Non-religious couples getting married in a chuch. Why?

Branoic · 12-10-2005 12:16AM

Zebra3 wrote:

It really amazes me the amount of people here who got married in a church to keep their parents happy.

Are people (at the age of getting married) still afraid to stand up to their parents? :rolleyes:

Do they not realise it's their wedding and not their parents/grandparents etc?

Like I said above -- its a big day involving a year+ of planning, you want it to go as smoothly as possible. Its not about not "standing up" to parents. Its about compromise and making sure everyone's happy so that there are no problems.

Obviously, if someone is vehemently ant-Catholic, has pentagram tattoes and spits every time they see a priest, then they should stand up for their beliefs, stand up to their parents, and its probably best if they dont have the wedding in a church.

But if someone is simply indifferent to Catholicism and doesn't care either way, then surely it makes more sense just to have the wedding in a church to ensure that everyone, themselves included, is happy and has a good time?

iguana · 12-10-2005 02:08AM

It is actually a huge pain in the a**e to get married in a registry office if the couple don't come from the same area. Or if they no longer live in their home county but want to get married there.

Legally you have to serve notice 3 months in advance. Then at least 22 days prior to the wedding both members of the couple must present to the registrar with documentary evidence that they were in residence in that county for the previous 7 days. I know it isn't impossible but it can make things difficult.

And most registry offices aren't exactly nice. My uncle married in one 2 years ago and there was a 25 guest limit for health and safety reasons. So I can see why some people prefer a church wedding.

That said nothing on earth will get me married in a church. If I had my way I would book a day off work, go register and maybe then go for a meal with my new spouse. Anything beyond that is entirely for the sake of my MIL. Though perhaps one nice thing about weddings is that friends and family living abroad generally make the effort to come to a wedding and it's nice to have an occasion to see people who you haven't seen in years.

lostexpectation · 12-10-2005 08:06AM

your child's future school, nowhere else to do it up until recently, registary offices are ****e, latent tradition

but still the main reason not to is that it extends the power, influence and control over Ireland that the church doesn't deserve to have.

dent · 12-10-2005 08:59AM

Ann Elk wrote:

To those who are outraged by the fact that some people who are not religious could have the audacity to get married in the church - I baulk at your hypocrasy. Not being willing to accept that others may wish to change their views, or may have a slightly different view on how to live a good life is against that which you claim to live for. Is not the house of your father supposed to be a place of welcome. How quickly you forget the prodigal son.

I agree with most of your post but in my case the people involved had ridiculed my Christian beliefs. They subscribe to some Eastern beliefs of Karma etc. They looked down on my "simple" beliefs. I really don't think they have any intention to set foot in a church after the wedding let alone adopt Christian beliefs.

Its also the vows they make in relation to the Catholic church, can't remember the exact words but bringing your children up as Catholic was one of them.

Put simply it's my opinion given their attitude that they knowingly lied on the altar. Regardless of what parts of Catholic dogma you choose to follow I’d imagine that not making a false vow to God would be at the core of the faith. Seemed to me that they are only Catholics when it’s convenient.

WhiteWashMan · 12-10-2005 10:13AM

iguana wrote:

It is actually a huge pain in the a**e to get married in a registry office if the couple don't come from the same area. Or if they no longer live in their home county but want to get married there.

Legally you have to serve notice 3 months in advance. Then at least 22 days prior to the wedding both members of the couple must present to the registrar with documentary evidence that they were in residence in that county for the previous 7 days. I know it isn't impossible but it can make things difficult.

And most registry offices aren't exactly nice. My uncle married in one 2 years ago and there was a 25 guest limit for health and safety reasons. So I can see why some people prefer a church wedding.

That said nothing on earth will get me married in a church. If I had my way I would book a day off work, go register and maybe then go for a meal with my new spouse. Anything beyond that is entirely for the sake of my MIL. Though perhaps one nice thing about weddings is that friends and family living abroad generally make the effort to come to a wedding and it's nice to have an occasion to see people who you haven't seen in years.

im not entirely sure whats so difficutl about going or an interview and having your decleration of marriage on view for 2 months.

or going back to collect said documentation, although we never had to give proff of living in the country for 7days.

we got married in guildford register office, and it was absolutely beautiful. we had room for 50 people. we had a huge garden with lots of trees and flowers, the room was fantastic, all set up in a georgian mansion.
it really was splendid. it felt very much like a country mansion wedding to me, although the ceremony itself took no more than about 15 minutes.

having said that, i think anywhere would have been fabulous tht day, as far as i was concerned.

although having been invovled in organising a friends church wedding, i can easily say that between those two experiences, the church wedding was far more complex and time consumming.

but each to their own.

besides, we got to get married to pachaelbels cannon, which was always a favourite of mine.

