Throwing your own baby shower

trillianv

This is going to seem silly but I am 7 months pregnant with my first child and am American. Back home a family member or friend would usually throw a baby shower for the mom-to-be in the last couple of months of the pregnancy. My mother-in-law knows how much this would mean to me as does my sister-in-law yet are showing very little interest in the upcoming birth anyways (I am married to an Irishman and all of my family is in America).

So I have decided that I don't want to miss out on having a baby shower just because my family is not here and I am living here. Therefore, I am throwing my own baby shower in July (due in September). Now I know they are not really the norm here but do you think I am right in doing this?

BTW I have adapted to most things Irish as I have lived here now for over 3 years, so I am not just being difficult

xzanti

Yeah you're right its not really the norm here... I can't speak for everyone but I think Id find it a bit cheaky for someone to invite me to a baby shower... especially when they're expected to buy the baby a gift when he/she arrives and then again for the Christening.. Am I thinking of something else or is a baby shower a party where people shower you with baby gifts?? If Im thinking of the wrong thing I apologise...

fuzzywiggle

What do you need one for?

trillianv

xzanti wrote:

Yeah you're right its not really the norm here... I can't speak for everyone but I think Id find it a bit cheaky for someone to invite me to a baby shower... especially when they're expected to buy the baby a gift when he/she arrives and then again for the Christening.. Am I thinking of something else or is a baby shower a party where people shower you with baby gifts?? If Im thinking of the wrong thing I apologise...

I should have been more clear...I do not expect gifts at the birth nor at the baby shower. If they would like to buy something fine, but I don't expect anything. Also, if giving a gift would it not make more sense to give someone something before the baby is born that will be useful or to wait until after the birth and call over to someone's house right after they have given birth. The purpose of most of the parties are to celebrate the soon-to-be arrival.

In addition, I am not having a christening. I am not catholic and my husband is so to make it easier we are not having one. We may have a small blessing ceremony but not for everyone.

For me the baby shower is a party for all your female friends. You have food and a bit of craic and it's like the one last time you are really going to be able to just have a fun afternoon without worrying about having a child with you. I may not NEED one but I know that in the UK they are becoming very popular and they are the norm in America....so why cannot I bring a few of my traditions with me?

We don't do that and personally I would think it was a cheek if I was invited to one, it's basically 'you HAVE to buy me a gift because I'm having a baby.' Hate the idea and think it's tacky personally. I'm sure you'll get some gifts when the baby is born. Is not having a baby shower such a big deal since your friends and family from the U.S won't be attending anyway, I assume? I wouldn't do it personally. It's not part of the culture and looks like you're fishing for gifts IMO.

Celticfire

You do what you want , If other people think it's tacky that's their problem. Different strokes for different folks.....

eiretamicha

trillianv wrote:

This is going to seem silly but I am 7 months pregnant with my first child and am American. Back home a family member or friend would usually throw a baby shower for the mom-to-be in the last couple of months of the pregnancy. My mother-in-law knows how much this would mean to me as does my sister-in-law yet are showing very little interest in the upcoming birth anyways (I am married to an Irishman and all of my family is in America).

So I have decided that I don't want to miss out on having a baby shower just because my family is not here and I am living here. Therefore, I am throwing my own baby shower in July (due in September). Now I know they are not really the norm here but do you think I am right in doing this?

BTW I have adapted to most things Irish as I have lived here now for over 3 years, so I am not just being difficult

I've wondered about this same thing, actually. I'm American, my husband's Irish, and we're not planning on having our first baby until we move back to Ireland. And, well, I want a baby-shower, damnit!! Although, mine would be more of a pre-baby-party because I'd invite both girls and guys, and I wouldn't do all those cutesy-wootsy games. It would just be a big party with lots of food and cake!

I'm not Catholic either, but we agreed that we'd have our babies christened so long as I could raise them vegetarian. :rolleyes: But, I would much rather have a baby-shower party instead of a christening party because how am I to party with a newborn in my arms? It just seems weird.

Anyway, we'll probably not have a baby-shower and have the christening party instead, which is kind of a shame because I think the baby-shower would be fun. But oh well.

iguana

Why do you have to have a baby shower to have a good time. Just don't call it a baby-shower. Invite all your female friends over to a get-together, tell them you would like to have this little party as it's your last chance before you become a parent.

Don't call it a shower, because whether it is your intention or not it will make people feel obliged to give a gift.

