Dealing with this wave of "validate my feelings, don't offer advice" mindset being adopted by women.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463889#Comment_123463889

Well thankfully your opinion on whether or not I am a misogynist is worthless. And I don't even think you truly believe it. I think you are just saying it as part of an argument because you don't like me.

Feminists who make other women feel bad, or attack other women, are pieces of human garbage. Me thinking that doesn't have anything to do with their gender.

Flinty997

There doesn't seem to a shortage of men's podcasts either.

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463896#Comment_123463896

You diving deep into the ralm of childishness. Good luck to your partner.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463903#Comment_123463903

You called me a misogynist based on nothing. If you don't want the conversation to descend into childishness, don't accuse people of being misogynists.

Flinty997

If it looks like a duck fly's like a duck it's probably a duck.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463922#Comment_123463922

How are people who attack women or make them feel bad about their lives not garbage?

Feminists are great. Feminists who attack women aren't.

suvigirl

You opened a thread where you described your girlfriend in a not so flattering way. You then blamed this on a wave of feminism. You then went on to describe how you are happy she has lost a friend, who you seem to think was dragging your girlfriend into this horrible feminist way of looking at things. And now you're happy that she doesn't have the friendship and is embracing a more traditional way of thinking. So, it's ok when you give her advice, but not when someone else does it.

I'm sure things will work out just fine with you both now.

Flinty997

Human garbage is a disproportionate reaction.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463944#Comment_123463944

That is exactly what happened, yes. That friend, (an actual female supremacist who believes all women should get jobs, promotions, political power etc. over all men), was a terrible influence on my girlfriend and made her feel guilty constantly.

Also nonstop arguing that having kids is horrible and disgusting and bad for the planet and convincing my girlfriend to never have them and if she does, she's making a terrible life choice. All the time berating the idea of having children.

The "traditional" way of thinking is her own. And by traditional, what we're saying here is "enjoys homemaking". She goes to work and has her dreams of a different life. She is much much happier since removing that toxic influence.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463967#Comment_123463967

Which women specifically am I attacking?

Flinty997

Feels like everyone.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463988#Comment_123463988

"Human garbage is an extreme disproportionate reaction. You are blind to it."

I think men who are misogynist, or women who attack and harm other women, are garbage. You are not going to have any success trying to shift my statement from that set of people onto women in general, especially in order to just win an argument.

You took serious issue for some reason with some mislabelling, and are now trying to turn it into something. If it isn't obvious yet, I will argue this sort of thing forever. So strap in because we could be at this for days if you are not able to articulate exactly what is on your mind.

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463972#Comment_123463972

So why not open a thread about that one toxic friend alone rather than women and feminism?

Feminism is what has given your girlfriend the right to choose and dream.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464006#Comment_123464006

I started this thread eight months ago about a specific thing I was feeling at the time. Since then, I posted an update for those who had taken part in the thread, and now new people are jumping in to attack me long after the problem has been resolved.

Rocket_GD

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464024#Comment_123464024

Your perceived problem has been resolved, unfortunately from the way you speak I can imagine that your partner will continue to have problems if she doesn't fully align her views with your own.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464031#Comment_123464031

Would you be interested in explaining why you imagine this?

No pressure. I don't actually care because your view of me is based on reading some arguments on boards.ie, so you obviously don't know who I am, but it would be good for the thread I suppose.

Lanky_Lad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123463900#Comment_123463900

Name a men's podcast featuring mediocre achieving men who feel entitled to the best of everything?

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464004#Comment_123464004

I didn't take serious issue. I suggested more accurate terms.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464006#Comment_123464006

Its deflection.

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464058#Comment_123464058

"housewifey things", the cute term my partner uses for wanting to do nice things at home, is not inaccurate and misleading. You did actually take issue with it, so I defended her using that.

