Family Meal Several Days After the Funeral - Normal Nowadays?

Never heard of it myself- families often lay on tea/sandwiches or indeed a lunch on the day simply because many people attending travel long distances to be there and it’s a way for the family to meet them all in an appropriate social setting and talk and thank them for coming.

Some might do something on the months mind mass (afterwards) but this is usually a family close friends only sort of gathering - any reason why they’re not doing the meal on the day of the funeral?

People will wish to offer condolences and attend the funeral but may not be around available or even wish to attend such an event post funeral - could it be the “months mind” they’re organising?

I've had a member of my family ask for a death notice display on a national newspaper. When asked who they thought would pay for it, I got no answer and notice wasn't put in paper. Same person wanted a particular hotel, very expensive compared to other one just as good and more friendly too. Again, was told of expense and what their contribution would be and not a word. We decided on the more friendly hotel for a meal and didn't invite most of who the sibling wanted there. Her friends, not family. You may find that letting others know the cost to them could easily make them think again about the "brunch".

IME the undertakers know all that sort of thing, so unless they haven't been in contact with any yet, I'd be very surprised that they'd be confused about the different options. Ours knew how much to give the priest and all that sort of stuff.

But it could be that you're talking to someone who isn't the main organiser in the family (the undertaker wanted one or two people max to be their contacts). I think until you talk to them you won't know for sure.

But the tradition is definitely still a reception after the funeral for everyone, and then nothing "official" before the month's mind.

Concerning the funeral costs such as the food at the reception, those are allowed to be taken out of the estate, assuming there is any. I'm fairly sure the same is true for advertising in a newspaper. In our case we went with the notices the undertakers advised us, namely our local newspaper and whatever the online ones are (I forget now - I wasn't the executor) and then paid that back to the undertaker afterwards. It was all itemised on their bill.

(The other meal we had, with close family, was not part of the funeral costs: we siblings paid that ourselves. I don't think the month's mind was included either.)

I think it's a lovely idea.

As DH says the whole event can be a bit of a zoo.

I've only experienced my "in-laws" we stayed in the family home. You were racing to get into the shower before 8:30 as the doorbell stated at 9am....now it was lovely and thoughtful but very full on. This was from day of death to the funeral.

Then you come home to an empty house after the funeral and the quietness really is death. It's done, your on your own.

So I think an informal dinner with close family is a really nice way to break the quietness after the funeral. Especially if it's in another venue and zero clean up for me

The person might be mixing things up.

I've seen a few cases including my mum's where there was the usual lunch after the funeral (golf clubs are great locations) and then we had our own family meal a week later as at the funeral meal we were all busy chatting to those who attended.

Possibly this is what is being suggested.

Personally speaking, having lost a close family member in the last year, the day of the month's mind mass was the right time for this kind of event. A low key lunch for immediate family and friends on that day was a nice experience.

The week of the death and funeral is so full-on. You barely have time to fully take everything in and talk to everybody. Immediate family also need time to begin grieving and to adapt to the new normality. At least it was that way for me and my siblings

The month's mind tradition is still quite strong here. I think you'll find and a lot of family and friends will make a point of travelling from other parts of the country to attend it.