How much to give at weddings?

Ballyman

I have a question for you.

I'm going to a wedding in a few months where my partner is bridesmaid. It's also her cousin that is getting married. She wants to put €300 into the card. I thought this was a little excessive but maybe it isn't as it is her cousin and good friend.

However there is another one a few weeks after that of a friend, not a very close friend but a friend none the less. I presumed that €100 was standard nowadays to be putting into the card but she wants to put on €150. I mean it's an expensive enough day as it is. I think this is too much. What do you think? How much do you normally put into a wedding card??

Thanks.

Oral Slang

Thats mad, I just logged on to ask this specific question & now you've asked it for me..
My partner is going to be bestman at a wedding in a couple of weeks & I was wondering what's the norm to give & whether money is acceptable, or is it better to give a present.

slumped

GF's friend got married recently and the 'standard' present amongst family was €300, either in cash or vouchers.

I felt it was a lot but on reflection it was just about right.

Once family is involved the present is tricky, but remember the saying

The bride and groom will want your presence not you presents.

S

WICKL0W

When I got married I didn't get a penny but I am shocked at some of the amounts are given by the younger crowd in work. I have heard €200 but I personally think that is excessive. Give €150 as if it was all from herself and you're giving nothing. You'll feel better.

BoozyBabe

Was just talking to my sis last night about this as she's getting married in a few weeks.

Apparently a lot of couples give €200 now as a present.
She's not expecting this, but says really she would need to receive €150 per couple as a present to have anything left over as a gift at all. (Especially as you know there will always be those that won't give enough even to cover themselves)

It's costing her €50 per guest for the day (& it's in no way a lavish do)

So defo, give no less than €150

(Until I had the chat with her I had thought €100 was enough, but with the cost of wedding s these days, I see it really isn't)

Oral Slang

slumped wrote:

GF's friend got married recently and the 'standard' present amongst family was €300, either in cash or vouchers.
I felt it was a lot but on reflection it was just about right.
Once family is involved the present is tricky, but remember the saying
The bride and groom will want your presence not you presents.
S

The person my partner is bestman to isn't family, just a close friend.. €300 sounds a bit much considering both the hens & stags are abroad.. We've also 2 other weddings after this one.
Do you think €200 would be frowned upon?

TheBlock

Who's going to frown upon a present....Give what you can afford.To be honest when I got married i didn't even know who gave what it's not the most important part of the day if you catch my drift

azezil

BoozyBabe - €50 per guest is being a bit optimistic!

For a coursin, I'd say €200 is more than generous!
As TheBlock said, how much you give is not going to be remembered anyways!


My sister's currently planning her wedding, I'm hoping to give her €1000*




*course I'm not telling any family members that in case I can't afford it at the time lol!

daveg

For your standard wedding I would give €150 from myself and the misses. For a close friend I don't think €300 is excessive at all.

pontovic

Put anything decent in as long as you make the effort. Dont worry about €100 not being enough etc or too much. No one is going to get pissed off that you don't give enough etc, that is unless you put €5 into the card or something

It all depends on what kind of guest you are to the bride or groom. If you are from outside the immediate family circle, ie: if its your cousin or your girlfriends mate etc then €100 should be fair.

Different story if it's your daugher or something getting married

If you're little brother/sister is getting married and you are the succesful older brother, dig deeper and see if you can pony up abour 200-300 euro.

hshortt

The rule of thumb which is useful is to at the very very least, cover the cost of your attendance. This ranges in cost depening on where the wedding is, ie somewhere in the midlands will be less expensive than Dublin.

After that and if you can afford it anything over and above is generally great to receive.

Gifts to family members would typically be more as you want to see them get ahead and a good start, you have a vested interest!

I'm going to a wedding next month, where the bride and groom have made it clear they want absolutely no gifts what-so-ever but will have a charity donation instead, this is a great idea, but puts the entire cost to the couple and their families.

Cash or vouchers are generally much better gifts than an actual piece of furniture or other 'hard' gift. If the couple have a wedding list, you can choose from that, nice and easy to do and you typically don't even get to hold the present, it's delivered to them right from the store.

Good luck,
Howard

rubadub

A couple of those €1 cdwow vouchers should suffice.

I'd give €100, if it was a couple then maybe €200 if both of you knew the person well. €150 would not be sniffed at for a couple.

I wouldnt give gifts unless they were asked for, like those lists people can make out in some shops. Otherwise they end up with more cutlery than a resturaunt and 14 toasters.

If it is family people can chip in for stuff, like pay for the honeymoon or stuff for the house.

