Quotes

danniemcq · 01-05-2005 09:39PM #1

What is your fave quotes of all time???

And where are they from???

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning, that smell that gasoline smell ... smells like victory" = Apocolypse Now

qz · 01-05-2005 09:43PM

"It really has turned his whole life upsidedownface". Brian - Family Guy.

You may not appreciate the next one as much as I do, but myself and a few friends were at Friend A's house. We were out quadbiking and Friend B tossed his helmet on the ground. Friend A's reply, word for word, was:

"No Barry, that how break it!"

I still laugh when I think about it.

Le Rack · 01-05-2005 10:10PM

hee!
I like "Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great! If a sperm is wasted the lord gets quite irrate!!" good old Monty Python!

Hugh Hefner · 01-05-2005 10:27PM

"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful.
Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce?
The cuckoo clock.
So long Holly."

- Harry Lime (Orson Welles), The Third Man

01-05-2005 10:28PM

"I am not Hitler!"
- My uncle!

Only Human · 01-05-2005 10:29PM

"There's only one thing money can't buy! A Dinosaur." ~ Homer J. Simpson

PeadarofAodh · 02-05-2005 12:56AM

"Lenin created this country and we've just fcuked it up!"
a rare moment of humility from Stalin

funky penguin · 02-05-2005 01:59AM

"If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?" - Homer

"I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink, and when I wanna pee I use the kitchen sink" - Homer again.

"He's as gay as a badger!!!.....A badger being the gayest animal available at the time". Me or a friend....can't remember.

Me: "Hey Simon, what sound does a walrus make?" (serious question)
Simon: "AAARARARARARRRGGGGHHHH! (even more serious answer)

Undercoverguy · 02-05-2005 12:49PM

"All i wanted was fricking sharks with fricking lazers on there heads, is that so much to ask people!?!" - Dr Evil (Austin Powers)

"Im sorry about the decorating, This is where good taste goes to die!" - Ms Hover's Sister (Desp. Housewives)

Monica: "You didnt cry when bambi died?!?"
Chanler: "Yea, It was VERY sad when the guy stoped DRAWING the dear"

BEST ONE:

Joey laying on couch with a hernia and in pain. Chanler sitting beside him.

Joey: "Hey i dont need your money, and anyway when i get my health insurance back i can get all the free operations i want!! I think i'm gonna start off with a bit'a that laser eye surgery!"

Phobie enters: "Hey whats wrong with him?"

Chanler: "Ah Joeys just got a really bad hernia, It noting a little laser eye surgery wont fix tho!!"

iceman_2001_ie · 02-05-2005 01:04PM

Worm: "You know what cheers me up when I'm felling sh!tty?"
Mike: "What?"
Worm: "Rolled up aces over kings."
Mike: "Is that right?"
Worm: "Check raising stupid tourists,and taking huge pots off 'em."
Mike: "Oh yeah?"
Worm: "Stacks and towers of Checks I can't see over, playing all night High-Limit Hold'Em at the Taj, where the sand turns to gold."
Mike: "Fvck it, let's go"
Worm: "Don't tease me."
Mike: "Let's play some Fvckin' cards."

Rounders
Ed Norton - Worm
Matt Damon - Mike

grimloch · 02-05-2005 01:38PM

"if he was so great, then how come hes dead?"

and one i saw here a while back

"if i had a bag of mickeys i wouldnt give her one"

OfflerCrocGod · 02-05-2005 02:31PM

"I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum."

Sarky · 02-05-2005 02:44PM

"I'll be in my bunk."

-Jayne Cobb, Firefly.

Creature · 02-05-2005 02:52PM

"On a scale of one to ten, I'd have to give her a two, and that's because I haven't seen a one before."

- Clint Eastwood, The Gauntlet

The Bollox · 02-05-2005 03:00PM

the one in my sig, a guy I work with said that one, its was hilarious the way he said it!

penguinbloke · 02-05-2005 03:19PM

"Everybody knows that christians don't believe in gravity" - Peter Family Guy

"Dear Diary... Jackpot!" - Quagmire Family Guy

Mr.Nice Guy · 02-05-2005 03:57PM

(The Simpsons)

Homer: So do you think I have a case?

Lionel Hutz: Mr Simpson I don't use the word 'hero' very often, but you...are the greatest hero...in American history.

Homer: Woohoo!

(Family Guy)

Peter: Hey Fonzie, before you go can I ask you something? All those girls you were with, you ever catch any diseases off any of 'em?

