Spanking your child, would you?

L31mr0d · 01-09-2006 09:10AM #1

I'm a 20 something adult and I was brought up that if I did something wrong I was told not to do it again or i'd get the wooden spoon, when I did it again I got the wooden spoon. Admittedly at the time I resented it, but in retrospect I appreciate it. It thought me right from wrong when I was at an age where I couldn't understand why there was a need for it.

In my mind I would raise my own child the same way, reasoning with them first why they shouldn't to it then outlining the consequences if they where to repeat it again

All this rubbish going on these days with parents being scared to spank their children for fear they'll sue them, or for fear they are going to have a ton of bricks dropped on them by liberals. I have numerous parents with children that I know who have little brats running around breaking things, drawings on the walls, screaming. I asked them why they don't just tell the child to stop and then spank them if they continue and they where like "oh we couldn't possible to that, you should never have reason to hit your child". Its this mentality that I feel has children shouting insults at adults on the streets, a lack of respect for their elders, and a belief that they can get away with anything. What are your opinions

WhiteWashMan · 01-09-2006 09:15AM

my opinion is the parenting forum would enjoy this highly topically and emotive discussion

Dyr · 01-09-2006 09:28AM

true, but you can say stuff like "hell, yeah" to this question in AH

azezil · 01-09-2006 09:39AM

Nah, psychological abuse is far more effective... my ma thought me that ¬_¬

L31mr0d · 01-09-2006 09:39AM

I'm not posing the question to parents, i'm posing it to people in general, who either have or don't have children. Would I be wrong in assuming "parents" would use the "parenting" forum?

layke · 01-09-2006 09:51AM

I'm the same as the OP, raised by the spoon, live by the spoon, die by the spoon.

Everyday I see kids who's mother looks on as they rip the wallpaper down in random stores i'm in. If that was my child, i'd be carrying a wooden spoon around in my pocket.

I'd actually like to see the flip side of this coin. As in why people would refuse to spank their kids and their arguments against it. Personally I think it's a necessity to have a well mannered child.

I'll mention i'm not a daddy, nor do I plan to become one so my experience here is based on my own youth and retrospect.

Mrs_Doyle · 01-09-2006 09:52AM

I ticked yes, but I just want to make clear that I do not agree with what I understand to be spanking, (a child being bent over the parents knee and having it's bottom spanked) I do, however, agree with a child receiving light smack on the hand, etc.

I consider the spanking of a child's bottom to be hugely degrading and humiliating, for both parent and child, however, I do think a light smack on the hand will drive home a point, when a child has been rude or naughty.

I have watched dozens of episodes of Super Nanny, and Nanny 911, and I have seen some small children behave disgracefully, and I certainly thought that in some cases their behaviour justified a swift slap and a no nonsense attitude.

Sauce · 01-09-2006 09:56AM

A good beating never done me any harm anyway. As long as its below the neck and not going to bruise the child then i'm all for it

Mossy Monk · 01-09-2006 10:01AM

did me no harm, so i selected option 1

Stephen · 01-09-2006 10:12AM

I'm another child of the wooden spoon

Didn't do me any harm, and it only had to be used once or twice.

Zedd · 01-09-2006 10:14AM

I was raised by the spoon as well, as where my two brothers and it didnt do us a bit of harm.
I think kids cop on pretty quick that if they do something wrong and the worst that happens is they´re parents give em a bit of a talking to, it wont phase they at all.
I always was given a warning and then if it happened again you could be sure you were in the sh!t. Also seeing it happen to one of my brothers would set me straight on right and wrong pretty quick as well.

I think i turned out better for it when looking at some of the other people who i grew up with and the kind of trouble they would end up in.

I´m no father our anything at the moment but if i where to have children i´d have no hesitancy about dealing out some punishment via the spoon if its deserved.

Archeron · 01-09-2006 10:20AM

I'm beginning to feel left out now, as we didnt have a spoon.

My dad however, did have a Bamboo cane that was called "Jem" for some reason, and my mum was a dab hand with a tightly rolled tea towel. Never did me or my family any harm to get a smack or two, and that most certainly taught us that smashing windows is bad, mmmk. So I vote yes, in extreme circumstances.

toomevara · 01-09-2006 10:21AM

I'm 34, got a 12 year old son who started secondary yesterday and I've never raised my hand to him and he's doing fine. In fact I couldnt even imagine hitting him...oh and dont get me wrong he aint a cherubic paragon of good manners...he can be a right little bollix (just like his old man) but I really cant see what a physical beating would bring to the table in any situation, except to up the ante...i.e. make him less likely to co-operate and me so guilt stricken that all good judgement goes out the window....

