Seduction - Size doesn't matter

eiretamicha · 15-08-2006 06:47PM

CathyMoran wrote:

I would never say never but the guys that I have dated so far have started as friends and would be too shy to do that...plus, if someone came on to me like that I would feel a bit nervous...having said that I had a nasty experience recently where a guy chatted me up on the bus and tried to touch my hand within a minute of meeting me and tried to stop me from getting up from my seat.

Oh I know what you mean. Touching equals instant creep, IMHO. I'm very friendly but when some random person touches me, I become cold and distant, and I usually try to just get away as quickly as possible. *shivers*

Sleepy · 15-08-2006 06:56PM

Anyone interested in that program should read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Apparently there were(are? - I haven't finished the book yet) a load of guys who used to share tips about being a pick up artist on some on-line community, none of them particularly attractive guys, just ordinary (or geeky) guys who 'trained' themselves to be confident and funny with women. Some really sneaky stuff involved like NLP, hypnosis etc!

CathyMoran · 15-08-2006 07:02PM

Admitedly I have a limited dating history (have been asked out far more than I have dated) but I need to know that a guy is intelligent and funny (as well as reasonably normal) before I will even consider dating them, no matter how huge the chemistry is, I have very high standards which you can not just tell from a random guy chatting you up.

Sleepy · 15-08-2006 07:09PM

Is that not the purpose of a date CathyMoran? To find out whether you like someone you find you've some chemistry with?

CathyMoran · 15-08-2006 07:34PM

Sleepy wrote:

Is that not the purpose of a date CathyMoran? To find out whether you like someone you find you've some chemistry with?

You do not need to kiss someone to know if there is chemistry, a touch or even a kiss (OK a kiss, but a platonic kiss) on the forehead will tell you that (have found out to my cost that a platonic friend and I had chemistry on more than one occasion)...a date is a combination of mind and body exploration...the thing is that it takes time, sure you might start talking to the guy, everyone starts off as strangers after all, but it would take time.

Sorry, misread that the first time...if you are friends with them first you will know if you like them.

Duckjob · 15-08-2006 07:52PM

Lust4Life wrote:

Gotta say, I used to work with a midget. And although he was nice and all, he always had to get a hug from all of us gals at the end of the shift.

Totally taking advantage of his size! He was Chest-High to all of us! Gave me the creeps!

what a legend

Blisterman · 15-08-2006 11:55PM

I do think that if someone sticks to going out with people they know through friends, they're missing out on a lot of possibly great opportunites.

Deadlocked · 15-08-2006 11:57PM

FuzzyLogic wrote:

Yeah If I'm bored.
why not.

Sounds like an allright show, that.
Confidence (and money*) can be enough to compensate for almost anything.

*oooh controversial! But you know it's true.

Don't you mean p1ssed of your t1ts

Anti · 16-08-2006 12:07AM

i do it everywhere, dont matter where i am. pub,club,restaurant ( i went with a ex gf and left with the waitress ) super market, in the street. Absolutly anywhere.

il gatto · 16-08-2006 12:51AM

I've only done it once or twice and I was drinking. I think it's slimey and cocky to just chat up random women. I'm engaged and if some twat came up to my better half chatting her up because they assume she's single or she'll dump or boyfriend because they're soo charming, I'd tell him to f##k off before she'd get a chance to.
I'm not insecure about my relationship, but I wouldn't impose myself on someone just because I like the look of them and, therefore, I don't like other people to doing it either. I hate seeing guys trying to chat up girls, whether I know either party or not. It's not the cringeworthy attempts, but the arrogant pr##ks who love themselves. To start a random conversation with a stranger takes alot of confidence. Nothing wrong with that. To start a random conversation with a stranger with the intention of a romance and/or sex takes a huge opinion of ones own desirability.
Girls often fall for it and call it charm, buts there's no charm in a creepy "you've got a beautiful smile" or some such crap from a bad romantic comedy.

16-08-2006 01:02AM

Been chatted up often enough, but the setting has a lot to do with it for me. In a relaxed social setting (pub, club, coffeehouse, beach, whatever), no problem. I like to engage new people provided they don't act weird or too forward. But I don't care how good a guy looks, if he approaches you late at night in a deserted parking structure (like one did me not too long ago) while you are trying to get to your car after working late, no thanks! The setting is important.