Wiki-definition; A baby shower is a party in which expectant parents receive gifts or money for their expected child. By convention, a baby shower is intended to help parents get things that they need for their baby (such as basic layette items), especially items they may not be able to afford. It is a fairly recent tradition in the United States and in other cultures influenced by American culture or media.

I would feel annoyed if I was invited to a shower by a mum-to-be, as to me they are about asking for gifts and I'd be likely to make an excuse not to attend. And I'd think differently about that person from then on. I give friends who have had a baby a present because I want to, and not because I feel obliged.

So by all means have a party, but just call it a party. Then no-one feels obliged to give a gift.

Dave!

Yeh, the first thing that came to my mind after reading the title was "that's a bit cheeky", cos while you mightn't ask for or want gifts, that's kinda expected. I appreciate your reasons for wanting a shower, but I'm just saying it might be taken differently, unless you make a big deal about it being a girly thing and not about you leeching off your mates.

It seems like a nice tradition (?), though, so hopefully it works out for you

iguana wrote:

Why do you have to have a baby shower to have a good time. Just don't call it a baby-shower. Invite all your female friends over to a get-together, tell them you would like to have this little party as it's your last chance before you become a parent.

Don't call it a shower, because whether it is your intention or not it will make people feel obliged to give a gift.

Wiki-definition; A baby shower is a party in which expectant parents receive gifts or money for their expected child. By convention, a baby shower is intended to help parents get things that they need for their baby (such as basic layette items), especially items they may not be able to afford. It is a fairly recent tradition in the United States and in other cultures influenced by American culture or media.

I would feel annoyed if I was invited to a shower by a mum-to-be, as to me they are about asking for gifts and I'd be likely to make an excuse not to attend. And I'd think differently about that person from then on. I give friends who have had a baby a present because I want to, and not because I feel obliged.

So by all means have a party, but just call it a party. Then no-one feels obliged to give a gift.

Yeh, this is a good idea

Beruthiel

trillianv wrote:

I should have been more clear...I do not expect gifts at the birth nor at the baby shower. If they would like to buy something fine, but I don't expect anything.

Maybe you don't expect them, but we all know that's what this party is about, we've seen enough of them on american tv shows to know.
Whither you expect a gift or not, people you invite will feel pressured to bring one either way.
I would think it very odd to be invited to a baby shower.
However, whither you are right on throwing the party is hardly the issue, that's entirely up to you and you should do as you wish. Just be prepared for people to wonder what it's all about.

BMH

Just say on the invite that you would ask that no gifts are brought, but instead a small donation is made to X charity.

trillianv

Thanks for the replies but I am having a shower. I am American and I do not need to make excuses for my nationality nor my traditions. If someone is invited and they don't want to buy me a gift...then don't or if they think badly of me for wanting something from my own culture while I am thousands of miles from home well then I guess they are not really a friend. They won't be turned away at the door nor thought worse of....And no this shower will not be any less since my family cannot be here as I will invite my husband's family and all my Irish friends.

Is it not cheeky then to throw yourself a "house-warming party"? Because to the last 2 I went it was quite the norm to get many gifts at this party.

HelterSkelter

iguana wrote:

Why do you have to have a baby shower to have a good time. Just don't call it a baby-shower. Invite all your female friends over to a get-together, tell them you would like to have this little party as it's your last chance before you become a parent..

Gotta agree with this. If I was invited to a "Baby Shower" I would think it's a bit cheeky. Even if I was told I was not expected to bring gifts I would still feel under pressure to bring one as I'd feel like a right scabby so and so if I show up with nothing and everyone else brings something.

BMH

trillianv wrote:

Thanks for the replies but I am having a shower. I am American and I do not need to make excuses for my nationality nor my traditions. If someone is invited and they don't want to buy me a gift...then don't or if they think badly of me for wanting something from my own culture while I am thousands of miles from home well then I guess they are not really a friend. They won't be turned away at the door nor thought worse of....And no this shower will not be any less since my family cannot be here as I will invite my husband's family and all my Irish friends.

Is it not cheeky then to throw yourself a "house-warming party"? Because to the last 2 I went it was quite the norm to get many gifts at this party.

Just name it something else then.
"A Baby Short-Spell-of-Rain"

trillianv

BMH wrote:

Just name it something else then.
"A Baby Short-Spell-of-Rain"

OK so the party itself is ok...it's just the name???

HelterSkelter

trillianv wrote:

OK so the party itself is ok...it's just the name???