Alot of it is a cultural thing too, my father never hit me, and I'm always genuinely shocked when i see adults hit kids....just seems so, well.... barbarous and counter productive.....

L31mr0d · 01-09-2006 10:22AM

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I consider the spanking of a child's bottom to be hugely degrading and humiliating, for both parent and child, however, I do think a light smack on the hand will drive home a point, when a child has been rude or naughty.

Thats funny because as a child I prefered the bottom, being hit on the hand meant a stinging palm for an extra 5 minutes, whereas the pain on the bottom wore off after only a few seconds. When you see every other kid around you getting spanked on the bottom, you just accept it as normal, I never felt degraded by it. I think as adults we associate certain parts of our body being touched as degrading, but as a child your bottom is just another part of your body that needs to be covered up. Sure a lot of parents let their children walk around naked on the beach, is that degrading? Would the child even realise or care even if it was?

Mrs_Doyle · 01-09-2006 10:28AM

I can remember being about 5 or 6 and my mam attempting to spank me, I was so humiliated that I wriggled and screamed and kicked up such a fuss - I was absolutely mortified, and as a result, behaved much in a fashion much worse to the one I was originally being punished for.
I think my Mam gave up, gave me a good slap across the legs and a telling off.
I was never, ever spanked again, and she never spanked my younger brother or sisters.

We were slapped and smacked, and we generally deserved it, but I do think the manner in which you physically discipline your child is very important.

L31mr0d · 01-09-2006 10:29AM

toomevara wrote:

I've never raised my hand to him... I really cant see what a physical beating would bring to the table in any situation... barbarous and counter productive.....

See its phrases like that that are wrong, I would never raise my hand and strike a child nor would I give the child a physical "beating". There is a big difference between explaining a punishment to a child then going through with it, then beating or striking a child out of frustration or anger. What you have explained IS barbarous and counter productive but it is not what we are talking about. We are talking about a smack on the hand or bottom as punishment.

miles teg · 01-09-2006 10:32AM

My mum used to hit us with a flat wooden thing ( think it was for pressing butter or something). It was all a bit of fun until one day, she broke it when hitting us with it. After that, she had to use her hand... was never quite the same

. My poor mum eventually had to give up hitting us because it was hurting her hand more than it was hurting us.

Nostalgia aside, when I grow up, I will hit my children lightly with my hand if it is warranted

Tha Gopher · 01-09-2006 10:36AM

When i was a boy presidents spanked us all the time. Mary Robinson spanked me on 3 non consecutive occasions, never did me harm.

chump · 01-09-2006 10:39AM

I wouldn't approve now of full-throttle spanking/beating. But after a child has done something really stupid/dangerous/wrong, I think a wee belt will give them the shock to know just how annoyed the parent is.
I'd also say this kind of treatment should be reserved for the most severe occasions, and probably is more effective if used sparingly!

Zedd · 01-09-2006 11:11AM

If your kids has been warned and so on and they continue to do whatever it is and the parents follow through with the threat, it will only ever have to be used sparingly. After seeing once or twice that they will actually get the punishment the threat is normally enough after that.

Irish Gardener · 01-09-2006 11:16AM

My two brothers and I got the wooden spoon whenever we were particularly bold.
We all turned out well, no mental scarring or anything.
The thing is, with 3 sons the family wooden spoon got worn/shattered down to the wooden stick.
We had hard arses you see.:D

01-09-2006 11:18AM

A slap across the legs lightly or a smack on the hand should be all and if this is done when the child is young enough to learn quickly and forget!
After 3 or 4 other methods of discipline should be sufficient! If ever in my case if/when I have kid’s that it’s not then I would seek help with raising my child

Parenting course etc

Wooden spoons, Jesus Christ some parents shouldn't be allowed away with that, each to their own but like parenting in itself, some people take it to the extremes and don’t know when to stop!
I might be individualistic in the fact that the method's that were used to discipline myself and my siblings still stick with me to this day!

Trinity · 01-09-2006 11:35AM

I'm on 2 minds about this one.

I often give my son who is 6 a smack on the arm or bum, hes a right handful but it never does any good hes a huge lad for his age and i do smack him lightly.

I find threatening to take his privileges i.e gameboy/playstation etc away works much better (as long as i follow through on the threat).

I got smacked as a child, mam would usually hit with the spoon after a lot of screaming and threatening. Or sometimes whatever was close to hand (a coat hanger i believe it was once) - but despite that we still didnt take her seriously.

my dad on the other hand very very rarely hit us. yet when he said something we knew he meant it and we were more scared of him, he never even had to raise his voice. He would fold his belt in half and make the snapping noise with it - that was enough for us to stop.