Anti · 16-08-2006 01:04AM

And if you dont chat to these random people how are you expected to meet and get to know them ?

Do you prefere blind dates ? Where the chances are the person your going to meet isnt to your liking !

Primarily you go for people you find sexually atractive. it dosent matter if their a stranger or not imho.

il gatto · 16-08-2006 02:00AM

I've never had a problem meeting people, either through work, friends or random conversations that happen for other reasons other than just being sexually attracted to them. How very bizarre to think the only way of meeting people is to chat them up because you think they're sexy, or go on a blind date.

CathyMoran · 16-08-2006 07:22AM

Blisterman wrote:

I do think that if someone sticks to going out with people they know through friends, they're missing out on a lot of possibly great opportunites.

Probably. I did internet date once but even that turned into a fairly long relationship. Of the 5 people that I have dated 3 were long term. Maybe I take the cowards way of dating, I know that the relationship has a fair chance of suceeding.

dabbler2004 · 16-08-2006 01:03PM

I was in a supermarket yesterday when this very attractive girl kinda caught my eye....debated strongly with myself to say something, anything! but in the end I just stared into the pizza cabinet.

.....just felt like I was some sort of weirdo or something

....

so if you're on here and were in an Aldi yesterday evening and this guy looked like he was about to say something to you but ended up gaping like a goldfish then yep that was me, and I slipped up!

A Primal Nut · 16-08-2006 01:47PM

eiretamicha wrote:

Oh I know what you mean. Touching equals instant creep, IMHO. I'm very friendly but when some random person touches me, I become cold and distant, and I usually try to just get away as quickly as possible. *shivers*

Interesting because the program encouraged touching from the very start, as it breeds familiarity and comfort. Just affectionate touching on the shoulder, etc!, not grabbing her hand.

I read somewhere that touching releases chemical hormones in women that can make them feel sexually turned on, dunno how true that is though!

daiixi · 16-08-2006 01:59PM

This is what makes it so hard, seduction differs for everyone. I think people should just go for it sometimes. If you make a move and you get knocked back then you may feel silly for a minute but what if the move was accepted? You'd feel fab for ages.
I do think that seduction has a time and place. A guy approached me on the walk home on Saturday night and even though he seemed nice enough and he was cute, there was no way I'd have given him a chance. Wrong time buddy! However if I saw him earlier in the evening or any weekday I'd probably have been more receptive to meeting up with him at some point.
As for the touching thing? Well as they teach kids, some touches are good and others are bad and some people sometime overstep others boundaries (again Saturday night - sorry

).
Umm did I have a point? Emmm just go for it?!

A Primal Nut · 16-08-2006 02:04PM

il gatto wrote:

I've only done it once or twice and I was drinking. I think it's slimey and cocky to just chat up random women. I'm engaged and if some twat came up to my better half chatting her up because they assume she's single or she'll dump or boyfriend because they're soo charming, I'd tell him to f##k off before she'd get a chance to.
I'm not insecure about my relationship, but I wouldn't impose myself on someone just because I like the look of them and, therefore, I don't like other people to doing it either. I hate seeing guys trying to chat up girls, whether I know either party or not. It's not the cringeworthy attempts, but the arrogant pr##ks who love themselves. To start a random conversation with a stranger takes alot of confidence. Nothing wrong with that. To start a random conversation with a stranger with the intention of a romance and/or sex takes a huge opinion of ones own desirability.
Girls often fall for it and call it charm, buts there's no charm in a creepy "you've got a beautiful smile" or some such crap from a bad romantic comedy.

You take it too seriously its just a bit of fun. The idea that you hate seeing guys trying to chat up girls - loosen up, man. What did you do in a niteclub when you were single? Approaching girls in bars and clubs is probably the only way a lot of guys can meet girls tbh, unless you have another genius solution.

You say its creepy but the key to success is not to be creepy, trust me girls can tell. Approaching girls ain't creepy, its natural selection and necessary to the survival of the human race. It's the dating game. Girls who complain about being approached only complain because they are being approached by the wrong guys.