Yup, I think so.

Celticfire

I'm sure you went to many baby showers back in the US and feel that you would like to have one yourself, so just go ahead. I don't find it that cheeky myself.

iguana

trillianv wrote:

OK so the party itself is ok...it's just the name???

Yes, I think definitely have the party. There is nothing wrong with that. Have a girly day before the baby is born sounds nice.

But calling it a shower makes it seem like a "shower" of gifts is expected. And as here it is more traditional to give gifts after the birth*, some people might actually feel obliged to give at the shower and again three months later when they visit to see the baby. Which is how I would feel.

*Which stems partly from superstion and partly from the fact that many people choose not to know the baby's sex so clothing gifts are chosen after the birth.

Edit to add; In fact if I was expecting a baby and my family were far away, having a party for your friends to come around and offer emotional support sounds kinda vital.

moneyman

Just pick it up and throw it in the shower.

trillianv

iguana wrote:

Yes, I think definitely have the party. There is nothing wrong with that. Have a girly day before the baby is born sounds nice.

But calling it a shower makes it seem like a "shower" of gifts is expected. And as here it is more traditional to give gifts after the birth*, some people might actually feel obliged to give at the shower and again three months later when they visit to see the baby. Which is how I would feel.

*Which stems partly from superstion and partly from the fact that many people choose not to know the baby's sex so clothing gifts are chosen after the birth.

I cannot understand though this superstition thing. We know we are having a boy and have already started buying most of the big items. Yet I know tons of pregnant women who leave the buying until the last month. One woman actually said she is leaving this all til she is in hospital and her husband has to go buy it all :eek: I would rather go to a shower before the birth and get someone something that is purposeful and they need then wait til after and get them another set of clothes that the baby will never wear!

Siogfinsceal

I dont think anyone on the thread is saying you shouldnt honour your traditions. I do agree however that because we do not have this tradition over here people may assume that you are expecting them to buy a gift. I think Iguana's idea is great because its still allowing you to have your party without confusing people

dbnavan

I dont see any problem with it, people in Ireland throw themselves a 21st, a 30th, 40th....whatever so this idea of throwing yourself a party being selfish is nonsense. And this idea of it being a matter of not part of our culture and it being 'An American thing' sure it was originally, American but if anyone watches the Baby Channel, will know it is being done more and more in the UK as well.

I was at a wedding a few years ago where the bride was Korean and the traditions obeyed at the were a mix of Irish and Korean, and it was a fantasic enjoyable wedding. So go ahead have your shower and enjoy it, it may be the start of a new trend

b3t4

trillianv wrote:

Yet I know tons of pregnant women who leave the buying until the last month.

Just to explain this. A lot of people leave the purchasing of baby items till after the birth of the baby so as to make sure that all goes well with the birth and that the mother and baby are healthy. If something awful was to happen it would be all the more tramatic to have to deal with facing the items and in turn returning the items.

OP, I think you should listen to the people who are responding to this thread. The people you are inviting to this party, as you have stated, will more than likely be Irish and they too will have similar responses and reservations about a shower. Even if you do state that no presents are required Irish people will feel obliged to get you something and they will again feel obliged to get you something when the baby arrives, it's just the way of things. It could create bad feeling which is never nice.

Whatever you choose to do, best of luck with your pregancy and the birth
A.

Dave!

trillianv wrote:

OK so the party itself is ok...it's just the name???

Yep, I think so

Chinafoot

This reminds me of the "wedding list" we were sent when invited to the wedding of my father's work colleague. I know it's quite different but the reaction was the same. It came across as quite cheeky and quite alien to us as it's a rather American thing.

By all means you should have your party but you should realise that as most of your guests may be Irish, this will seems quite strange to them - especially if you call it a "baby shower". It's not the done thing here and people will feel obliged to buy you gifts.

Your point about housewarming parties isn't really the same. People are never obliged to bring gifts. Often people may just bring a bottle of wine, which is more common courtesy than anything else.

As for dbnavan's point about Irish people having 21st's etc....traditionally the only party that the person themself organises in this country is the 21st (just as American's have their Sweet 16th)
As we get older we tend to be less enthusiastic about celebrating it so publically

You need to "know your audience" so to speak. The title "baby shower" immediately brings to mind presents, afterall you are showering the baby with gifts.

