Good looks, Good looking people, praise etc.

Cake Fiend · 13-11-2005 09:39PM

The 'shallow' thing is a bit of a bugbear for me, because I can't accept it as anything but envious backlash any time someone brings it up. This ties in to some extent with the OP's experience that people will begrudge someone because of their looks - it's as though preferring a good-looking person over ordinary people (all other attributes being equal) is supposed to be something to be ashamed of.

My understanding of being (emotionally) 'shallow' was placing greater importance on looks than other attributes (intelligence, personality, etc) or it being the sole factor of attraction/interest. If someone places importance on intelligence and personality, but also on looks, I can't see how this person can be deemed shallow.

The Song Thrush · 14-11-2005 04:41AM

Being good looking can be difficult for many reasons. E.g. a hot girl might appreciate the attention she gets but it would be annoying when she's trying to mind her own business and some old guy on the bus is perving over her for the entire journey.
In general, good looking people are expected to have more "class" than the rest of us (do you know what I mean?) because they're regarded as more popular and dignified people.

jrey1981 · 14-11-2005 05:22AM

Laguna wrote:

I'm not prepared to stick my neck out anymore...I waited long enough; it's not going to happen and I accept that.

This is the Homer Simpson school of philosophy, who said - "Trying is the first step to failure."

On a serious note, I can see your point. I have experienced rejection before and it does colour your outlook a lot...

It sucks but thats life. Try internet dating - with that the rejection is easier to bear.

er, so I am told.

honru · 14-11-2005 05:25AM

I agree with Sico on this.

You're a man: there's nothing wrong with liking hot women. Physical attraction is natural.

Laguna wrote:

What can one deduce from this?, they turned me down not because of my personality but because I don't possess film star looks.

No, because there was no chemistry between you.

You seem to have a very tainted view of women in general. Looks are not the most important thing to girls out there; it must be in ways you are coming across.

Sharza- · 14-11-2005 05:57AM

Hey Im an attractive and intelligent bloke, and I know what your talking about Mysterious, but I'm not going to reply to that, sorry but Laguna's sub topic has really caught my eye on a subject I'm very interested in.

Laguna wrote:

In the past I fancied girls, and I would receive advice from friends to ask certain girls out (i.e. ones they were certain 'liked me' or whatever), unsurprisingly I was always turned down, being told I was a great friend/charming/great laugh or that they weren't interested in a relationship (even though a week later I'd see them going out with some Brad Pitt a-like). What can one deduce from this?, they turned me down not because of my personality but because I don't possess film star looks.

Laguna, the assumption you have made here is logical, but is incorrect. The main reason for you being incorrect is because you are a man(wait, dont jump on me keep reading). Why is being a man a reason for making this mistake? Because you think like a man, and therefore assumed women think the same. Despite your denial, the biggest factor for a man for being attracted to a woman, or simply wanting to jump their bones, is her physical looks. So this calculation takes place in your brain, (I like girls who look good, i like this girl she looks good, she doesnt like me though, means she doesnt think i look good), while this maybe true in part, I can honestly 100% say your looks are not the reason for your lack of relationships.

Your a man, so you think like a man, so when you try to empathise with a woman, you forget that they think a completely difirent way.

I will tell you exactly what being a good looking man means, with regards to the relationship game and how it helps, in this little quote I heard before.

"Looks will get you the audition easier"
Thats it, seriously no woman on the planet will get with a guy (for a relationship which is what we are talking about here, not just a one nighter) simply and soley based on his looks if he has a very bad personality.

Laguna wrote:

When you continually get turned down like I have in my life, you soon give up bothering fancying anyone.

Of course you would, as to you it seems hopeless, because you assume that because your no oil painting nobody would want to be with you which is ridiculous. Ill tell you straight up, your problem lies with your meantality.

Laguna wrote:

Good looking girls/lads have it easy, people will go out with them irrespective of their personalities because they're attractive. They'll get ream after ream of people throwing themselves at them at school/college/work/clubs/pubs just because of the way they look, is this fair?

This is horse****. And you have actually proven this to be horse**** yourself, by saying you dont care about a girls looks.