Fonzie: Herpes twice. Ay!! :cool:

(Father Ted)

Dougal: Ted, did Len find the rabbits?

Bishop Brennan: What did he say?

Ted: Look I think there's something I should te-

Bishop Brennan: Did he call me Len again? YOU ADDRESS ME BY MY PROPER TITLE! YA LITTLE BOLLOCKS!

TOPDAWG · 02-05-2005 06:45PM

R. Lee Emery (guy from full metal jacket) in Evil Woman after just breaking Jack Black and his buddy outta jail are in a van also after kidknappin neil diamond

"Heat. 3 cars back. (cocks his gun) il be cut down in a a hail of bullets before i go back to the bighouse. Nice to meet ya mr diamond" (throws himself from van,onto tarmac, he bounces and slaps off a car)

one of the funniest things ive ever seen and involved a lot of rewinding and watching over and over.

Luke wilson in OLD SCHOOL:
"now you may be wondering why am i holding a cinder block tied to a 30 foot long piece of rope? AND you may also be wondering why is that other end of that rope attached to the end of your penis?!"

PurpleFistMixer · 02-05-2005 09:18PM

"You're only calling it a cow college because it was founded by a cow." - Lenny, The Simpsons.

And then a non-funny quote from Trainspotting that I have undoubtedly screwed up,
"It's easy tae be philosophical when some other poor cúnt's goat shíte for blood."

PeadarofAodh · 02-05-2005 10:04PM

My mate after splashing concentrated base in my eyes
"What's wrong with you!? It's only base!"

Neuro · 02-05-2005 10:08PM

"For the World is Hell, and man is one hand the tormented soul, and on the other he is the Devil in it."
- Arthur Schopenhauer, 'On The Suffering Of The World'

There is more truth in this one statement than can be found in some other philosopher's entire works.

02-05-2005 10:13PM

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.

Friends

Well, anything really.

DEmeant0r · 02-05-2005 10:15PM

Marts wrote:

the one in my sig, a guy I work with said that one, its was hilarious the way he said it!

And did he actually wink?

spudington16 · 02-05-2005 10:22PM

"If at first you don't succeed...cheat!!!"

"You have to be 100% behind someone before you can truly stab them in the back."

"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind." - Homer J.

Garibaldi · 03-05-2005 02:34PM

"A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

Pighead · 03-05-2005 02:37PM

Rehab is for quitters

MrJoeSoap · 03-05-2005 03:35PM

Pope - No one embarrasses the Pope and gets away with it [Looks up at the sky], SMITE THEM!

(waits for a few seconds)

Pope - He's cooking up a something good!

ShadyChuck · 03-05-2005 07:19PM

Son, let this be a lesson to you. Never do tequila shooters within a country mile of a marriage chapel. - Al Bundy
Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer -Al Bundy

weemcd · 03-05-2005 08:20PM

Family Guy:

Peter is watching "Happy Days". Someone tries to talk to him
Peter Griffin: Hold on! This is the one where the Fonz says "Aaay!"
Fonzi: Aaay!
Peter Griffin: YES! Take that, 1950's society!

Peter Griffin: Even Walt Disney?
Walt Disney draws Minnie
pant crying
Walt Disney: You wanna be a star, don't you? Then take it off!
Minnie tooks her dress off, then she sobs
Walt Disney: Yeah. Yeah, yeah that's nice.

Chris: Hey birthday dude you want some Ice Cream?
Stewie: Yes. But no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find I shall kill you

^ less about the quote, more when you see it oon screen

The Big Lebowski

The Dude: God damn you Walter! You ****in' asshole! Everything's a ****in' travesty with you, man! And what was all that **** about Vietnam? What the ****, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the **** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: I told those ****s down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
Donny: What's Shabbos?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as ****
[shouts]
Walter Sobchak: DONT ****ING ROLL! SHOMER SHABBOS!

Walter Sobchak: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

[destroying a Corvette]
Walter Sobchak: Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you **** a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a ****in' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Dodgeball:
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals

Peter La Fleur: Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.

Cotton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.

LadyJ · 03-05-2005 08:24PM

Oh god,I have the best quote ever!
This dude I know started chatting up these three pregnant girls one day when he was about 17 or so and when asked "Eh,what the hell are ya doin? They're all heavily pregnant",he says "At least ya know they're ridin'"

:rolleyes:

funky penguin · 03-05-2005 08:51PM

Ron Burgundy: "It's so hot! Milk was a bad choice."

Quotes

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