spanking

Cianos · 12-10-2005 05:16PM

I was probably slapped approx 10 times when growing up. If the child feels loved and secure then slapping in moderation is probably ok. I dont have kids, but I can imagine how frustrating it can get trying to keep them under control at times...so, to expect someone to not lash out a little smack in the heat of the battle is expecting too much. If smacking is constantly used as a form of discipline then you have to question the persons parenting skills. If it is used every now and again, sure it will upset the child at the time, but it definately wont scar them for life. As long as they dont develop a fear of you as an authorative figure based on violence, or a longing to take out their pain on others, then a couple of little slaps is ok. There are other forms of abuse besides slapping that should also be considered. A family I knew used to tell the little boy that "THE MAN" was coming, any time he acted a bit bold...he would then start looking around in panic and fear. I thought this was quite cruel and unnecessary.

nesf · 12-10-2005 06:14PM

no

I got slapped very rarely as a kid. Only when I did something seriously out of line. I did learn from it.

I'd agree with the sentiment that a light slap is fine, but actually beating a child is a different matter entirely.

Again though, if a child is slapped often they don't fear it or respond to it. If it's a rare occurance they tend to remember it more. Imho.

Pet · 12-10-2005 06:28PM

There's a line between spanking a child out of love, and spanking a child out of anger. Most parents smack out of anger.

Why is it that parents don't smack their teenage kids? Is it because they have better ways of disciplining them, or is it simply because they know that they could get their asses kicked?

BigEejit · 12-10-2005 06:41PM

no

As has been mentioned before, there is a huge gulf between when I have kids and actually having kids. I would nearly go so far as to say if you don't have kids you arent qualified to make comments about childrens behaviour and discplining them. I know I didn't understand what was involved in bringing up a child and in fact any of my friends who became parents have all agreed that it a real eye-opener, they just never guessed the responsibility ......

I didn't smack my daughter until she was 3 ... younger than that and I dont think they really know what the hell is going on. I've smacked her a few times in the last year, I always did it after she was warned that repeatedly doing what she was doing was going to result in a smack. It wasnt a surprise to her and it did stop the bad behaviour, I dont think a talking to on its own does the trick for some kids.

For example one time my daughter was spilling milk on the carpet, first time I put down as an accident - I kept an eye on her and she spilled some more - gave her a talking to and a warning of a smack - she did it again (on purpose) and got a smack on the backside .... she was wearing pants and a kinickers so it wasnt sore - more of a shock. A bit of whinging and it was all over, no more milk on the carpet .. she doesnt resent me and is not in any way afraid or traumatised .. in fact in situations where she is unsure or afraid she will go to me instead of her mother (who has never smacked our daughter).

I myself was smacked by my mother when I stepped over the line, as were all my brothers and sisters. In fact my mother had a wooden spoon for situations where we went WAY over the line.... You definetly knew why it was coming and were VERY sorry you did what you did when you saw that spoon coming (but not before it appeared).

Of course there are some kids that are quiet and unlikely to cause problems, I have a brother and his two kids are the quietest of all my siblings kids ... in fact we call them 'Ned Flanders kids' .. they never required a slap because they never had the temerity to do anything bad enough to warrant one..

BigEejit · 12-10-2005 06:44PM

no

Pet wrote:

There's a line between spanking a child out of love, and spanking a child out of anger. Most parents smack out of anger.

Why is it that parents don't smack their teenage kids? Is it because they have better ways of disciplining them, or is it simply because they know that they could get their asses kicked?

You make the act of smacking very black and white there ... which it isnt....

The reason why parents dont smack teenagers can be put down to the teenagers having a lot more to lose (for young teenagers an example is pocket money - for older teenagers it could be by removing their console/computer priveleges) and also the teenagers have a sense of right and wrong which small children do not have much of a clue about

The Bollox · 12-10-2005 06:50PM

no

Cianos wrote:

A family I knew used to tell the little boy that "THE MAN" was coming, any time he acted a bit bold...he would then start looking around in panic and fear. I thought this was quite cruel and unnecessary.

you think that's bad, as a child, me and my brother were told that if we kept 'messing' my parents were going to take us to Mrs. Mullins's, which they explained was a place where bold boys and girls went to, the usual carp. but the real shock was when I started secondary school and one of my first teachers was called Mrs. Mullins. I mean fair enough I was 12 but still those threats keep with you!

BigEejit · 12-10-2005 06:52PM

no

What are the chances of this poll being made a bit more granular ...

Option 1: I agree with spanking (have kids)
Option 2: I agree with spanking (no kids)
Option 3: I do not agree with spanking (have kids)
Option 4: I do not agree with spanking (no kids)
Option 5: I am still and school and the chances of me having kids in the next several years is slim to none and as such my opinion on this subject isnt worth a fúck

gerrycollins · 12-10-2005 06:59PM

no

there are loads of responese from ppl who say they wont hit their children(if they had any)???you wont know until u have them is my bet on this one!

apart from that i got smaked as a child sometimes very badly and it didnt do me any harm but i will restrain myself from using escessive hitting only mild smaks on the butt etc but again ill never know until i have kids myself

OLDYELLAR · 12-10-2005 07:45PM

I got a few clips alright , done me no harm , usually if I was really bold , my mam would take out the light bulb in my bedroom that usually kept me quite , Id have to be really bold for that though, that was worse than a clout , scared the bejesus out of me.