Ann Elk · 12-10-2005 10:25AM

dent wrote:

I agree with most of your post but in my case the people involved had ridiculed my Christian beliefs. They subscribe to some Eastern beliefs of Karma etc. They looked down on my "simple" beliefs. I really don't think they have any intention to set foot in a church after the wedding let alone adopt Christian beliefs.

Its also the vows they make in relation to the Catholic church, can't remember the exact words but bringing your children up as Catholic was one of them.

Put simply it's my opinion given their attitude that they knowingly lied on the altar. Regardless of what parts of Catholic dogma you choose to follow I’d imagine that not making a false vow to God would be at the core of the faith. Seemed to me that they are only Catholics when it’s convenient.

If they truly did subscribe to beliefs such as karma - they wouldn't ridicule anyone elses - it will all come back on them, so you should try to 'turn the other cheek'.

You seem to be using the terms catholic and christian interchangeably - they are seperate things - one can be a christian, by treating all others with respect, tolerance and dignity without ever setting foot in a catholic church. Conversely, I know many practicing catholics who lead anything but a christian life.

With reagrds to the upbringing of children, you shouldn't assume that these people won't bring their children up as catholics - people can have epiphany's at any stage during their lives. If these people are getting married in a church for the sake of conformity then chances are their children will be batised and make their communion and confirmation at least then the children get a chance to experience some to the churches beliefs and make an informed decision in later life, surely with waning faith a major issue to the church, this should be welcomed.

Finally, with regarsd to the 'lies to god' - as a catholic yourself, you shouldn't be judging and condemning, rather you should be offering help and suport and trying to do all in your power to help these people see that there is a 'better' way to live your life - if not are you not equally guilty of practicing 'a la carte catholicism'?

randomname2005 · 12-10-2005 10:57AM

I am a catholic and go to mass but I wouldnt necessarily believe with everything that is said there. For people who call themselves catholic and believe in the fundamentals of the catholic church (a previous poster used the furtherance of a fellowship of man based on tolerance, understanding and forgiveness) to which i would add a belief in a supreme being (whos existence is another arguement!) I dont see a problem with them getting married in a church. Religion is a personal issue and if someone doesnt want to go to mass every week but lives their life based on the above beliefs they should be able to get married in a church because it actually _means_ something to them.

If you dont believe in something why is it necessary to stand up in front of your friends and family and say you do. Surely if you are getting married you are mature enough to stand up for your beliefs?
R

savoyard · 12-10-2005 11:01AM

Dent,

I'd just like to point out that you don't have to stand on the altar and promise to bring up your kids Catholic - the priest asks you to bring them up in the love of God, not as Catholics.

If you have a mixed marriage, the catholic partner will be asked to do their best to bring them up Catholic as long as it doesn't have a negative effect on your relationship, but this is not a promise and it is done way before you get to the wedding day.

Priests are happy enough to marry non-religious people as long as they have been baptised (and sometimes even if they're not). They're happy to marry people "living in sin". They're more interested in making sure they do the premarriage course than if you go to mass regularly. If they really cared, they'd do what the Anglicans do in the UK and make sure your attend church regularly before marriage.

There was absolutely nothing in our wedding ceremony that we knowing lied about.

pickarooney · 12-10-2005 04:48PM

Any time I've been to a wedding in France (it was oly three times, but still

), they got married twice, first 'officially' in the town hall and then in the church (church weddings aren't legally recognised in France, in a strange twist).
So at least you don't have to go dragging it out for another few hours (unless you live in France).

iguana · 12-10-2005 07:34PM

WhiteWashMan wrote:

im not entirely sure whats so difficutl about going or an interview and having your decleration of marriage on view for 2 months.

or going back to collect said documentation, although we never had to give proff of living in the country for 7days.

we got married in guildford register office,

Different laws apply in the UK and Ireland. In fact different laws apply in England, N.I., Scotland and Wales. Scotland being the easiest.

In Ireland you need to show proof of residence or proof of 7 days habitation.

Non-religious couples getting married in a chuch. Why?

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