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Mens perspective please?

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    #32
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,003 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    OP, I am afraid you knocked your self confidence not him.

    I suspect you got fully intimate on the second date. If so, so you know the answer, what this love bombing was for.

    If you need answers to certain questions ask them BEFORE not AFTER having sex. If you didn't set up your expectations beforehand, so you really can't expect any obligation from him. You simply sold yourself cheap. And you did it to yourself.

    A weak person often surrender too easily and then bicker, while strong person set proper boundaries and does only, what fits them. So no need for bickering later.

    But maybe you didn't sleep with him and he lost interest because of it. But I doubt it. Such situation wouldn't knock your self confidence. Quite opposite. You would be happy that you dodged the bullet.

    I actually hate what sexual revolution and modern world did to women. They feel obliged to give themselves fully too soon. While waiting a little bit till they know the answers to most of their questions, would save them a lot of headache.



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    #33
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,409 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Sorry, but the above is nonsense. If two people genuinely like eachother then there's no such thing as "too soon" for sex. My (now ex) husband and I slept with eachother on our first night. Obviously we've since split up but 7 years after the fact I doubt it was because I "gave myself fully too soon" 🙄🙄🙄

    As has already been pointed out, the OP fell for a classic love bomber, end of. It has absolutely nothing to do with the sexual revolution. What an absolute load of me hole.



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    #34
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,003 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    You were probably strong enough person to deal with consequences in case of mistake. OP with her nervous reaction shows the opposite. The strength is a clue here. "If you can't stand the heat etc..."

    Unfortunately I know many other unhappy results and the damage it has done.

    And I will always protect the weakest. Or confused with modern standards.

    Post edited by JoChervil on


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    #35
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,409 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    What are you even talking about??? I didn't make a "mistake", I slept with someone I fancied the pants off early doors and we ended up together for 7 years.

    The OP met a textbook love-bomber. One doesn't equal the other. Fwiw I did the same earlier this year and in the space of six weeks he sucked me in, spat me out and had me questioning *everything*. Strength doesn't come into it. Before I met him I'd have laughed in your face if you'd even suggested I'd be vulnerable to anything like that and so would anyone who knows me.

    Modern standards don't come into it. Some people are just master manipulators and even the most cynical among us can fall victim. In fact, if anything I'd say people with "old fashioned" values (I hate that term) are probably even more vulnerable to this type.



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    #36
    TheadoreT
    Registered Users Posts: 925 ✭✭✭TheadoreT


    Withholding sex as some sort of test of commitment is absolutely horrible advise. Obviously never have it if you're not comfortable but if you're feeling it but decide not to and instead use it as a control thing its a massive turn off. And I'm sure you'd interpret guys who run in these scenarios as only wanting one thing instead of the reality of it being a bit of a red flag.

    And sex can sometimes just be instead of using future perceived success of relationship to determine whether it was worth it or not. You don't have to put the 'failures' into categories of love bomber or narcissist or whatever other trite terms that float around these days. Sometimes sex is nice and you perfectly respect the other person but just don't feel spark to continue dating.



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    #37
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,003 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    I was writing about withholding sex till you know, who you are dealing with. Dial Hard was lucky the first time, while not so much in other situation. Decent men don't mind waiting a little, so she would be lucky in the first case anyway and would avoid not nice second situation. Her example just proves my point.

    If you don't feel spark, so why not stop continuing dating at that moment, only after using her in that case? Respectful decent person wouldn't treat another human being in that way.

    And that's OP's problem and my advice to her.

    EDIT. I wonder how did you show her respect? Did you tell her you don't feel the spark, but would like to make love anyway to let her make her mind, if she wants it in that case or not? Or did you treat her like an object with no feelings?

    Post edited by JoChervil on


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    #38
    probablyunavailable
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭probablyunavailable


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120005483#Comment_120005483

    If one person is genuine and the other person is deceptive, the genuine person will be annoyed for understandable reasons. Some people value trust and it's understandable to have doubts.



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    #39
    road_high
    Registered Users Posts: 19,388 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    Cease ALL contact immediately with this attention seeking flaker.



This discussion has been closed.
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