I want to separate but know he won’t leave

Get legal advice. Start paving a new path forward for yourself. Someone with a temper like that is unlikely to change. I'm on the same path. Start planning for a fresh start. It's not easy but it will be worth it. Get all the advice and support you can. You don't need anger like that in your life and neither do your kids. Life is better without it. Believe me.

…also consider some therapy based counselling for yourself, and maybe your kids to, best of luck

If you're married 10 years then presumably your children are still quite young, so of course they want you to stay together. But that's not necessarily the best thing for them in the long run. Also, I'm going to assume you haven't *actually* polled them on this, that they've just picked up on the fact that you and your husband are clearly very unhappy together.

Both parties inevitably end up worse off financially after a marriage ends, that's just a fact of life. What you need to decide is whether that's a sacrifice you're willing to make. And tbh, from what you've posted, it sounds like it should be.

You need to stop talking about separating to/in front of the kids until it's actually happening and you're sitting them down to tell them so. It's incredibly unfair to put this on them otherwise.

And no, it's not common for men to have awful tempers. I've never been in a relationship with one who has. I suspect your low self-esteem has made you more vulnerable to these types of men, and also more willing to put up with them.

Look, OP, no separation is ever easy. They're fraught and heartbreaking and messy and painful and expensive. But none of those things are reasons not to do it if it's genuinely in the best interests of everyone involved.

Just out of curiosity what makes you think that he should be the one who leaves? If he earned more that would imply that he paid more towards the new house??

And I can assure you if you go that route his solicitor will advise him to stay in the property as mine did( difference is I paid fully for my house and my ex kicked me out after 4 days so I knew she had no claim whatsoever) but no solicitor in the country will tell him to leave an asset in the hundreds of thousands that he potentially will not be able to sell until the youngest child turns 18

If he pays all the mortgage currently am I legally less entitled to half the house even though I contribute just as much to the household?

Don't look for legal advice on the internet. Decide if you're serious about separation. If you are, talk to a legal professional and find out where you stand

You say your husband has a terrible temper. Would you ever feel in fear? It would bit be at all unreasonable for you to feel you are in fear considering circumstances.

Consider protection/barring order. They are very very easy to get. Where a person is in fear, it was almost a given that they'd be granted an order.

This is disgraceful advice.

The language of, and insinuation I got from the post is that it's like nipping out for a carton of milk, and that it might be a solution to get him out of the house regardless of whether it's warranted or not.

This marriage sounds downright abusive, far beyond not being in love.

Spending family income on a house without including your spouse in decision-making is financial abuse. Being "tight" I read as financially controlling, also financial abuse. Taking the children away spontaneously without a discussion or contact, leaving their mother worried is emotionally abusive. It's not easy to understand what "a temper" is, but there could also be physical abuse either to the children or spouse.

I agree with the others, go to Women's Aid, and be very very careful. Men with uncontrolled anger have been known to murder their whole family when marriage break-up becomes real.

That, right there is the only advice you need. Tune out the rest of the hysterical nonsense.