Quotes

danniemcq

What is your fave quotes of all time???

And where are they from???

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning, that smell that gasoline smell ... smells like victory" = Apocolypse Now

qz

"It really has turned his whole life upsidedownface". Brian - Family Guy.

You may not appreciate the next one as much as I do, but myself and a few friends were at Friend A's house. We were out quadbiking and Friend B tossed his helmet on the ground. Friend A's reply, word for word, was:

"No Barry, that how break it!"


I still laugh when I think about it.

Le Rack

hee!
I like "Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great! If a sperm is wasted the lord gets quite irrate!!" good old Monty Python!

Hugh Hefner

"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful.
Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce?
The cuckoo clock.
So long Holly."

- Harry Lime (Orson Welles), The Third Man

"I am not Hitler!"
- My uncle!

Only Human

"There's only one thing money can't buy! A Dinosaur." ~ Homer J. Simpson

PeadarofAodh

"Lenin created this country and we've just fcuked it up!"
a rare moment of humility from Stalin

funky penguin

"If dolphins are so smart, how come they live in igloos?" - Homer

"I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink, and when I wanna pee I use the kitchen sink" - Homer again.

"He's as gay as a badger!!!.....A badger being the gayest animal available at the time". Me or a friend....can't remember.

Me: "Hey Simon, what sound does a walrus make?" (serious question)
Simon: "AAARARARARARRRGGGGHHHH! (even more serious answer)

Undercoverguy

"All i wanted was fricking sharks with fricking lazers on there heads, is that so much to ask people!?!" - Dr Evil (Austin Powers)

"Im sorry about the decorating, This is where good taste goes to die!" - Ms Hover's Sister (Desp. Housewives)

Monica: "You didnt cry when bambi died?!?"
Chanler: "Yea, It was VERY sad when the guy stoped DRAWING the dear"

BEST ONE:

Joey laying on couch with a hernia and in pain. Chanler sitting beside him.

Joey: "Hey i dont need your money, and anyway when i get my health insurance back i can get all the free operations i want!! I think i'm gonna start off with a bit'a that laser eye surgery!"

Phobie enters: "Hey whats wrong with him?"

Chanler: "Ah Joeys just got a really bad hernia, It noting a little laser eye surgery wont fix tho!!"

iceman_2001_ie

Worm: "You know what cheers me up when I'm felling sh!tty?"
Mike: "What?"
Worm: "Rolled up aces over kings."
Mike: "Is that right?"
Worm: "Check raising stupid tourists,and taking huge pots off 'em."
Mike: "Oh yeah?"
Worm: "Stacks and towers of Checks I can't see over, playing all night High-Limit Hold'Em at the Taj, where the sand turns to gold."
Mike: "Fvck it, let's go"
Worm: "Don't tease me."
Mike: "Let's play some Fvckin' cards."

Rounders
Ed Norton - Worm
Matt Damon - Mike

grimloch

"if he was so great, then how come hes dead?"

and one i saw here a while back

"if i had a bag of mickeys i wouldnt give her one"

OfflerCrocGod

"I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum."

Sarky

"I'll be in my bunk."

-Jayne Cobb, Firefly.

Creature

"On a scale of one to ten, I'd have to give her a two, and that's because I haven't seen a one before."

- Clint Eastwood, The Gauntlet

The Bollox

the one in my sig, a guy I work with said that one, its was hilarious the way he said it!

penguinbloke

"Everybody knows that christians don't believe in gravity" - Peter Family Guy

"Dear Diary... Jackpot!" - Quagmire Family Guy

Mr.Nice Guy

(The Simpsons)

Homer: So do you think I have a case?

Lionel Hutz: Mr Simpson I don't use the word 'hero' very often, but you...are the greatest hero...in American history.

Homer: Woohoo!


(Family Guy)

Peter: Hey Fonzie, before you go can I ask you something? All those girls you were with, you ever catch any diseases off any of 'em?

Fonzie: Herpes twice. Ay!! :cool:

(Father Ted)

Dougal: Ted, did Len find the rabbits?

Bishop Brennan: What did he say?