You want honest advice pm me, because if I post it here, all the girls will deny it, and the clueless guys wont believe it.

cournioni · 14-11-2005 10:13AM

RopeDrink wrote:

I'm not a big fan of vanity, mainly because I have very large confidence issues with my general appearance, and have had these problems since as long as I remember. Sure, people tell me things (different people with different opinions) but at the end of the day, you'll always go by your own view... If you can't appreciate yourself, nobody will, and if you show self appreciation in the wrong way, you'll be treated negatively (in most circumstances at least).

People have called me attractive and people have called me ugly. Some people go so far as to assume that stating my hatred for my appearance is a means of fishing for compliments, which is a sickening thought, but regardless of other peoples opinions I do know ONE thing, and that is that the only opinion that should matter is your own.

They say that to be loved by someone you must also love yourself, and some go so far as to call that vanity (which isn't necessarily true). It's a matter of confidence and how you carry yourself that'll generally attract people, with physical attraction being a simple means of catching an eye. If you can back it up with a good personality, then all the better, but are ugly people any less a person (or worse than another individual) simply because they aren't as good looking? No, they are not.

People who are only willing to give attractive people a chance will miss out on all the other wonderful people out there. At the same time, I do agree with Sico in the sense that people will more than likely also go for someone with good personality and intelligence that also happens to be physically attractive. After all, it's usually the first thing you see about someone.

All that aside, you'll also see ugly people in the world with fantastic looking partners. Why question it? Why turn around and ask 'Did the ugly one just try and grab the most attractive person they could?' or 'Did the attractive one manage to find someone special outside of physical attraction?'

Who cares? What is it to you? Leave them to their business and work on your own confidence.

If beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, and you manage to go out with someone who is attractive to YOU, then why in the hell would you worry about what others think? Be happy.

At the end of the day, you are you. If you aren't happy with you, make some changes. Try new things. Maximize the things that ARE attractive about you. Just try not to think too hard about yourself, as you will always give off signals (either if you think you're ugly or attractive). People who are down about themselves will often convey this through body language and how they express themselves, which can be ugly in itself and turn off other people. The same applies to those who are too up on their own appearance, so either way it works the exact same way.

Everything seems to cancel itself out in the end, and even if it didn't, there are people who will like you for who you are rather than what you look like, so it should (hopefully) work out for everyone in the end.

Other than that, I don't know. Hope that helps someone.

Great post. I think that pretty much everyone can relate to that.

From my own experience, I have been with alot of good looking women. Now I'm not looking for a pat on the back for it, in fact the opposite. I am 20 now and I have never been involved in a relationship that has lasted longer than a month. The reason for this is because both myself and possibly the other girls haven't seen past our looks.

To be honest, I'm sick of it at this stage. I genuinely want to find someone that likes me for who I am and not what I look like. I don't know how other people will see this post but my point is, looks really aren't everything. As RopeDrink has said, the old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is absolutely spot on. If you like someone, you shouldn't give a damn about what other people think of them.

WhiteWashMan · 14-11-2005 11:21AM

Ag marbh wrote:

Sorry in advance....

shut the f*ck up.

please dont be abusive.
if you dont like what the OP has said, then try and be a little bit more intelligent about what you post.

telling someone to shut the f*ck up is not acceptable.

WhiteWashMan · 14-11-2005 11:33AM

PORNAPSTER wrote:

the old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is absolutely spot on. If you like someone, you shouldn't give a damn about what other people think of them.

so you think that people only go out with good looking people because they are afraid of what other people will say of them?

as ive often said on these pages, there is nothing wrong with only going out with good looking people.
the term good looking, is of course absolutely subjective.

if someone has 'good looking' as one of the prioritized criteria for choosing a partner, then whats the problem with that?
there is none. its a personal decision.

however, it would seem to me that the people who always call people shallow for wanting a good looking person, are the people that have their own self confidence issues.
perhaps they are jealous becuase they feel they will never be in with a shout with people ho think like that. and people always get shirty when they feel they have been unfairly excluded.

i'll freely admit, that i would not go out with someone i considered ugly, in the physical sense of the word.
why would i? i dont want someone that i can be attracted to. they may be the most engaging and wonderful person in the world, have the greatest 'personality' in the world, but if im not attracted to them physically, i wouldnt even consider it. i shouldnt have to make concessions over my choice of partner simply because some people have issues with it.

after all, i dont tell people what music they should listen to, why should i be considered shallow for only wanting to be with someone good looking.

but dont get me wrong, just becuase i put a lot of emphasis on the looks department, i also hold personality and many other things just as highly.

but there is a huge difference between vanity and self confidence. while i am not a big fan of vanity, i also have nothing against the ego, and being happy with yourself.

