How much to give at weddings?

Blowfish · 21-04-2006 01:08PM

Sleepy wrote:

TBH, this is the first time I've ever heard of anyone actually looking at a gift in terms of how much it costs the couple to have you at their wedding. Personally, I've always considered it to be the bride and grooms choice to invite you and therefore their expense to pay for it. Then if you get married yourself, it's at your expense to invite them to your wedding.

I think the notion of doing the maths as to how much it's costing the couple to have you there and deducting that from the value of the present you've given them is, to be frank, as vile as the notion of actually requesting cash gifts.

Just how obsessed with money are we these days? A wedding is supposed to be your day of celebration, not a chance to make a few quid.

Yourself and slumped seem to be the only ones talking a bit of sense here. It's not about money, it's about the wedding. Personally, if I am close to the couple getting married, I try to get a gift for them that is actually personalised and meaningful to them, because of their personality/background/previous experiences. They usually value value personalised gifts far more, because it requires time and effort and a true knowledge of them for it to be right.

[edit]Hermione makes a lot of sense too, I was just too slow in typing this.

Hermione* · 21-04-2006 01:13PM

Thanks, and I thought my post would be too long and meandering!

jor el · 21-04-2006 01:53PM

A subject I've been thinking about recently, I have two family weddings coming up. Anyway, a wedding is an expense, and people don't make money from it, or at least they shouldn't. How much it costs to have you attend their wedding is not something you have any say in. If they decide to go to an expensive hotel then there's no way they should expect guests to cough up more money to cover that. I'd be far happier to go to a local hotel than say Drumoland Castle or somewhere like that. It's the people there that will make the wedding anyway.

In terms of giving cash, I give €50 from me, or €100 from a couple. If it's close family/friends getting married then maybe more.

To put costs of the wedding in context too, my sister is having her reception in a hotel down home and it's costing €50 a head for the meal. Total cost of the wedding will be around €10,000, including honeymoon, wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses. Compare that to a friend of my brother who's estimate is €30,000 for his wedding! 30 grand on a wedding is just plain crazy, but that's his choice. I wouldn't like to get an invite to that wedding if they're expecting to recoup even half of the cost.

In the end, give what you can afford, but you shouldn't feel compelled to give a lot. Besides which, you can't buy friends. It won't matter how much you give unless they're really shallow people, in which case I wouldn't care what they think.

21-04-2006 01:57PM

1. The father of the bride should pay for the wedding.

2. Would have thought 200-300 appropriate.

homeOwner · 21-04-2006 02:09PM

As some people have already said its not up to the guests to subsidise the cost of the wedding. Personally I think it is really vulgar to ask guests to pay cash. When did this become the norm?

AFAIK, originally the idea behind wedding presents was to help the couple get started on the contents of their house. Providing a wedding list made sense so you dont end up with 4 toasters and no plates (if its that sort of thing you are after).

As most couples getting married nowadays already have all the stuff they need I can see the merits in giving cash - unsolicited! 100euro is fine, as that would be around what a present would cost anyway. Spending over that is just going overboard. Its only a wedding. Your attendance is supposed to be what is important, not paying for their day or subsidsing their honeymoon.

Personally I think its all getting out of hand.

slumped · 21-04-2006 02:29PM

Blowfish wrote:

Yourself and slumped seem to be the only ones talking a bit of sense here.

Thank you!

Getting married myself soon, and hate the idea that people will actually put cash in an envelope to me. Saying that I have done the very same myself!

It depends on the situation but don't get carried away with the amount.

A nice present that can be enjoyed by both and does not cost an arm and a leg would be a voucher for €100 for Shanahans or the Trocadero.

They are two restaturants that most people would not dream of going to for a meal but if you get a voucher that will cover most of the cost (if not all) then you will enjoy a night out on them. This is far memorable for the couple that a wad of cash!