Unshelved

hshortt wrote:

The rule of thumb which is useful is to at the very very least, cover the cost of your attendance. This ranges in cost depening on where the wedding is, ie somewhere in the midlands will be less expensive than Dublin.

Interestingly this was dealt with quite recently in "Show me the money" where Eddie Hobbs told an engaged couple to invite more people to their wedding and ask them to give cash as gifts - therefore offsetting the cost of the wedding itself.

To their credit the couple refused to do this, but I do think that if a couple are getting married, they choose the wedding that they want. It is not then up to the guests to subsidise their big day. If they can't afford it, then they should be having a smaller wedding. It's only one day that's over very quickly - the marriage is surely the more important thing.

As you get older and you've been to more and more weddings, to be honest, they become a bit tedious. The ones that stand out in my memory are the smaller, more intimate kind rather than the circuses which demand that you traipse across the country to the rural church and castle (no connection to the happy couple, but what a great background for the photos!), entailing travelling expenses, B&B's and extortionate bar prices.

And as for being asked to contribute to a "honeymoon fund" - grr - don't get me started!

dudara

My partner and I generally give €100, seeing as how we're both cash-hungry students. However, as we are 27 and 30 respectively, weddings are becoming a more common event for both of us.

I just won't give anymore however, as a previous poster said, Im not there to offset the cost of their wedding. It's their choice to spend that much money, and I'm not subsidising it.

Miss Fluff

Think the standard is about €150-200. You can always buy a gift though if you have an idea of what they like. Bonus bonds are a good idea too http://www.bonusbonds.ie/

HelterSkelter

Miss Fluff wrote:

Think the standard is about €150-200. You can always buy a gift though if you have an idea of what they like. Bonus bonds are a good idea too http://www.bonusbonds.ie/

€200 Each????? Is that what you give?

Siogfinsceal

its your girlfriends cousin if she wants to pay that ridiculuous amount of money let her pay it herself. The whole wedding present value thing has gotten way out of hand its awful its all about the money. I hate the wedding list trend too - its so obnoxious. personally I would buy a gift so they dont know how much it costs. I would never spend over €100 euro on a wedding gift unless it was a best mate or a direct relative

ferdi

if the guest are getting free drink, the least they can cough up is 50 a head

Liver Lips

ferdi wrote:

if the guest are getting free drink, the least they can cough up is 50 a head

this dude is right. free drink everyone should give a least 50 maybe 100..if shes bridesmade 300 is not to much..but it depends on the quailty of the wedding.....if its cocktail sausages and a horrible function room they should be just happy that you dont burn it to the ground

Unshelved

ferdi wrote:

if the guest are getting free drink, the least they can cough up is 50 a head

I disagree. If the guests are getting free drink, that is the choice of the bride & groom - just as much as is the location of the wedding, church or registry office, and the number and names of guests. They should not aim to "break even" on the day, by having guests subsidise the cost of their wedding.

The logical conclusion of the "guests covering the cost of their attendance" opinion is that if a reception is being held in, say, Dromoland Castle, your gift should be proportionally more generous than if it is being held in a smaller local hotel. Should guests at a Dublin wedding give more than guests at a rural one - seeing as the cost of living is higher in Dublin?

Having said that, guests should send a gift - whether monetary or otherwise (I love our wedding gifts that people chose themselves & honestly can't remember who gave how much when we got cash gifts). Not to do so is ill-mannered. But to judge your gift not on how much you esteem the happy couple, but on how much the wedding is costing them per head seems to reduce what should be a joyful occasion into a monetary transaction - "we give you X so you should give us Y". People should be invited to a wedding because the couple want them there, not because of what they provide when they do come.

Rogueish

OP,

I understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I was bridesmaid for one of my best friends there last October. I put €300 into her card too. When I looked at it the bridesmaids dress cost over €200 (not including the shoes) - she wouldn't hear of she herself holding on to the dress afterwards and selling it. The dress was 'gifted' to me along with the hair and make-up and bridesmaids gift on the day.

In reality the €300 didn't come close to covering the cost of my and my partners meal plus the rest of the bridesmaids paraphenalia. It ended up only being a token (a large token albeit esp as the hotel room was €190 for the night). Now as my partner was coming as my guest I paid for the gift and the hotel. That was my choice.

As for the bride - my gift was above and beyond what she was expecting so it really all amounts to personal preference. But try to understand where your partner is coming from.

mandz

I'm in this predicament myself. A friend of mine is getting married in a couple of months and i haven't a clue how much to give her. Both her and her fiance have made it very clear that they don't want presents just the money. At least now i have a guideline. If i go by the cost guidelines i know the bridesmaids bought their own dresses etc. but i just don't know. Both parties are friends of mine and i don't want to seem mean but i can't quite afford too much either as my job isn't that well paid!!

