Funny/cringing/memorable funeral moments

frobisher · 13-07-2006 03:29PM #1

I posted this in the funny wedding stories thread and someone else then posted another funeral story so I thought we'd give it a thread of its own.

It was at the funeral of a friend who killed himself last year. The coffin had just been put in the hearse and everyone was starting to walk behind the car for the 400 yards to the church yard. It was in a small village in the middle of a weekday, the whole place went quiet and stood still in respect. All of a sudden a phone rang out very, very loud. Everyone looked around absolutley disgusted but we couldn't see who it was. People tried their best to ignore it but it just seemed to get louder and louder with every ring. After much scuffling between tears all eyes rested on where the sound was coming from. Suddenly I felt like I was falling down a black hole. The sound was coming from me and I was right behind the parents. The single most cringe worthy moment of my entire existence. I was 100% sure I had turned it off but there it was ringing a dance ring tone at full volume. Absolute f*^king nightmare!

Thankfully I know the family very well and later on in the pub everybody just laughed at it so much it was unbeleivable. Had my friend been there he'd have loved it too!

Ruu_Old · 13-07-2006 03:32PM

I was at a funeral and there was this nice chap singing a song for a relative of mine and his wasn't the best of singers, lets put it that way. I couldn't help but snigger a bit but no one spotted me. I felt so ashamed of it though and kept thinking "oh when is he going to shut up!":o

LadyJ · 13-07-2006 03:33PM

Was at the funeral of a friend's brother who had killed himself and before mass started there was some holy tape playing in the church.

No one ever believes this but it happened. The holy music on the tape then cut and "celebrate good times" started playing.

It was hilarious but really terrible for the family.

frobisher · 13-07-2006 03:34PM

LadyJ wrote:

The holy music on the tape then cut and "celebrate good times" started playing.

OMG! I may go to hell for this but LMAO!

LadyJ · 13-07-2006 03:36PM

frobisher wrote:

OMG! I may go to hell for this but LMAO!

You have it easy.

I had to sit through an entire funeral after that.

I nearly wet myself!

Kolodny · 13-07-2006 03:37PM

No one's going to believe this one but I swear it's true. A friend of mine forgot to turn her phone off at her aunt's funeral, naturally it rang in the middle of the mass and her ringtone at the time was 'Stairway to Heaven'.

Honestly (members of her family have since backed it up and she got into a lot of trouble).

Beetlebum · 13-07-2006 03:43PM

Not to get into too much detail, but when my mam died her face was bruised quite badly. In the funeral home the woman explained to me and my sister that it would have to be a closed coffin as no amount of make-up could cover it up. My sister then says 'What about white make-up, I have some make-up I used to wear as a goth'......I looked at her in disbelief and said
'You mean clown make-up?!' Suddenly the two of us burst into uncontrollable laughter. I think it was just our minds way of dealing with such a sad situation. The woman in the funeral parlour didn't know where to look, she said..'uh, I'll just give you a minute...' and she left the room.

Dyr · 13-07-2006 03:43PM

As a teenager, At a funeral of this cream cracker we all knew, and ould lad called Mickey, died in a car crash, left a wife and a small army of kids left behind, general tragedy.

Anyway, we're in the church and his brother takes a fit crying and roaring out "dont leave me" etc so he has to be carried outside ..my cousin turns to me and whispers "mickey musta owed him a fiver"

I had to leave the chruch in a hurry trying to hide the laughter...

LadyJ · 13-07-2006 03:47PM

Friend of mine told me she was at a funeral a few years back and someone let an incredibly loud fart just before the "peace be with you" bit.

The guy in front of her turned to shake her hand and whispered "It wasn't me."

Dave! · 13-07-2006 03:52PM

rofl, keep them comin

Splinter · 13-07-2006 04:03PM

LadyJ wrote:

Friend of mine told me she was at a funeral a few years back and someone let an incredibly loud fart just before the "peace be with you" bit.

The guy in front of her turned to shake her hand and whispered "It wasn't me."

thats bloody brilliant....

The Sweeper · 13-07-2006 04:09PM

First time my other half met my parents was at my uncle's funeral. My uncle passed away aged 78 or so, and funerals of the very elderly don't have the same sharp edges of sorrow as funerals for the young.