S

the Guru · 21-04-2006 03:27PM

what ever the price of the meal is and then double it, is what I have been told,

I got married recently and I asked all involved that they get us nothing, We hired a a light house property and partied to 7 in the morning, the bottom line is you give what you feel is appropriate no point leaving yourself unable to pay the mortgage or bills because you had to fork out for a gift, if people are getting married it should be for love not because they know that the guests will pay for it.

Oral Slang · 21-04-2006 04:07PM

Glad to see people thinking that way..
Never would have occurred to me before now - in the past have usually given a €100 Arnotts voucher or something like that, but with one of us being a member of the wedding party, friends were telling me they'd normally give 3 & 4 hundred as a gift.
I thought it was over the top, but as its the 1st one either of us have been a part of, wanted to get other peoples consensus on it..
Will try get a nice gift, but if not, will probably give a gift voucher or buy a weekend away or something!

Tar.Aldarion · 21-04-2006 04:27PM

I'd give a present tbh...

incisor71 · 21-04-2006 04:47PM

When my sister got married three years ago, I was unemployed and hardly had two rusty cents to rub together - so, several months beforehand, I offered to shoot and edit/produce their wedding video in lieu of a financial present. They were well chuffed

and although it was a valuable learning experience for me technically, it was damn hard work.

I tend not to pay any attention to people who stipulate some cash figure to contribute. I would raise the contribution if the bride & groom decide that they want every guest fed and watered (rather than simply inviting non-family to the afters) but if they're going all-out for needlessly expensive glitz and glamour and trying to outdo the couple in the previous wedding, it's up to them to deal with the financial fallout.

My take is that one will be going to many more weddings than one's own, and so it makes good sense not to overdo the gift amount. In any case, I'm in no financial position to fork out EUR1,000 - whether s/he's a sibling or not. (At least there are only two of them who've yet to get married.

)

Ruu_Old · 21-04-2006 06:21PM

I would say €150 also would be fair enough. Do they have a gift registry anywhere you could purchase gifts for them?

skye · 22-04-2006 06:49PM

Deleted User wrote:

1. The father of the bride should pay for the wedding.

Eh? It's 2006 buddy - wakey wakey!!!
I am getting married in September and we have planned our wedding around having thoses there whom we care about and are important in our lives - aint even thought about gifts from everyone. Don't care as long as they all come and enjoy the day with us. We are paying for everything ourselves....can't believe some are thinking along the lines of recouping the cost of having guests !! Crazy stuff.....As for how much you give...well I would say give what you can afford and not a cent more - I'm sure the couple in question will appreciate whatever gift they recieve

LegacyUser · 22-04-2006 07:05PM

skye wrote:

Eh? It's 2006 buddy - wakey wakey!!!
I am getting married in September and we have planned our wedding around having thoses there whom we care about and are important in our lives - aint even thought about gifts from everyone. Don't care as long as they all come and enjoy the day with us. We are paying for everything ourselves....can't believe some are thinking along the lines of recouping the cost of having guests !! Crazy stuff.....As for how much you give...well I would say give what you can afford and not a cent more - I'm sure the couple in question will appreciate whatever gift they recieve

Sounds about right to me...

incisor71 · 22-04-2006 08:12PM

skye wrote:

We are paying for everything ourselves....can't believe some are thinking along the lines of recouping the cost of having guests !! Crazy stuff.....

All depends on whether you think of a guest as someone at a party (i.e., fully catered for, compliments of the hosts) or someone staying in a hotel (i.e., everything has its price).....

{Edit: going back to the subject of gifts, I find the idea of sending out a gift list with a wedding invitation to be repulsive and not a little presumptuous. Better to send the gift list only to those who request it.}

Lump · 22-04-2006 08:43PM

€25 to cover the price of the meal

John

iguana · 22-04-2006 08:57PM

skye wrote:

As for how much you give...well I would say give what you can afford and not a cent more - I'm sure the couple in question will appreciate whatever gift they recieve

Too right! I'm getting married this summer and we've decided that instead of gifts we want donations to Oxfam's South Asian Earthquake Relief Fund. I'm setting up a bank a/c for it so that people can give anonymously, that way if they can't afford much they don't have to be embarrassed about it.

