Spanking your child, would you?

L31mr0d

I'm a 20 something adult and I was brought up that if I did something wrong I was told not to do it again or i'd get the wooden spoon, when I did it again I got the wooden spoon. Admittedly at the time I resented it, but in retrospect I appreciate it. It thought me right from wrong when I was at an age where I couldn't understand why there was a need for it.

In my mind I would raise my own child the same way, reasoning with them first why they shouldn't to it then outlining the consequences if they where to repeat it again

All this rubbish going on these days with parents being scared to spank their children for fear they'll sue them, or for fear they are going to have a ton of bricks dropped on them by liberals. I have numerous parents with children that I know who have little brats running around breaking things, drawings on the walls, screaming. I asked them why they don't just tell the child to stop and then spank them if they continue and they where like "oh we couldn't possible to that, you should never have reason to hit your child". Its this mentality that I feel has children shouting insults at adults on the streets, a lack of respect for their elders, and a belief that they can get away with anything. What are your opinions

WhiteWashMan

my opinion is the parenting forum would enjoy this highly topically and emotive discussion

Dyr

true, but you can say stuff like "hell, yeah" to this question in AH

azezil

Nah, psychological abuse is far more effective... my ma thought me that ¬_¬

L31mr0d

I'm not posing the question to parents, i'm posing it to people in general, who either have or don't have children. Would I be wrong in assuming "parents" would use the "parenting" forum?

layke

I'm the same as the OP, raised by the spoon, live by the spoon, die by the spoon.

Everyday I see kids who's mother looks on as they rip the wallpaper down in random stores i'm in. If that was my child, i'd be carrying a wooden spoon around in my pocket.

I'd actually like to see the flip side of this coin. As in why people would refuse to spank their kids and their arguments against it. Personally I think it's a necessity to have a well mannered child.

I'll mention i'm not a daddy, nor do I plan to become one so my experience here is based on my own youth and retrospect.

Mrs_Doyle

I ticked yes, but I just want to make clear that I do not agree with what I understand to be spanking, (a child being bent over the parents knee and having it's bottom spanked) I do, however, agree with a child receiving light smack on the hand, etc.

I consider the spanking of a child's bottom to be hugely degrading and humiliating, for both parent and child, however, I do think a light smack on the hand will drive home a point, when a child has been rude or naughty.

I have watched dozens of episodes of Super Nanny, and Nanny 911, and I have seen some small children behave disgracefully, and I certainly thought that in some cases their behaviour justified a swift slap and a no nonsense attitude.

Sauce

A good beating never done me any harm anyway. As long as its below the neck and not going to bruise the child then i'm all for it

Mossy Monk

did me no harm, so i selected option 1

Stephen

I'm another child of the wooden spoon
Didn't do me any harm, and it only had to be used once or twice.

Zedd

I was raised by the spoon as well, as where my two brothers and it didnt do us a bit of harm.
I think kids cop on pretty quick that if they do something wrong and the worst that happens is they´re parents give em a bit of a talking to, it wont phase they at all.
I always was given a warning and then if it happened again you could be sure you were in the sh!t. Also seeing it happen to one of my brothers would set me straight on right and wrong pretty quick as well.

I think i turned out better for it when looking at some of the other people who i grew up with and the kind of trouble they would end up in.

I´m no father our anything at the moment but if i where to have children i´d have no hesitancy about dealing out some punishment via the spoon if its deserved.

Archeron

I'm beginning to feel left out now, as we didnt have a spoon.

My dad however, did have a Bamboo cane that was called "Jem" for some reason, and my mum was a dab hand with a tightly rolled tea towel. Never did me or my family any harm to get a smack or two, and that most certainly taught us that smashing windows is bad, mmmk. So I vote yes, in extreme circumstances.

toomevara

I'm 34, got a 12 year old son who started secondary yesterday and I've never raised my hand to him and he's doing fine. In fact I couldnt even imagine hitting him...oh and dont get me wrong he aint a cherubic paragon of good manners...he can be a right little bollix (just like his old man) but I really cant see what a physical beating would bring to the table in any situation, except to up the ante...i.e. make him less likely to co-operate and me so guilt stricken that all good judgement goes out the window....

