Dealing with this wave of "validate my feelings, don't offer advice" mindset being adopted by women.

I tend never to offer advice or help myself. Rather I try to represent myself in the best ways possible and if someone comes to me asking for advice or help - I absolutely go all out to give it. And the more you are "on the path" the more people tend to seek your input. And you can find ways to signal your openness to be approached and asked.

Other solutions can be to try to offer advice in the guise of seeking it yourself. So to run with your climbing example I would probably approach that situation by saying "Can you show me how you do this I want to try it" and then explain why their way is not working for you and in turn say "I do it this way - can I show you how and get your feedback on how it works for you?"

I am not a fly on the wall though. I have simply no idea how you offer your critique or advice. You might be doing it in a way you are not self aware is not landing well. Two sides to every story and all that! That said though the partner you describe and her attitudes and reactions are not sounding like a person I would stay in a relationship very long with.

The term "mansplaining" has lost utility. When I hear it used these days it seems to mean ANY situation where a man is explaining something to a women. Which is just patently ridiculous.

What the phrase is MEANT to mean is situations where men explain or pontificate on specifically women's issues or women's experiences - or explain a topic to a woman that assumes her being a woman means she has no knowledge or experience of the subject. And women can be just as guilty of this in reverse too.

However I would not agree with you that feelings of hatred and jealousy are not valid. Or that feelings should not be validated, respected and supported. I think all feelings and emotions are equally valid. Hatred and jealousy as well as love have led people to do both wonderful and awful things.

So I am more concerned not with what people are feeling but what they choose to do WITH those feelings. The feelings are absolutely valid and respectable. But so too is the support or push back we can offer when those feelings are acted upon and expressed.

to be fair to OP he said that feelings of jealousy should be worked on , not embraced (which I fully agree with). He didn't say they weren't valid. Jealousy can be dangerous and toxic and it takes a great deal of maturity to work on your inner feelings around it as they usually reflect on oneself. TikTok is unlikely to help in that regard.

As a woman the way you spoke here, both about her feelings and her reactions would also have me weary of how I approach talking to you and most certainly be walking on eggshells.

If someone asks for advice, give it. If they just are in need of a listening ear, then listen. Its not hard to figure out the difference.

Im also not a fly on the wall and dont know how its been previous to the past year but it reads like you're refusing to say anything as a throw your toys out of the pram and thats not going to help things either.

I mean we could simplify your post to "Men, support me as a man" what exactly are you looking for? I have absoluetly given my feedback and advise when its been looked for and welcomed. unsolicited advice when someone is upset or venting has a knack of pushing people away. I have also myself being told i over-reacted to something or someone. You've given a 2 person example and have pushed this as some mad feminist agenda.

Honestly do you think your partner needs to be told to be careful when chopping, or use both feet when cycling?? If she did the same (and with the same tone you're using here) to you would it be welcomed. Id hazzard that no it wouldnt. This isnt mansplaining either, its treating her like a child and that type of advice is grinding.

Is this potentially not her wild new feminist ways and perhaps her being fed up of you being overly critical?!

I myself would also not "straight up" tell my girlfriends they were out of line with a reaction to something either. So this is not just a "woman supporting women" thing at all. Because I myself am not one. I suspect you may in fact be viewing everything through the lens of your having lost patience with what you view as "feminist reactions".

What I tend to do more often than not with all humans - male female or children - is explore where their reactions are coming from without going down the "you are out of line" route at all. Because that approach tends to have the same effect of telling someone to "relax" or telling someone who is not talking that loud to "stop shouting". It's gasoline on the flames.

And since as I said above many reactions are not reacting to what you think they are in the moment - I find it's better to explore the roots of the reaction rather than hit the reaction itself head on.

I teach a dangerous sport myself. Not climbing but a sport that is just as prone to horrific injuries. But I rarely rush in with blunt "that way is wrong this way is right" advice. And that's even though I am there explicitly as a teacher and not just offering unsolicited advice in the moment. My specific role in the moment is to give lessons and advice. And even then I have learned over the years ways to go about it that land better on average.

OP I'm going to say something radical here - all feelings are valid. They may not be good but they're valid. It's ok to feel things & someone trying to shut down your feelings to give advice on the topic is not going to end well. For years boys were told not to cry & girls not to get angry. However both of those are valid feelings and emotions & shouldn't be quashed.