14-11-2005 11:42AM

Well over the years I have noticed that good-looking girls can get preferential treatment from some of the other bouncers/security/doormen. But that said, if someone is polite to you, you are more likely to go out of your way for them. There is nothing wrong with being good-looking, it's like an extra bonus.

cournioni · 14-11-2005 11:53AM

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so you think that people only go out with good looking people because they are afraid of what other people will say of them?

Well not exactly, I agree with you on the self confidence side of things. There is nothing wrong with being with good looking people. But I think alot of people shy away from being with somebody who has a great personality, and could be good looking to them, but the opinions of others (friends etc.) could put them off making any move.

I personally go for the best looking girls I can but sometimes I feel like it is getting me no where relationship wise. At times it makes me think that I am missing something by just confining myself to them.

WhiteWashMan · 14-11-2005 12:05PM

PORNAPSTER wrote:

At times it makes me think that I am missing something by just confining myself to them.

so its a trade off?

if youre good looking youre missing something in the personality department?

and of course, on the flip side, if youre an ugly fat person, you are a fabulous character that eveyone loves?

no i know these are not the things you mean, but my point is that 'people you dont get along with' are not restricted to looks, height, length of hair, number of earrings, type of underwear, class background, geographical location position of venus on a given day, or the fact that your last pizza had the face of jesus on it made out of pepperoni....

again, i feel that too many people use looks etc as some sort of excuse as to why their relationships dont work, or why they cant get a partner. for me it comes from a lack of confidence, and an easy way to pass some sort of blame or excuse onto something else untangible.

apparently, good looking people are vain, stuck up, egotistical, lack a personality and are shallow.
i think its all a load of mis-information from the ministry of ugly people

colettuce · 14-11-2005 12:24PM

Didn't you ever think there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking? I mean maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. Like helping people.

cournioni · 14-11-2005 12:25PM

True WWM.

But I think people put too much emphasis on getting with good looking people when there are more average looking people with great personalities right under their noses if you know what I mean.

jcoote · 14-11-2005 12:27PM

it bascially boils down to gettin as many good bed post notches up as u can...most of guys impulses come from appearence so that would explain a lot about chasing the good looking ones

WhiteWashMan · 14-11-2005 12:51PM

PORNAPSTER wrote:

True WWM.

But I think people put too much emphasis on getting with good looking people when there are more average looking people with great personalities right under their noses if you know what I mean.

sure, there are lots of people with great personalities.
regardless of looks.

like i said, its up to someones own list of criteria what they go for, and completely subjective as to what counts for each check box on that list.

colettuce wrote:

Didn't you ever think there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking? I mean maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. Like helping people.

while thats a very noble thing, im not sure its really relative to the topic.

i mean, what exactly is the connection between finding a partner and being a good citizen?
as for doing something more 'meaningful' with your life, id have to put my own happiness pretty high up 'meaningful things to do with my life' list

jcoote wrote:

it bascially boils down to gettin as many good bed post notches up as u can...most of guys impulses come from appearence so that would explain a lot about chasing the good looking ones

and there is nothing wrong with chasing good looking chicks.

but why do you say it boils down to bed notches?

my bed post would have been cut in half several times if i had shagged everyone that i met in the past, regardless of looks.

jcoote · 14-11-2005 12:57PM

well see if u get a good lookin chick/guy its gonna be a better notch than someone less attractive so thats a pat on the back from the lads or your girlfriends sayin 'oh he's massive' is always a good confidence booster i reckon...

i have a really different taste in girls and i wouldn't chase someone for looks alone...how someone carrys themself is as good as a nice bum and boobs put together...thats not sayin i don't like a decent bum and boobs

colettuce · 14-11-2005 01:55PM

WhiteWashMan wrote:

while thats a very noble thing, im not sure its really relative to the topic.
i mean, what exactly is the connection between finding a partner and being a good citizen?
as for doing something more 'meaningful' with your life, id have to put my own happiness pretty high up 'meaningful things to do with my life' list

WhiteWashMan

Well, being a good citizen would make you more attractive to others. For example you could set up, say a Centre For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, where you could teach kids that there's more to life than being really, really good looking. Women love that stuff..