Alot of it is a cultural thing too, my father never hit me, and I'm always genuinely shocked when i see adults hit kids....just seems so, well.... barbarous and counter productive.....

L31mr0d

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I consider the spanking of a child's bottom to be hugely degrading and humiliating, for both parent and child, however, I do think a light smack on the hand will drive home a point, when a child has been rude or naughty.

Thats funny because as a child I prefered the bottom, being hit on the hand meant a stinging palm for an extra 5 minutes, whereas the pain on the bottom wore off after only a few seconds. When you see every other kid around you getting spanked on the bottom, you just accept it as normal, I never felt degraded by it. I think as adults we associate certain parts of our body being touched as degrading, but as a child your bottom is just another part of your body that needs to be covered up. Sure a lot of parents let their children walk around naked on the beach, is that degrading? Would the child even realise or care even if it was?

Mrs_Doyle

I can remember being about 5 or 6 and my mam attempting to spank me, I was so humiliated that I wriggled and screamed and kicked up such a fuss - I was absolutely mortified, and as a result, behaved much in a fashion much worse to the one I was originally being punished for.
I think my Mam gave up, gave me a good slap across the legs and a telling off.
I was never, ever spanked again, and she never spanked my younger brother or sisters.

We were slapped and smacked, and we generally deserved it, but I do think the manner in which you physically discipline your child is very important.

L31mr0d

toomevara wrote:

I've never raised my hand to him... I really cant see what a physical beating would bring to the table in any situation... barbarous and counter productive.....

See its phrases like that that are wrong, I would never raise my hand and strike a child nor would I give the child a physical "beating". There is a big difference between explaining a punishment to a child then going through with it, then beating or striking a child out of frustration or anger. What you have explained IS barbarous and counter productive but it is not what we are talking about. We are talking about a smack on the hand or bottom as punishment.

miles teg

My mum used to hit us with a flat wooden thing ( think it was for pressing butter or something). It was all a bit of fun until one day, she broke it when hitting us with it. After that, she had to use her hand... was never quite the same . My poor mum eventually had to give up hitting us because it was hurting her hand more than it was hurting us.

Nostalgia aside, when I grow up, I will hit my children lightly with my hand if it is warranted

Tha Gopher

When i was a boy presidents spanked us all the time. Mary Robinson spanked me on 3 non consecutive occasions, never did me harm.

chump

I wouldn't approve now of full-throttle spanking/beating. But after a child has done something really stupid/dangerous/wrong, I think a wee belt will give them the shock to know just how annoyed the parent is.
I'd also say this kind of treatment should be reserved for the most severe occasions, and probably is more effective if used sparingly!

Zedd

If your kids has been warned and so on and they continue to do whatever it is and the parents follow through with the threat, it will only ever have to be used sparingly. After seeing once or twice that they will actually get the punishment the threat is normally enough after that.

Irish Gardener

My two brothers and I got the wooden spoon whenever we were particularly bold.
We all turned out well, no mental scarring or anything.
The thing is, with 3 sons the family wooden spoon got worn/shattered down to the wooden stick.
We had hard arses you see.:D

A slap across the legs lightly or a smack on the hand should be all and if this is done when the child is young enough to learn quickly and forget!
After 3 or 4 other methods of discipline should be sufficient! If ever in my case if/when I have kid’s that it’s not then I would seek help with raising my child

Parenting course etc

Wooden spoons, Jesus Christ some parents shouldn't be allowed away with that, each to their own but like parenting in itself, some people take it to the extremes and don’t know when to stop!
I might be individualistic in the fact that the method's that were used to discipline myself and my siblings still stick with me to this day!

Trinity

I'm on 2 minds about this one.

I often give my son who is 6 a smack on the arm or bum, hes a right handful but it never does any good hes a huge lad for his age and i do smack him lightly.

I find threatening to take his privileges i.e gameboy/playstation etc away works much better (as long as i follow through on the threat).

I got smacked as a child, mam would usually hit with the spoon after a lot of screaming and threatening. Or sometimes whatever was close to hand (a coat hanger i believe it was once) - but despite that we still didnt take her seriously.

my dad on the other hand very very rarely hit us. yet when he said something we knew he meant it and we were more scared of him, he never even had to raise his voice. He would fold his belt in half and make the snapping noise with it - that was enough for us to stop.

