Throwing your own baby shower

What do you need one for?

trillianv wrote:

This is going to seem silly but I am 7 months pregnant with my first child and am American. Back home a family member or friend would usually throw a baby shower for the mom-to-be in the last couple of months of the pregnancy. My mother-in-law knows how much this would mean to me as does my sister-in-law yet are showing very little interest in the upcoming birth anyways (I am married to an Irishman and all of my family is in America).

So I have decided that I don't want to miss out on having a baby shower just because my family is not here and I am living here. Therefore, I am throwing my own baby shower in July (due in September). Now I know they are not really the norm here but do you think I am right in doing this?

BTW I have adapted to most things Irish as I have lived here now for over 3 years, so I am not just being difficult

I've wondered about this same thing, actually. I'm American, my husband's Irish, and we're not planning on having our first baby until we move back to Ireland. And, well, I want a baby-shower, damnit!! Although, mine would be more of a pre-baby-party because I'd invite both girls and guys, and I wouldn't do all those cutesy-wootsy games. It would just be a big party with lots of food and cake!

I'm not Catholic either, but we agreed that we'd have our babies christened so long as I could raise them vegetarian. :rolleyes: But, I would much rather have a baby-shower party instead of a christening party because how am I to party with a newborn in my arms? It just seems weird.

Anyway, we'll probably not have a baby-shower and have the christening party instead, which is kind of a shame because I think the baby-shower would be fun. But oh well.

Yeh, the first thing that came to my mind after reading the title was "that's a bit cheeky", cos while you mightn't ask for or want gifts, that's kinda expected. I appreciate your reasons for wanting a shower, but I'm just saying it might be taken differently, unless you make a big deal about it being a girly thing and not about you leeching off your mates.

It seems like a nice tradition (?), though, so hopefully it works out for you

iguana wrote:

Why do you have to have a baby shower to have a good time. Just don't call it a baby-shower. Invite all your female friends over to a get-together, tell them you would like to have this little party as it's your last chance before you become a parent.

Don't call it a shower, because whether it is your intention or not it will make people feel obliged to give a gift.

Wiki-definition; A baby shower is a party in which expectant parents receive gifts or money for their expected child. By convention, a baby shower is intended to help parents get things that they need for their baby (such as basic layette items), especially items they may not be able to afford. It is a fairly recent tradition in the United States and in other cultures influenced by American culture or media.

I would feel annoyed if I was invited to a shower by a mum-to-be, as to me they are about asking for gifts and I'd be likely to make an excuse not to attend. And I'd think differently about that person from then on. I give friends who have had a baby a present because I want to, and not because I feel obliged.

So by all means have a party, but just call it a party. Then no-one feels obliged to give a gift.

Yeh, this is a good idea

Just say on the invite that you would ask that no gifts are brought, but instead a small donation is made to X charity.

iguana wrote:

Why do you have to have a baby shower to have a good time. Just don't call it a baby-shower. Invite all your female friends over to a get-together, tell them you would like to have this little party as it's your last chance before you become a parent..

Gotta agree with this. If I was invited to a "Baby Shower" I would think it's a bit cheeky. Even if I was told I was not expected to bring gifts I would still feel under pressure to bring one as I'd feel like a right scabby so and so if I show up with nothing and everyone else brings something.

trillianv wrote:

Yet I know tons of pregnant women who leave the buying until the last month.

Just to explain this. A lot of people leave the purchasing of baby items till after the birth of the baby so as to make sure that all goes well with the birth and that the mother and baby are healthy. If something awful was to happen it would be all the more tramatic to have to deal with facing the items and in turn returning the items.

OP, I think you should listen to the people who are responding to this thread. The people you are inviting to this party, as you have stated, will more than likely be Irish and they too will have similar responses and reservations about a shower. Even if you do state that no presents are required Irish people will feel obliged to get you something and they will again feel obliged to get you something when the baby arrives, it's just the way of things. It could create bad feeling which is never nice.

Whatever you choose to do, best of luck with your pregancy and the birth
A.

This reminds me of the "wedding list" we were sent when invited to the wedding of my father's work colleague. I know it's quite different but the reaction was the same. It came across as quite cheeky and quite alien to us as it's a rather American thing.

By all means you should have your party but you should realise that as most of your guests may be Irish, this will seems quite strange to them - especially if you call it a "baby shower". It's not the done thing here and people will feel obliged to buy you gifts.

Your point about housewarming parties isn't really the same. People are never obliged to bring gifts. Often people may just bring a bottle of wine, which is more common courtesy than anything else.

As for dbnavan's point about Irish people having 21st's etc....traditionally the only party that the person themself organises in this country is the 21st (just as American's have their Sweet 16th)
As we get older we tend to be less enthusiastic about celebrating it so publically

You need to "know your audience" so to speak. The title "baby shower" immediately brings to mind presents, afterall you are showering the baby with gifts.

I'd say have the party. You're in a foreign country, away from your family and the support of your friends is crucial. I'd suggest not calling it a shower though.

I'm on my third baby and due in September too - have to admit if I was invited to a "baby shower" I would probably not be that into it - even if it was a close friend. Most of my friends don't have parties before the baby arrives (even if you are leaving work for maternity leave - you usually don't get a pressie for the baby then - maybe flowers or a voucher for a massage etc). I would never want anyone to buy me a baby pressie before birth - I have bought nothing and will send hubby running around like a blue arsed fly when babs is born.
If you really want a night for your girl friends why don't you call it a "pamper party" and let them know you don't want pressies for baby (even though you might think it strange - people here really don't feel comfortable buying presents for a baby that hasn't been born yet) and maybe organise for someone to do facials or manicures or whatever. Hope it works out for you - gas to see that in spite of all the commonality with us all there are still some differences!:)

dbnavan wrote:

When I got married 3 years ago many people asked if we were registered anywhere, places like Argos, Arnotts and Clereys all offer and promote, their Wedding registry service. Saves on getting 2 of anything

Indeed.

However, there were a lot of very expensive gifts on this list - the most expensive being over €1,500. My point is, while the wedding lists may be becoming more common (as you say yourself, many shops encourage it...of course they do. Most weddings average over 100 wedding guests...thats a lot of items bought from the one shop and quite the profit to be made.) they are still often met with a "wtf?" reaction. It's presumptuous and ever-so-slightly cheeky. It's the same with baby-showers.

It's not the done thing here. I'm not saying that the OP should deny herself something which is part of her culture, so to speak. I am however, suggesting that the OP be aware of the fact that she's not in America and baby showers are not the norm here and as such she may be met with a reaction she really doesn't want.

trillianv wrote:

Let's face it...it's because it is an "american" thing....not any other reason.

Ok no offence trillianv but you asked for our opinion and we gave it. Clearly not the response you wanted but what can ya do? Nobody is going to lie to you to make you feel better.

The point that people have made is that it's not part of our culture...that does not translate to "thats American, therefore it's bad". If it was an Indian, British, French, African, <insert foreign country here> the reaction would be the same. It's a foreign custom and one that is not traditionally carried out here. Playing the 'anti-American' card is ridiculous and quite frankly insulting.

People have just been advising on the type of reaction you *may* get. If you can't handle honest advice perhaps you shouldn't ask for it on an internet forum.