Random Facts about....Jack Bauer.

http://www.jackbauerfacts.com/top_twenty_four/

Alot of these are possibly repeats but figured what the hell, I saw a few I hadn't seen before..

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

Jack Bauer doesn't cut his grass, he stares at it and dares it to grow.

cooperguy wrote:

Most of them, are just Chuck Norris facts with Jack Bauer's name

Let the Jack vs Chuck war begin, I say.

&#1072 wrote: »

Jack Bauer is a bummer.

Total bummer, dude!

Jack Bauer is like Ford Prefect. He always knows where his towel is.

More added from another site.

* Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John.

* It should be noted that Chuck Norris is a small wilting flower in the shadow of Jack Bauer, because Chuck Norris sucks.

* Jack Bauer is actually Jesus Christ, sent here to do good in the world by saving us from CBS's crappy winter line-up. Thank you, Jack Bauer.

* Jack Bauer had a pet cat named Simon. There was no irony involved.

* Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl. By himself.

* Jack Bauer won the Indianapolis 500 in a rickshaw pulled by Chuck Norris.

* Stalin once said: "The death of one is a tragedy. The death of millions is Jack Bauer having a bad day."

* Every mathematical inequality officially ends with " < Jack Bauer".

* When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ****ing hates lemons.

* Jack Bauer doesn't need to use the toilet because he beats enough **** out of other people!

* Once Superman and Jack Bauer had a bet over "who is the bravest man alive on Earth?". Since that day, Superman wears his underpants over his pants.

* It is commonly assumed that Jack Bauer performs all his bodily functions off-camera. Actually, Jack Bauer modified his bodily functions shortly before the start of season 2 - he sweats urine and bleeds feces, which accounts for 75% of his screen time. He is one nasty mofo.

* Jack Bauer killed Dumbledore

* **** Bob Marley. Jack Bauer shot the sheriff.

* Jack Bauer never worked for CTU. CTU worked for him.

* Jack Bauer helped U2 find what they were looking for.

* If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.

* If Jack Bauer was Irish, England would be called Bauerland.

* It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

* Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

* Jack Bauer can win at chess after being checkmated.

* Jack Bauer once ate his own face just to show how truly awesome he is.

* On the black market, Jack Bauer's seed goes for $36,623,000,000 (or 980,000,000 chickens) per liter.

* They originally planned to have Jack Bauer in a sex scenes with Teri Bauer, but the producers had to cut it because it took all 24 hours.

* After receiving repeated roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer was heard to ask,"Can you go a bit lower? I was crammed in an air conditioning duct between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. And my back is killing me."

* Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

* Jack Bauer's enemies are called "terrorists" because they are terrified of Jack Bauer.

* Jack Bauer starts on world 8-4 when he plays Super Mario Bros. When Bowser sees Jack Bauer coming he jumps off the bridge, preferring lava instead of fighting Jack.

* Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

* Jack Bauer taught Helen Keller to read and write.

* When Jack Bauer farts, time stops.

* Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

* Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth

* You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

* Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, because Jack Bauer is nobody's fool

* Every time you blink Jack Bauer kills a terrorist, not because you blinked, but because that how many terrorists he kills.

* Jack Bauer is the sole editor of every article on Wikipedia.

* Chuck Norris originally made anyone handicapped who parked in a handicapped spot. Jack Bauer came along and killed Chuck Norris and will kill anyone who parks in a handicapped spot.

* Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

* Jack Bauer doesn't use his x-ray vision because he doesn't need it.

* The only reason Chuck Norris is alive is because Jack Bauer needs someone to make fun of because GOD got boring to make fun of.

* MC Hammer was wrong. Jack CAN touch this.

* Jack Bauer doesn't celebrate holidays, holidays celebrate Jack Bauer.

* When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

* Jack Bauer would win the World Series of Poker because nobody bluffs Jack Bauer.

* A Jack Bauer action figure is more intimidating than most weapons.

* Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack ****ing Bauer.

* Jack Bauer has killed prisoners, tortured suspects, and used less than civil tactics all in the name of national security. Yet he has never been punished; for it would take an Armageddon to punish Jack Bauer. Of course Armageddon never happens because there's no time for the End of Time.

* In 2424 a Jack Bauer Video Game will come out for Playstation 24. Only Jack Bauer will play it, cause only he can go trough 240 stages and take 2400 enemies playing 24 hours straight (that's the only way to win in the game).

* Jack Bauer DOES just walk into Mordor

* Jack Bauer figured out Unified Field Theory, when he eliminated time as a factor because THERE IS NO TIME.

* The answer is 42, because the question is 'how many terrorists has Jack Bauer killed while you were reading this fact?'

* Stone Cold didn't say so - Jack Bauer did.

* Jack Bauer could tell you what this fact is, but then he would have to kill you.

* Criminals have nightmares about Keyser Soze. Keyser has nightmares about Jack Bauer.

* They tried to make Jack Bauer go to rehab - he say no, no, no. You don't want to know what else he did.

* Jack Bauer takes place in real time.

* Jack Bauer knows what Willis is talkin' 'bout.

* Jack Bauer is the angel of death. In the Middle East, dying is known as "getting a visit from Jack Bauer".