Asking 20 Year Old Daughter to move out.

25-10-2025 05:33PM #1

Hi Everyone

I am looking for some advice please . I am a single parent who wants her 20 year old daughter to move out . She works full time and gives me rent of €40 per week . Doesn’t really help with the house work etc . She has also been smoking hash at times in her room. I know a lot of these behaviors especially the manky room etc are deemed typical behaviors but to be honest I’m just sick of it . And would love some peace and to live on my Own . I don’t see how she is going to gain any independence while remaining here . I’m trying to get her driving etc but nope . I know houses shares are at an all time high but not sure if this should be the reason she stays either . When she is in bad form she can be very disrespectful . Living with her father is not an option as he lives in the countryside so not an attractive option as we live in a town . Feel like I’m been very selfish in one way but in another I just want some peace . Any advice appreciated

Pat734 · 25-10-2025 05:44PM

I'd be having a talk with her, a fairly serious talk. I've no idea if you 2 get on, or not, if it's your own property, etc. But, if you want her gone and need your own space I guess you have to let her know and take it from there. She more than likely thinks she has an entitlement to stay there, that needs knocking on the head and go and do that. By the way, don't in any way feel you're being a bad mum or whatever. You're certainly not, in my humble opinion.

25-10-2025 05:50PM

Thanks very much . I really appreciate you taking the time to reply . I tried that and she just flounced out banging the door on her way . Telling me I just want her room

For a walk in wardrobe and that I’m a crap parent. I also done up two agreements previously which Included basic items

Like do your washing , no food in your room ( it was horrific what was in there ) and she just doesn’t seem

To take much notice . Don’t get me wrong she’s a good girl really and it’s not that she’s having mad parties or anything . It’s just I see her just spending her money like water and not taking me seriously and I’m sick

Of it . I’m renting currently . Living here since March . She didn’t want to move here so I moved the whole house on my own . She had a boyfriend back where we were living before she she just stayed with him a lot of the time . Now that’s over and she’s back home full time . We get on to a point. I’m current trying to buy . I don’t think she particularly wants to be here either but it’s easier than the thought of having to budget . She’s either in her room or at work . She wouldn’t come in and watch something on the tv with me

Or anything .

25-10-2025 05:50PM

Also I am entering currently . But trying to buy.

Wanderer78 · 25-10-2025 05:58PM

id be considering a therapist first, there could very well be emotional issues at play here, hence the behaviors, bouncing her out into the world as is, could go very very badly wrong, and not just for her, but for you to! assuming there has been a separation with daddy? if so, this is pretty tough on children, and can cause significant issues entering adulthood, these issues would need to be resolved before such a significant event occurs, i.e. her leaving the family home for the first time, her drug use potentially could worsen, amongst other difficult behaviors, so please, do not throw her out!

25-10-2025 06:01PM

she is already going through therapy and her dad and I broke up when she was 9 months old . I don’t consider giving her a number of months to find somewhere else to live throwing her out but thanks for taking the time to reply.

Wanderer78 · 25-10-2025 06:04PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123937069#Comment_123937069

thats really good to hear, its a difficult situation, consider therapy yourself, thats a lot to be dealing with, hopefully therapy helps her pull through this, her therapist will continually challenge here, or should so

Cyclingtourist · 25-10-2025 06:10PM

Do therapists do lock changes?

Wanderer78 · 25-10-2025 06:12PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123937110#Comment_123937110

psychotic therapists maybe, but normal empathic therapists, would never

25-10-2025 06:13PM

🤣🤣🤣🤣

25-10-2025 06:16PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123937110#Comment_123937110

🤣🤣🤣🤣

KaneToad · 25-10-2025 06:39PM

I'd be upping the rent for starters. Who wouldn't want to leave a property that they only have to pay €160 a month and no bills!

25-10-2025 06:45PM

Fair Point ! I was trying to be fair as she works in bar/restaurant so might be down hours some weeks . But for the most of it she has full time hours every week . But it’s hard enough getting 40 a week out of her !

noodler · 25-10-2025 06:52PM

I suppose my question is could ahe afford the average rent in Ireland if she's working odd hours in hospality?

Say 600-800 a month for a room in a house share?