Ted: Look I think there's something I should te-

Bishop Brennan: Did he call me Len again? YOU ADDRESS ME BY MY PROPER TITLE! YA LITTLE BOLLOCKS!

TOPDAWG

R. Lee Emery (guy from full metal jacket) in Evil Woman after just breaking Jack Black and his buddy outta jail are in a van also after kidknappin neil diamond

"Heat. 3 cars back. (cocks his gun) il be cut down in a a hail of bullets before i go back to the bighouse. Nice to meet ya mr diamond" (throws himself from van,onto tarmac, he bounces and slaps off a car)

one of the funniest things ive ever seen and involved a lot of rewinding and watching over and over.

Luke wilson in OLD SCHOOL:
"now you may be wondering why am i holding a cinder block tied to a 30 foot long piece of rope? AND you may also be wondering why is that other end of that rope attached to the end of your penis?!"

PurpleFistMixer

"You're only calling it a cow college because it was founded by a cow." - Lenny, The Simpsons.

And then a non-funny quote from Trainspotting that I have undoubtedly screwed up,
"It's easy tae be philosophical when some other poor cúnt's goat shíte for blood."

PeadarofAodh

My mate after splashing concentrated base in my eyes
"What's wrong with you!? It's only base!"

Neuro

"For the World is Hell, and man is one hand the tormented soul, and on the other he is the Devil in it."
- Arthur Schopenhauer, 'On The Suffering Of The World'

There is more truth in this one statement than can be found in some other philosopher's entire works.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.

Friends

Well, anything really.

DEmeant0r

Marts wrote:

the one in my sig, a guy I work with said that one, its was hilarious the way he said it!

And did he actually wink?

spudington16

"If at first you don't succeed...cheat!!!"

"You have to be 100% behind someone before you can truly stab them in the back."

"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind." - Homer J.

Garibaldi

"A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men" - Willy Wonka

Pighead

Rehab is for quitters

MrJoeSoap

Pope - No one embarrasses the Pope and gets away with it [Looks up at the sky], SMITE THEM!

(waits for a few seconds)

Pope - He's cooking up a something good!

ShadyChuck

Son, let this be a lesson to you. Never do tequila shooters within a country mile of a marriage chapel. - Al Bundy
Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer -Al Bundy

weemcd

Family Guy:

Peter is watching "Happy Days". Someone tries to talk to him
Peter Griffin: Hold on! This is the one where the Fonz says "Aaay!"
Fonzi: Aaay!
Peter Griffin: YES! Take that, 1950's society!

Peter Griffin: Even Walt Disney?
Walt Disney draws Minnie
pant crying
Walt Disney: You wanna be a star, don't you? Then take it off!
Minnie tooks her dress off, then she sobs
Walt Disney: Yeah. Yeah, yeah that's nice.

Chris: Hey birthday dude you want some Ice Cream?
Stewie: Yes. But no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find I shall kill you

^ less about the quote, more when you see it oon screen

The Big Lebowski

The Dude: God damn you Walter! You ****in' asshole! Everything's a ****in' travesty with you, man! And what was all that **** about Vietnam? What the ****, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the **** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: I told those ****s down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
Donny: What's Shabbos?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as ****
[shouts]
Walter Sobchak: DONT ****ING ROLL! SHOMER SHABBOS!

Walter Sobchak: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

[destroying a Corvette]
Walter Sobchak: Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you **** a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a ****in' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Dodgeball:
Lance Armstrong: Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals

Peter La Fleur: Yeah, uh, Patches... are you sure this is completely necessary?
Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.

Cotton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

Cotton McKnight: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin.
Pepper Brooks: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.

LadyJ

Oh god,I have the best quote ever!
This dude I know started chatting up these three pregnant girls one day when he was about 17 or so and when asked "Eh,what the hell are ya doin? They're all heavily pregnant",he says "At least ya know they're ridin'"
:rolleyes:

funky penguin

Ron Burgundy: "It's so hot! Milk was a bad choice."

keevita

from king of the hill....i present my signature... a beauty...