I'd say have the party. You're in a foreign country, away from your family and the support of your friends is crucial. I'd suggest not calling it a shower though.

dbnavan

peachypants wrote:

This reminds me of the "wedding list" we were sent when invited to the wedding of my father's work colleague. I know it's quite different but the reaction was the same. It came across as quite cheeky and quite alien to us as it's a rather American thing.

When I got married 3 years ago many people asked if we were registered anywhere, places like Argos, Arnotts and Clereys all offer and promote, their Wedding registry service. Saves on getting 2 of anything

ArthurDent

I'm on my third baby and due in September too - have to admit if I was invited to a "baby shower" I would probably not be that into it - even if it was a close friend. Most of my friends don't have parties before the baby arrives (even if you are leaving work for maternity leave - you usually don't get a pressie for the baby then - maybe flowers or a voucher for a massage etc). I would never want anyone to buy me a baby pressie before birth - I have bought nothing and will send hubby running around like a blue arsed fly when babs is born.
If you really want a night for your girl friends why don't you call it a "pamper party" and let them know you don't want pressies for baby (even though you might think it strange - people here really don't feel comfortable buying presents for a baby that hasn't been born yet) and maybe organise for someone to do facials or manicures or whatever. Hope it works out for you - gas to see that in spite of all the commonality with us all there are still some differences!:)

trillianv

Whilst I appreciate your views I don't agree with half of them. I am having a baby shower and I am calling it exactly what it is. I am not having a christening and I will make it very clear I do not want any gifts at the birth if they have gone to the trouble of purchasing something for the shower.

I was just sitting here speaking with an Irish friend, who is invited, and she thinks it's a brilliant idea. She thinks maybe more Irish should be more open-minded about it. She also intends to bring one present, once to the shower and that is it. It makes more sense. I am not having a shower for the presents though, I want to reiterate that, and it is not my fault if someone feels obligated to bring something. I feel obligated at most birthday parties and housewarming parties. This same woman I was speaking with is throwing herself a party for her birthday and openly admitted she was "doing it for the cash".

I love how some of you can be so dual standard about this. Let's face it...it's because it is an "american" thing....not any other reason.

Chinafoot

dbnavan wrote:

When I got married 3 years ago many people asked if we were registered anywhere, places like Argos, Arnotts and Clereys all offer and promote, their Wedding registry service. Saves on getting 2 of anything

Indeed.

However, there were a lot of very expensive gifts on this list - the most expensive being over €1,500. My point is, while the wedding lists may be becoming more common (as you say yourself, many shops encourage it...of course they do. Most weddings average over 100 wedding guests...thats a lot of items bought from the one shop and quite the profit to be made.) they are still often met with a "wtf?" reaction. It's presumptuous and ever-so-slightly cheeky. It's the same with baby-showers.

It's not the done thing here. I'm not saying that the OP should deny herself something which is part of her culture, so to speak. I am however, suggesting that the OP be aware of the fact that she's not in America and baby showers are not the norm here and as such she may be met with a reaction she really doesn't want.

trillianv wrote:

Let's face it...it's because it is an "american" thing....not any other reason.

Ok no offence trillianv but you asked for our opinion and we gave it. Clearly not the response you wanted but what can ya do? Nobody is going to lie to you to make you feel better.

The point that people have made is that it's not part of our culture...that does not translate to "thats American, therefore it's bad". If it was an Indian, British, French, African, <insert foreign country here> the reaction would be the same. It's a foreign custom and one that is not traditionally carried out here. Playing the 'anti-American' card is ridiculous and quite frankly insulting.

People have just been advising on the type of reaction you *may* get. If you can't handle honest advice perhaps you shouldn't ask for it on an internet forum.

Nightwish

Please tell me what exactly is a baby shower, if its not about gifts for the baby?

trillianv

As already stated, refer to previous posts, it is about celebrating the imminent arrival of a child. You have food, you talk, you play party games, you eat more food, you talk abit more. It's like an afternoon for the women to just have a get together....Yes, gifts are often given and at home it would usually be the time when the grandparents to be give the big gifts, but this is a practicality issue more than having a party "for the gifts". They are aware that this makes more sense than waiting to give the parents-to-be a pram the week of the arrival.

I am surprised at some of the rather cloaked hostility being displayed as I have had no negative reaction from any of my friends or husband's family here. I would think that most of you, if you had a close friend/family member/in-law who was from another culture you would be willing to do something that may not be the "norm" but would give her a small taste of home at a time when she would be missing it the most.

bandraoi

The American tradition is for someone to celebrate the mother to be by throwing her a party. The American tradition is not for the mother to be to celebrate herself by throwing a party. If, as you say, that what you want is to attend a baby shower rather than to receive gifts, I would suggest that you introduce the American tradition by throwing a shower for one of your friends here who is pregnant.