I am absolutely not going to tell her that she is "mislabelling" and should correct her language to more gender-agnostic, because that would just be telling her she is wrong. She has just gotten over feeling bad about enjoying that stuff so why would I make her feel bad again just to fight your war against some label you don't like.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464057#Comment_123464057

Its all wrapped up in the fringes of the manosphere. .

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464077#Comment_123464077

If you had to explain it, (and you did at length) its misleading.

Pointing out the flaws in your terminology is not taking issue or fighting a war. Lets not get hysterical.

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464077#Comment_123464077

Youre happy to tell her shes wrong on other things though?!

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464130#Comment_123464130

Even after I explained it at length, you still chose to not understand it and instead just call it misleading.

Housekeeping and house maintenance, your terms for what she likes, do not convey whatsoever her feelings on it. Homemaking is the most accurate gender-neutral term I suppose. The first two terms are more associated with paid work.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464130#Comment_123464130

I’m lost now tbh. Haven’t we been told for years now that people are entitled to use whatever terms or language they prefer when speaking or writing about themselves and their lives and that others should have no problem with that? It’s all about respect and dignity for individuals and their lived experiences.

But when the OP’s partner refers to certain activities she does as ‘housewifey’ things, that’s mislabelling, misleading, etc. So she’s using the wrong terms to describe elements of her life?

So only some people get to decide who can choose their own terms or language, and the rest of us need to fall in line with that viewpoint and their opinions? Have I got that right?

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464161#Comment_123464161

I understand it. I don't agree with it.

Flinty997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464199#Comment_123464199

.Complaining about the language being used, while having no regard to their own language.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464227#Comment_123464227

So you want the OPs partner to change her language before you interact with the OP? Maybe she has considered it and decided she is happy to keep using the terms that she prefers? Is that not ok with you m'lord?

sock.rocker*

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464484#Comment_123464484

The whole issue was that female friend making my partner feel bad, making her only want advice from other women, and doing things like making her hate the idea of kids (though we don't want kids anyway). She was starting to hate men and go down that path. And now Flinty is simply taking that friend's place.

These extremists cosplay as left-wing but have just replaced religion with progressive ideals. They'd be nuns and monks in another life. There was never any misunderstanding like claimed and never anything misleading about it, and never even a hint that it was my word. I included the word to describe how her life has improved now that she wasn't being made feel guilty for enjoying what she enjoys. I explicitly said "her words" because she owns it and is happy with herself.

Honestly, my girlfriend has been far more comfortable in her skin since then. She doesn't feel attacked as a woman if I offer advice or something, and she doesn't feel like she's letting down women by loving "house-wifey things" (her words) like baking and knitting.

That Flinty is just continuing to do exactly what the friend was doing, when I said my girlfriend has been much happier since, shows they do not care about her whatsoever. They think she's wrong and should feel bad. Why else would they continue to attack her like the toxic feminist who is now out of our lives. They want me to read all this and go chastise and correct my girlfriend's language, and make her feel bad and make her feel like she's letting down women by using a gendered term.

People genuinely living under the illusion that they are good, when all they want to do is control, like they would have done through religion.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123464278#Comment_123464278

It wasn’t about a business meeting or whether the OP disagrees with people’s need to validate their feelings. OP said his girlfriend used ‘housewifey things’ to describe her activities and was told it was a throwback to the 1970’s, the term was inaccurate and a problem, mislabelling things lacks common sense, that it’s not advantageous to use inaccurate terms, etc.

So what if the girlfriend says she enjoys ‘housewifey things? The OP and his girlfriend can use whatever terms they like to describe their lives. She chose a word that describes a lifestyle and connected activities. Some people dislike the connotations the word housewife brings up, they view it as derogatory and a demeaning situation, fair enough. For others it describes a lifestyle they enter into freely and not a lesser position to having a career outside the home. Each to their own.

The idea of correcting other people’s use of language when they are talking about their own lives is very weird, that’s for sure. People can use whatever terms they want about themselves and imo it’s not for anyone else to impose their preferences no matter which side of the fence they’re on.