Myself and himself in the back row of the church, over from England from the funeral. So the coffin's being wheeled down the aisle on a trolley at the end of the service, and I go to point my parents, following the coffin, out to my other half.

At this point my father spots me. Now he hasn't seen me in about four months and he's never been good at funerals. He completely forgets where he is, and my other half's first experience of my parents are the man sticking his tongue out and crossing his eyes while following a coffin, alongside the woman tugging his elbow and trying not to laugh herself...

Ruu_Old · 13-07-2006 04:11PM

I think its safe to say we are all going to hell.

Ph3n0m · 13-07-2006 04:15PM

Hell? Thats too good of a place for us

Mr Magnolia · 13-07-2006 04:31PM

At the wife's Granda's funeral -

The priest was fairly young, the mass was nearing the end. Priest was giving the final blessing "Lord, wecome Paddy into heaven, may he rest in peace and may perpetual sh!te shine upon him" He should of course said 'may perpetual light shine upon him'. A good few people lol.

steviem · 13-07-2006 04:36PM

A friend of mine was at a funeral in Scotland, the body was taken to the crematorium for the funeral and after the service when they were leaving, two women in front of him proclaimed that the stairs were too narrow and dangerous. One turner to the other and sad " i mean, could you imagine if there was a fire in here". He just lost it there and then.

Belle_Morte · 13-07-2006 04:39PM

I'll never forget my Grandad's funeral;after his cremation the whole extended family went back to the home he had shared with my step-gran for the funeral tea, and who should turn up but my Grandad's GP. Yes, his doctor walked into a room full of black-clad mourners and announced in a loud voice that he was there to see my Grandad. You should have seen the look on the doctor's face when we told him we'd just come back from cremating him. Priceless. :rolleyes:

pvt. joker · 13-07-2006 04:43PM

in 6th grade i was an altar boy at a funeral. me and my best friend were doing it. when the priest sprayed the body with holy water my friend started to laugh for some reason. When i saw him laughing i started to lose it. I pretended to have a coughing fit and ran out of the church before the family killed me.

Scraggs · 13-07-2006 05:10PM

I was telling my mother about this thread and she was saying at a funeral one wet day one man in the congregation got to the graveside before the majority of the crowd and coffin... Anyway he peered into the dugout grave for whatever reasons ..but managed to slip in!! Meanwhile the coffin procession [or whatever you call it] was comin up towards the graveside and yer man was there scrambling to get out with the aid of a few other people. He got out in time ... I'd say he was mortified:o

frobisher · 13-07-2006 05:20PM

I am absolutely cracking up at some of these stories. Classic!:D

hairyfairy00 · 13-07-2006 05:54PM

I was at my grandmothers funeral, we just got to the graveyard and we were all gathered around the grave, everyone had their heads bowed and were all very silent. Just then my cousin who was about 4-5 years at the time said very loudly " Daddy i need to do a wee-wee, can i do it in that big hole in the ground" Everyone including the priest were in fits of laughter, we always bring that story up to embarrass him at family get togethers.

dbnavan · 13-07-2006 07:52PM

Well it was my grandfather month's mind(close enough to a funeral) and I have a cousin who used to be let away with alot, anyway the rest of my cousins and uncles always got pi££ed off by him, anyway he is sitting in the seat infront of my dad and he start messing and pushing his sister around my Dad, reached out grabbed him and pulled him into the seat, and said something like "move again and your dead"

Anyway his dad is a mouse and just looked at my da all scared like anyway my cousins and I had to sit trough the mass trying not to piss ourselves laughing, not sure if its all as funny when you read about it, and dont know the people envolved but its still laughed about between my cousins and I.

FranknFurter · 13-07-2006 10:38PM

This was one of my favourite comedy moments of my life so far.......

About 11 years ago, at a funeral of an extremely OTT camp gay friend,.....

ok, this guy was rather a good looking bloke and was always getting hit on in clubs etc by women, eventually got so tired of it, he turned to some woman one night and yelled "I HATE PU$$Y!!" the entire pub turned an looked... anyways he was known for that for years after, (you had to be there), he even had a bumper sticker saying that same thing......