Nothing excessive an I must say anytime I got a clout , I deserved it , I was a braisen little bi*ch at the best of times an I couldnt blame me parents for a clout now an then when I was out of line.

bounty_hunter · 13-10-2005 02:23AM

no

I don't disagree with using spanking as a disciplinary measure if it's used in a way that can actually help to discipline children, but I disagree with the way my mother used it. She never explained why or how what I was doing was wrong, she just reacted with seemingly random outburts of aggression whenever I did something that annoyed her, and as such it served as nothing more than a constant source of confusion for me.

It also meant that, until I was old enough to develop my own moral values and realise that this was not the way humans were supposed to act, I viewed random bursts of violence as a means for alleviating my frustration with things, and would often react in the same way towards my younger brother if he did something that I didn't like.

missingtime · 13-10-2005 02:29AM

My mother used to say "If ye dont stop messing I'll drop ye of at the by-pass"

The by-pass being where the knackers lived. She stopped once too.

secret_squirrel · 13-10-2005 09:33PM

no

Can we all at least agree that The Monkey should be spanked regularly?

nlgbbbblth · 13-10-2005 11:04PM

no

I was spanked as a child. No ill effects.

Corporal punishment was on its way out when was I starting secondary school. 1984It didn't stop some teachers though.

One guy used to give pupils the leather.
Across the face.

embee · 14-10-2005 12:00AM

no

I'm pregnant now, due in January.

If my child steps out of line continually after being told not to do something, I will give him/her a slap. There is a difference between the odd slap here and there to doing it routinely as a means to an end. I won't be doing that, but, as someone has already said, sometimes trying to reason with a child and talking to them as you would a grown up, using logic, simply doesn't work. We all got the wooden spoon as kids when we were little when we did something bold. It didn't do us any harm at all.

nesf · 14-10-2005 12:25AM

no

embee wrote:

We all got the wooden spoon as kids when we were little when we did something bold. It didn't do us any harm at all.

I got threatened with the wooden spoon, hit with it once. That was enough. To scare me my mom would take out the rolling pin if I was way out of line. She would never use it, and it became a joke over time. My mom being tiny and the rolling pin being quite big made it look very funny. If she disagreed with something I said she'd threaten to take out the rolling pin, until very recently.

FatherTed · 14-10-2005 12:25AM

I've got 3 kids 6,6 and 3 years old. I've never spanked them and never will. Why would I want to hurt my child? Also, I see other kids hitting at playdates and day care, where did they get that from. I know they will grow out of that but it is still unpleasant.
Don't get me wrong, we discipline our kids in other ways. It must be working because the older kids' teachers tell us they are very polite and no problem at school.

jellie · 14-10-2005 12:28AM

no

i was slapped when i was younger. not often, and nothing that i can remember anyway, but i know i was. ive more of a memory of the actual THREAT of it, which to me anyway, was effective. especially when the wooden spoon was mentioned!

embee wrote:

I'm pregnant now, due in January.

congrats

RainyDay · 14-10-2005 07:44AM

I can't understand why anyone would want to hit a child. Why would you teach your child that it's OK to use physical violence to impose your will on others (once you're bigger than them of course). If it's OK to hit a child to impose discipline, is it OK for me to hit those adult guys & gals who work for me?

PJG · 14-10-2005 08:53AM

FatherTed wrote:

I've got 3 kids 6,6 and 3 years old. I've never spanked them and never will. Why would I want to hurt my child? Also, I see other kids hitting at playdates and day care, where did they get that from. I know they will grow out of that but it is still unpleasant.
Don't get me wrong, we discipline our kids in other ways. It must be working because the older kids' teachers tell us they are very polite and no problem at school.

Right on. You obviously invest the time in your kids with plenty of guidance, care and attention. This works for us also.

PJG · 14-10-2005 09:01AM

RainyDay wrote:

I can't understand why anyone would want to hit a child. Why would you teach your child that it's OK to use physical violence to impose your will on others (once you're bigger than them of course). If it's OK to hit a child to impose discipline, is it OK for me to hit those adult guys & gals who work for me?

Exactly, aggression breeds aggression

jcoote · 14-10-2005 09:05AM

no

the more i have read this thread the more obvious i has become that its down to the child and how other aspects of parenting are treated (as i have said i've no kids)...i was smacked as a child and i am one of the least angry/violent people u will meet because i think my folks got other aspects of my parenting correct...would anyone agree???

bounty_hunter · 14-10-2005 10:46AM

no

jcoote wrote:

the more i have read this thread the more obvious i has become that its down to the child and how other aspects of parenting are treated (as i have said i've no kids)...i was smacked as a child and i am one of the least angry/violent people u will meet because i think my folks got other aspects of my parenting correct...would anyone agree???