I don't like the concept of a baby shower. Most Irish people buy the absolute minimum for a baby before it is born. Some of this is due to superstition, and some of it is an acknowledgement of the very real risks that go with childbirth and newborn babies. If something does go wrong, people don't want to be left with reminders.

The Irish tradtion is to celebrate a successful birth and to welcome a new member to the community. To me that is a much better reason to host a party than the concept behind a baby shower.

Nightwish

Well said, bandraoi. Thats the way I feel about it. I would never give a pregnant woman a gift before the baby is born. Thats just the Irish way I suppose.
If the OP wants to have her party, she should but she shouldnt feel offended that no-one has decided to throw one for her. Its just not something that would cross an Irish persons mind, to do, if their friend was pregnant.

Chinafoot

trillianv wrote:

I am surprised at some of the rather cloaked hostility being displayed as I have had no negative reaction from any of my friends or husband's family here.

If you have had no negative reaction then go ahead and have the party. It's your decision. You asked what we thought and we responded. You didn't like it, but such is life. As far as I can see the only person being in any way hostile is yourself.

trillianv wrote:

I would think that most of you, if you had a close friend/family member/in-law who was from another culture you would be willing to do something that may not be the "norm" but would give her a small taste of home at a time when she would be missing it the most

I'm sure we would. We'd also make that person aware of the possible reactions that certain foreign customs may cause. I have always been of the belief that you should respect the customs of the country that you are in. Being ignorant of certain traditions can result in causing major offence. I'm not suggesting that everyone you invite to your baby shower would be hideously offended but some people may see it as a bit cheeky and feel obliged to buy presents, when they had most likely planned to buy you something when the baby arrives and for the christening. I am also not in anyway suggesting that you disregard all of your own country's customs and traditions.
But rather, just have some awareness of how things are done here.

As far as I can see that is all people on this thread have tried to say.

You have to remember trillianv, chances are most of us will have an impression of baby showers from American tv shows. It's about giving presents for the baby before it's born (something rarely done here), hence the suggestions of calling it something else if you are going to insist that you don't want presents.

*shrug*

Beruthiel

trillianv wrote:

I am surprised at some of the rather cloaked hostility being displayed

where?
all I see are fairly honest opinions, which is what you asked for.


I have had no negative reaction from any of my friends or husband's family here

well of course you haven't, I'm guessing they are too polite to tell you anything other than what you want to hear on this subject. Not surprising as you would appear to get defensive very quickly.

BMH

trillianv wrote:

She also intends to bring one present, once to the shower and that is it.

You don't seem to be doing a great job of telling everyone not to bring presents.

I am not having a shower for the presents though

but...

it is not my fault if someone feels obligated to bring something.

This same woman I was speaking with is throwing herself a party for her birthday and openly admitted she was "doing it for the cash".

Birds of a feather...?
Don't come whing to me about being insulting, especially after...

I love how some of you can be so dual standard about this. Let's face it...it's because it is an "american" thing....not any other reason.

Nice way to thank everyone for giving their honest opinion about your problem. Face it, a friend isn't going to tell you to your face what they honestly feel about something as they don't want to hurt you. People off the internet will as is evident in this thread. You came here to reassure yourself that it was alright and you didn't get what you wanted and decided to start flinging generalisations all over the place.

Dave!

I think you need to get over yourself trillianv. Nobody is being hostile except you, we just gave our opinion of how it might be perceived, and how we might perceive it. Most people think a shower is a good idea.

Grow up ffs, you're having a hissy fit because we didn't give you the right answer.

Ickle Magoo

OP,

I think a pamper party is a great idea....sorry, but I'm also not too hot about a baby shower....I certainly wouldn't throw one for myself any more than I arranged my own hen night....it's traditionally thrown for you by other willing participants as opposed to you throwing for yourself & inviting unsuspecting guests....

I am not Catholic, my children weren't Christened and I wouldn't have liked to ask for or receive gifts before our babies were born....I loved the party that was thrown which the baby attended and people were invited with the main premise to meet the baby, rather than turn up with a gift - which most of them did anyway....now, I know you said it wasn't about gifts but lets face it - that's exactly what a baby shower is all about....I'd say if your responses here are anything to go by, folks may be too polite to say anything to your face as you clearly have your heart set on one regardless....