You may think approaching someone takes a huge opinion of ones own desirability, but it also takes a lot of guts. Most guys don't have a huge opinion of their own desirability, they are simply trying to get lucky.

I agree the cheesy lines like "you've got a beautiful smile" are stupid, but the guys who use the cheesy lines aren't the ones who are successful with women.

A Primal Nut · 16-08-2006 02:12PM

Sleepy wrote:

Anyone interested in that program should read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Apparently there were(are? - I haven't finished the book yet) a load of guys who used to share tips about being a pick up artist on some on-line community, none of them particularly attractive guys, just ordinary (or geeky) guys who 'trained' themselves to be confident and funny with women. Some really sneaky stuff involved like NLP, hypnosis etc!

Well, stuff like that gives the community a bad name. I think some people in the community experimented with that, but Mystery and I'm pretty sure Neil Strauss as well consider NLP and hypnosis akin to rohypnol. I mean hypnotising someone to have sex with you? For ****s sake! That's not seduction, that's rape.

I read Mystery's ebook, no mention of NLP or hypnosis. I haven't read the Game and though it may discuss experimentation with NLP and hypnosis, Strauss himself doesn't use or encourage it, I'm almost certain.

Sleepy · 16-08-2006 02:34PM

Like I said A Primal Nut, I'm only about a third of the way through the book. He was discussing Ross Jeffries use of NLP (and in fairness hasn't been painting the guy in too positive a light from where I am in the book) and the way some other guys (whose names I can't remember right now) hypnotised him to have more self belief etc.

Are you part of this community yourself? I'm fascinated with Strauss's experience of it and it'd be great to get another 'insider' view!

Colm_OReilly · 16-08-2006 03:29PM

You can't put someone under Hypnosis on the fly, you have to be a willing participant. Ross Jeffries essentially runs a cult, and his methodology has been debunked by most PUAs.

On touching: touching helps make an experience real. If someone notices the touching you're doing it wrong, or socially inept. I'm not talking about sexual touching here, just like touching the shoulder/arm while speaking.

eiretamicha · 16-08-2006 04:36PM

Colm_OReilly wrote:

On touching: touching helps make an experience real. If someone notices the touching you're doing it wrong, or socially inept. I'm not talking about sexual touching here, just like touching the shoulder/arm while speaking.

Now see, that's exactly the kind of touching that gives me the shivers. There were plenty of guys that I went to school/uni with who would randomly come up to me (and other girls) and just start rubbing my shoulders or something, and I would just politely smile and then get up and leave. Invasion of personal space, or something, but I hate it. Same with men who come up to you to chat, and then put their hands on the woman's shoulders or hand or lower back...I don't like it, and I usually let them know by leaving. I'm never rude or anything, but I definitely make it clear that touching is a no-no.

Now if I know someone well and if they're a good friend, touching is ok. Light hugs or whatever is just fine by me. It's the people who meet you for the first time and try the whole nicey-touching thing that give me the creeps.

Deer · 16-08-2006 04:49PM

People I'm not familiar with touching me like that makes me want to vomit. I just think it's sleazy.

Agent Smith · 16-08-2006 06:33PM

Here is a Book thats Is basicly that show, Guy in college was Raveing on about it, ( a boards poster toboot) and he claims its changed his life...

the fact that his familys Loaded to Boot have nothing to do with it What so ever.

il gatto · 16-08-2006 08:43PM

Well A Primal Nut, I've already outlined the "genius" ways of meeting people.
I don't feel that I need to loosen up. I wouldn't do it as it's imposing yourself on someone and therefore I don't approve of it in others. If you can't meet someone without coming on to them in that way, maybe you need to look at your social life.(Not you personally). And it's not guts to walk up and try to smooze a stranger that you'll likely never see again if she gives you the brush off. Thats cowardly. Much braver to know someone for ages and tell them how you feel, and risk having to see them everyday at work or on nights out if she doesn't want a relationship with you. Chatting up a stranger is like mooning someone on holidays. If it doesn't go down well, who cares? It's chicken s##t. Only places for coming on to people uninvited like that is a singles party. They're looking for somebody. Too many guys think that any pretty girl they happen upon is waiting for Mr. Right. Well they're not, and I've found that the majority of my friends who've tried this approach are definitely NOT Mr. Right.