Oral Slang

Rogueish wrote:

OP,
In reality the €300 didn't come close to covering the cost of my and my partners meal plus the rest of the bridesmaids paraphenalia. It ended up only being a token (a large token albeit esp as the hotel room was €190 for the night). Now as my partner was coming as my guest I paid for the gift and the hotel. That was my choice.

In terms of being best man though, it wouldn't cost as much I presume.. Other than the cost of the meal & toast for the two of us & the hire of the suit, there's no other expense is there? We wouldn't dream of letting the bride & groom pay for our accommodation!
I know its not about the money, but I don't want to give say €200 if that doesn't even cover their costs, but we're a bit stretched for cash at the moment, so can't afford much more..

ionapaul

I'm my younger brother's best man this summer and will probably give €500 or so, was another friend's best man last year and gave €300 - but for a 'regular' friend's wedding, I wouldn't give more than €100, regardless of where it is and what is involved. This country has gone crazy, people trying to make a profit on their weddings, brides trying their best to top what their friends did the year before.

I've said it before and I'm certainly not joking, Elvis in Vegas or a beach in the tropics for me...

dubtom

I'm getting married in September and I'm surprised that giving money seems to be the norm now.We have budgeted for X amount of guests, hotel rooms for some, because it's in Kildare and we're from Dublin,the toast etc, it all adds up, but we knew that when we decided to get married and throw a hooley. We wouldn't expect money from anyone. The wedding gift list thing has been mentioned and TBH it appalls me even though we've lived together for ten years and really don't need household stuff.The charity idea appeals to me.It would be a better alternative than having 14 toasters and 6 kettles.

slumped

As i stated earlier:


The bride and groom will want your presence, not your presents.

At least ordinary nice people will anyway!

county

150-200 sounds about right

mountainyman

BoozyBabe wrote:

It's costing her €50 per guest for the day (& it's in no way a lavish do)
So defo, give no less than €150

Completely disagree, the expense is her lookout. Give no more than Euro 100. I wouldn't spend Euro 150 on a present. Why should she make a profit on her wedding.

MM

BoozyBabe

mountainyman wrote:

Completely disagree, the expense is her lookout. Give no more than Euro 100. I wouldn't spend Euro 150 on a present. Why should she make a profit on her wedding.

MM

If you're an outsider, then yes, sure, just cover your cost & be done with that.

If you're closer to either the bride or groom, then surely you want to give them a *present*
Saying as it will cost her €100 to invite you & your better half, then giving €100 as a gift isn't actually a present to her.


As I said once before in a different thread, I'm only going to have a very small wedding, with just my nearest & dearest who I actually want to be there, whom I don't care if I get anything in return from, (their presence is all I care about) instead of inviting 100's of people I barely even know (who I couldn't care less if I never see), who are complaining about having to pay to cover for them being there!!! (& more often than not, don't!!)

Sleepy

TBH, this is the first time I've ever heard of anyone actually looking at a gift in terms of how much it costs the couple to have you at their wedding. Personally, I've always considered it to be the bride and grooms choice to invite you and therefore their expense to pay for it. Then if you get married yourself, it's at your expense to invite them to your wedding.

I think the notion of doing the maths as to how much it's costing the couple to have you there and deducting that from the value of the present you've given them is, to be frank, as vile as the notion of actually requesting cash gifts.

Just how obsessed with money are we these days? A wedding is supposed to be your day of celebration, not a chance to make a few quid.

Hermione*

I think the idea of giving money as a present frankly awful. I know when my first cousins or sisters got married, my parents gave money, but they only give cash to close relatives. In the case of my sisters, who are my mother's stepdaughters, Mum felt that since she wasn't paying for the wedding she should at least donate to it. But she gave them a present as well, as she did when my cousin, her goddaughter, got married. Her take on it was that the money may well be appreciated, but if she bought glass or whatever it'd be something for the couple to have in twenty years, cash doesn't generate the same memories.

As a poor student, I could never give any amount of cash but I'd feel cheap putting cash in a card tbh. I always buy an engagement and wedding present, and I like to think the time and effort I put into choosing something special is appreciated by the couple I give it to. When my little sis and I were bridesmaids for one of our sisters, it probably cost her about €500 all ina ll for us to stand with her on the day, we couldn't afford the dresses or whatever (Mum+Dad covered some of our expenses like the hotel though). If any of her friends had been bridesmaid, they could have paid for their dress. My sister's attitude was that she wanted her wedding to be a celebration, not a profit-making enterprise. We were her sisters, it was our reltionship with her that probably changed the most that day, and she wanted us toi experience it with her. Her wedding wasn't hugely extravagant, but there were a lot of people at it, and it was somewhere where most guests had to travel to it. But it was how she wanted it.