Zedd · 01-09-2006 11:49AM

See thats how i think it works. Trinity1´s dad did it a few times and it sounds like it was undertaken in a serious manor and it was effective he didnt have to do it many times after that.

That way the kid knows exactly how things stand ie the dad said he would and he does.
Where as with the mother screaming and shouting and then hitting you its kind of seen as the result of all the anger instead of a punishment and then not taken seriously.

SantaHoe · 01-09-2006 11:59AM

It's much of a muchness really... I think the more important question is how involved you are in your childs life.
It doesn't matter how strict you are at home if you're letting them roam the streets with a group of dodgy friends.
The best you can hope for is that you've equipped them with the ability to chose their friends wisely and recognise antisocial behaviour for what it is.
Whether smacking or time-outs, it's a means to an end... the important part IMHO is the message behind it... both are pointless if nothing is learned.

Ruu_Old · 01-09-2006 12:04PM

Trinity1 wrote:

I'm on 2 minds about this one.

I often give my son who is 6 a smack on the arm or bum, hes a right handful but it never does any good hes a huge lad for his age and i do smack him lightly.

I find threatening to take his privileges i.e gameboy/playstation etc away works much better (as long as i follow through on the threat).

I got smacked as a child, mam would usually hit with the spoon after a lot of screaming and threatening. Or sometimes whatever was close to hand (a coat hanger i believe it was once) - but despite that we still didnt take her seriously.

my dad on the other hand very very rarely hit us. yet when he said something we knew he meant it and we were more scared of him, he never even had to raise his voice. He would fold his belt in half and make the snapping noise with it - that was enough for us to stop.

Something similar here from my childhood, no belt though. My Dad was more of the authority figure while my Mam yelled alot. As CSG said a slap across the legs was usually what happened to me or my siblings.

That said I don't think I could slap a child if I ever end up having my own kids.

Ickle Magoo · 01-09-2006 12:20PM

Voted no, I don't like smacking, tapping - any kind of physical enforcement for kids.

I remember my Mum smacking me while saying "You *smack* will *smack* not *smack* hit *smack* your *smack* sister!"....it gets very confusing to a child when you tell them hitting is wrong and then hit them for doing wrong. I use a naughty corner & find explaining why they shouldn't do something far more effecting punnishment for stopping behaviours than using pain & fear.

Trinity · 01-09-2006 12:22PM

Its a lot to do with self control. I swore i would never hit my son. But jesus it can be hard going when he is screaming and shouting and lashing out.

I'm ashamed to say i am a screamer, all hot air though and rarely follow through on threats. (like my mum)

now half the problem i have with my sons behaviour is that he is always screaming and shouting!!

SO i have to watch how i compose myself around my son and how i deal with my temper because obviously my behaviour is reflective in his actions and we will end up in a vicous circle if the adult does not take control of the situation.

easy say but working on it! If i want him to be calm and well behaved, then i have to be calm and well behaved. If i dont want him to be aggressive, well then i have to show him that hitting is not the answer so therefore i cant really hit him.

I wish he came with an instruction manual.

Chinafoot · 01-09-2006 12:28PM

I think in extreme circumstances a smack can be warranted. Like Mrs_Doyle said, I wouldn't agree with "spanking" but I would use a smack on the hand when all other attempts at discipline have failed.

When I was growing up we were rarely ever hit but when we were...bloody hell you knew you were in big trouble and whatever you got hit for..well, you'd never do it again.

Because we rarely got hit, a smack across the back of the legs had a greater impact and was more effective in teaching us that what we had done was really wrong. A class mate of mine in primary school got "spanked" all the time for any bold deed but it just became meaningless to him and he continued being a brat regardless.

6th · 01-09-2006 12:35PM

I'd never do it and i think iits wrong.

The kids i see that get hit are the kids that act up more, these are the kids you see smacking their siblings cuase they think violence is the answer to bad behavior.

Hitting kids is the lazy way, dont get me wrong its tempting but its out of my head as soon as its in.

Parents do it out of frustration, i'd like to find someone who does it with a calm level head?

Tobias Greeshman · 01-09-2006 12:51PM

Well I think a light slapping on arms/hand or legs in extreme cases is fine. I think more psychological methods work better, such as sending child to their room for a few hours, or taking away a certain privilage (eg. playstation, stopping the from going out with their friends).

I was a child of the wooden spoon era, and got slapped on many occassions and it didn't do us much harm. Ah the threats of the wooden spoon, I remember hiding the wooden spoon on my poor mother a few times.

Spanking your child, would you?

Would you spank your child? 135 votes

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