I am appalled at many of the attitudes on this thread. I can't believe people have such disgusting justifications for what boils down to absolute greed on what is supposed to be a celebration of love? People should be thankful for whatever gift they recieve. And take responsibilty for their own financial choices.

simu · 22-04-2006 09:08PM

Yeah, I find the money thing weird too, tbh. I mean, it's ok from close relatives but a present from anyone else, no?

Ruu_Old · 22-04-2006 09:18PM

Did anyone ever come across a couple getting married who asked for money on their invitations? I was invited to my cousins wedding last year and said money would be appreciated. Just my opinion but I would never ask for money.

skye · 22-04-2006 09:22PM

Yeah a friend said she got one of these invites recently...asked me if I wanted the rhyme for my invites!!! Polietly said no...not in a million years would I do that!!! So god damn rude......

Larianne · 22-04-2006 09:27PM

Ruu wrote:

Did anyone ever come across a couple getting married who asked for money on their invitations? I was invited to my cousins wedding last year and said money would be appreciated. Just my opinion but I would never ask for money.

:eek: That is just a disgrace!! And having a wedding list comes a close second. This thread just shows you the greed that is getting worse in this country.

If I get married, its going to be on a beach in Tahiti and when we get back will just throw a huge party in the local pub or something.

A friend is going to a wedding of her boyfriend's friend in the K Club in Kildare. They have to stay in the hotel and it's costing them 360euro for the night!! And that's at a special wedding guest rate! :eek: 360 euro before buying a present, getting clothes to wear or drinks at the bar.

Ruu_Old · 22-04-2006 09:33PM

Oh and to add to that, the wedding was in the middle of nowhere and the bride and groom expected everyone to pay for a hotel. The only hotel was..cant remember but it was horribly expensive.

MarkR · 22-04-2006 09:52PM

"Our home is quite complete now, we've been together long, so please consider our request and do not take us wrong. ... On this special day of ours, the day that we'll be wed, don't hunt for special gifts but give money in its stead."

Found this somewhere. I'm getting married in four months, i've been in my house for nearly four years and i'm good for toasters and crystal. I hate crystal! And it doesn't make me cheap, I just know from all the weddings i've been to amongst my own friends (five last year within 3 months!) that whatever money I could scrounge together was gratefully accepted.

Saying that I wouldn't say no to a well thought out gift, hell i'd be happy if everyone I invite turns up and has a good time.

At a wedding there a couple of weeks ago we gave 200, would have given more if I could as the bride and groom are good friends of mine. Think I gave 300 between us to the brother last year. 50-75 per person is reasonable if you are giving money I think in my case, but if you're loaded go crazy!

iguana · 22-04-2006 11:22PM

MarkR wrote:

"Our home is quite complete now, we've been together long, so please consider our request and do not take us wrong. ... On this special day of ours, the day that we'll be wed, don't hunt for special gifts but give money in its stead."

Are you actually putting that in your invites? Sorry if you put it up as a joke, I wasn't sure. I have no problem with people hoping for money as a gift, but requesting it without ever being offered a gift seems pretty presumptuous.

If you invited someone to your wedding and they contacted you asking what you would like for a gift and you said, "to be honest we don't really need any things so if you don't mind we'd prefer cash" then fair enough. But adding a request for cash, or even a gift list, to an invitation is rude.

It brings to mind an image of a spoilt child standing at the door of their birthday party and only allowing the children who bring gifts (or good enough gifts) to enter.:(

slumped · 26-04-2006 12:11PM

Lump wrote:

€25 to cover the price of the meal

John

That's way too much for a Happy Meal :-)

How much to give at weddings?

Comments