Dating a separated man

Why does he care what his ex's family think if they are split up?

Why does he care if his ex knows what he is doing?

If they were married for 17 years things will be split down the middle. He is not going to lose everything because he has a new gf. Even if he cheated (which he may well be doing) it will still be split evenly whether it's in her name or not.

The fact he is sneaking around is a red flag. It sounds like he is making excuses to sneak around and keep you a secret, why would you put yourself in for that kind of drama

Hi Op

thats a lot of baggage. thats a lot of baggage. thats a lot of baggage.

all that said you sound like a sensible well educated woman, and im going to assume its not your 1st rodeo either?

Be sensible. Look after yourself. Make sure you get what you need from any relationship - and that your not just pouring yourself into trying to 'fix' someone. If he is giving you back what you need, and making you happy/ - then proceed with caution.

If you find your not getting what you need out of the relationship then run for the hills.

His baggage isn't your problem. Don't make it yours.

No idea how she is tracking his movements unless she has access to locations on his phone.

Bit of self worth there OP.

If he is that paranoid he needs to adjust his behaviour, you don't need to adjust yours.

Tell him cop on or move on.

This isnt worth it at all, their kids are over 17 so she has no say or input into his relationship with them, he doesnt have to go through her to speak to them as they have their own phones/social media etc. How would she keep an eye on his movements on his days off if theyre not together? is he telling her what he's been doing? Is she tracking him? Has he no boundaries with her? Why is he so afraid of her family thinking that he's in a new relationship? Why does he care what they think of him at all if he's trying to get away from her? Surely he has bigger worries like his ex cheating on him and then tracking his whereabouts. He's playing his part in this by letting her control him and his new relationship which makes me think he's not over her, doesnt want her knowing he's seeing someone incase theres a chance of them working things out. The fact he's so secretive about you would raise alarm bells.

Its not worth the hassle and im sorry to say but after atleast 17 years together, youre a rebound! Find your self worth and stay out of this drama filled situation.

You're letting him call all the shots.

His needs are fulfilled, he's busy working crazy hours, then on his day off you're available. Your needs are nowhere near fulfilled.

OP, you've had a few threads at this point about relationships with men most people would have run an absolute mile from after the first or second date. I really, really think you need to knock the dating on the head for a while and do some work - preferably with a counsellor - on understanding why you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable men who do nothing but trigger your insecurities. May I ask if you've ever had a genuine, loving, secure long-term relationship?

I'm guessing from your username that you're 46 or thereabouts. Is it possible that you're so focused on settling down that you're fully prepared to just settle instead??? Please don't do that, you will 100% end up miserable.

Run, don't walk, away from this relationship.

The tale he is telling you sounds very tall.

If he is divorcing, why would he care what her family thinks? They have no influence on the Courts.

It is very hurtful and disappointing but he doesn't owe you anything at this early stage.

Look at it as a blessing that he is closing the door and not you because you know you'd be torn and second guessing yourself.

He has no time for a relationship or any kind of meaningful anything in his life with the crazy hours he works. Let him off!

To you, perhaps, but I guarantee many people would spot those signs a mile off. I mean how realistic was it really that a man who'd been married for 17 years was genuinely ready to date - let alone start an actual relationship - just 8 months after separating? That's literally a blink in the grand scheme of things.

This is why I really think you could do with some therapy/counselling. A happy, self-confident/self-aware person with a secure attachment style would never have even gone there in the first place.

I'm genuinely not saying these things to be cruel, OP. But like I said, this is clearly a pattern for you and I think you'd be much, much happier if you had the tools to help you break it.