BossArky · 14-11-2005 02:18PM

The best thing to have is humour and confidence. As the line in Les Miserables goes "Here's to the pretty girls that went to our heads, here's to the witty girls that went to our beds".

Ironically the first song that came onto my ipod after reading through this thread was Moby's "Beautiful".

WhiteWashMan · 14-11-2005 02:43PM

colettuce wrote:

WhiteWashMan

Well, being a good citizen would make you more attractive to others. For example you could set up, say a Centre For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, where you could teach kids that there's more to life than being really, really good looking. Women love that stuff..

so your saying that doing good deeds is just a way to get into bed with people?

surely people do good deeds for a better sense of self worth. those sound like very shallow and selfish reasons to good things to me.

and have nothing to do with being good looking or not.

again, as i said, it depends on what your list of criteria is. is doing good work more or less shallow than wanting to be with good looking people, or are you satisfied with just having some ordinary people?

there is no right or wrong answer to that, by the way.

ravenhead · 14-11-2005 02:58PM

mysterious wrote:

I also find that people of the same sex can be very envious and jelous.
I'd even say most good looking people are insecure.
Sometimes to me anyway , its hell pressure. Finding out why people say that or whatever it is other times i dont even be aware of, My Parents never told me I was good looking, but all my Aunts and Parents friends did and some mates do, My sister who is also very good looking too and she gets a lot of attention too.

You should try being a good looking girl ... I'm greatful for the way that I look, yes it opens doors for you but it can be hard aswell. I mean all my life i've found it very hard to make REAL friends, i mean girls can be so so horrible to each other. A lot of people that I went to school with & then later in life for one reason or another I ended up speaking to on a night out have actually commented that they were surprised at how nice I was when in school they always thought that I'd be a stuck up cow!(some of these people used to be horrible to me in school & I guess now I know why) Getting judged on how you look happens to everyone. I just wish that people would try to get to y ou know before making their mind up about you.

dundalk cailin · 14-11-2005 03:01PM

^^ yea i know girls that are good lookin and the bitchiness bout them is unreal!!!

ravenhead · 14-11-2005 03:12PM

dundalk cailin wrote:

^^ yea i know girls that are good lookin and the bitchiness bout them is unreal!!!

It's such a pain in the arse, You have people that never even spoke to you saying all this crap about you, none of it being true but do you think they care?NO of course they don't cause it's making them feel better for some reason. I just don't understand it, i mean how can people act as horrible towards people they don't even know just because of the way they look?

Laguna · 14-11-2005 04:44PM

Whatever 'problem' good looking girls get as a result of their good looks, such as being picked on by other girls/ostracised/whatever, I don't think this applies to good looking men. I think less (bar the original poster) good looking men go around trumpeting how good looking they are in comparison to good looking women. I think men know that vanity isn't a trait that their male friends will appreciate or tolerate (without being laughed at/slagged) and therefore good looking men are less likely to go around announcing themselves as good looking, whereas girls are expected to have a degree of vanity which gives them leeway in being preoccupied with their looks.

I don't have a problem with good looking people, my real issue concerns vain bastards. In all honesty, who the **** actually sits themselves one day and say "**** ME, I'm absolutely gorgeous!", and then wonders why they get ostracised and picked on by less attractive people?. Most people smell vanity from a mile off and it doesn't smell attractive.

Most girls want a good looking man just as much as most men want to go out with a good looking girl, anyone who says that girls 'think in a different way' are misguided. Isn't attraction all about mating?, isn't mating all about producing offspring?, don't all animals want attractive offspring so they will get a better choice from potential mates?, so by the rationale of girls thinking a different way and not being so interested in a mans looks, are they going to ignore their primal urges of wanting to produce attractive offspring?.