Yeah, completely. I think it depends entirely on what other methods of discipline are used, and how you are brought up in general. And also probably very much on the character of the person in question.

Chrissie · 14-10-2005 01:52PM

no

There's nothing wrong with giving a misbehaving child a slap on the bum or on the hand! Nothing violent, just stingy enough for them to know that they don't like it so they'd better not misbehave again.
Everyone I know was smacked as a child & there's nothing wrong with any of them.
(Oh except my next door neighbours whose parents didn't believe in that sort of thing, every1 of them has been in trouble with the guards every day since they were old enough to be accountable (&even before))
All this political correctness nonsense is a load of bo!!ox. Look at how many little brats there are running around who don't know how to behave because they don't get taught the consequences of their actions because mammy & daddy think it's so wrong to give them a little smack.
Oh, get a grip!

Scraggs · 14-10-2005 04:34PM

no

I was slapped as a child -very rarely i might add- and if i'm honest i deserved it [dont tell mammy that tho]. My dad used to pretend to slap me by like clapping his hands ha really funny now when i think of it!
My younger sister on the otherhand was never ever slapped even tho she used to [and still does despite being 17] throw outrageous tantrums like the ones you see on Nanny 911! My parents found it hard to cope with her.
If you look at us both now you can clearly see that I am a more well rounded person [no really...] than she is. She has no discipline, does what she pleases and hurts people along the way.
I have much more respect for my parents and their 'authority' and we get on better than my sister.

I definately think children need to be disciplined but slapping should be a last resort especially in this day and age with the progress in child psychology.
If I have kids in future i would slap them!!

RainyDay · 14-10-2005 06:34PM

If you're going to quote the tantrums from Nanny 911, you also have to take on board the techniques they recommend. None of the professional nannies or the expert psychologists EVER recommend slapping. They take the alternative approach of giving positive attention where possible, and clear non-violent punishment where necessary. It's all about being consistent, so kids have clear boundaries and don't bother testing parents to see how far they can go.

I notice no-one has answered the question as to why slapping is only good for fairly small children. If it's a useful training/communication technique, why don't we use it more in everyday life, i.e. shop disputes, work situations, adult family disputes etc?

Kernel32 · 14-10-2005 06:43PM

gerrycollins wrote:

there are loads of responese from ppl who say they wont hit their children(if they had any)???you wont know until u have them is my bet on this one!

apart from that i got smaked as a child sometimes very badly and it didnt do me any harm but i will restrain myself from using escessive hitting only mild smaks on the butt etc but again ill never know until i have kids myself

There are also loads of people with no kids who say they will hit their children in order to discipline them. I can't even fathom the thinking behind that. When you have a child do you wait around until just the right moment to hit them a smack? How does that work? And yes as stated before I do have a kid and I don't hit him. I know several parents who don't smack their kids and contrary to what some believe they are not out of control monsters. Its fine if you discipline your kids with a smack but for those that equate lack of slapping with being out of control, that's just wrong.

Kernel · 14-10-2005 07:13PM

no

RainyDay wrote:

I notice no-one has answered the question as to why slapping is only good for fairly small children. If it's a useful training/communication technique, why don't we use it more in everyday life, i.e. shop disputes, work situations, adult family disputes etc?

Because small children and adults are completely different?

You can usually reason or have a logical debate with an adult, and there are many more controls which can be used (fear of losing job/house/family/freedom etc.). A child is a tabula rasa which it's up to the parents to mould and to form.

AlienGav · 14-10-2005 07:24PM

Kernel wrote:

Because small children and adults are completely different?

You can usually reason or have a logical debate with an adult, and there are many more controls which can be used (fear of losing job/house/family/freedom etc.). A child is a tabula rasa which it's up to the parents to mould and to form.

SNIP SNIP ERROR ERROR

Supercell · 14-10-2005 10:09PM

no

Have very strong feelings about this topic, if you as a parent feel that physically abusing your offspring is the only solution , then you aren't fit to be a parent.
Physically hurting others is against the law because its wrong, simple as that.

RainyDay · 15-10-2005 09:15AM

Kernel wrote:

Because small children and adults are completely different?

You can usually reason or have a logical debate with an adult, and there are many more controls which can be used (fear of losing job/house/family/freedom etc.). A child is a tabula rasa which it's up to the parents to mould and to form.

We could get into a whole other nature/nurture debate on the tabula rasa point, but let's leave that for another day/thread.

So in the cases where you can't have a logical debate with an adult, it is OK for me to just slap 'em around a bit. If I've tried logical reasoning with one of my team, and it's clearly not working because she just doesn't like me, can I give her a firm slap on the face? Or when my wife gets very emotional & upset and isn't thinking rationally or logically, can I slap her on the ass with a wooden spoon to teach her a lesson? Or when the anti-social git of a teenager continues to hang around at my front wall, dumping his fag butts and Dutch Gold tinnies into my hedge, you reckon I should just kick his ass a few times - that will solve everything - right?

spanking

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