Dad support

alannoone · 17-04-2023 9:58am

Posting here just to try and get some thoughts out.

Early 40's dad, two kids, a 5 year old and a 16 month old. Ever since having our first I experienced a relapse of an anxiety disorder. I lost all confidence & resented work as I felt I was spending 8+ hours working to pay someone else to mind them. We worked through that & although the anxiety is always there, I have a better understanding of it, so it doesn't take me down the way it once did.

It does catch up with me at times however, now being one of those times.

Life is just so busy. My job requires I am in the office 3-4 days per week & my partner has recently gone back from maternity leave. The 16 month old does not sleep well, and we are usually up at 6 after a poor nights sleep. its then a battle to get the kids fed, dressed and out to creche before we both head to jobs we both find stressful. Then its a race to get home in the evening to feed, bathe and spend some quality time with the kids before bed.

Everything is just so busy and its getting to me. I know much of it comes down to stress management, being kind to ourselves, not taking work too seriously, but that is easier said than done.

Right now, we're always rushing to be somewhere else, always trying to figure out what I can let slide as there simply is not enough time, never having time to breathe, trying to manage a career, stay up to date while still making time for the kids, but feeling like I'm not doing any of these things well, dreading that this is it for the next 20 years. I also feel guilty for feeling like this as my life is really good.

Im sure this is not a new or uncommon circumstance for parents of young kids. It would be good to hear of difficult times others have been through and any words of wisdom you might have.

Electric Nitwit · 17-04-2023 10:36am

Hey Alan

I'm afraid I don't have much by the way of useful advice but I know how you feel, we were the same

Our two (4 and 2) were terrible sleepers too. The sleep deprivation is horrific. Our youngest has only recently started sleeping through the night regularly and it is life changing! You will get there, hopefully soon, and it'll make a big difference

Bassfish · 17-04-2023 1:56pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120486595#Comment_120486595

I could have written large chunks of that man. Balancing busy home and work lives is close to impossible and you're expected to be really good at both and one doesn't give a hoot how stressed you are about the other. I often find work far less stressful as its task-orientated and your role is clear whereas home is just non stop chaos. About a year ago after our third came along and a few unexpected occurances coupled with the increased cost of everything meant our finances started getting really out of control and we missed mortgage payments. I started having panic attacks which really messed me up. Doing much better now though. Nothing is going to make you more anxious than your family because there's nothing you care about more! I find mindfulness exercises helpful and things like gratitude journals and big picture thinking exercises. I really would not have been one for all that stuff a few years ago but it really does work.

On a practical note, little things like planners for budgets or setting aside time for batch cooking so dinners are taken care of have been really useful for us.

Other than that, all I can say is I hear ya, you have every right to be pissed off by it all and it will get better.

Neyite · 18-04-2023 1:56pm

We had a terrible sleeper as well. What we did was take turns in going in with him so at least one of us got a decent nights sleep half the week - it helped a lot.

It'll pass. I've trouble dragging him out of the bed now!

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