My loneliness is killing me

Maybe you’re the problem.

^ Always felt that "Social Media" is the wrong term for much of it. It's hardly "social" at all but the term makes us expect that it is. At best it is a Discussion MMORPG. A computer game where you score points by acting in ways that are often absolutely anti social. Such as taking extreme views or being as insulting or demeaning to people as possible. Or - all too often - by taking the worst possible interpretation of someone's words or actions and instigating a pile on of hate.

So anyone wondering why we are becoming more lonely despite the rise of "Social" media will probably find answers to that by realizing its a misleading misnomer.

But even without Discussion MMORPG platforms I think we have become steadily less social over time for a long time. A lot of working culture involves getting into your wheeled metal box to drive to work where you sit in a cubicle before getting back into the metal box. And we have less hours in the day over time and less money to spend during those free hours.

What to actually do about any of this to solve the loneliness epidemic is above my paygrade. I do things to make sure I am socially active and my family are too. And that we and other people around us look out for, and look after, some lonely people in our general community.

And that's about the best I can do.

I don't think using something to shield you from having to talk to strangers is a new thing.

I remember when I first started commuting to work on the dart (always walked to school etc) everyone would have their nose in a book. Plus there'd be the odd gobshite trying to read the Times massive paper without folding it 🙄🙄🙄

Then the free metro newspapers were given out and everyone would be reading them.

There's also the famous picture from the 50's of everyone on the bus/tram reading their papers.

Generally I don't think people like talking to strangers and making random small talk...I don't think this is a new thing.

Having said that it is your responsibility to get up and go out and be active (if that's what you want to do) . With the internet there's plenty of ways to find out what's going on in your local community. It's up to you to find something that interests you, if you are feeling lonely. You have to put the effort into these things.

Even a lot of the yanks are friendlier. We're the friendliest people you'll never become friends with

People think Irish are friendly because when they arrive over some auld hag named Carmel puts on a good show as a welcoming host letting them into their 1,000 euro a week AirBnB and is full of chat and full of beans.

While inside her head she is secretly going "Yay! I can trade in my Hyundai Tucson for another brand new one next year!"

100%. The Irish cead mile failte is a manufactured cult with just one purpose in mind, to make as much money off tourists as possible and leave them with a positive impression of the Irish which isnt real.

I have found it to be a fact that Irish people make friends with people they sat next to at school, particularly so for men, and these friendships endure throughout their whole lives, even if their interests and mindsets change over time. Its seen as too much hassle to find new friends so in general, the same drinking buddies they spent time with at 17 or 18 are still with them at 45. Irish people dont want to or have the room for new friendships, making them a closed book.

There are exceptions to this but in general the Irish only have a couple of friends which have been with them for decades. Look at any typical Irish wedding..who is surrounding the groom? Lads they play hurling or sport with and that one lad who they have known since primary school. Women tend to cultivate friendships better so they can have a wider circle of friends in addition to family.

Yeah I think when we speak of loneliness we often thing of someone alone in a bed sit with no friends or no partner - scrolling dating apps and not finding anyone to connect with. We do not as readily picture someone who has friends, a relationship, and children. But loneliness can happen there too.

We can have a meaningful relationship or friendships but if we are not also being true to ourselves - or we have to not really be ourselves in order to have those relationships - then you can be lonely. Or the opposite. If you can be your true self but it means over time your relationship or friendships become less meaningful - then while it might look like you are surrounded in friends and a partner you are actually feeling entirely alone.

Both can be done of course but it's work. My relationship with my partners and my children and my circle of friends are meaningful ones. As is my relationship with myself. Balancing that and maintaining it is not easy. It's a daily balancing act of spinning plates that I can never really take my eye off for a moment. So I have avoided loneliness and am quite content. At the small cost that I am never really "off". Which is a price I am happy enough to pay.

In a suburban Dublin pub I heard the owner tell 3 men sitting at the bar put the phones away the bar is for chat or do you want a newspaper, it worked.

times have changed, back in the day there was only a low hedge or wall between back gardens and neighbours would actually talk to each other but now those 2 meter paranoia fences are the norm.

I much prefer the company of cats and dogs over other people!!

At least a mans friends are actually his real friends. 😉

Nonsense, Irish people are among the most friendly in the world, your just mixing up been friendly with making new friends when they are actually two different things. Most people find that as they get older they have less free time and much more distractions so it takes a lot more effort to make time for friends nevermind making new ones.

Saw a good series on Netflix about places where average life expectancy are highest in the world. First episode about how Japan has a system for making sure old people have a purpose and a place in their community.

Live To 100: Secrets Of The Blue Zones

Not neccesarily trust me! Im not entirely sure where the whole "mens friendships have no drama" originated from, perhaps american tv shows influencing a culture of bros before hoes or ive got your back brother etc but men can be even more bitchy and false in their relationships than the bitchiest woman out there. They get away with it though because society doesnt want to accept that men can be bitchy and false and it usually provokes a very aggressive reaction in men where they try to shut down this notion at all costs.

I have seen it though hundreds of times throughout life...men making very nasty and personal remarks when their so called friend has his back turned...ive worked in several places where cliques of men are not talking to each other for years, starting rumours and stirring the pot. And these are men 45+.

People dont like to hear it but the notion that men arent bitchy is a pure and utter fantasy.

I agree with women sending cards etc and smiling at people they hate but up until a few yrs back i never thought men could be that incredibly nasty but wow they took me to school. I was working in 2 different places and the extraordinarily viscious bile that one group of men would spout about their co workers would make Joan Collins scarlet! The tongues on these men were worse than anything ive experienced in my life and i now know that men can hide in that societal myth of not being bitchy and get away with the most vindictive behavior ive ever witnessed!

Lots of Irish people not very affectionate. Comes from growing up with strict mammies back in the day and Catholicism in general

This is true. Perhaps thats more related to insecurity.

Phony / shameful behaviour in general could be a whole new thread.

I know a guy who used to run a bar in a big golf club locally. He said Captains Day was the absolute worst. People starting off the night with the polite phonyness, trying to suck up to / befriend certain big wheels but if that didnt work theyd get a load of booz on board and then the real personas would appear. The night would always descend into total chaos.

He said that golf club bar was much worse for it than any normal pubs he worked in. Maybe something to do with the setting and who didnt play well during the day also 😆

He had to get out of it in the end as he ballooned in weight and got seriously depressed working there.

One friend that you see every now and can be enough for most people.

Robbed from the ylyl thread

Exactly. It's like being interrogated for gossip and news🙄