Why me .

Big Bag of Chips · 18-03-2025 08:12AM

If there is a will then that will be what decides who gets what. If the will has been changed or updated then you have to accept that. Going to court to fight a will will simply result in the solicitor getting the bulk of the estate.

I understand your frustration, but you need to live your life not expecting inheritance. If it comes it's a bonus but you should never depend on it, because it is not guaranteed. Your parents are still alive. Their assets are their own and might need to be used in the future to provide care in their old age.

Telling you something will be left to you doesn't mean anything until the day it is signed over. Because when the time comes it might not be theirs to give to you. You need to start looking to your own future. You can't depend on anyone else. Nothing is guaranteed.

Deeec · 18-03-2025 08:35AM

This may sound harsh op - your parents original intentions may have been to leave you the farm but as I see it two events happened which made them change their mind

Your illness/disability - it's clear from your posts sadly that there will come a time when you will be unable to farm it. This is probably a big issue for the family.
The break up of your marriage - separation/divorce does not go down well in farming families due to the fact the former spouse may have a claim to the farm. I don't know if you are divorced or not but I can guarantee your parents/ family were not happy about the break up from a succession point of view. Why would they risk your spouse ending up with half your farm? I have seen farms ruined from marriage breakdown.

You need to drop your perception that you are more clever than your siblings. This has nothing to do with it.

Absolutely go and speak to a solicitor - I'm guessing though you won't get the answer you want.

As regards the lost/stolen? cash- that's gone. You have to accept you were incredibly stupid having cash hidden.

In order to claim anything back at all you need to sit down with your family ( if you accept you are not getting left everything) and come to an agreement for payback of the money you invested

You seem to have been able to earn a good living away from the farm. Concentrate on that job and keeping yourself well.

I do wish you well and I hope you can find peace and move on from the situation. Please don't fall out with your siblings as you will need their support down the line.

suvigirl · 18-03-2025 02:49PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123274303#Comment_123274303

Your parents are still alive and you're already falling out with your family because of arguments over THEIR property/assets! Perhaps when the time comes there will be no money or assets left? Unfortunately care comes at a price and your parents might need that care.

So, my advise is forget about what you were promised and hope that your parents live long lives. Their property is theirs to do whatever they wish with.

false name · 18-03-2025 10:35PM

I am well aware of that. But I can’t help feeling you don’t understand my issue .

It’s my parents asset to do with as they please , ONCE THE REPAY ME FOR THE SIGNIFICANT OUTLAY I HAVE PUT IN .
I can’t help but think nobody else has picked up on that point .

The money I have put in over the years , because of the promises is financially more than the place to worth now .
I may be extremely bitter about the situation , but the fact is that placing a lien against the property would render them bankrupt .
This isn’t just an issue I have with my siblings about a change in my parents intentions .
They are free to do what they want , once they repay me .

And advice from people who can’t or won’t recognise that fact is totally misplaced imo .
As I said it will be up to lawyers and a judge to make the final decision .

It’s just how my siblings have for years let me buy everything , pay for all the ( necessary upgrades , and think I am not entitled to recompense .
That is bull shyt whatever way you look at it .

Deeec · 18-03-2025 10:56PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123276953#Comment_123276953

I think your facing a losing battle so why bother. From what your posting your parents don't have the money to repay you and the farm isn't worth much ( won't even be enough to pay you if sold).

I think you just need to walk away from this battle. You won't gain anything but stress from the situation.

Dazler97 · 18-03-2025 11:11PM

This is awful and I'm sorry 😞 for what your going through and health in general isn't great 😕, only last week my brother who is in a good job said he won't buy a house because when my mam passes we have a house down the country and when my dad dies we have a apartment in Dublin so we have 2 guaranteed I was like you can't just rely on that , but part of me knows where he is coming from , but hopefully it was in your parents will that you get it 😀

Hannibal_Smith · 18-03-2025 11:13PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123276953#Comment_123276953

Because at no point have you placed anger at your parents. All the anger you have vented has been directed at your siblings.

How can your parents repay you? They are elderly and your mum has dementia. They are in no capacity to understand that they need to repay you for repairs carried out in the 90s.