Anyways, at his funeral in the UK, bout 20 of us are standing by the grave as his coffin is being lowered in, and I swear to godess, out of nowhere this maniacal cat comes flying at top speed from a nearby hedge towards us, and lands, in the hole right on top of the coffin!
Unbelievable silence for about 20 seconds then every single one of us errupted in laughter, even his father!.... best funeral ever

b

Mr.Nice Guy · 14-07-2006 12:45AM

I saw this happen on Monday.

I was at the funeral of my Great-Uncle in St Nicholas' Church and after the service, when everyone waits outside, this old lady came up to my mother and told her she had been a friend of my uncle. She then enquired about my uncle's brother Dessie but my mother had to explain to her that my uncle didn't have a brother called Dessie. She then asked a few more questions that didn't make sense.

My uncle happens to have the same name as a well known Irish entertainer and one of my aunts mentioned this leading to the old lady asking, "Is this not him?"

Cue much laugher from all of us. Turns out the guy she thought was dead is actually still alive. "I was wondering why I didn't recognise anybody" she said.

The poor woman had sat through the entire mass and had come all the way from Donnybrook. She was so embarrassed but she seemed like a nice lady and she lightened up the day a little bit so her presence was welcome in the end.

Dyr · 14-07-2006 09:02AM

After the Ma's funeral the oul lad ordered me to find the altar girl and give her a couple of quid, so i went after her and caught up with her just beside the priests house i say "here hang on a minute" so she turns around then i realise i've nothing but 50s in me pocket..im standing there rummaging tru the suit for anything other than a 50 while trying to make some attempt at conversation and this kid is looking at me wondering what the *** im up to. Furthermore people in the priest's house are looking out wondering what the *** im doing. Now its hard to be in this situation and not look like a potential kiddie fiddler so i gave the kid a 50 in the end. the priest asked me afterwards at the graveyard if i knew how much id given her lol

shnaek · 14-07-2006 10:00AM

Sparks400 wrote:

The priest was fairly young, the mass was nearing the end. Priest was giving the final blessing "Lord, wecome Paddy into heaven, may he rest in peace and may perpetual sh!te shine upon him"

Hillarious! Perpetual sh!te no less. Lasting for eternity.

Beetlebum · 14-07-2006 10:10AM

Bambi wrote:

After the Ma's funeral the oul lad ordered me to find the altar girl and give her a couple of quid, so i went after her and caught up with her just beside the priests house i say "here hang on a minute" so she turns around then i realise i've nothing but 50s in me pocket..im standing there rummaging tru the suit for anything other than a 50 while trying to make some attempt at conversation and this kid is looking at me wondering what the *** im up to. Furthermore people in the priest's house are looking out wondering what the *** im doing. Now its hard to be in this situation and not look like a potential kiddie fiddler so i gave the kid a 50 in the end. the priest asked me afterwards at the graveyard if i knew how much id given her lol

Brilliant!!

GAAman · 14-07-2006 10:17AM

At my uncles funeral in the church there was a girl (maybe 18-20) singing and tbh she had a lovely peaceful voice...........right up until we were bringing the coffin outta the church and she starts singin "my hero" and when i say singin i meant she was goin at it hammer and nail was like somethin outta the x factor. i had to bite on my lip real hard to stop from bustin my ass laughin!

angeldelight · 14-07-2006 10:44AM

At my Granny's funeral at the end of May, we were walking behind the coffin to the graveyard when my little cousin who's seven and lives in London pipes up in this complete cockney accent "are they going to take Granny out of the coffin when we get there", went from crying my eyes out to almost wetting myself laughing, will never forget that!

PeadarofAodh · 14-07-2006 11:03AM

Was at the burial of a family friend in England at a very quiet and secluded graveyard outside London with only a few of the closer mourners present. I remember the undertakers looking very swish and dandy in their black trench-coats and black gloves, then came the lowering of the coffin...Half way down, they suddenly start huffing and puffing and the coffin begins teetering. Then suddenly one of the undertakers falls flat on his arse with his legs hanging over grave, he refuses any sort of help and keeps lowering the coffin trying to look as composed as he could given the circumstances.

Proffesional I suppose, but still very very funny. Thankfully I was standing at the back of the gathering

Lone Wolf · 14-07-2006 11:28AM

At my granny's funeral a coupla years ago my little brother was doing alter boy and while we were at the grave side my brother who had been holding one of the candles managed to set his vestments on fire, the was panic for a few seconds and then laughter.

Funny/cringing/memorable funeral moments

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