems you've answered your own question...

    You aint never gonna be happy. Guys will always want another girl at some stage. They cant help feeling that way but they dont do anything becuase they realize that they love you and its not worth it. Its got nothing to do with keeping someone as backup .. its about human biology. People dont just fancy their partner for them rest of their lives and no one else .. that is fantasy. People can spend their whole lives with someone else and not cheat though .. that is waht you should expect. Expect your partner to control their actions not their feelings.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    Playboy wrote:
    Guys will always want another girl at some stage... its about human biology.
    Yea, ALL people. pff...

    So to you there's no difference between the average person thinking "hmm... that guy/girl is hot" and actually wanting to be with another person? Like the OPs that are obsessing over other girls they want as girlfriends instead??

    Let's just leave it as you are completely missing my point.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭Playboy


    Lil Kitten wrote:
    Yea, ALL people. pff...

    So to you there's no difference between the average person thinking "hmm... that guy/girl is hot" and actually wanting to be with another person? Like the OPs that are obsessing over other girls they want as girlfriends instead??

    Let's just leave it as you are completely missing my point.


    Yes there is a difference between the two. But if you believe that over the course of a long term relationship that you or your boyfriend are not going to meet someone else who you happen to click with that you think you might want to be with then you are fooling yourself. You are always going to meet people that you fancy, click with, that makes you question your relationship. Thats why relationships are hard work .. you have to keep the other person interested and they you interested. If the realtionship starts to get boring or gets in a rut its very easy for people to leave and find new pastures if something else that is more exciting presents itself.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 720 ✭✭✭3greenrizla's


    unregdbn65 wrote:
    Now, I'm an honest person and probably couldn't live with myself doing the dirt on GF

    Good to hear but, if this is true you have no dilema.

    sorry, your options are;

    A) split up with your girlfriend.

    B) stay with your girlfriend.

    also how many cracks would your GF give you with if she finds out you done the dirt?




    p.s. I would go to the xmas party, watch what you drink & make sure nothing happens.


  • Posts: 6,176 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    OP, forget it.

    From what you are saying, all you are thinking about is banging this new girl - its male nature, every guy does it.

    If you can honestly think (and not want to think) that you can have intimate and deep conversations with this girl all night, and think that she will support you through the sh%t times and put up with all your crap then go with it.

    But if its just a fresh bang you want, go for a dirty weekend somewhere and try and kick start you relationship again.

    Don't loose what you took for granted, cuz you will regret it later.

    And don't skip the xmas party - thats just running away. If you can't control yourself you will only get in more trouble later.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23 Sam_irl


    Think about something you would do impulsively before you do it on instinct, it makes things easier after a month.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 279 ✭✭Aoife-FM104


    I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here.

    OP has low self esteem. OP is getting attention from a female. This is making him feel good. OP is confusing attention with love.

    OP, don't go to the Christmas party. Don't ruit your relationship unless you are certain this new girl is the one for you. Three year relationships are a lot more valuable than people realise.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'I think you should follow your own advice,

    "I think, if it comes up somehow for discussion or if she had a few drinks and got a bit close that I might just go as far as telling her that i think she is a really nice girl, v attractive...."

    sounds like the most sensible approach, this other girl may have feelings for you, so let her know her place,

    "that I would love to have her as a GF if I were a single man but would I wouldn't be dishonest with my current GF etc , however, i would like to remain friends etc"

    if you believe she fancies you. So u save ur current relationship, & friendship with the work girl, and from losing both if u hurt either of them (especially, if its a fling, women are more emotionally involved), and you will consequently hurt urself, and lose out!
    DONT CHEAT!!!!!!'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25 josephine20


    If you're looking for someone to pat you on the back and say "we've all been there" you don't really deserve the sympathy. Don't try to be making yourself out to be a decent and honest person because you're not. Ok, you can't help your feelings but you can do something about your actions. But I don't get what you say about not wanting to hurt her and you love her and all that. There can't be that much love if you can stand to deceive her. If you want to try it on with the work girl, break up with your girlfriend. I'm in a long term relationship myself and I would be so mad to find out my boyfriend was having his cake and eating it too. I doubt she's in the relationship putting a lot of effort in just to have it thrown back in her face.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 97 ✭✭want2play


    A bit of female attention and your off thinking you should ruin a 3 year relationship.
    Your lucky to have a girlfriend as your obviously not very mature.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7 Awayyablaggard


    Ok my friend, there are really only two choices here.

    1. Put it all outta your mind (if that's possible) and try your best to see it as something that happens to everyone from time to time. If you can get distracted by this one then, like buses, another one will be along shortly - so where do you draw the line.

    2. You stop the worrying and mental anguish and bite the bullet. Life is full of people walking around saying this like "I wonder if I had done that how it would have worked out". By the time you ask yourself that question it's all too late and this girl will have moved on naturally or gone to find someone else because you made no move.

    There's no right and no wrong here - the only thing you have to deal with is your conscience. Yes, you may feel like a bast**d for a while and if your current gf finds out you have played away from home then she will most likely take a lot of time (if ever) to forgive you. But, in the long run, does all of that matter? This new girl may be a flash in the pan thing or, alternatively, may be the best thing that ever happened to you - there's just no way of knowing!

    If it were me - can't honestly say as each situation and relationship is unique. However, I would be honest with myself and question my reasons for being with my current gf as your mind and emotions appear to be split 50/50...and that is not a good ratio! My gut feeling would be to move on and see where this possible relationship would take me/us. If it doesn't work then you've lost your old gf but ultimately that may well be on the cards anyway; if it does, then all is good.

    You are right when you say that we only get one crack at this life so make the most of it. You will get over any guilt that comes about ending a relationship, but you owe it to yourself to be as happy as you can be.

    Get in there!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'It is very possible to love two people at once, and its heartbreaking sometimes, so lay off the harsh criticism, cos it can easily happen to any1, without ever having had prior intentions it can happen, and you can be torn in two. Be easy on yourself, and don't dwell on it either, cos it will end up having an effect on yourself and maybe your relationships if you become frustrated with it.

    Hope u figure it out for urself, nobody can really give advise unless they can see the situation in its totality and the dynamics of what's going on. Be sensible and keep it real'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The grass is always greener on the other side,
    But you'll never know till you get the ride


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