The parents farm is for them to do with as they please. Full stop. It is their property and their land. If your mum has dementia how can she instruct a solicitor to defend her against any claim you make?

That said, as you have instructed a solicitor it is their legal advice you should follow.

false name · 18-03-2025 11:22PM

Exactly . They won’t have the money to repay me and the place isn’t worth what I have put into it .
But don’t you agree that when the place is sold that the money should go to me .
An interesting fact that I have noted at the time is that during lockdown , when travel outside of your county was restricted , one of my siblings drove the length of the country with 2 children to bring my parents into the solicitor .

With 2 children there is no hope that they did that drive without stopping off at least twice for food and breaks .

When I said this to them the answer was a shrug and it’s fine for an answer .

Pure naked greed .
As I said my relationship with my siblings is over .

My only goal now is to secure my investment down the years for MY family . Not theirs .

Paying lip service and trying to influence 2 elderly parents doesn’t cut it for me

thereiver · 18-03-2025 11:27PM

Look on reddit ireland legal advice, you can simply ask your parents to repay you for the costs of doors bathroom improvements unless you have receipts for materials or a witness to back up your statement you have no right to being paid .the problem with going to court is you could spend 10k on legal fees all to get paid 6k .Parents have the right to change the will anytime they wish.They probably want to give the house farm to someone who can do the work and keep it going as a business .Life is not always fair. even if you spent 12 hours playing console games that should not be enough to give you a disability or destroy your health.

i presume you lived there for years if you spent 1000,s of improvements and installing a bathroom thats your choice

You could have given them a loan with formal legal documents and receipts

if you lived there for years rent FREE you also got the benefit of those improvements Did you pay part of the esb bill internet acess gas heating bill,s

You choose to spend money and make physical improvements upgrades .

this happens in most familys ,i,ve seen it before one person gets the house probably the one who shops and takes care of the parents collects medicine ,pays the bills esb gas etc

So the rest of the family get nothing unless there,s conditions provision in the will,

Your parents could put it in the will if they are of sound mind, eg joe gets the house, mick shall recieve 10k from joe to compensate him for the work done bathroom installation with 3 years after joe recieves ownership of the house . i don,t think you, could even get a lien unless you have all the receipts from years ago to legally prove you paid for the work and the new bathroom installation

.

Did you expect someone to say oh , joe, please stop spending money on repairs upgrading the house you live in.thats not recommended .

if the parents have to move into hse full time medical care for years they may have to give up the house and no one will get it, eg it,ll be owned by the state .

my advice forget the past move on no point in worrying about lost money .forget past incidents its best for your mental health to move on in a postive frame of mind.

https://www.flac.ie/

you can fill out a civil case application and they may take your case on if they think you have a valid legal complaint and deserve some kind of compensation from your parents estate in the future.

The work you done on the house is not relevant unless you have reciepts and documents to prove you paid for the work to be carried out and you were promised you would left the house as payment in the future.

And as i said if your parents need long term medical care in the future the hse may take ownership of the house in lieu of payment

the average age of death in ireland is late 70,s ,80 unless someone has a serious medical condition

suvigirl · 18-03-2025 11:56PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123276953#Comment_123276953

A number of years ago, I paid off my mother's mortgage, I also paid to get new Windows as hers were terrible.

I hope my mother doesn't leave a penny behind her, I hope she spend all her money on herself. If she does leave the house, it will be to my sibling that doesn't have their own home, as the rest of us are ok.

I most certainly wouldn't be looking for the money I spent on her house to be given back to me!

false name · 19-03-2025 12:57AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123277180#Comment_123277180

Congratulations to you , statements like that offer no help to me or are relevant to my senerio .
It seems that you don’t understand that my investments weren’t just for my parents but also investments in my future .

People seem to be hung up with the fact that I am by no means the only person who helped their parents financially .

I’m not saying I am the only person to do so . I’m saying that it was done on the basis of what I was told were my parents intentions .

It’s their prerogative to change their minds . But if so I think it’s not unreasonable to expect them to reimburse for the money .

I have made their life comfortable , with no money worries and me being available at any time to bring them to appointments etc .

People in a completely different position can pay themselves on the back but it’s about a lot more than that .