Piste

''I'm not homophobic- my brother's black!''- My friend

Me: Isn't Biggotry great?
My Friend: What? Having two wives?

tovalee

Sh*t, if it's gonna be that kinda party
I'm gonna stick my d**k in the mash potatoes
_ Beastie Boys
B-Boys Makin' With The Freak Freak

I'm not entirely sure why that amuses me so

boneless

"If you've got it... take penicillin!"

My doctor.

Dizzyblabla

Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them! - http://www.popartuk.com/humour/throw-rocks-at-them-et3242-poster.asp

tribulus

patches o houlihan: " you're about as useful as a c**k flavoured lollipop"

Jack Nichelson (spelling?): see sig

The Real B-man

hello dave! is that dave?
im sorry there is know one called dave here
ok is dave there?

Papa Lazarou - The League of Gentlemen

Tails

"Dulce et Decorm est pro Patri Mori"

"But who shall dwell in these worlds if they be inhabited?..
And are we or they Lords of the World?..
And how are all things made for man?"-Kepler

"I survived day 60!"

Hugh Hefner

Tails wrote:

"Dulce et Decorm est pro Patri Mori"

You should read Dulce et Decorm Est by Wilfred Owen. You might change yout mind then. It's nice sounding though.

arbeitsscheuer

It's actually Dulce et Decorum est pro Patria Mori if your gonna be pedantic, and in any case Hugh Hefner, I reckon the Wilfred Owen poem is probably where Tails got it from anyway. I could be wrong, I'm just making an assumption (and we all know assumption is the mother of all f*ckups).

Anyway:

Elwood "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark - and we're wearing sunglasses..."
Jake "Hit it"

Tails

SebtheBum wrote:

It's actually Dulce et Decorum est pro Patria Mori if your gonna be pedantic, and in any case Hugh Hefner, I reckon the Wilfred Owen poem is probably where Tails got it from anyway. I could be wrong, I'm just making an assumption (and we all know assumption is the mother of all f*ckups).

Indeed SebtheBum is correct that is where i did hear it, The old lie so to speak.

Dimitri

"Outside of a dog, a book is a mans best friend, inside of a dog its too dark to read!" - Groucho Marx as suggested by Toby

Skellington

we live together, we act on, and react to one another, but always, and in all circumstances, we are by ourselves. - Aldous Huxley.


homer - chop, chop, dig, dig, chop, chop, dig, dig

marge - homey, theres so much more two wives could do for you.

homer - i hear chopping, but i don't hear digging.


ta saoirse i mbringloidi - ?

acri

"Now there's an invisible laser grid 3 feet from the ground so you'll have to compress yourself to the size of an ordinary household sponge and crawl through like some sort of wierd amphibious dolphin" - Peter, Family Guy

so many classic quotes from that show.

Kimbot

"now kids you have tried and failed miserably, the lesson for today is don't try at all" Homer Simpson.
What a Guy!!!

ExOffender

"To his dog, each man is Napoleon. Hence the constant popularity of dogs." -Aldous Huxley
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest." - Denis Diderot

and, uh, "Some for renown, on scraps of learning dote/ And think they grow immortal as they quote." - Edward Young.

Kernel

Neuro wrote:

"For the World is Hell, and man is one hand the tormented soul, and on the other he is the Devil in it."
- Arthur Schopenhauer, 'On The Suffering Of The World'

There is more truth in this one statement than can be found in some other philosopher's entire works.

Good quote.

Looks like everyone else get's their intellectual stimulation from cartoons and television. :rolleyes:

My favourite quotes are from Winston Churchill, a good place to start reading real quotes kids.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Sir_Winston_Churchill/

Dimitri

ExOffender wrote:

"Some for renown, on scraps of learning dote/ And think they grow immortal as they quote." - Edward Young.

As Bart once said "your damned if you do and your damned if you don't"

ahsurewhynot

"I only laughed because I thought it was funny"-My friend (Deadly serious)

"That's not my pimp; it's my father"-Different friend

"I wouldn't mind; but they didn't even make the fcuking bed"-my reaction to discovering that a maid stole €200 from my hotel room on holiday

"I've only ever been wrong once in my life; and thats when i thought i was wrong but i was actually right"

acri

"Gooooooooooooooooooooooood morning vietnaaaaaaaaaam!" - Robin Williams, Good Morning Vietnam