Zedd

See thats how i think it works. Trinity1´s dad did it a few times and it sounds like it was undertaken in a serious manor and it was effective he didnt have to do it many times after that.

That way the kid knows exactly how things stand ie the dad said he would and he does.
Where as with the mother screaming and shouting and then hitting you its kind of seen as the result of all the anger instead of a punishment and then not taken seriously.

SantaHoe

It's much of a muchness really... I think the more important question is how involved you are in your childs life.
It doesn't matter how strict you are at home if you're letting them roam the streets with a group of dodgy friends.
The best you can hope for is that you've equipped them with the ability to chose their friends wisely and recognise antisocial behaviour for what it is.
Whether smacking or time-outs, it's a means to an end... the important part IMHO is the message behind it... both are pointless if nothing is learned.

Ruu_Old

Trinity1 wrote:

I'm on 2 minds about this one.

I often give my son who is 6 a smack on the arm or bum, hes a right handful but it never does any good hes a huge lad for his age and i do smack him lightly.

I find threatening to take his privileges i.e gameboy/playstation etc away works much better (as long as i follow through on the threat).

I got smacked as a child, mam would usually hit with the spoon after a lot of screaming and threatening. Or sometimes whatever was close to hand (a coat hanger i believe it was once) - but despite that we still didnt take her seriously.

my dad on the other hand very very rarely hit us. yet when he said something we knew he meant it and we were more scared of him, he never even had to raise his voice. He would fold his belt in half and make the snapping noise with it - that was enough for us to stop.

Something similar here from my childhood, no belt though. My Dad was more of the authority figure while my Mam yelled alot. As CSG said a slap across the legs was usually what happened to me or my siblings.

That said I don't think I could slap a child if I ever end up having my own kids.

Ickle Magoo

Voted no, I don't like smacking, tapping - any kind of physical enforcement for kids.

I remember my Mum smacking me while saying "You *smack* will *smack* not *smack* hit *smack* your *smack* sister!"....it gets very confusing to a child when you tell them hitting is wrong and then hit them for doing wrong. I use a naughty corner & find explaining why they shouldn't do something far more effecting punnishment for stopping behaviours than using pain & fear.

Trinity

Its a lot to do with self control. I swore i would never hit my son. But jesus it can be hard going when he is screaming and shouting and lashing out.

I'm ashamed to say i am a screamer, all hot air though and rarely follow through on threats. (like my mum)

now half the problem i have with my sons behaviour is that he is always screaming and shouting!!

SO i have to watch how i compose myself around my son and how i deal with my temper because obviously my behaviour is reflective in his actions and we will end up in a vicous circle if the adult does not take control of the situation.

easy say but working on it! If i want him to be calm and well behaved, then i have to be calm and well behaved. If i dont want him to be aggressive, well then i have to show him that hitting is not the answer so therefore i cant really hit him.

I wish he came with an instruction manual.

Chinafoot

I think in extreme circumstances a smack can be warranted. Like Mrs_Doyle said, I wouldn't agree with "spanking" but I would use a smack on the hand when all other attempts at discipline have failed.

When I was growing up we were rarely ever hit but when we were...bloody hell you knew you were in big trouble and whatever you got hit for..well, you'd never do it again.

Because we rarely got hit, a smack across the back of the legs had a greater impact and was more effective in teaching us that what we had done was really wrong. A class mate of mine in primary school got "spanked" all the time for any bold deed but it just became meaningless to him and he continued being a brat regardless.

6th

I'd never do it and i think iits wrong.

The kids i see that get hit are the kids that act up more, these are the kids you see smacking their siblings cuase they think violence is the answer to bad behavior.

Hitting kids is the lazy way, dont get me wrong its tempting but its out of my head as soon as its in.

Parents do it out of frustration, i'd like to find someone who does it with a calm level head?

Tobias Greeshman

Well I think a light slapping on arms/hand or legs in extreme cases is fine. I think more psychological methods work better, such as sending child to their room for a few hours, or taking away a certain privilage (eg. playstation, stopping the from going out with their friends).