Yes, people throw themselves housewarmings & birthdays, etc - but as far as I know they only happen occassionally as opposed to baby shower & then the birth in a few weeks.....there are some friends & family over here that insist on getting a gift for the kids whenever we see them....I honestly can't imagine many Irish people turning up to a baby shower empty handed, even if you pointed out they should - the Irish just aren't like that...I'd say the majority wouldn't turn up to see the baby empty handed either and so tho you may not want it viewed as such - some may see it as yet another occassion they must get your baby a gift....

I'm not Irish, I know what you are saying about different traditions but it is a completely different culture here (not anti-american I might add!) and altho you want to introduce your own traditions, you must realise that most people will take on board your traditions and then carry on with their own as well, therby paying for both traditions rather than one or the other as you suggest.....

All the best with babs, whatever you decide

You come here asking a question and then get defensive and moan when you don't hear what you wanted to hear. It comes off very immature. If you had already decided to have a baby shower, then why did you bother posting here? Almost everyone has advised you not to do it, and if it's not about presents then why are you calling it a baby shower? The very name implies people are obliged to bring gifts. Otherwise it's just a party or get together. I find it hideously rude to complain that people here are being hostile when you're the one trying to impose your traditions. Obviously you have every right to do it but don't be surprised if you find out people are bitching about you behind your back. Not only does it go against Irish tradition of it being bad luck to buy gifts before a baby is born (many of my relatives don't even buy for their own babies before they're born) but it looks kind of greedy. It's really unfair and mean to accuse people of anti-Americanism when you're the one who moved to another country and can't accept the way of life here. It would be the same for anyone from anywhere. I have many relatives who aren't Irish including Americans, none of whom have had a baby shower because it isn't the done thing here. One of them did have a small gathering but didn't call it a shower and nobody brought presents. Likewise I have lived in several countries and while I retain my customs and way of life, I don't impose it on other people. I am not anti-American in any way, I lived there, I have many friends and relatives from there but they don't walk around claiming people are against Americans every time they hear something they don't like. That kind of attitude rubs me the wrong way. There are many immigrants from Portugal and Lithuania in my town and they never claim racism when people question their traditions and so on. If your friends are fine about having a baby shower then go ahead and have one but as you can see it's not the norm.

dbnavan

Ok first thing is first alot of people here, are not perents. When the Irish go move away we open an irish pub as soon as we get a corner free. I am sure the people who 'expect' the OP to to the Irish culture, never drank in an Irish pub abroad, thinks there should be no sinagog(sp?) in Dublin cause we are a catholic country, maybe the chinese should take their food and ship up back to asia, cause well its just not Irish, oh but wait we like it so lets embrace it.....infact lets make it more Irish, keep them open til the pubs close, fall in there door, make some reference to Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan, while ordering a Curry(which is infact Indian, not chinese but the English and Irish made it Chinese)

Whole point of this post is when the Irish move away they expect to bring Ireland with them, but if you wanna move here, well u just have to adapt to the Irish way.......

And as already stated Baby Showers are not just American they are England too, infact Geri Haliwell just had one. We either want to be part of the International Community (and respect other cultures) or become a closed minded society, we cant pick and choose.

As for not buying stuff before the baby is born, do people think that you can buy a cot, a pram, nappies, food, clothes, the list is endless, in the 24 hours before the baby is discharged from hospital? And who does all this?

Comparing a baby shower and a Chinese restaurant is NOT the same thing. I don't feel obliged to go down to the Chinese and buy them gifts for their New Year. Their tradition is their business, as are synagogues and mosques. I don't know anyone who has a problem with people bringing their traditions, but this is a case of people feeling obliged to buy gifts for something they may not agree with and goes against the supersticions etc.

Ickle Magoo

dbnavan wrote:

As for not buying stuff before the baby is born, do people think that you can buy a cot, a pram, nappies, food, clothes, the list is endless, in the 24 hours before the baby is discharged from hospital? And who does all this?

Well, we bought most of that stuff ourselves or the expectant Grandparents asked us to pick out a buggy or whatever & paid for it....when we were expecting people called and asked could they get something....or offered us something of theirs second hand....at no time did we request anything from anyone or do something that inferred they should get us something....I guess that's the bit I'm uncomfortable with - I'd be mortified if anyone felt obliged to get a gift - or fork out twice....I love the idea of the party other than that bit....