Ry · 14-11-2005 08:54PM

ravenhead wrote:

"...how can people act as horrible towards people they don't even know just because of the way they look?"

Jealousy

One of the seven deadly sins for a reason I guess

Good-Looking is just a term for higher attractivness percentage in my opinion.

Everyone will be attractive to someone. Just that one person will be attractive to say 4 out of 10 of the opposite sex while another may be attractive to 8 out of 10.
It's just percentages and probabilities in the end which are hard to gauge but you can make a good guess. Take Angelina Jolie(Figuratively speaking of course, for all you literalists out there with the time and money to put figurative speech into action

) is attractive to a huge proportion of men (and even girls for that matter) but to me she's just not.

I can see WHY guys go for her as she is pretty but i dont see her and go "awwww ****in YEHHHH MAN ****IN LOVIN IT YEHHH WOAHHH" like so many do because she just doesn't do it for me. I'm in the smaller percentage of guys that don't find that particular person attractive basically and it's neither a good or bad thing of course it's just my position so to the OP (Keeping in mind you don't want it to be about you though you did make yourself and example and to that) I'd say this:

Whatever pressure you may feel is because of other peoples simple envy and jealousy of your apparent good looks. I might also point out however that that IS subjective of the person looking at you whomever that might be at any given point in time because at the end of the day it is percentage and nothing more so really your opinion that you are good looking is, I can only presume, your own assumption based on a general tally of experience good and bad with the opposite sex.

So to you, you are good looking because you've had good luck. Be happy with that at least and I hope it continues for you because some of us don't have the luck of having high percentages so savour it and try not to let pressure or the jealousy of others become a problem because it's nothing to do with you. That goes for anyone really.

Rant over. Got tired of thinking about it

Ry

taytos · 14-11-2005 08:55PM

The person who started this thread, is living in a fantasy. Oh my friends will laugh at me If I put a picture up, no mate your just ugly and want tpo see what it feels like to be good looking.

panda100 · 14-11-2005 09:08PM

Hey op-my sister like yourself is ridiculously good looking.She always gets attention and she's a dentist too so is very succesful too.However she has always had a problem making girl friends not like the rest of us girls in our families.I find that me and the rest of my sisters try and avoid going on nights out with her now.I know this is cruel but its horrible when your on a night out and all the guys are just swarming around her and you just feel like the spare wheel and as much as you try and get into the conversation and are just as witty as her you know the guys only want to speak to her and guys can be pretty rude when your standing in the way of them and a hot girl.So i say it has been a real hinderance for her cos while she has been continuously been able to get boyfriend since the age of 18 she has never had that many really close girlfriends,and its not that she's not nice she is but girls can be majorly jelous to one another.

nesf · 14-11-2005 09:38PM

taytos wrote:

The person who started this thread, is living in a fantasy. Oh my friends will laugh at me If I put a picture up, no mate your just ugly and want tpo see what it feels like to be good looking.

Don't flame/troll in threads on here please.

Madge · 15-11-2005 12:55AM

Binomate wrote:

I have to say that in my experiences most of the very very good looking people I have come across seem to have their head right up their arse. Maybe they face the pressures of becoming like this.

Have to agree with this. Girls in college who come in with little skirts and plastered in make up, (on top of an orange tan, I might add) have a snooty air about them.. Maybe its the chemicals from that orange paint gone to their heads.

WhiteWashMan · 15-11-2005 11:39AM

Madge wrote:

Have to agree with this. Girls in college who come in with little skirts and plastered in make up, (on top of an orange tan, I might add) have a snooty air about them.. Maybe its the chemicals from that orange paint gone to their heads.

i find that people just dont like it when someone looks good and tend to put them down at every chance, call them snooty, think they have an attitude problem, and pass remarks at any opportunity.

perhaps a little more tolerance, after all, if fat and ugly people can have nice personalities, surely you should give the beautiful people a chance as well?

Kernel · 15-11-2005 12:10PM

Members of the opposite sex are nicer and treat you better in everday life if you are good looking, but sometimes members of the same sex can be jealous or snooty... usually, it works out quite well though.

Good looks, Good looking people, praise etc.

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