I was a child of the wooden spoon era, and got slapped on many occassions and it didn't do us much harm. Ah the threats of the wooden spoon, I remember hiding the wooden spoon on my poor mother a few times.

6th

peachypants wrote:

I think in extreme circumstances a smack can be warranted.

Extreme circumstances is when the parent loses the head - like i said its an act of frustration and desperation, its the parent lashing out cos they cant cope.

peachypants wrote:

..well, you'd never do it again.

But the things is they do do the same things a again. I mean if kids learnt that way then surely everyone would only be hit maybe a dozen time - how many original things can you do wrong?

Hitting them does not teach them its wrong, it only teaches them that violence is ok. You have to explain things.

I get sick of people saying "well i got smacked and i'm ok" look at the increase in violence crime in our country and all over the world? its down to desensitisation and its our generation doing it.

6th

taking away privilages is the right way to go. With the hitting somethings the parent feels guilty and ends up buying them stuff.

b3t4

I have to say that I am appalled at the majority of the responses to this thread.

Another person smacks your child, real or future, how do you react? Is it with absolute disgust? Are you running to the police? What makes it different when it's you smacking your child? How would you react if someone video tapped you slapping your child and it was available for everybody to see?

I like the way people are trying to justify the hitting of a child by saying sure it's only a light tap, it's only this, it's only that, sure that's what happened when we were kids. If people think it's so right and everyone should be doing it then why the justifications?

It's been over a decade since I was a child and do you know what times have changed. I know it's shocking isn't it. I'd have thought that everything would stay the same. Do people often ignore progress or is it just when it comes to raising kids?

The problem today is that parents have replaced smacking with nothing. Some parents have not taken the time out of their busy lifestyles to learn how to discipline their child using different methods. It appears also that some future parents on here can't find the time to learn new techniques either.

I too have watched many of these supernanny, nanny 911 shows and guess what they all advocate, do not hit your child. I mean, these people are the professionals surely they know what they are on about. Do people ignore professionals on a day to day basis?

I will never hit any kids I may have. I will however actively seek help from the professionals out there who know what they're on about on how to discipline them via parenting courses.

A.

Archeron

b3t4 wrote:

I too have watched many of these supernanny, nanny 911 shows and guess what they all advocate, do not hit your child. I mean, these people are the professionals surely they know what they are on about. Do people ignore professionals on a day to day basis?

A.

In fairness, if you're going to choose a professional to quote from, I dont think some attention whoring TV starlet wannabe that allows a TV camera to follow them around on a cheap nasty Sky 1 show is the best example to use. Disciplining children is something that should be done in the privacy of your own own home, and not something that is broadcast to millions of people around the world. Want your children to grow up as fine upstanding individuals? Well, I'd recommend not showing them or their friends the cheap TV show you pimped them out to when they were children.
Although, its a "professional" on the show, so maybe thats okay then?

And as to the question, do people ignore professionals on a day to day basis, the short answer is yes. For every expert who proclaims to be a font of knowledge, there is another expert in the exact same field proclaiming the exact opposite. Its up to the parent to decide which one to listen to, and that decision will be based on the individuals life experience and feelings. Just because somebody is on TV, doesnt mean we should do as they say.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Was smacked, never seriously, learnt a valuable lesson from it. I can hit epoeple I don't agree with (thankfully un-learnt by the time I hit my teens)

To be honest, there are other ways. The "I'm too lazy to discipline my kid so I'll just give him a light smack and we'll be done" is a cop out. Rule by fear doesn't work. It just breeds respentment and disrepsect. Now if you took the time to train your kids how to behave in public in the first place....

6th

coolsmileygirl wrote:

A slap across the legs lightly or a smack on the hand should be all and if this is done when the child is young enough to learn quickly and forget!

So basically you are saaying take the lazy option while you can get away with it. You are aknowledging it is wrong but saying do it anyway. Is smacking a baby not even worse?!?

Chinafoot

6th wrote:

Extreme circumstances is when the parent loses the head - like i said its an act of frustration and desperation, its the parent lashing out cos they cant cope.