A Primal Nut · 16-08-2006 10:55PM

il gatto wrote:

Well A Primal Nut, I've already outlined the "genius" ways of meeting people.
I don't feel that I need to loosen up. I wouldn't do it as it's imposing yourself on someone and therefore I don't approve of it in others. If you can't meet someone without coming on to them in that way, maybe you need to look at your social life.(Not you personally). And it's not guts to walk up and try to smooze a stranger that you'll likely never see again if she gives you the brush off. Thats cowardly. Much braver to know someone for ages and tell them how you feel, and risk having to see them everyday at work or on nights out if she doesn't want a relationship with you. Chatting up a stranger is like mooning someone on holidays. If it doesn't go down well, who cares? It's chicken s##t. Only places for coming on to people uninvited like that is a singles party. They're looking for somebody. Too many guys think that any pretty girl they happen upon is waiting for Mr. Right. Well they're not, and I've found that the majority of my friends who've tried this approach are definitely NOT Mr. Right.

Well, first of all, I have news for you, there is no such thing as Mr. Right. The idea that there is one guy going around that is right for everybody is wrong. Sex & The City and all those programmes, are a fantasy.

It's all well and good knowing someone for ages, and that probably is the best way to meet a married partner but

1) There are, believe it or not, lots of guys who don't come across many girls in their daily lives. They work jobs on their own or with all guys (e.g. construction) and outside of pubs and niteclubs, they don't get a chance to meet girls other than by just going up and talking to them on the fly. And this does take a lot of guts.

2) Many guys get put in the friendship zone by girls and its very hard to get out of it. I agree this takes more guts than the other. But how often does it happen? Very rarely. It isn't an option for most guys. It is probably the best way to meet someone you wanna marry but most people in their late teens/early twenties, both girls and boys don't wanna marry. The idea that all girls want to find Mr. Right is rediculous. Most girls my age (around 20) like to kiss random strangers as much as guys, as long as they're attracted to them. So your right most girls aren't looking for Mr. Right. They are looking for a bit of fun.

Have you never been to a niteclub? What do you think should happen? The girls and boys should be kept seperate from each other unless they are in a longterm reletionship? Rediculous and girls would hate that as much as boys tbh.

CathyMoran · 16-08-2006 11:01PM

Well, I just broke up with my partner of 9 years this evening so I guess I will be seeing what the new dating scene is like. I still prefer the friends root though.

A Primal Nut · 16-08-2006 11:06PM

Sleepy wrote:

Like I said A Primal Nut, I'm only about a third of the way through the book. He was discussing Ross Jeffries use of NLP (and in fairness hasn't been painting the guy in too positive a light from where I am in the book) and the way some other guys (whose names I can't remember right now) hypnotised him to have more self belief etc.

Are you part of this community yourself? I'm fascinated with Strauss's experience of it and it'd be great to get another 'insider' view!

No i've read up some stuff about it and am a member of one forum. I know it works. A lot of confusion comes from interpretation. For example "Neg" meaning negative comment seems s strange thing to do to a girl you like. But of course its not really a negative comment. It just means playful slagging the same way you'd slag your friends.A lot of Mystery's teachings is putting terms on stuff we already know, but there is some strange stuff to.

il gatto · 17-08-2006 05:28AM

I work in a night club. I see more girls pushing guys away than accepting their advances. And anyone that knows hardly any girls socially doesn't strike me as a very rounded person. I don't care if girls just want some fun and a bit of a laugh. That's their perogative, and I wouldn't think any less of them for it. It's the presumption on alot of guys behalf that they're all single and/or up for it. It's a bad attitude and shows a certain cockiness on behalf of those who do it.

Siogfinsceal · 17-08-2006 01:00PM

im really small 5'1" does kill my confidence at all - doesnt mean im any less attractive than a tall girl. Dont know why a guy would get hung up on this.

Seduction - Size doesn't matter

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