People like presents to be practical & personal....most of our presents arrived in pink or blue or to suit the child ie our son was premature so we received lots of premie clothes which were much more useful to us & him than the 3-6month stuff we received for daughter who was term.....any nappies or clothes bought for him before he was born were useless for months....so there is a practical side to waiting....

Anyway, these are just our own views about how we would feel....I don't think you have to be a parent to be invited to a baby shower and therefor hold an opinion on them.....I guess if the OP feels comfortable with it then there is no issue - but then if that is the case, I'm a bit confused as to why she would post here and ask for said opinions....

EDITED TO ADD: Meant to say...most women stay in hospital for a few days....not many are released within 24hrs....if you have a section you can expect a 5day stay...so loads of time to buy things!

Dyr

What y'all doing for thanksgiving??

ffs lads we've managed to replace halloween with the crap hollywood version of it (the one decent tradition we had), that's more than enough cultural compromise lol

feckin baby showers, fordeluvvinhonorajayzuz :rolleyes:

Chinafoot

dbnavan wrote:

Ok first thing is first alot of people here, are not perents. When the Irish go move away we open an irish pub as soon as we get a corner free. I am sure the people who 'expect' the OP to to the Irish culture, never drank in an Irish pub abroad, thinks there should be no sinagog(sp?) in Dublin cause we are a catholic country, maybe the chinese should take their food and ship up back to asia, cause well its just not Irish, oh but wait we like it so lets embrace it.....infact lets make it more Irish, keep them open til the pubs close, fall in there door, make some reference to Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan, while ordering a Curry(which is infact Indian, not chinese but the English and Irish made it Chinese)

Whole point of this post is when the Irish move away they expect to bring Ireland with them, but if you wanna move here, well u just have to adapt to the Irish way.......

Eh....what? So you reckon that every Irish person that moves away opens an Irish pub? Get a grip man.

Oh and as for the English and Irish "making" curries chinese...there are plenty of Chinese take aways run by Chinese people in this country. It is the people who run the business's that decide the menues. They also try and incorporate other areas of food that will be eaten by the population they are targeting. Our local chinese (and yes it is a chinese because the word "china" is in the name) also provides, Indian and Thai food and some have burgers and chips etc. They try to adapt their food to reach a wider market. You know, adapt to the country they are in? Be aware of the tastes of those they are hoping to gain business from.

Not one person on this thread has said that the OP should abandon all her traditions and customs. She has merely been made aware of the response that she *may* get.

dbnavan wrote:

And as already stated Baby Showers are not just American they are England too, infact Geri Haliwell just had one. We either want to be part of the International Community (and respect other cultures) or become a closed minded society, we cant pick and choose.

Baby showers aren't exactly the done thing in England either and I don't think you can use the example of what is essentially a celebrity baby shower in order to prove its the norm. It was held by George Michael after all. One shower does not a tradition make.

We are becoming part of the International Community and we do respect other cultures, just as our culture needs to be respected. The people on this thread have offered their opinion - which was requested- and the OP didn't like the response. Nobody has been disrespectful at all.

No one here is picking and choosing. It is entirely unfair to suggest that because the majority of posters here have said that they personally would not like a baby shower nor do they think most Irish people would be too receptive to one, that we are closed minded.

As has already been pointed out, most people buy for the baby after it's born as is the tradition in this country. Obviously the parents buy the essentials such as the cot and the pram...however do you think they are going to want tonnes of baby clothes and toys around the house that they received at their "shower" should anything happen to their child either before are directly after the birth? I know I certainly wouldn't.

The thread is about baby showers anyway. You are simply dragging it off-topic with your philosophical and quite frankly ill-thought out musings. If the OP had her mind set on a baby shower she shouldn't have asked for advice she had no intention of taking on board.

will'o'wisp

Traditions are important while i might find it odd being invited to a baby shower by one of my irish friends I would feel honoured if one of my american friends living here were to invite me to one and i certainly wouldn't see it as someone fishing for gifts. You go ahead and have a great party, I'm sure all your real friends will be deighted for the chance to celibrate wth you

iguana

trillianv wrote:

I am surprised at some of the rather cloaked hostility being displayed as I have had no negative reaction from any of my friends or husband's family here. I would think that most of you, if you had a close friend/family member/in-law who was from another culture you would be willing to do something that may not be the "norm" but would give her a small taste of home at a time when she would be missing it the most.

