On the verge

Furze99 · 18-04-2023 02:51PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120491816#Comment_120491816

Of course, she's best advised to put it behind her. That's read. But telling her that the marriage is over is dangerous rubbish - who knows, this advice maybe others projecting their angst onto her.

fminus · 18-04-2023 03:00PM

Agree with most of the comments above.

I am the same age as OP’s husband. Both myself and my wife take good care of our physical appearance. I have no doubt that other men hit on her. I expect it. In isolation, it’s harmless and basically unavoidable as you meet new people throughout life.

BUT…

You leave it there. No swapping numbers. No follow up meets. Just take it as a compliment that you are still attractive to others and move on. Anything more is emotional infidelity and betrayal of trust.

After all, it goes both ways. Over the years I’ve had many women make it abundantly clear that the option was there, if I wanted to pursue it. But out of respect to my wife, I shut that **** down immediately. If OP’ husband is half as great as she claims he is, I’ve no doubt he has been presented with similar opportunity. I wonder how she’d feel if her he was secretly lusting after a younger women, messaging her daily and arranging to sleep with her.

Also - a final note of judgment on her friends. If she has been cozying up to another man twice on nights out in their presence, and nobody has said a word to her (or the husband), then clearly they are just as morally bankrupt as she is.

Maybe a lesson to everyone reading - if your husband or wife is good friends with people of questionable character, it stands to reason that they themselves might not be much better.

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Mod Warning: offer constructive civil advice without the personal insults.

Fred Astaire · 18-04-2023 03:05PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120491872#Comment_120491872

She could always tell him everything, in full detail, and let him decide for himself.

I seriously doubt that will happen because there's a good chance he walks.

This was far more calculated and deceptive than just a one night mistake. And some of the language being used in the OP, is like something out of a 50 shades novel. "I want to be good but want so badly to be bad too". Give me a break.

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Mod Warning: Please offer constructive civil advice to the OP, or don't post.

questioner22 · 18-04-2023 03:27PM

like something out of a 50 shades novel. "I want to be good but want so badly to be bad too". Give me a break.

Yeah when I read that, I had doubts that the post was genuine. People are hardly that cringey or are they.

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Mod Warning: This is an advice forum. If you have no advice to offer, don't post.

TheadoreT · 18-04-2023 03:34PM

Yeah tbh I assumed it was fake too, mainly as the behaviour is very unusual if taking her words about her ideal marriage at face value. But we're meant to give benefit of the doubt here so the only rational is some serious emotional detachment issues that probably need therapy.

Snugbugrug28 · 18-04-2023 04:32PM

People saying the damage is done and the marriage is over are WAY off.

The person who said once you have sex with them you can't take it back are way right.

We will all go through some sort of internal questioning throughout a marriage.

Flings are 10/10 in the short term. 1/10 in the long term. A respected marriage between 2 people who love each other is 8/10 long term.

For it to work you both need to make 2 deals, 1 with your partner to agree not to betray each other and another with yourself not to betray your partner.

Only the OP knows what's right but on the face of it staying faithful seems the right thing to do.

jimjamjoneyjones · 18-04-2023 07:06PM

Jesus there are people here who have axes to grind.

I wanted to say out loud what was going on. I didn’t want or expect anyone to say-sure,go ahead!

I just wanted an outside voice of reason to slap me on the face and I’ve certainly got that.

I never gave my number-it hasn’t been weeks and I didn’t agree to meet, but didn’t disagree either.

I am guilty of a lot and ungrateful for a lot.

I’ve seen in the comments someone say if he wants that of me he’s not a good guy. I know that. I couldn’t have gone through with it but that’s not just the betrayal-everything is.

I thank you for your comments and advice.

For those who have said it’s fake and cringe-who has time to draft fake requests for advice and if it’s cringe-then so be it.

the internal monologue was getting too much so I had to unload.

I didn’t expect cruelty though!

Thanks

Big Bag of Chips · 18-04-2023 07:54PM

A number of posts have been warned for falling short of the standard of reply expected in this forum.

All posters should familiarise themselves with the very specific forum charter here.

On the verge

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