Summary: an actual present is more meaningful than paying for your roast beef or whatever. Cash is like putting a value on your relationship to someone.

Blowfish

Sleepy wrote:

TBH, this is the first time I've ever heard of anyone actually looking at a gift in terms of how much it costs the couple to have you at their wedding. Personally, I've always considered it to be the bride and grooms choice to invite you and therefore their expense to pay for it. Then if you get married yourself, it's at your expense to invite them to your wedding.

I think the notion of doing the maths as to how much it's costing the couple to have you there and deducting that from the value of the present you've given them is, to be frank, as vile as the notion of actually requesting cash gifts.

Just how obsessed with money are we these days? A wedding is supposed to be your day of celebration, not a chance to make a few quid.

Yourself and slumped seem to be the only ones talking a bit of sense here. It's not about money, it's about the wedding. Personally, if I am close to the couple getting married, I try to get a gift for them that is actually personalised and meaningful to them, because of their personality/background/previous experiences. They usually value value personalised gifts far more, because it requires time and effort and a true knowledge of them for it to be right.

[edit]Hermione makes a lot of sense too, I was just too slow in typing this.

Hermione*

Thanks, and I thought my post would be too long and meandering!

jor el

A subject I've been thinking about recently, I have two family weddings coming up. Anyway, a wedding is an expense, and people don't make money from it, or at least they shouldn't. How much it costs to have you attend their wedding is not something you have any say in. If they decide to go to an expensive hotel then there's no way they should expect guests to cough up more money to cover that. I'd be far happier to go to a local hotel than say Drumoland Castle or somewhere like that. It's the people there that will make the wedding anyway.

In terms of giving cash, I give €50 from me, or €100 from a couple. If it's close family/friends getting married then maybe more.

To put costs of the wedding in context too, my sister is having her reception in a hotel down home and it's costing €50 a head for the meal. Total cost of the wedding will be around €10,000, including honeymoon, wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses. Compare that to a friend of my brother who's estimate is €30,000 for his wedding! 30 grand on a wedding is just plain crazy, but that's his choice. I wouldn't like to get an invite to that wedding if they're expecting to recoup even half of the cost.

In the end, give what you can afford, but you shouldn't feel compelled to give a lot. Besides which, you can't buy friends. It won't matter how much you give unless they're really shallow people, in which case I wouldn't care what they think.

1. The father of the bride should pay for the wedding.

2. Would have thought 200-300 appropriate.

homeOwner

As some people have already said its not up to the guests to subsidise the cost of the wedding. Personally I think it is really vulgar to ask guests to pay cash. When did this become the norm?

AFAIK, originally the idea behind wedding presents was to help the couple get started on the contents of their house. Providing a wedding list made sense so you dont end up with 4 toasters and no plates (if its that sort of thing you are after).

As most couples getting married nowadays already have all the stuff they need I can see the merits in giving cash - unsolicited! 100euro is fine, as that would be around what a present would cost anyway. Spending over that is just going overboard. Its only a wedding. Your attendance is supposed to be what is important, not paying for their day or subsidsing their honeymoon.

Personally I think its all getting out of hand.

slumped

Blowfish wrote:

Yourself and slumped seem to be the only ones talking a bit of sense here.

Thank you!

Getting married myself soon, and hate the idea that people will actually put cash in an envelope to me. Saying that I have done the very same myself!

It depends on the situation but don't get carried away with the amount.

A nice present that can be enjoyed by both and does not cost an arm and a leg would be a voucher for €100 for Shanahans or the Trocadero.

They are two restaturants that most people would not dream of going to for a meal but if you get a voucher that will cover most of the cost (if not all) then you will enjoy a night out on them. This is far memorable for the couple that a wad of cash!

S

the Guru

what ever the price of the meal is and then double it, is what I have been told,

I got married recently and I asked all involved that they get us nothing, We hired a a light house property and partied to 7 in the morning, the bottom line is you give what you feel is appropriate no point leaving yourself unable to pay the mortgage or bills because you had to fork out for a gift, if people are getting married it should be for love not because they know that the guests will pay for it.

Oral Slang

Glad to see people thinking that way..
Never would have occurred to me before now - in the past have usually given a €100 Arnotts voucher or something like that, but with one of us being a member of the wedding party, friends were telling me they'd normally give 3 & 4 hundred as a gift.
I thought it was over the top, but as its the 1st one either of us have been a part of, wanted to get other peoples consensus on it..
Will try get a nice gift, but if not, will probably give a gift voucher or buy a weekend away or something!