It’s about the work ad time I put in . It’s about how my parents would say how grateful and proud they were that I had invested and to a certain degree made them feel good about their home and it’s condition .

My siblings were cutely aware and embarrassed about the state of the house in comparison to their friends . I wasn’t . While all they have done is to use the house and my parents without ever giving anything back in , I put EVERYTHING in .

I don’t think you are comprehending the breath of my issue

false name · 19-03-2025 02:03AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123277088#Comment_123277088

No I plan on evicting them before that . It’s up to someone else to look after them .

And to the poster who said I’m wasting my time as my parents won’t be able to repay me .
Exactly . If they can’t or don’t repay me I shall have no option but to evict them .
Let the state look after them . Or my siblings , but knowing that they won’t be getting a farm , I don’t think they will get involved .
The point is that I have bankrolled them ever since they not only told me they were leaving it to me but asked me .
The whole house : land isn’t worth my debt .
So wam not getting it for free . I have paid everything for nearly 30 years

o1s1n · 19-03-2025 02:30AM

I don't mean to sound harsh OP but you say greed a lot in your posts but to be honest there's only one person who comes out as greedy in all of this. It really makes for some nasty reading.

Everything, literally everything is everyone else's fault but yours.

From the sounds of things you did the honorable thing by helping out with the farm and your parents. That's something you can stand by and feel good about for the rest of your life. Don't undo it with greed and entitlement. You really need to get over this or it'll eat you alive.

o1s1n · 19-03-2025 02:33AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123277370#Comment_123277370

Fairly sure you can't evict people from their own home. If anything, they could kick you out.

exiledawaynothere · 19-03-2025 03:28AM

I am reading a lot about greed, entitlement, money, anger etc… your health issues must have been tough.

What do you want? What will make you happy?

watchclocker · 19-03-2025 05:51AM

If you think you're going to be handed over your parents home because you did some upgrades over the years, like the 30+ year old windows then you're deluded and you're going to put yourself into and early grave with the anger and bitterness

you'll waste what little money you have by filling the pockets of solicitors

false name · 19-03-2025 06:22AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123277403#Comment_123277403

That they honour their commitment to me .alot of people are saying that I put money in years ago and that doesn’t count now .
I stayed and made the place habitable .

Everything from the taps in the kitchen to the carpet on the floor was down to me .

People seem to be picking holes in my argument , but my stance is I put the work in , when others were not .
My parents own nothing but a shell of a house with no windows or doors , no heating system as that was done by me . They won’t even to shyt or shower because , guess what , I put it in .

By all means sell if they wish to do so . Simply pay me first . And I will never darken their door again .

Deeec · 19-03-2025 07:21AM

Op it's hard to know what to believe from your posts. You started off by saying you invested in windows, driveway and the farm and now you are saying you paid for everything in your parents house - I find this hard to believe as you said your father worked in construction.

Your some man to be able to pay for everything in your parents house and farm ( debt free), get married, have kids, pay for your own house and also be able to save large amounts of cash which was stolen! Could you tell us a figure for the estimated amount you spent on your parents house and farm? What did you work at that you were able to earn all this money?

You say you stayed and put the effort and money in - but you also say you went to America and the UK to work so you were not round all the time.

I also find it hard to believe that the farm and house is now worth less than the amount you spent - really is this true?

You can't evict your parents as you do not own the property!

Xterminator · 19-03-2025 07:51AM

you spent money on the upkeep of the property with the hope & expectation of benefitting from the improvements. As opposed to doing so for the comfort of yourself and your parents.

In simple terms you dont have a legal contract with your parents. As an intelligent person that should be very simple to comprehend. Your arguments are moot. You spent money improving a property you didnt own. When you give money to a family member it is usualy deemed not to be a loan. some legalese below - this is a legal principle across jurisdications.

matters within a family are often sorted out without an intention of strict enforcement through the courts, the legal presumption operates in the opposite direction: it is presumed that there is no intention to create legal relations (Jones v Padavatton (1969) 1 WLR 328 , 331, per Salmon LJ). However, that presumption can be rebutted by evidence of contrary intention

Now you may have some evidence that a legally binding loan was created either verbally or in written form you have not yet mentioned. Based on what you said so far - it was not. Do you wish to get legal advice - good idea. Do you wish to waste your remaining time, effort & money ( and possible some of the estate) pursuing it further - probably a bad idea.

i have 2 ideas of a positive way forward here.