I don't agree with that at all. I'm only speaking from my own experience here. Like I said we rarely got hit and I can assure you it wasn't a case of my parents losing the head and being unable to cope.

6th wrote:

But the things is they do do the same things a again. I mean if kids learnt that way then surely everyone would only be hit maybe a dozen time - how many original things can you do wrong?

Yet again I am speaking from my own experience and I'm not suggesting its the same for everyone. I can count on one hand the amount of times I was hit as a child and its the same for my sisters. Hitting constantly loses all meaning for the child which is why I said "in extreme circumstances". It means a lot more.

6th wrote:

Hitting them does not teach them its wrong, it only teaches them that violence is ok. You have to explain things.

I agree with you in terms of hitting kids for every bold thing that they do. Like I said, I was hit rarely and only when I was being unbelievably out of line and no other form of discipline was working. But again, that is not to say that my parents couldn't cope with me, it just meant that a more "extreme" form of punishment was needed..(if you can call a light smack across the back of the legs and a very stern look "extreme")

6th wrote:

I get sick of people saying "well i got smacked and i'm ok" look at the increase in violence crime in our country and all over the world? its down to desensitisation and its our generation doing it.

I think there is a big difference between a light smack on the hand or the back of the legs and the amount of violent crime happening in the world today. I agree that when children suffer violence in the home this can breed violence in their own lives. However I believe that it is quite the leap to suggest that discipline as I and others on this thread have described above is the same as the physical abuse you seem to be suggesting.

Nevyn

WhiteWashMan wrote:

my opinion is the parenting forum would enjoy this highly topically and emotive discussion

There already have been several thread on this topic in the parenting forum and none here so if you wanna keep this one feel free.

Terry

a good kick up the arse never did anyone any harm.

trilo

Why would a parent slap a child... because h/she is frustrated at the situation and decides to use physical force as a way to stop the behaviour.

IMO it's unreasonable to slap or to use any other physical force on a child. In all fairness could you actually imagine slapping/using other physical force to stop a peer form doing something you were not happy about.

Ireland has brought in legislation, well it has signed up to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child... it is actually breaking these obligations by failing to protect children from physical force/violence...yes even something so simple as slapping from parent/guardian.

Slapping is so easy, but what point does it make. using any sort of violence is loosing control of yourself as a parent. it's so easy to use negative ways to disapline your child, there are other ways to manage difficult behaviour in a more positive and preventative manner.

And no i am not a parent and soem may say sure she doesnt know what its like.
I work with people with challenging behaviour.
I have worked with children in residential care homes.
and i have a niece and nephew who would drive anyone up the wall...


I have near lost control a few times with my niece or nephew, but i have never hit them. Why would i slap/hit soemone i loved?

Archeron

trilo wrote:

Why would a parent slap a child... because h/she is frustrated at the situation and decides to use physical force as a way to stop the behaviour.


I have near lost control a few times with my niece or nephew, but i have never hit them. Why would i slap/hit soemone i loved?

When I talk of getting a smack when I was younger, it was never ever just someone lashing out. I would disagree with a parent losing the rag and just walloping a kid on the spot as that is a sign of anger management issues.

When I got a few smacks as a kid, it never just came out of the blue. I would do something wrong. My father would explain what it was that I had done wrong. If I done it again, he would tell me that I was gonna get a smack for it and explain why, and I got a smack. It taught me that every action has its consequence, and it taught me a level of responsibility for my own actions. If I done something that I knew was wrong, I knew I would have to pay the price.

Another poster mentioned how society has become more violent now with levels of stabbings gone through the roof. Im my opinion, a large part of this is because some people have never been chastised for their inappropriate actions, and therefore dont seem to realize the boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Today you think you get away with screaming for sweets and not get reprimanded, tomorrow you think you can stick a knife in someone and not get reprimanded. Sadly, in a lot of cases, they are actually right when they think like that.

neoB

I have to say I do belive in spankings, but its whatever the case warrants. no sense in spanking for something stupid. Example taking away things may not even work for some such as my 7 year old god daughter, she just acts nicey nice and then a straight bollocks as soon as she gets things back. Not saying spanking helps every case, but it taught me enough not to be bad and I rarely got a good whoppin!

trilo

Archeron wrote:

When I got a few smacks as a kid, it never just came out of the blue. I would do something wrong. My father would explain what it was that I had done wrong. If I done it again, he would tell me that I was gonna get a smack for it and explain why, and I got a smack. It taught me that every action has its consequence, and it taught me a level of responsibility for my own actions. If I done something that I knew was wrong, I knew I would have to pay the price.