Tar.Aldarion

I'd give a present tbh...

incisor71

When my sister got married three years ago, I was unemployed and hardly had two rusty cents to rub together - so, several months beforehand, I offered to shoot and edit/produce their wedding video in lieu of a financial present. They were well chuffed and although it was a valuable learning experience for me technically, it was damn hard work.

I tend not to pay any attention to people who stipulate some cash figure to contribute. I would raise the contribution if the bride & groom decide that they want every guest fed and watered (rather than simply inviting non-family to the afters) but if they're going all-out for needlessly expensive glitz and glamour and trying to outdo the couple in the previous wedding, it's up to them to deal with the financial fallout.

My take is that one will be going to many more weddings than one's own, and so it makes good sense not to overdo the gift amount. In any case, I'm in no financial position to fork out EUR1,000 - whether s/he's a sibling or not. (At least there are only two of them who've yet to get married. )

Ruu_Old

I would say €150 also would be fair enough. Do they have a gift registry anywhere you could purchase gifts for them?

skye

Deleted User wrote:

1. The father of the bride should pay for the wedding.

Eh? It's 2006 buddy - wakey wakey!!!
I am getting married in September and we have planned our wedding around having thoses there whom we care about and are important in our lives - aint even thought about gifts from everyone. Don't care as long as they all come and enjoy the day with us. We are paying for everything ourselves....can't believe some are thinking along the lines of recouping the cost of having guests !! Crazy stuff.....As for how much you give...well I would say give what you can afford and not a cent more - I'm sure the couple in question will appreciate whatever gift they recieve

LegacyUser

skye wrote:

Eh? It's 2006 buddy - wakey wakey!!!
I am getting married in September and we have planned our wedding around having thoses there whom we care about and are important in our lives - aint even thought about gifts from everyone. Don't care as long as they all come and enjoy the day with us. We are paying for everything ourselves....can't believe some are thinking along the lines of recouping the cost of having guests !! Crazy stuff.....As for how much you give...well I would say give what you can afford and not a cent more - I'm sure the couple in question will appreciate whatever gift they recieve

Sounds about right to me...

incisor71

skye wrote:

We are paying for everything ourselves....can't believe some are thinking along the lines of recouping the cost of having guests !! Crazy stuff.....

All depends on whether you think of a guest as someone at a party (i.e., fully catered for, compliments of the hosts) or someone staying in a hotel (i.e., everything has its price).....

{Edit: going back to the subject of gifts, I find the idea of sending out a gift list with a wedding invitation to be repulsive and not a little presumptuous. Better to send the gift list only to those who request it.}

Lump

€25 to cover the price of the meal

John

iguana

skye wrote:

As for how much you give...well I would say give what you can afford and not a cent more - I'm sure the couple in question will appreciate whatever gift they recieve

Too right! I'm getting married this summer and we've decided that instead of gifts we want donations to Oxfam's South Asian Earthquake Relief Fund. I'm setting up a bank a/c for it so that people can give anonymously, that way if they can't afford much they don't have to be embarrassed about it.

I am appalled at many of the attitudes on this thread. I can't believe people have such disgusting justifications for what boils down to absolute greed on what is supposed to be a celebration of love? People should be thankful for whatever gift they recieve. And take responsibilty for their own financial choices.

simu

Yeah, I find the money thing weird too, tbh. I mean, it's ok from close relatives but a present from anyone else, no?

Ruu_Old

Did anyone ever come across a couple getting married who asked for money on their invitations? I was invited to my cousins wedding last year and said money would be appreciated. Just my opinion but I would never ask for money.

skye

Yeah a friend said she got one of these invites recently...asked me if I wanted the rhyme for my invites!!! Polietly said no...not in a million years would I do that!!! So god damn rude......

Larianne

Ruu wrote:

Did anyone ever come across a couple getting married who asked for money on their invitations? I was invited to my cousins wedding last year and said money would be appreciated. Just my opinion but I would never ask for money.

:eek: That is just a disgrace!! And having a wedding list comes a close second. This thread just shows you the greed that is getting worse in this country.

If I get married, its going to be on a beach in Tahiti and when we get back will just throw a huge party in the local pub or something.

A friend is going to a wedding of her boyfriend's friend in the K Club in Kildare. They have to stay in the hotel and it's costing them 360euro for the night!! And that's at a special wedding guest rate! :eek: 360 euro before buying a present, getting clothes to wear or drinks at the bar.