If you can get over your bitterness towards your siblings you may be able to find common ground and goodwill on their part to see your investments get treated favourably in the disposition of the assets. There is a path forward that might see a return on your efforts.

2. Your parents are still alive- yes. then you can reason with them and tell them you think they owe you morally - if not legally and wish them to change the will to ensure you get a return on your investment. See if they are receptive to that.

but the crux of the matter here is not what you feel. to the law your feelings are irrelevant. you - the intelligent child can see that?

i stand by my earlier comments about how resentment and anger can affect one health physically and mentally. See a therapist about your feelings. Chat openly and honestly with your family about how you move forward as a family. Leave the bitterness at the door.

Good luck.

Mellor · 19-03-2025 07:53AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123276953#Comment_123276953

I don't think anyone is has missed that you have put money into the house. People are not telling you what you want to hear because the above is not relevant.
The fact is its not your house, you have the same entitlement to the house as your siblings. That might anger you, but its the truth. Being informally promised, or implied that the house would be yours is worth nothing. They are intitled to change their mind. And may do so again.

I understand you have but money into the house, that was your choice. I know why you did it, but it likely be seen a a gift not a loan. You are not owed that money back by anyone. You benefited from the work, and have nothing to say that it was a loan.

They are free to do what they want , once they repay me .

They are free to what they want with their house. They don't need to repay you. You have nothing in writing that creates a debt.

Taking about you brother playing with your playstation is unbelievably petty. As is including the bit about your sister travelling during covid. You should probably speak to somebody about those issues.

The stolen money is a little hard to follow. You are alledging your ex-wife orchestrated for her brother to steal it, but it another pot you blame you mother and brother. If you know it was stolen, and who stole it, go to the guards. But I assume it all speculation

exiledawaynothere · 19-03-2025 08:39AM

did you pay rent when living on the property that your parents own?

Big Bag of Chips · 19-03-2025 08:58AM

I find it very difficult to believe that you invested more than the place is now worth. And if you did, then you made incredibly bad money choices. And that is not anybody else's fault. Unless you have documentation stating you loaned your parents money for improvements with the intention of them repaying the loan, then you have no entitlement to be repaid. Receipts mean nothing.

So you poured money into something that is not worth your investment. And you also had two substantial amounts of cash stolen from two separate locations by two different people.

It looks like for all your education you make terrible business decisions. That's nobody else's fault. Your parents own their house. You cannot evict them. You don't own it. And from what you say you are not going to inherit it.

I'm not sure if your illness affects your cognitive abilities, but I honestly think you need help - Proper legal advice and maybe someone you trust to be given power of attorney for you.

Big Bag of Chips · 19-03-2025 09:44AM

Have you posted in the Farming and Forestry section? Posters there are likely to have a better idea of inheritance and debt repayments.

mykrodot · 19-03-2025 09:54AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123277436#Comment_123277436

so according to the above post your parents reared all of you in a house with no windows or doors? You must be a tough lot! Or did you put the windows in when you were born? Because there must have been at least 16 or 17 years living there before you were big enough to do that, or did the windows go in when you returned from the US?

You CANNOT evict people from a house they own. It is their house, it is paid for, they have the Deeds. You will pays tens of thousands getting legal aid on this if you pursue it. If you are looking for Free Legal Aid get ready for a very long wait……years where your own health will deteriorate as you wait. No Solicitor will go after an elderly couple in their own home, one who has dementia!

I am from a family of 7. The youngest is going to inherit everything. He has a top job, no kids, no mortgage, never paid a cent of rent but lived with my mother using coervice control to get her to sign over everything to him. She is now in a nursing home with dementia. Then he sold her car and kept the money. While she was in there we discovered he was spending all her money as he had her bank card and PIN! We have since taken control over her finances and made him repay all the money, but there is nothing we can do about the house as she cannot change the Will due to dementia.

We have made our peace with it, none of us want this to eat us up, all of us have other things going on in life, divorces, sickness, death of a child, in other words bigger issues than my brother and his greed.