In terms of validating them (which is different) & women not wanting advice - just ask the question if you're unsure "do you want advice, or do you just need to vent?". Sometimes when I'm talking about something that is annoying me, I'm not looking for a solution to it (as I'm working through that myself) but I need to get my frustration out.

Now in relation to the rock-climbing thing, that does sound a little different. You said that she reacts when she sees a man giving a woman advice - this could be down to something from before in her life where she was belittled by a man & is now reacting. I'm not saying that it's correct but it is valid if she's a background with something like that. In that case, how you frame the advice might be the most important thing. The example in #13 genuinely sounds like she was getting frustrated with herself & maybe your advice & input came at the wrong time & got her annoyed. Maybe she thinks your pushing her to do more than what she wants to see as a bit of a fun hobby. I'd just be honest & say that you're worried about getting injuries if you're both not doing things correctly & away from the safety of indoor climbing place.

I am in a rather unusual relationship different to nearly everyone else in Ireland. Because of this I decided early on that communication would be the absolute priority in all things with them. The entire relationship revolves around communication. So reading your post(s) here feels quite alien to me. That you would choose to spend a year holding your tongue for example. That you feel you now can not give any input too. And most of all giving up something you enjoy doing because of it.

These things are all the exact opposite of what I strive for. So it is hard for me to relate. I need effort to get into that head space to empathise your situation. So I am trying.

In your position I would be sitting down with a "mea culpa" opening followed by inquiring into where her reaction was coming from. As much of the time as possible using "me" and "we" language rather than "you" language. So I could open for example with a "Ok I understand my input was unwelcome the other day - my bad I am sorry about that - but I was quite taken aback by your reaction to it and I need help to understand where that was coming from. Can you help me with this so we don't screw this up again in the future?"

Compare that to for example another possible approach of "By the way the way you reacted the other day was completely out of line. You were in a dangerous position and doing it wrong and I was just trying to show you the way!"

One approach is an openness to learn, to be wrong and does not "you" anything. The other is a "I was right and you were wrong" approach. It is not a "feminist reaction" in me that suggests one approach might land better regardless of whether you are engaging with a woman, a man, or a child. Or even an adult acting like a child.

And if you were to take the approach I would take - be prepared that the answer MAY be that how you land your advice might bear some critique. As I said before I was not a fly on the way so I not only do not know what you said - but I do not know how you said it. And self awareness is not a strong point of our species. It is quite possible how you landed it was awful and you do not realise it yet.

You also said to a user above that you are not critical. But you also said you spent a year intentionally not helping and keeping quiet. It is entirely possible that in your silence you were communicating your critique and judgements silently without you knowing you were doing it. Facial expression, noises, gestures, and more. By the time you spoke up after a year you MIGHT have been doing it on top of a year of her feeling all this coming off you. Again - without communication working out where she is coming from with her reaction you will never know.

Thanks for the description though. I know next to nothing about climbing really. I am more into martial arts and martial arts dance. I teach a lot of it too. So learning how to present and land advice, and teachings, and critiques has been a years long growing for me that is and likely always will be ongoing. There is always more to learn about teaching and guiding others.

To me, your idea of "mea culpa" and "opening to learn" is apologizing to a flat earther for telling them that the earth is in fact round. Apologizing when you did nothing wrong is just going to perpetuate this nonsense.

OP, if it was me I would be seriously considering escaping this relationship, this would be a deal breaker for me, having to bite your tongue all the time for the most benign of comments is ridiculous.

My experience is that when a woman (wife, sister, friend) comes to me with a problem, they generally just want an ear to listen to them rant. My instinct is to listen to the problem and propose a solution, but that is not what they are looking for. They just want to be heard, to get it off their chest.

So forget all the stuff about validating etc. The question is, do you want to provide something useful for this person or do you want to satisfy your own thirst for problem solving? If you want to be useful to a woman, in general that means listening to their problems and empathising. You don't have to validate what they have done, but you can empathise with the situation "that must have been really stressful" etc.

In general though, this is why women need girlfriends, because this kind of thing doesn't come naturally to men.

While I agree in part with this, it must be possible to offer advice or criticism in a relationship for it to succeed. So even if your partner does not approach you with a problem, you should be able to offer unsolicited advice to a partner, or at least in my opinion you should.

So you partner has lost female friends and you're happy about it? You sound like a lovely partner.

As long as you can give her "advice" and she's less agro with you, that's all that matters.