You stated in your original post that you told your mother and sister-in-laws how much you would like this, yet they didn't do it for you. Has it dawned on you that maybe this reason is that they were too embarrassed to issue invites to this as they are aware of how this would be percieved by your Irish friends that they would invite.

The majority of people here gave you their honest reaction to it, and it is likely that many of your friends will have the same gut reaction, but would be too polite to say it to you. There is no reason not to have a party, I completely empathise with any emotional need to have this gathering that you have. But I can't understand your insistence on calling it a shower when you know it is possible that by doing so you will make some of your friends uncomfortable.

Nobody here has voiced objections to the shower based on it's American origin. Tbh, I would have assumed that the tradition was one brought to America by an immigrant group and then took off accross the country. In the same way that Halloween was brought to the US by Irish immigrants, but has become a national celebration. However whatever it's origin I find the idea (if I'm very honest) repugnant, in the same way that I find wedding lists or requests for cash in lieu of gifts at celebrations to be.

If you want to call it a shower go ahead, it's your perogative, but be aware that there is a strong possibility you will be making some of your friends uncomfortable.

Oriel

OP, I'm sure you don't invite your friends around to celebrate thanksgiving, so you probably shouldn't do the same for a baby shower.

Dave!

dbnavan wrote:

Ok first thing is first alot of people here, are not perents. When the Irish go move away we open an irish pub as soon as we get a corner free. I am sure the people who 'expect' the OP to to the Irish culture, never drank in an Irish pub abroad, thinks there should be no sinagog(sp?) in Dublin cause we are a catholic country, maybe the chinese should take their food and ship up back to asia, cause well its just not Irish, oh but wait we like it so lets embrace it.....infact lets make it more Irish, keep them open til the pubs close, fall in there door, make some reference to Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan, while ordering a Curry(which is infact Indian, not chinese but the English and Irish made it Chinese)

Whole point of this post is when the Irish move away they expect to bring Ireland with them, but if you wanna move here, well u just have to adapt to the Irish way.......

And as already stated Baby Showers are not just American they are England too, infact Geri Haliwell just had one. We either want to be part of the International Community (and respect other cultures) or become a closed minded society, we cant pick and choose.

As for not buying stuff before the baby is born, do people think that you can buy a cot, a pram, nappies, food, clothes, the list is endless, in the 24 hours before the baby is discharged from hospital? And who does all this?

Are you on f*cking drugs? Most people in this thread are not opposed to the idea, in fact I think it's a nice tradition. The thread isn't about having a baby shower -- it's about having one yourself (as opposed to someone else throwing it for you), and how people might respond to this. We've all given our opinions, mainly that it comes across as cheeky because the idea is to "shower" the baby with gifts, so people feel obliged to buy them.

You must be just looking for a f*cking fight or somethin. It makes no difference whether we're parents or not. You're talking out of your arse, grow up.

Dyr

Isnt dropping a load of gifts on a newborn baby not a wee bit cruel

bandraoi

If you want to do it, don't call it a baby shower. The name in itself implies presents.

Call it a pamper party or a spa day or something.

Tell your friends that you want to spend a girly day in, relaxing and enjoying their company before the birth of the baby.
Either buy lots of products or hire somebody who does massages and the like to come to the house for the day.

That way you still get your party, you've removed the "I'm the centre of attention" aspect and you've removed the "presents for the baby" aspect.

Pink Bunny

trillianv wrote:

My mother-in-law knows how much this would mean to me as does my sister-in-law yet are showing very little interest in the upcoming birth anyways

Now I know they are not really the norm here but do you think I am right in doing this?

I get the idea this might be about more than just a baby shower and maybe your feelings are hurt because you don't think your inlaws are interested. Speaking from experience, when I was pregnant I was very emotional and easily hurt/upset/angry at things that wouldn't normally bother me. Hormones do crazy things to an expectant mommy.
I'm an American and living in the states I had showers (none of which I threw myself----I never would have) but if that's not what's done in Ireland (and clearly it's not) then skip it. I wouldn't say it's an "American Tradition" ie 4th of July etc...just more a nice practice but hardly worth getting worked up over. Maybe you can have a belated shower with your family and friends next time you go home. It's almost better to get the clothes etc... when the baby is older and you need things for an older child.
To be fair to the others here that have taken their time to reply and disagreed with you, please re read the last sentence you write in your quote above.
Good luck to you and your baby!