25-10-2025 06:52PM

fair question. She is working full

Time hours mainly

25-10-2025 06:53PM

I do think it would be good for her to even try a hosue share . It might make her grow up abit and make her appreciate what she had . And if she has to come back well and good

kippy · 25-10-2025 06:56PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123937276#Comment_123937276

Your adult 'child' doesn't seem to have any respect for you or your boundaries.

In fairness you've, no doubt, had a rough enough time parenting on your own (I assume) and maybe your kid is now trying to take advantage of that.

As for those who thinks the kid needs theraphy....there's a thing there called tough love that sometimes works better than anything else.

I think some strong conversations about boundaries, expected behaviour and a timeline around when things need to improve by, as well as upping the rent, at the bear minimum needs to happen. If that's not taken well you need to decide if you are prepared to push he out of the house and whether you can deal with any potential consequences.

ebbsy · 25-10-2025 06:57PM

My son gives 75-100 a week, but he is on a good wage.

Have another chat with her.

appledrop · 25-10-2025 07:01PM

In this day and age I think 20 is very young to be asking a young person to move out.

Where is she meant to go? There are no places to rent. She might have had a chance if she had a partner, that would be too incomes but that's broken up you said.

Now I'm not saying her behaviour is acceptable but I would say there are underlying issues behind it.

You say she didnt want to move so that leads me to think she probably would move out if she could but doesn't have the means.

Maybe family counselling/mediation might be worth looking into.

25-10-2025 07:02PM

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply . She has told me she doesn’t want to live here but I think the alternative is too much like hard work . I did have a conversation with her as she was only paying 30 and now I got to 40 . I thought she was saving for Australia all along and was let taking anything after her but when I realised that wasn’t the case I started asking for rent. Naive in know ! But she said doesn’t eat the food I buy. She gets takeaways etc . She will be grand for a while and then it slips again.

appledrop · 25-10-2025 07:12PM

What are her plans?

Nothing wrong with working in bar/restaurant but for most people is a sterping stone while in college deciding they want to go travelling etc.

I'd be concerned if she doesn't have any ideas, plan for the future.

25-10-2025 07:21PM

she doesn’t seem to have any immediate plans and very difficult to talk to her about it as she gets very defensive .

Orban6 · 25-10-2025 07:22PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123937341#Comment_123937341

It's up to you to get your act together.

I was paying more than that almost 40 years ago. £20 in old money which was a third of my take home pay.

Up her "rent" to 150 a week. Take it or leave. Maybe she'll realise how easy she has it.

I wouldn't kick her out though. 20 yo is very young to leave home in these difficult days.

But she needs to learn some discipline.

25-10-2025 07:25PM

I left home at 17 myself .

I didnt mention kicking her out .

And making statements like “it’s up to you to

Get your act together “ is nasty and unhelpful

XsApollo · 25-10-2025 07:29PM

I think 20 is too young to be making them leave, only 2 and a half years ago she would of been 17.
but for sure she isn’t a child either, so set some ground rules and up the rent or split the bills since it’s just the 2 of ye.

25-10-2025 07:30PM

thank you . But as I said I have done all this

Orban6 · 25-10-2025 07:36PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123937454#Comment_123937454

No I'm not being nasty.

Why are you only charging her 40 Euros?

You mentioned wanting her out.

Yes, It is up to you. Who else is it up to?

Have you ever heard of the phrase "cruel to be kind"?

rolling boh · 25-10-2025 07:37PM

Seems like your best hope is that she meets a bloke that she would move in with as she is hardly making enough herself to even house share .

25-10-2025 07:39PM

she is working full time

25-10-2025 07:40PM

maybe look at how you said what you said

kippy · 25-10-2025 07:43PM

Why do people think 20 is too young to be leaving home?

Assuming she can get accomodation, ( I know it's difficult, but it is out there), especially as she's not under any major time pressure, she should get somewhere, why is 20 too young to leave home?

Was gone myself at 17, granted I would have had some support in early years from parents, not much but a small bit, but was self sufficient by 20.

My father before me left home at 13 to go abroad. Not saying it was great but needs must back then.

Now if the child were in college in the same area as they were living and it saved the parent some money in supporting the kid then perhaps fair enough but even at that independence should be normal at 20. You are doing your kids no favours with this attitude in my opinion.

When the kid shows the gratitude and attitude we are seeing here in this case, we shouldn't be making excuses for them.

Asking 20 Year Old Daughter to move out.

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