Today you think you get away with screaming for sweets and not get reprimanded, .

Your father had a good way of going about it, explaining why its wrong, giving the warning of what would happen if behaviour continued.


However why does it have to be a smack. why not spend time in corner or take fav item away...age appropriate measures obviously. That can equally, without phyically assualting your child allow them to understand the consequences off their negative behaviour.

mloc

i personally believe there is no justification for it. how can you teach a child to behave purely out of fear of violence? and yes, it is violence on a all levels, no matter what kind of spanking you're talking about, and what kind of "explaining"

surely showing a child that a violent reaction causing physical pain is the way to deal with problems is a most inappropriate thing to do.

6th

I use the "bold corner" with my 2 year old and have done for months ... mow that might sound young but she is usually very good. And if she even sees the cat doing something he shouldnt she tells him to go to the bold corner ... hell i've even been sent myself. It took time but it works.

trilo

6th wrote:

I use the "bold corner" with my 2 year old and have done for months ... mow that might sound young but she is usually very good. And if she even sees the cat doing something he shouldnt she tells him to go to the bold corner ... hell i've even been sent myself. It took time but it works.

well done 6th . The naughty corner works. Good. And well on you for sticking to it, even if it did take time.



(and it was great meeting ya last sat night)

layke

To put plainly, from the vast amount of users here on boards i'd say most got a tap off the parents at some stage. Any killers in the audience?

Also to add, my grandmother got the wooden spoon, my great Grandmother also... they were big church go'ers who never hurt a fly in their entire lives.

How come some of you are claiming that all of a sudden giving your kid a tap when he/she is naughty is going to make them into violent criminals?

I'd believe users experiences WELL over any Superduper Nanny from the TV and a load of overpriced books. Looking at my own experience it worked well with me, I have yet to kill anyone.

Also to add to the comment on the world becoming more violent, yep it is... but is that down to your mother giving you 'a clap across the legs' for drawing on the wallpaper when you were 2? I seriously doubt that.

6th

trilo wrote:

well done 6th . The naughty corner works. Good. And well on you for sticking to it, even if it did take time.



(and it was great meeting ya last sat night)

Cheers, I'm thinking of bring the bold corner into the office too, should keep people in check.

ditto for last sat, good nite had by all

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

layke wrote:

To put plainly, from the vast amount of users here on boards i'd say most got a tap off the parents at some stage. Any killers in the audience?

Also to add, my grandmother got the wooden spoon, my great Grandmother also... they were big church go'ers who never hurt a fly in their entire lives.

How come some of you are claiming that all of a sudden giving your kid a tap when he/she is naughty is going to make them into violent criminals?

I'd believe users experiences WELL over any Superduper Nanny from the TV and a load of overpriced books. Looking at my own experience it worked well with me, I have yet to kill anyone.

Also to add to the comment on the world becoming more violent, yep it is... but is that down to your mother giving you 'a clap across the legs' for drawing on the wallpaper when you were 2? I seriously doubt that.

It's not about violence, it's about agression. I was very agressive because of the way I was treated. No, I didn;t kill anyone, no need to be so dramatic about it, but I did lash out at a few people who simply disagreed with me.

And no-one's answered the question yet: Why do you all take the laxy half0assed arroach rather than actually disciplining your kids? You all moan about kids behaveing badly in shopping malls, but fail to see the happy contended ones that behavenicely? What's the betting... guess what... no one'sactuially hitting them!!

Here's a concept: NOT HITTING ACTULLY WORKS TOO!

Dun laoire

Never hit my child and never would, there are other ways of punishment you know without having to slap your kids. Grounding my son and not giving him any access to tv or his computer for a couple of days normally does the trick. Or a good manly yell puts the sh1ts up him. They work for me anyway.