My brother moving home from Australia with wife and 3 year old

Their situation is really unknow at this stage. Everyone is assuming they are coming how without two brass pennies. For all we know they are loaded.

The OP said they will have to find jobs and they are not the most qualified. TBH it doesnt matter if they are loaded. They still want to stay with the OP. Which would I prefer, my rich brother living with me, or my rich brother checking his family into a hotel for a few weeks. Definitely the latter.

Tbh thinking about it, if I was on my own and it was just my brother I would too. This is because the only way it would happen is if his marriage broke down. My brother is an absolute planner so he'd have back up plans to whatever the initial plan was.

Then to top it off he'd absolutely hate living with me so he'd want to be gone ASAP too.

I'm not getting that vibe from this dude though

I am on my own and if my sister rang me up and asked to stay for a few weeks I would say yes automatically.

Similar to you she would absolutely hate living with me and would want to be gone ASAP. She would only be asking if it was my place or living in a ditch, and actually if it was summer, she would probably be leaning towards the ditch. Similarly, I'm not getting that vibe from this guy.

A number of years ago my best mate and his partner bought a house. The dates didn't line up quite right, so their lease ended before the new house was ready, so his partner moved in with her Mam and he asked could he stay with me and my partner in our teeny weeny apartment. It was about a month in total. We had no hassles, everyone got on. It helped he is tidier than I am.

Why it worked for us: He was working(same company as me as it happened). He arrived with one rucksack. He offered to contribute to bills, and was pretty much on his best behaviour for the month. Still the best of friends, ~7 years later.

Had he asked if he and his partner could move in, it would have been a flat no. The place was too small. Had he arrived with all his worldly possessions, I'm not sure we would have lasted the month. Had he not been working and asked for a loan…

I would have thought the brother and his new family would be more suited to moving in with the parents rather than with a sibling. I know plenty of people who'd love to have their only grandchildren in Ireland rather than in Oz.

The problem is that once the person/people are in, a timeline to get them out is very hard to enforce. If they don't get jobs, if they don't find suitable accommodation, if, if, if....... . When they're in his house, with kids, it's practically impossible to get them out on a timeline.

As regards moving home for support - as someone who has lived abroad for years and moved home, it's sometimes easier to get support abroad, you're part of a diaspora and people will often help just because you're irish/greek/french or whatever group you belong to. Once they come home, they're just another family.

Really think this depends on your relationship with your brother and his young family. Do you know his wife at all? Have you been to visit them over there, do you know how they live and if you are compatible even for a short time?

20 years is a long time. Are they effectively strangers to you, or do you know eachother well still?

Some people are very easy to live with, and some are not. I know with my brothers, I'd happy let one of them (plus family) stay with me for a few months as they are very easy going. We've visited them and stayed together in apartments on hols etc, but not the others, we'd just bicker endlessly and we couldn't tolerate sharing a place even on hols.

For us the feeling is entirely mutual, so the fact that the brother thinks it might work makes me think you can get on ok together….. I'm wondering what is putting you off? I'd always default to yes for family with this, unless there is something you know that puts you off it. 3 bed house should be plenty of space.

I would charge them rent, the full mortgage is probably fair enough to motivate them to get a job and get out, but not over the top. You can save that money aside then.

I'd say just tell him they can stay for a set amount of time. E.g. a month.

A month is nothing.

As regards moving home for support - as someone who has lived abroad for years and moved home, it's sometimes easier to get support abroad, you're part of a diaspora and people will often help just because you're irish/greek/french or whatever group you belong to. Once they come home, they're just another family.

I lived abroad for 4 years, and was trying to make a similar point. There were about 50 Irish people living in the city I lived in. I know because I met pretty much every one of them at some point. When you are abroad and meet people, the bond is tighter than just meeting someone in town. I came home over a decade ago and theres still about a dozen people from back then I chat with regularly. Not just Irish. Scottish, Macedonian, Italian, actually even an Australian.

I wasnt making light of requiring a support network, I just meant after 20 years over there, the one they have could/should be better than what is here. Ignoring the 7K+ it will take for them to get back home.

OP doesn’t need an excuse or justification. Unless they specifically want to have a lodger then do because they want the extra money or whatever- not as a cover to not agree to taking in his brother and baggage

I wouldn’t- a month even with a plan means to rent/buy would be at least 6-12 months realistically

Why do you say its pathetic?

Many 40 year old with young kids in this country struggling to get suitable accommodation and struggling to make ends meet.

More expensive to find housing in major Australian cities than here.

because you move abroad to a country like Australia to work, earn decent money or save. If that’s not possible upskill and get something that pays better. The point though is here it’s not up to the brother with a house to make up for what the other brother hasn’t achieved in spite of the no doubt endless list of excuses offered. Life is tough and you really to plan ahead

How do you know the brother doesn't have major savings? There is serious money to be made in Australia even without any sort of major qualifications. I lived over there myself for a few years. My own brother is there right now.

of course I would, it’s logical - if you don’t earn enough then you must look at ways to improve that. They’re crying out for various trades and professions that pay well. I don’t think it’s the responsibility of other people to provide your housing/living especially when you’re 40 ish. If he doesn’t have a house I’d expect him to have reasonable savings or at least have a path towards one. And yes it is pathetic to be dependent on others at the age unless short term for a very good reason.

There's just no way I wouldn't help my brothers out like that. Just not the way I was raised and I'm indoctrinating the next generation to be the same. Family is all that matters, the rest are just strangers, to paraphrase a quote.

While I kind of agree with you that he hasn't done well and wants to return, he may have savings, the OP didn't say.

I live abroad and rent, because I don't want to live here for the rest of my life. Instead I save and invest. Buying a house isn't the be-all and end-all of everyone's life, even if that's the irish culture.

They probably don't want to intrude long term but reality can set in hard and fast.

The OP really needs to have an in depth discussion with his brother in regards to what plans they already have for moving home. Have they looked at property to rent/buy? Have they the finances to move quickly if accommodation becomes available? Have they work lined up or at least applied for before moving? Have they even enquired if work in their chosen fields is available in your area? Storage for their stuff? They'll hardly arrive with 3 suitcases.

The OP also needs to let their brother know exactly the state of affairs in this country in regards to housing,income, education,employment etc. 20 years is a long time not living in a country. I think a lot of us go with the" ah sure it'll all fall together" outlook, sometimes it does, a lot of times it doesn't. Is the OP going to be forced 6 months down the line to have to ask them to leave for his own sanity. Then he's the bad guy in the eyes of the family even though he would have gone above and beyond at that stage!

I think if the brother and family move in an agreement should be made before coming that you have X amount of time here. That way they have to hit the ground running to sort themselves out.