I would advise you to do the same. Let this go! Money is not everything. Get help with your health, get a disability payment if you can from DSP, enjoy your life, plan trips, enjoy your kids. Bitterness is not worth it, it eats you up.

I wish you well.

geotrig · 19-03-2025 10:06AM

Bitterness is not worth it, it eats you up.

honestly I think the op is gone too far down this rabbit whole to where it has consumed him.

Op outside of the bitterness, Which with every outpour ,shows up more , and bit of greed that people have mentioned. I'm reading and seeing some serious signs of paranoia and everyone is out and conspiring against you and no blame seems to lie with you ?

Get help and work on letting things go its a horrible downward spiral that has no good outcome for you your health or any family.

Maybe your siblings feel the same way and that they were being removed from the equation by manipulation and being "done" out of inheritance ,that you were "being clever" getting windows and felt entitled and were controlling the narrative.

I've seen a few people with with grandiosity disorder and the likes and their perspective on things was an eyeopener on how they saw things unfolding compared to other people.

suvigirl · 19-03-2025 11:06AM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123277299#Comment_123277299

I understand that you say you only did work to your parents house because you believed it would be your own some day. Which is a bit sad.

I think you're real issue is the anger you feel at your illness stealing the life you thought you would have away from you. I seriously think you should get counselling about that issue before anger and bitterness steals everything.

Idle Passerby · 19-03-2025 01:16PM

So you intend to kick your elderly parents out on their ear once it's transferred to your name? Is it at all possible that your parents and siblings are well aware of your attitude and have ensured this doesn't happen. If I knew a sibling of mine was planning something so selfish and cruel, I too would be driving them to solicitors to make sure they weren't conned out of their own house.

Your upgrades were gifts. You might not have seen them as such but without a formal agreement that's what they were. That money is gone. Time to make peace with these facts.

witchgirl26 · 19-03-2025 06:24PM

OP you put money into a house you had no legal entitlement to on a hope that it would be left to you at some point in the future. That was your choice. The only person to be angry with on that is yourself. You cannot evict your parents from a house they own because you paid for some refurbishments. I doubt a court in the land would allow you too especially considering your mothers diagnoses of dementia & the costs that will be coming down the track in relation to care etc. Also on a personal level how heartless are you that you are talking about trying to evict your elderly parents because you didn't get your way? It's throwing a tantrum on an epic level.

It's basic sense that you don't invest in something you don't have a legally enforceable claim for. My partner owned the previous house we lived in & despite the fact we were happy together, I would not have invested large amounts of money into the house for major refurbishments because I had not right to the house or to repayment of those monies. And neither do you.

People are entitled to change their mind about who gets what in their wills right up until the time they are no longer of sound mind. And if you try to force a change to your fathers will (can't for your mother as with dementia, unless she's been declared compus mentus, she can't make a new will), it could be easily challenged as coercive if you're talking about kicking them out.

false name · 20-03-2025 03:13AM

The first will that was made when my parents were , though elderly , not like they are now as time has passed .

I have copies of their ( I’m guessing since they said they were changing it their first will ) which lays out what I’m getting . The majority of the financial outlay was done after the date of that will .
The windows , doors , tanks ,radiators were all put in after that will was made and shared with me and my siblings so I wasn’t doing all that work in the hope of being left it . I did it because of a legal document that left it to me .
To that mind , even though I not a lawyer , that will gives me a fair and honest expectation of the house being mine , if natural law follows .
Also because I have copies of their will which leaves it to me , and copies are with their solicitor when they made the original will , which would correspond with my records , I’m guessing that there is a legal expectation that my work is justified

Hontou · 20-03-2025 06:32AM

Walk away. Get away from your family. You don't like them. Get your own life separate to them or you will drown in your bitterness. I looked after my elderly parent for over a decade and then she turned on me for putting my own children before her on two occasions. She rewrote her Will to favour my siblings who never did anything for her. I walked away and left them at it. Never been happier. Got time back to spend with my own children. Planning a life around inheritance is a toxic way to live. If they don't acknowledge your efforts just get away from them. They are not nice people. The money and house won't make you happy or secure as you will be stuck dealing with your toxic family going forward anyway.

Why me .

Comments